by Amy Sumida
“I'm just gonna grab this saddle, if you don't mind,” I tried to edge around him but he slid into my way with the agility of his kind.
“I can't let you do that, Princess,” he said brightly. “I'll saddle Cat for you. And what a lovely choice of name, if I may say so?”
“Uh, yeah, thanks. It's for my mother; Catriona,” I frowned as he turned and chose a saddle for me. “But I can do that.”
“No, I wouldn't hear of it,” he shook his head and placed the saddle gently on Cat.
She whickered and nuzzled his cheek as he buckled the strap. Damn, he was good. But then he was a cat-sidhe and they loved working with horses. Which is kind of strange when you think about it since our horses are all pukas and their other form is that of a big dog.
“Well, if you insist,” I grimaced.
I was a damn Extinguisher, I could saddle my own damn horse, dammit! That's a lot of damns, isn't it? That's what happens when you're made into an annoying fairy princess who can't do a thing for herself; you abuse expletives. Plus, Jesus Christ and hell were both useless in fairy, so damn would have to do until I could come up with something better. Okay, that sounded weird.
“Where are you off to, Princess?” Searc asked casually. That tricksy cat.
“To find some peace so I can listen,” I narrowed my eyes on him. The last thing I needed was someone tattle telling on me to my guard.
The Star's Guard was an aggravating bunch of fey warriors, hand-picked by Danu herself to be my personal bodyguards. They were fierce, strong, loyal, and obsessively overprotective. I was convinced that they had fairies on their payroll; spies who reported my every movement to them because I refused to allow one of them to follow me around all day. I already had Cat doing that. Plus, Tiernan was around me most of the time and he was a member of my Guard. That was good enough for me. Unfortunately, not so much for them. So they spied and Searc had Star's Guard Spy written all over him.
“Listen to what?” He kept his tone casual but if I'd learned one thing from princess-hood it was to be paranoid. Paranoia kept you safe... and out of the view of prying Star's Guard eyes.
“To my... um, to Danu,” I decided to change my tactic at the last second.
Fey were deeply religious people. You wouldn't think so at first glance but they were. It was just a different type of religion than the ones I was used to. Their religion involved protecting the land and its creatures, respecting magic, and above all, listening to Danu if she should deign to speak to you. The very members of our court were born because Danu had called upon their parents to get busy. Husbands allowed their wives to cheat on them because it was The call of Danu. Yes, the fey were deeply religious and this cat-sidhe was no exception.
“Danu?” He turned around sharply. “She's speaking to you?”
“She's trying to... I think,” I hoped Danu was okay with the white lie. “I just can't hear her here. There's too much noise.”
“Oh, of course,” Searc rushed over to the collection of bridles and bits hanging on the wall. “You need to listen when the goddess speaks. I know the perfect place for you! Just head out behind the castle and veer right. Once you reach the tree line, look for a large boulder with the outline of an apple carved into it. Beside the stone you will find an overgrown path. Don't let the illusion of its neglect dissuade you, just keep going and the path will get easier.”
“What does it lead to?” I was hooked.
“A holy place,” he said soberly. “If you're trying to hear the goddess, it's a good place to listen.”
“Hear,” I nodded. “Yes, that's exactly what I need to do.”
Chapter Ten
Have you ever set off to do one thing and ended up doing something entirely different? I had intended to find a place where I could listen to my magic but my lie had become my truth and I found myself heading down a secret forest path with the new intention of listening to Danu.
“How is it that some random stable tomcat knows about this place?” I mused to Cat. She huffed and tossed her long mane back at me. “Yeah, I think Danu had a hand in that. I have a feeling we're being led here in more ways than one.”
I would have been annoyed but I liked Danu, she'd been good to me, and on top of that, the day was magnificent now that I was beyond the confines of the castle. The air was scented with the perfume of the forest; a rich blend of honey-sweet fruit, wild rose, spicy pine, and crushed grass, with an undertone of mossy oak and dark soil. It was warm, warm enough that I was pulling back my heavy silk sleeves and hiking up my skirt. The call of creatures echoed around me; cawing birds and roaring predators. The forest had its own cacophony but as we progressed down the path, the sound became more subdued.
The shift was so subtle that I barely noticed it until we came out into a clearing. Then I realized that the place was utterly silent. It was as if it were cocooned in cotton. A place separate from the reality of the woods. As I thought the words, I wondered if they were true. Had I somehow wandered into a pocket of magic; an in-between place? I let my twilight magic feelers loose but they sensed nothing. This wasn't the In-Between, where my magic would be stronger, this was just as the cat-sidhe had said; a holy place.
“The realm of Danu,” I whispered and shivers coasted over my arms.
Cat knelt, something she rarely did. The last time was when I was crowned. I slid from her back as I looked around me. The grass beneath my feet was perfect, the perfect length, a perfect emerald green, with the perfect light scent. But that scent was overwhelmed by the sweetness of ripe apples. The small clearing was surrounded by an orchard; wide-branching trees heavily hung with crimson fruit. It seemed to extend back forever, no end to the bounty. The fruit beckoned but the call was lost to that of the cave before me.
At the far end of the clearing, a formation of rock created the little cave. It didn't go very far back, just a few feet of hollow space. More of an overhang than a cave I guess. And what it hung over was an altar. At least, I think it was an altar. It was a modest expanse of stone; a flat-topped boulder with a basin carved out of one end. Above the basin, the cave dipped down, forming a smooth cone. I guess technically it was a stalactite but it was too smooth and perfect to be a natural formation. From the tip of that glistening gray cone, water dripped. It was the only sound in the meadow; a steady double drip, in time with the pounding of my heart.
I went forward in a daze, my eyes focused on the water as it fell. Each group of twin drops seemed to hold secrets between them, whispering knowledge to each other. Or maybe the droplets were actually words falling from the lips of the goddess. What would happen if I drank them? Would I learn her mysteries? The thought jolted me out of my trance and I looked down to see that the thick grass grew all the way up to the altar, softening my footsteps so that even they remained silent. I hadn't even realized how far I'd walked; I was already beside the altar. The water continued to fall; drip-drip, drip-drip, drip-drip.
I frowned as I looked over the expanse of rock stretching back from the natural basin. It was wide enough to sit on and there were steps next to the altar. I climbed them and settled myself onto the flat surface. Instantly, the drops of water came into sharp focus. Time seemed to slow and I could see each one so very clearly. Slower and slower they fell, until one crystalline teardrop hovered before me.
You've come at last. Danu's presence drifted around me like a gentle breeze.
The drop fell and everything went still. I blinked and looked around in confusion. Water no longer dripped from the ceiling and the surface of the full basin beneath me was as smooth as glass. I glanced down at it, then gave a gasp and looked closer. The face peering back at me wasn't my own.
Greetings, Princess Seren, the face said.
It was subtly shifting; eyes flicking through every color, skin through every tone. Her chin was sharp and then rounded, her cheeks thin and then full. I knew with sudden clarity that this wasn't her true appearance but simply my mind trying to find a way to translate her divinity into a
form I could understand. The images sped up and brightened until they became a blur and all I could see were her eyes. Eyes which had finally settled on one appearance; silver stars over emerald irises.
“Danu?” I whispered.
Yes, her eyes smiled.
“Your eyes look like mine,” I held a finger over the image, as if I could touch her.
Your mind cannot conceive of me but there are pieces of me in all of you. This part of me, you recognize and understand. So when you look into my eyes, that is what you see.
“And if my Evil Uncle Uisdean were here?”
My eyes would be black, she giggled. He is not evil, Seren. You must stop judging fairies by human morality.
“So you're okay with Uisdean torturing other fairies?” I was horrified.
No, I don't like anyone hurting my children but violence does have its place. Peace will never be appreciated without strife. There must be a balance. If the balance is disturbed, I will adjust the scales. I will judge Uisdean as I see fit and if he has sinned, then I will punish him. You must do your part by trying to understand him.
“Understand Uisdean?” I gaped at the water. “You want me to try and understand the man who killed my mother?”
He is not simply a man but a fairy and we have different ways here. He's my child as much as you are and I love him dearly. I understand what motivates him, what drives him to do horrible things. I think you would view him differently if you tried to understand him too. Your mother's death was a tragedy but one which was necessary to bring you to me.
“Hold on,” I growled. “Are you saying that you manipulated Uisdean into murdering my mother?”
No, it was not manipulation but fate. Your mother fulfilled her destiny as Uisdean fulfilled his and as you now need to fulfill yours. Part of that destiny includes Uisdean. You must let go of your hatred so you can fulfill it.
“You want me to make peace with Uisdean?” I couldn't have been more mortified.
That is what you are, Seren. I thought you had learned this by now. You're not just a peace-keeper, you're a peace-maker. You will bring balance back to my realm. Your influence will spread and blossom but only if it remains pure. Your human father has tainted you with his anger. Release that anger and replace it with acceptance.
“I'm not tainted,” I snapped.
There it is, she sighed. Why are you angry with me?
“Because you're asking me to forgive the murder of my mother,” I ground out.
Not forgive nor forget her murder. I'm asking that you accept it. That you use the hurt it's caused to propel you into becoming the woman she wanted you to be. Let her death be worth something more than anger and heartache or even violence. You do not have to forgive but you do not have to hate either. I don't believe she would have wanted that for you.
I was quiet for a moment as emotions warred inside me. I realized that as much as I'd thought I had let go of the hatred my mother's death had caused, I really hadn't. I'd only refocused it onto one individual; King Uisdean. I'd been subconsciously making plans to wreck my revenge upon him. I'd even accepted my position as ambassador under false pretenses. I had subconsciously thought to use it to get close to Uisdean and destroy him. I had no idea I was so devious.
I breathed out a harsh, tremulous breath which turned into a sob. The anger flowed out of me along with the grief. I bent over the basin of water and added my tears to it. Little drops of sorrow falling on the face of the goddess. It was probably some sort of sacrilege but I wasn't thinking about that then. Danu had asked for my pain and I gave it to her.
When the last tear fell, I sighed in relief. My chest felt lighter and although I wasn't exactly bursting with happiness, I wasn't weighed down by sorrow either. I didn't love or understand Uisdean but the burning desire to see him pay for what he'd done, was gone. There were more important issues than my vengeance.
“The staff,” I blinked at the water. “I need to ask you about Cailleach's staff. Can you tell me what I should do? Where I could find it or her?”
I cannot, she said sadly. I can only guide you towards the path. If I tell you how to walk it, I could alter where it leads.
“What about my magic?” I asked desperately. “Will I have any other talents?”
Your talents will exceed all who've come before you. Your human gifts have melded with the fairy magic in ways I could have never foreseen.
“How will they manifest?”
You must discover that for yourself. Be patient, Seren.
“Agh!” I huffed. “Seriously? You can't even give me a clue?”
Since you are so eager, I will give you much more than a clue, she was laughing at me. I will give you an apple.
“An apple?” I asked, completely confused.
Just as I said the word, an apple fell from one of the trees nearby and rolled across the grass. It rolled and rolled, defying gravity and logic by continuing up the side of the altar and dropping into the basin with a little splash. Danu's face wavered, her image laid over the submerged apple.
“Well at least you washed it after rolling it across the ground,” I huffed.
Eat the apple, Seren, she chided.
“Fine,” I fished it out of her face.
It was still wet from the basin and the water touched my lips first, sending tingles zipping along my skin. I pulled it away automatically but Danu stared hard at me. So I sighed and bit into the red skin. It crunched crisply beneath my teeth despite its wild ride across the meadow. Juice filled my mouth with delicate sweetness and when I swallowed, I felt magic surge through me. I tore into it then, bite after bite taken with crazed intensity until only the skeletal core remained. Brown seeds peered out at me like tiny eyes. Watching. Waiting.
Then I was gasping for air as magic surged through my body. The apple core dropped from my twitching fingers as dormant cells awoke inside me and transformed into what they were meant to be. Tingles shot through me as a sparkling energy rose up and pulsed beneath my skin. Coal-black vines burst from the grass at the base of the altar and swirled around me. Thorns sprouted from the vines and as the thick stalks closed around me, the thorns caught fire. I screamed as they pierced my flesh, cauterizing my wounds as soon as I received them. Vines covered my face, blocking out all sight but that of their twisting, burning tendrils. The pain rose like the song of a prima donna inside me and as the note reached its glass-breaking apex, I collapsed into my thorny prison and heard no more.
Chapter Eleven
I woke in the arms of my fairy lover.
“Tiernan?” I blinked up at him in confusion, then looked beyond him to the worried faces of my Star's Guard. “Damn that loose-lipped cat-sidhe,” I growled.
“What were you thinking, Seren?” Tiernan glared down at me. “It's a good thing Searc told us where you went or you could have been lying out here unprotected for hours.”
“Hours?” I frowned as I sat up. “Was that how long I was out for?”
“We don't know, Princess. We've only just arrived,” Torquil, the guy I called the blue fairy for obvious reasons, set his serious gaze on me. That wasn't unusual for Torquil, he was generally pretty serious.
“Cat was with me. Besides, I don't think I was in any danger here,” I stood up and then immediately held both arms out to steady myself.
“Easy,” Tiernan chided and stood so he could help support me. “What happened?”
“I talked to Danu,” I frowned as my memories returned and then rubbed my hands over the unblemished skin of my arms. Damn, that had hurt. Serves me right for eating a magic apple. It's not like I haven't read Snow White.
“Seren?” Tiernan's eyes went wide and wary.
“What? Isn't that what this place is for; talking to Danu?” I huffed. But then I got a good look at my surroundings.
The clearing was completely different. It still felt sacred and serene but the cave and altar were gone. We were standing in the center of an orchard in full bloom; little pink, star-shaped blossoms filled
the branches instead of apples. I could see where the orchard ended too, the thicker growth of the forest making a deeper green border around it. The strange feeling of being cocooned and separate was gone and I could hear the sounds of the woods beyond. I looked over to find Cat on her feet and regarding me somberly. She must have witnessed it all and yet she was completely calm.
“This is a holy place,” Gradh, my only female knight, said softly. “Fairies come here to find peace. We speak to Danu, it's true, but we don't hear her. At least, we haven't for a very long time.”
“Did you hear her?” Tiernan asked me.
“It was different,” I eased away from him and walked to the far end of the clearing, where the cave had been. Now there were only more apple trees. “There was an altar here, with a basin carved into it. Water dripped from a stone overhang and filled the basin. And the orchard,” I waved a hand at the blushing trees around us, “was ready for harvest.”
The fey went so silent that I turned around to make sure they were still there. They were, they were just frozen-still and gaping at me.
“I'm not crazy,” I growled.
“You crossed into her realm,” Torquil whispered as he slowly dropped to his knees.
The others followed his lead and soon they were all kneeling. Only Tiernan remained standing so he could come over and take my hand.
“How do you feel, Seren?” Tiernan's voice held a note of panic. “Are you still shaky? Did she do something to you? Say something to you?”
“I'm alright,” I assured him. “And get up, all of you. I'm not Danu.”
“No, but she has touched you and so you are the closest we have come to seeing our goddess,” Ainsley said.
“She spoke through me before,” I couldn't understand what had them so freaked out.
“And that too was miraculous,” Torquil nodded. “But to take you into her realm... that is nearly unheard of. Even when she still spoke to us.”
“Seriously?” I blinked. “Why? Why me?”
