by Radclyffe
Kate stared at her. "Mae - I-"
Mae continued as if she hadn't heard. "Jessie's been waiting her whole life for this and she doesn't even know it. You'll let her believe, Kate, and then you'll leave her, sooner or later. That will destroy her."
"No!" Kate cried passionately. "I won't hurt her! I couldn't hurt her. Believe me, Mae, I won't change!"
Mae looked at her silently, uncertain whether to go on. But Kate had come to her, and there might not be another time. "Kate, you're young. When you're young, blood runs high. I believe you've got feelings for her. I do." She took a breath, then finished, "But think what you're saying. If you let Jessie love you, how long do you think it will be before Jessie wants to love you like -- like --- a man loves a woman?"
Kate felt her face redden, but she would not avert her gaze. She thought about the way her heart raced when Jessie was near, and the way her breath tripped when she looked into Jessie's eyes, and the way she trembled at the barest touch of Jessie's hand. She envisioned Jessie, sweat-dampened and dusty and so incredibly beautiful, and she was suddenly warm all over. She knew what she felt. She studied Mae calmly, her face composed. "And you, Mae. Could you love her like that?"
Mae's expression was proud, but her eyes were sad. "I would now, if she'd let me."
Kate nodded slowly, and rose. She touched Mae's arm lightly as she left. "Thank you, Mae."
Mae looked after her, admiring her grit, and praying that she'd come to her senses before it was too late.
CHAPTER TWENTY
JESSIE CAME AROUND the side of the barn, stopped abruptly, and stared. A buckboard was pulled up in her yard, and it looked a lot like Kate standing on her front porch. It had been only day or two since she had seen Kate with that Turner fellow out on the range, and she hadn't wanted to think too long about what that meant. In fact she had been working harder than ever just so she wouldn't have to think about it. But she still recalled his arm around Kate's waist, like he owned her, and just remembering it made her want to curse. She had been afraid that Kate might never visit again, and now, here she was. Jessie broke into a run and took the stairs two at a time.
"Kate?" she said in astonishment. She couldn't keep the note of elation from her voice.
Kate smiled at her. "Hello, Jessie."
Jessie looked perplexed. "What are you doing here?" She looked around the ranch. "Where's John Emory?"
"He isn't here. I came by myself." Kate wanted to laugh at the open amazement on Jessie's face, but she took note of the flicker of worry that lingered there as well and added quietly, "I needed to see you."
"Come inside," Jessie said, holding the door for Kate. "It's too hot out here already and it isn't even noon."
Kate carried the basket she had packed and stepped into the cool dark hallway. She waited for Jessie to lead the way, following her through to the library.
As soon as they were seated in two leather chairs facing the empty fireplace, Jessie said, "How did you ever get your parents to let you come?"
"They think that I'm at the Schroeder's helping Hannah."
Jessie looked shocked. "Lord, Kate."
Finally Kate laughed. She was so glad to see her! "They don't expect me until tonight, and I just couldn't wait until John Emory had the time to bring me."
"What's so important?" Jessie asked, her blue eyes clouded with concern. "Has something happened?"
"Last night Ken Turner asked me to marry him," Kate said quietly.
"Oh." Jessie felt as if she had been struck. She stood up quickly and paced to the fireplace, needing distance. Some hard deep pain was threatening to break loose inside her, and she wanted to run. She wanted to be alone, because she didn't think she'd be able to weather it. She closed her eyes for just a minute, trying to get her bearings. She was having a little trouble catching her breath. She tried to swallow around the lump in her throat, but her voice came out choked. "I - that's grand, Kate," she managed.
Kate went to her side, placing her hand on Jessie's arm. She felt Jessie trembling and it brought tears to her eyes. "It's not what you think, Jessie," she said softly. "I told him no."
Jessie stared at Kate, her expression desolate. Her mind swirled with confusion. All she could think was that Kate would be gone. "I don't understand," she whispered.
"I told him no, Jessie," Kate murmured, very close to her now, "because it's you I love."
A strange pounding began in Jessie's chest. Kate's words suddenly set her world straight. All the restless yearnings that had plagued her these past weeks vanished like mist in the sunlight. She wanted to say and do a thousand things, but all she could manage was to look into Kate's eyes. They were so dark, and so warm, and so welcoming. "Kate," she breathed, her voice low, "I--- I don't know what to say. I-"
Kate touched her fingers to Jessie's lips, silencing her gently. "I don't want you to say anything, Jessie." She laid her cheek against Jessie's shoulder, threading her arms around Jessie's waist. "I just want you to hold me."
A soft sigh escaped Jessie's lips. She stood very still, feeling Kate against every inch of her body, the blood rushing hot through her veins. She rested her trembling hands on Kate's waist, marveling at her softness. Very slowly, afraid that Kate might step away, she brushed her face over Kate's thick hair, closing her eyes as the sweet fragrance engulfed her. The sensation was too much to bear, and she groaned faintly.
Kate listened to the beat of Jessie's heart as contentment warred with something much more urgent - a swift stab of pleasure that bordered on pain. "Oh," she murmured, pressing harder to Jessie.
"What is it?" Jessie asked hoarsely, her throat thick.
At last Kate lifted her head to look at Jessie's face and found her expression ravenous, almost wild. Kate forgot to breathe for a long moment. "I don't know," she gasped at last. "I want - oh, Jessie - I don't know what I want." As she spoke she steadily stroked Jessie's back, her shoulders, her chest - needing to feel her, wanting to get closer to her. She wasn't aware of anything save a craving more critical than anything she had ever known.
Jessie was sure she was about to die. Her heart hammered in her chest, her lungs burned, and her legs threatened to give out. Her hands tightened on Kate's body, pulling her near, wanting her close, needing to tell Kate with every fiber of her being how much she needed her. How much she loved her. She had no words, but her heart knew. She dipped her head and pressed her lips gently to Kate's, letting the soft certainty of her kiss speak for her.
Kate's lips parted initially in surprise, then in wonder. Jessie's kiss, tender at first, became more possessive, and Kate swayed in Jessie's arms as heat hummed through her limbs, making her muscles weak and her head light. What she felt in Jessie's embrace was more than pleasure, more than passion. It was a unbearable hunger that threatened to undo her. She drank the sweetness of Jessie's mouth, quenching a thirst older than time.
"Jessie," Kate managed to say when she could bear to pull her mouth away from those sweet kisses, "what you make me feel! Never - I never imagined."
Jessie buried her face in Kate's neck, breathless, so consumed with arousal she could not speak. Her stomach churned with the need to feel Kate's skin. She had no way to control what she had never expected, and she moaned helplessly with the ache of desire. She lifted trembling hands to Kate's face, finding Kate's lips once again, barely mindful of the ferocity of her caresses. Finally, kisses were not enough to assuage her need.
"Come lie with me, Kate," Jessie dared ask, desperate for her.
Kate nodded wordlessly, trusting in the tenderness of Jessie's gaze.
Jessie took Kate's hand, leading her gently up the stairs to her room. A large four-poster bed that had been her parents' occupied the center of the room on a broad braided rug. Kate and Jessie stood close together, hands clasped, just inside the door, hesitating on the threshold of surrender.
"I love you, Kate," Jessie whispered, her voice breaking, an agony of desire shuddering through her frame. She wanted her so much that sh
e was afraid to move.
Kate sensed every ripple of desire in Jessie's slender body and saw every flicker of longing in Jessie's face, and Kate smiled. She stepped away, watching Jessie's expression as she slowly loosened the ties on her bodice. She slipped the dress from her shoulders, her pulse racing as she heard Jessie's quick intake of breath. Covered only by a light chemise, Kate returned to Jessie's arms. Her nipples, taut under the thin material, brushed against the rough denim of Jessie's shirt, and she gasped in surprise at the jolt of excitement that coursed through her. Jessie's hands were on her again, on her skin now, and everywhere Jessie touched, Kate burned.
"I want to see you," Kate beseeched, her fingers working at the buttons on Jessie's shirt.
Jessie stood motionless, a fine mist of sweat breaking out on her face as she looked at Kate. Kate's breasts strained the cotton slip, shadows of pink nipples, firm with anticipation, clearly visible. Jessie cupped Kate's breasts in her palms, and Kate swayed against her, moaning softly. Jessie stilled, afraid that if she moved the great dam inside her would burst and she would do something to frighten Kate. She ached to touch Kate, everywhere. Everywhere. Always.
Her fingers rubbed over Kate's nipples. Kate bit her lip, struggling to see through a haze of arousal. She finally loosened all the buttons on Jessie's shirt and slid it off her shoulders.
"Oh!" Kate cried when she saw the still fresh scar on Jessie's chest. She pressed her lips to it, her hands tenderly stroking Jessie's breasts.
Jessie groaned deep in her throat, lost. "Kate, oh Kate. I can't bear it."
When Kate's lips found her nipple in a soft kiss, Jessie broke at last. She picked Kate up in her arms and carried her in a few quick strides to the bed. She leaned over her, naked from the waist up, her arms braced on either side of Kate's body. She kissed her again, on her mouth, on her neck, not gently this time, but with a primal ferocity that had simmered unheeded for far too long. Every kiss stoked her need. She reached for Kate's chemise, the last barrier, and stopped herself.
"Kate?" she implored desperately, shivering with the ache in her depths.
Kate arched her back, her hands fumbling with Jessie's heavy belt, her voice unrecognizable to her own ears. "Hurry, Jessie, please. I want to feel you against me!"
Jessie swiftly kicked off her boots and stripped the levis from her thighs. Kate removed the remaining obstacle between them, and waited for her, naked and unafraid.
Jessie groaned as her gaze swept over Kate's body, taking in her full firm breasts and the dark triangle of hair at the base of her abdomen. She lay down upon her, carefully, guided by instinct. She found the places that made Kate sigh, first with her fingers and then, needing more, with her lips. She tasted her, drank her, devoured her, all the while thrilling to the soft sound of Kate's cries in her ears. When Kate arched from the bed, body taut and trembling, Jessie hesitated, afraid of her own desire.
"Jessie," Kate murmured, her eyes closed, her face flushed with arousal. She found Jessie's hand and drew Jessie's fingers to the heat between her legs, lifting her hips to take her inside. "Please."
Jessie groaned as the hot slick folds surrounded her, resting her forehead on Kate's breast as she slowly, carefully entered her. Kate thrust against her palm, small incoherent sounds escaping her throat. Jessie's chest constricted, her head throbbed, and a terrible pressure pounded through her limbs. She bit her lip and tried to hold onto reason.
Kate's eyes flew open in surprise, she grasped Jessie's shoulders convulsively, and pushed down hard, once, against Jessie's fingers. Then she was gone, shattering into a thousand separate moments of pleasure, trembling and crying Jessie's name. Kate closed on Jessie's hand and Jessie lost her fight for control. She brought her leg over Kate's, frantic for relief, and exploded at first contact. Her breath was wrenched from her as she spasmed, and she collapsed, exhausted, into Kate's waiting arms.
* * *
Kate awakened to the warm sun on her skin. It seemed to be late afternoon, and the air in Jessie's room was still and heavy. Her body felt languid and full from the effects of their loving, and she smiled to herself with the memory of their pleasure. She lay quietly, eyes closed, enjoying the weight of Jessie's hand on her breast. Eventually she opened her eyes and looked at Jessie, so innocent and vulnerable in sleep. Kate's fingers gently explored the line of Jessie's brow, the angle of her cheek, the soft curve of her lips. She raised herself so that she could see the length of Jessie's body, marveling at her loveliness. She lightly traced her fingers over the smooth column of Jessie's neck and along the edge of each delicate collarbone. She bent her head and felt the softness of Jessie's breasts with her lips. Jessie stirred and moaned lightly in her sleep. Kate smiled. Tenderly, she curled her fingers in the blond hair between Jessie's legs and kissed first her abdomen and then the pale skin where Jessie's thigh began.
Jessie's legs tensed and she whispered hoarsely, "Kate -- Kate, what are you doing?"
"Shhh, lie still. I'm loving you," she replied gently. She stroked the silk-soft flesh of Jessie's thighs, then higher, seeking the wet warmth she knew was there, teasing each delicate fold between her fingertips until Jessie groaned and shook. Emboldened by the urgent motion of Jessie's hips, she pressed her thumb to the stiff, engorged prominence and circled it, knowing Jessie as she knew herself. Unconsciously she followed Jessie's body, matching her motions to Jessie's strangled cries. When Jessie arched, tight and trembling, Kate strummed her fingers hard and brought Jessie home.
CHAPTER TWENTY ONE
JESSIE PULLED THE buckboard up behind the Schroeders' house as the sun dropped low, a fading fireball almost ready to disappear behind the distant hills. She turned on the seat to look at Kate.
"I don't want to let you go," Jessie said softly. Kate's hand had rested on her thigh the entire hour it had taken Jessie to drive into town, and Jessie didn't want her to move it. Ever. She questioned the rightness of being with Kate no more than she questioned the rightness of rising each morning to work her land. The places in her heart that had lain empty and waiting were filled. Her life seemed whole and all of a piece with Kate by her side. For her it was simply the truth of things, and she thought no further than that. Loving Kate was right.
"I don't want to leave you either," Kate answered quietly. Of that she was certain. "I need to say hello to Hannah, so that my day won't be a lie, but I'll come back to the ranch as soon as I can get away again. My mother is starting to get used to me driving into town alone. She doesn't need to know I'm coming to you."
Kate's eyes were luminous, and her face flushed with more than the August heat. She couldn't think yet, her body was still too stirred. She had never experienced such an awakening of self, so suddenly, in both body and mind. She had known when barely in her teens that she did not desire the future that was expected for her, but try as she might, she could not picture another. Certainly there were women who struck off on their own, many of them traveling into the western territories as teachers and seamstresses and laundresses, but Kate had not seen herself among them. She had not been raised to envision independence and had only managed through her love of words and her endless curiosity to discover that there were worlds beyond her own socially defined sphere. Still, nothing had ever prepared her for Jessie, nor for what they had shared.
She knew little of what physical intimacies men and women enjoyed, having heard only veiled references from her mother and wild speculation from her girlfriends, but she knew what Jessie Forbes stirred in her. She knew what she held in her heart for Jessie, and when that ardor echoed in her body, she welcomed it. Jessie's tenderness and answering passion fulfilled her. Why it was so, she could not say.
"I'll come as soon as I can," Kate repeated firmly, needing to reassure herself as well as Jessie. She was already missing her.
"It will be a trial waiting," Jessie stated, her voice low, her fist opening and closing on her thigh as she struggled to describe her desire. She wanted Kate in her arms again; she wanted to hear Kate
's cries of abandon as she touched her. She shuddered with the memory. "It's like I'm hungry for you, Kate."
"Jessie," Kate breathed, the wanting starting again. "I don't know what it is, but I can't stop thinking about being with you." She blushed. "Like we were today."
Jessie looked away, watching night approach as the blue sky flamed into purples and pinks and deep oranges with the dying of the sun. She spoke quietly. "I don't have words for what happened, Kate. I don't know if there are words for it." She gazed at Kate, her eyes burning brighter than the dazzling colors that surrounded them. Her body rippled with tension. "But I know that I love you. Life wouldn't mean much to me now without you. That won't ever change."
Kate smiled, her heart filling with the tenderness of Jessie's sweet, sure vows. "I love you, too."
For the moment, that seemed enough.
* * *
Hannah rinsed out the dishtowel and hung it over the wooden rod inside her back door, watching the two women in the buckboard through her kitchen window. They were only talking, and she couldn't hear their words, but she didn't need to. She was watching their faces. Jessie had that solemn, serious expression on her face, the one Thaddeus had worn when he was working his way up to proposing, and Kate gazed at Jessie the way every young woman in love looks at her beau. Hannah wondered why she wasn't more surprised by it. She supposed it was because she had lived more than half her life on the frontier, and she had learned that city ways didn't count for much out there. There were women without husbands due to famine or fancy or fate, and they did what they had to do to get by. Some married for safety, forgoing love; some stepped up when widowed to fill their men's shoes, managing families and farms on their own; and some came west with no intention of being anybody's wife right from the start. Living close to the bone, with death a constant shadow, you learned fast to take what goodness life sent your way when you could, because sorrow was just over the horizon.
