by Mia Kayla
Her breaths increased as I sucked at the soft spot below her ear.
That’s my girl. Let go. Let me love you like you deserve to be loved.
I feathered kisses along her jaw and made my way to the other side of her neck, teasing her with my tongue until my lips found their way back to hers. All I could hear were the sounds of me worshiping my girl.
She moaned into my mouth as I slowly guided her down the length of the bed and onto her back, so gently, like she was a porcelain doll. I hovered above her as her head hit the pillow, and that was when I saw it—the fear in her eyes, a panic so alarming that it was like jabbing a knife in my gut.
“Trust me.” I didn’t break eye contact as I peppered kisses along her jawline. “Beautiful. Sexy.” I worshiped her with my words and with my lips. “Perfect.”
When she stiffened, I backed up an inch. I wanted her to feel adored, but I wanted her to trust me first. I had to do this right, on her terms. All in good time; she’d believe me eventually.
My lips trailed to her neck and then brushed against her nipples. I ran my tongue around her breast, resting on her nipple and feeling it pebble in my mouth. Her breathing became labored as her hands threaded through my hair. I sensed she was still holding back, but that cage confining her heart was opening slightly.
She was absolutely perfect in the way she tasted, the saltiness of her skin. I was rock hard, but I ignored the throbbing as I concentrated on her.
Then a look of longing replaced the fear in her eyes, and I took my tongue lower and lower until I was kissing her outer thigh.
Her chest heaved with anticipation, and I wanted to drag this on, lick every inch of her flesh and cherish this moment.
“Please,” she begged as I dragged my tongue along her inner thigh.
She wiggled beneath me and, because I couldn’t prolong it any longer, because I needed to feel her against my tongue and taste her sweetness on my lips, I moved to her core, flicking my tongue against her folds. She tasted like heaven. I continued to savor and suckle her sensitive nub then gripped her thighs so I could move deeper but slowed down, to prolong the buildup.
A moan of ecstasy slipped through her lips, and I knew she was close. Soon enough, she gripped the ends of my hair, pulling hard. “Brian. Please,” she begged, wanting release.
With one more flick of my tongue, her body convulsed, contractions overtaking her. She was too gone in ecstasy as I crawled up and kissed her mouth, moans of pleasure rippling through her.
This was a small success, but I was determined.
I’d cherish this girl, make love to her over and over again until she understood the magnitude of my feelings for her. I’d eradicate any memories of any man who’d ever hurt her, replacing them in her mind with new memories of us and convincing her to trust me.
***
KENDY
When my orgasm slowly died down, he trailed kisses up my body, meeting my lips. I trusted him. I did. And as he slowly made his way on top of me, my knees fell to the sides and I cradled him between my legs.
His kisses felt heavenly. I’d never been to Heaven, but I was pretty sure this was how it would feel—heart overflowing with sensation, love, and pure joy.
I could feel his hard length against my stomach as he entwined our hands together. With my free hand, I threaded my fingers through his hair, loving the thump of his heartbeat against mine, as though we were one, and I stifled a cry as the enormity of the emotions flooded my insides.
He stared deeply into my eyes, and I knew I was his. Words didn’t have to be spoken to know he loved me, and though I’d been trying to deny it, trying to fool myself into thinking our relationship was purely physical, the deepest part of me knew it wasn’t. Our connection went beyond the realm of physical.
He traced a finger from my brow to my temple, then to my chin. The look of adoration in his eyes clearly showed he was enamored with me.
I was hypnotized by him, my skin tingling where he touched, draining all my doubts and fears away. I had never felt so cherished, and a euphoric feeling washed over me, like there was nothing in the world that existed except the two of us.
Then out of nowhere, he said, “I love you.” It was effortless, like he’d known it all along.
I gulped, my heart beating faster in my chest. Normally, I’d be afraid, but . . . I wasn’t. I couldn’t be, because I found that I trusted him. Brian’s purity was putting me back together somehow, making me whole.
I released a soft sigh, noting the panic-ridden Kendy was no longer present, and I lowered my hand and ran it up and down his length, feeling his cock twitch between us. I positioned him at my entrance, wanting nothing between us. I was on the pill, and I knew we were good about getting tested on an annual basis.
As his eyes filled with such unyielding love, he thrust inside me without restraint, and I gasped. I bit my lip as he cradled my cheek with his palm. The act was so gentle, so tender, tears threatened to spill over. I’d never been handled this carefully, and I knew in the deepest part of my being that Brian could never hurt me the way Cole had. He wasn’t perfect, but maybe . . . maybe he was perfectly made for me.
His lips moved to mine as he continued to move above me, filling me with an amazing sense of completeness. My eyes fell shut at his fullness, which caused my body to prickle with sensation. Every move increased the hypersensitivity of my body.
“Open your eyes,” he said huskily.
I looked up at him and felt overwhelmed by what I saw, by his presence inside me, surrounding me. As he peered down, he continued to tell me how much he loved me, how I was so perfect, so beautiful. Not only did he tell me with words, but he showed me with each thrust of his body as his eyes smoldered with desire.
I let his words wash over me, fill me, and put the broken pieces of this girl back together.
Our passion flowed through me. We had this undeniable, intense connection, where all I could feel, sense, and breathe was Brian. I was so overcome with emotion that a tear formed in the corner of my eye, and then it all hit me—I loved him. I was in love with him. There was no way on earth I couldn’t be.
He touched his forehead against mine, his movements becoming erratic as he pumped faster. “I want to come inside you.” His breath left him in broken huffs, and I could feel his restraint slipping.
Because he felt so damn good, and because I loved him, I answered, “Yes.”
“God, baby, you feel so amazing,” he grunted in the heat of passion. He rested his forehead against mine, and my eyes fell shut as I felt the contractions taking over. “I love you so damn much.” Such passion and emotion leaked from his voice.
And then—explosion.
I saw damn stars behind my eyes as he transported me to another planet. We came down together and, as he stilled and collapsed on top of me, I held him against my body, wrapping my legs around his waist in a tight vise, never wanting to be disconnected from him, ever.
Keeping us whole.
Keeping us one.
Keeping us together.
SEVENTEEN
KENDY
His arms were draped across my waist, and I watched the moonlight from the window cascade shadows on his face. I kept silent, watching him sleep soundly beside me as his eyelashes fluttered over his cheek when he exhaled.
Everything had changed tonight. I felt it when we touched, when he moved inside me. I’d been here once with Cole, but that had been before he’d taken my free will and forever changed my thoughts about love.
After that painful time in my life, I had sworn to never let a man control me, my body, or how I felt about anything. I was my own and would be no one else’s until I gave myself away in marriage. To James. Or so I’d thought.
Until tonight . . .
Doubts still plagued me. About my future. About Evangeline’s predictions.
Chaos ruled my mind and my heart, because tonight, something had happened between Brian and me. I’d relinquished control. I hadn’t held back. I’d
let him have me, touching my heart in a place I’d locked up for a long time. And I didn’t know why.
Maybe it was him—his gentle spirit and his kindness, that was breaking free the exterior I’d spent a lifetime building up.
And though I wanted to deny it, I couldn’t anymore without lying to myself. I was in love with him. It felt foreign to admit that to myself, but it was true.
I touched my temple while closing my eyes, trying to reign in my thoughts and steady myself. With him, all my sanity flew out the door.
I had to remind myself that what I’d had in the past wasn’t normal, wasn’t real. This was real. History had tainted my view on life. I’d always treaded on the cautious side of being happy. Once I let myself feel happiness, I was always suddenly afraid things were too good to be true and all would come crashing down.
Not this time.
This was how love was supposed to be—uncontrollable, undeniable. I was in love with this man, and he loved me.
Let yourself be happy, Kendy. You deserve it.
Brian is no Cole.
My phone vibrated in my purse on the floor. I sat up as my eyes raked in the smexy man next to me—my man. I tilted toward him, mere inches from his face, and inhaled deeply before placing a light kiss on his lips.
As I reached for my phone, my pulse quickened when I saw fifteen missed calls and five missed texts from my mama. My adrenaline spiked and the worst possible thoughts crossed my mind. I hoped she was okay.
I swiped my finger against the screen, revealing a text.
Mom: Hanky Panky proposed and I accepted. Wanted my favorite girl to be the first to know. Call me back, Sweetie.
The words should’ve had me elated, but I wasn’t. I mean, I was. For her . . .
I went back and read the text.
Again.
And again, but more slowly.
My heartbeat thudded in my ears, and I squeezed the phone in my hand as hot tears prickled my eyes. Maybe if I stared at the text long enough, the message would read something different. But it didn’t.
Evangeline had predicted that my mama would remarry. It was the second to last prediction. The last was my prediction, the one which had led me to James, the man who’d given me the moon, the man I was supposed to live my happily-ever-after with.
My insides suddenly crumbled as the reality of it all slapped me in the face. Hot tears coursed down my cheeks, and I gulped down small breaths to minimize my cries. This was it, the finality of it all.
There was what I wanted in life, and then there was fate. It was as though fate was laughing in my face, telling me that my life was already predestined to follow a certain path. This final prediction foretold the guy to give me the moon, and that he would set me free. Brian was never it. He was never supposed to be.
My hands trembled at my side, hating this, hating Evangeline. I had once thought her predictions were a blessing which used to give me hope and peace, knowing the outcome of my life. Now, those predictions were my own living curse.
I stared at the handsome man sleeping soundly beside me, and closed my eyes to stop the tears from falling.
And then I saw him.
Cole.
Behind the darkness.
I would never be free of him.
My hands began to sweat as a nervous, gut-wrenching sensation came over me, and I suddenly felt the walls were closing in, a feeling of claustrophobia hitting me.
I needed fresh air.
I needed to leave.
Now.
I pushed myself off the bed, careful not to wake him. Then I reached for my clothes and slipped them on. Turning, I risked one more glance at his beautiful face, taking in the features I’d memorized over the weeks we’d spent together.
God, was he gorgeous, but even more beautiful on the inside than he was on the outside. Who’d have thought I would fall for Brian? It was a mystery, even to me.
But then, it’s not such a huge surprise. Nice guys are the best ones. The ones you fall for, the ones you marry.
At that thought, the tears started anew. I had to get out of here. I didn’t know if it was because I was in close proximity to Brian or if I was losing control of this life, that had already been planned out for me by Evangeline’s predictions. Either way, I couldn’t deal with the enormity of the one prediction that I no longer wanted to come true. The prediction that controlled my life and only heightened my fear of relationships, crippling me from making any decisions on my own. Any semblance of control on my life seemed like it was slipping, and I knew I would fall apart if I didn’t gain it back.
As I tiptoed out of his room, a heavy sadness washed over me.
Bending down, I planted a kiss on his cheek as my vision blurred from my tears. I rubbed the heel of my palm against my chest and used all my strength to keep myself upright as sobs wracked my body.
“Goodbye, Brian.” My voice quivered as I spoke, while my world bottomed out and despair swallowed me whole.
I awarded myself one last look then turned to leave.
This was it.
The end.
***
I rushed into my apartment and jumped into bed, desperate for the comfort and normalcy of my own place—the scent of citrus candles in my apartment, the softness of my down pillows, and the comfort of my own mattress.
But even in my own home, my thoughts were occupied by the man I had left soundly sleeping in his bed.
The thoughts of Brian were overwhelming me. Though he wasn’t here, his presence still lingered.
My eyes focused on my couch that we’d made love, the kitchen where he’d attempted to make me an upgraded version of my mama’s hot cocoa, just because it reminded me of home, and the empty bottle of wine he’d brought before our date.
I wrapped my arms around my knees, rocking back and forth, and stared at the phone by my foot, knowing I had to call my mother. But I couldn’t. Not now.
Picking up the phone, I chucked it off the bed and it fell onto my hardwood floor. I clenched my eyes tightly, wishing I would see anything other than Cole.
When I had caught him cheating on me, I knew it was over, that I needed to break up with his ass, and move the hell on. So I’d showed up to his place. I’d wanted to show I was mature and properly break up with him, as I would’ve liked someone to break up with me.
Cole wouldn’t have it. He’d torn his room apart in the process of trying to explain to me that nothing had happened. When I’d tried to leave, he’d pulled me to him and kissed me hard.
“Tell me you don’t feel that,” he had said.
I had shoved him off with both hands.
At one time, I’d felt every touch, every kiss from Cole, but not anymore.
“No,” I had replied, only disgusted by his behavior.
Cole was immortal. I had put him on a pedestal, enamored at the fact that he’d picked me. But that night, all I could see was Clary and him together every time I closed my eyes, and I knew I would never get over that.
“Bye, Cole.” I had turned to leave, finally done with him and ready to move past my heartache.
He’d reached for me, tugged me toward him, and kissed me hard again. Then he reached to cup the front of my pants with his hand. Pulling back, I saw anger and darkness in his eyes. Chills shook my body and dread filled my veins.
“This is fucking mine,” he’d growled. “No one else’s.”
My throat closed up as my mind regressed back to the day he’d raped me. The restraint, the suffocation, and the overall feeling of being powerless to someone I had once loved and trusted. I’d seen his violent side when he’d been in fights before, but never once had he unleashed it on me. . . . until that night.
That night, I had fought like my life depended on it as he forced himself inside me, taking away my power to choose. He’d broken me that night. Seven years later, I was still broken. Just a shell of my former self, unable to hold a real relationship, unable to feel anything other than the sensation of sex when I was
physically with any man.
Then came Brian. He was everywhere, bringing back memories of Cole, because I felt everything with Brian. Somehow he had torn through the barriers I’d spent years building up. When I was with him, I felt every single touch, every kiss . . . everything. As if, when Brian touched me, he was reaching into my soul, breaking away all my insecurities, making me feel somewhat whole.
These past few weeks, I’d caught a glimpse of how it could be with Brian. My future, free from my past. But tonight, the dream vanished after hearing of my mother’s engagement. It was as if I was predestined to follow a path, and if I veered from this path, the consequence would be my happiness.
My comfort had always been in this future, which had been foretold to me. That had been my semblance of control since I was sixteen, since Evangeline had given me the reality to stop wishing for my father to come home and what she had predicted about me . . . about my future and about my happiness.
And then came Brian, and I felt okay just by being with him, but being with him meant I had to let go of my past and let go of the predictions. Just let go.
Tremors shook my body, and I couldn’t. I just couldn’t because I was afraid, so very afraid of the unknown, of letting go. Being in love meant you let someone else take the driver’s seat, and the only time I’d been in love, the driver drove us off the cliff, crashed us, and obliterated the carefree girl that I once knew.
I swiped at my face, threw the comforter to the side, and cried a goddamn river into the sleeve of my shirt. “Stop!” I screamed at myself, pushing my palms against my eyelids. But the more I willed myself not to cry, the more tears fell down my cheeks.
I shook my head and stood, biting my cheek and loving the pain. Maybe the physical pain would make the tears go away, or at least change their purpose. “Stop!” I said, pinching the inside of my wrist. “Stop crying over that fucker!”
He’d taken so much from me that night. My free will, how I saw men, and my ‘glass half full’ mentality. Now, at any moment, I was fearful that someone might tip the glass over, causing it to empty.
I turned the TV on, volume on loud to drive these thoughts deep down into places inside of me that I didn’t touch anymore. The ones of my dad and his new family. The ones where Cole was on top of me, hurting me, restraining me against my will, and using force to have his way.
