It wasn’t all at once, but little by little. Like sand being carried out to sea by violent waves and wind, you don’t realize the beach is eroding until it’s gone.
A verbal jab here, another one there. Increasing demands. Tighter control masking as concern. Then screaming and insults. Horror and humiliation.
Looking back, I could see how each of his moves tightened the screws on the box he’d placed me in. And I felt sick. I felt trapped inside a coffin and unable to get out. Clawing at the lid, suffocating. Almost dead.
I had to get away from him. I couldn’t take the abuse any longer. Somehow I needed to escape while I still could.
I buried my face deeper into my pillow and when the alarm went off, I didn’t move. I heard Eric get up and shower. He always woke me up after he was done, so I could shower and get ready for work. While he was in the shower, I grabbed the pink bottle of medicine for an upset stomach and sat it on the nightstand. I knew he’d see it when he walked back into the bedroom.
I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep.
‘Shelly.’ I felt his hand on my arm. ‘Time to get up. Are you feeling okay?’
‘I’m not going to work,’ I mumbled. ‘I’m sick in the stomach.’
‘Can I get you anything?’ he asked in a super sweet voice.
‘No. I just need to sleep.’
He brushed my hair and then walked away. His touch sickened me. Did he remember that he’d raped me the night before? Did he feel no remorse for what he’d done? I was repulsed by every noise he made. Opening and closing his dresser drawer. Clearing his throat. Pulling on his pants. Blowing his nose.
Finally, the moment I’d been waiting for. The bastard was gone. After hearing the garage door go up and down, I watched him back out of the driveway and head to his properties. He’d told me he’d taken the day off to fix a leaky faucet and take care of some other maintenance issues at one of his rental houses. He wanted to get tenants lined up for the spring semester.
I called Jackie right away and sobbed into the phone.
‘Shel, I can’t understand you. Are you alright?’
I sniffed. ‘Sorry. I need to talk to you. I need your help. I don’t know who else to call.’
‘Are you home?’
‘Yes.’
‘I’ll be right there.’
I jumped in the shower and counted my secret stash. Five hundred dollars was all I had. If I decided to run, that wouldn’t get me far.
I wasn’t hungry but forced myself to eat some cereal. I hadn’t expected Jackie to arrive for another twenty minutes, so I jumped when I heard the doorbell. At about the same time, I received a text from her:
Here.
I ran to the door, opened it and threw my arms around Jackie. I felt as if I was drowning and someone had thrown me a rope. No way was I letting go of that rope! I sobbed into her shoulder.
‘Shel, it’s okay. I’m here. Let’s talk.’
She managed to guide me to the sofa and we sat.
Jackie handed me the box of tissues on the coffee table. I blew my nose. ‘I’m not sure where to start.’
‘How about at the beginning.’
So, that’s what I did. I started with Before Marriage. Jackie was familiar with Eric’s behavior before marriage, but there were some things she hadn’t known.
‘I wasn’t allowed to keep any furniture I had with Scott,’ I explained.
‘Omigod!’ Jackie said. ‘That’s why you gave me your table and Lucy your china. That jerk.’
‘At first, everything was great. He did and said all the right things. Well, you know. I mean, even you said he was amazing. And he was. Until we got married. That’s when things turned bad. It wasn’t all at once, but little by little.’
Jackie picked up a throw pillow and dug her fingernails into it. Tears formed in the corners of her eyes and I knew I was about to make her even more upset.
‘His jealousy was so extreme that at any social gathering he’d tell me I was ignoring him and being a terrible wife. I had to stay by his side and include him in any conversation I had with someone else. When in groups, all my attention had to be on him or he would just rage later on. He’d score my “performance” and if I was attentive to him throughout the entire event he’d let me know he was pleased. If he perceived that I ignored him at any time (even for a few minutes), the yelling and accusations would ensue.’
‘Was he jealous of me? Is that why you stopped meeting me at Tony’s?’
I nodded. ‘Yes, he was hurt that I chose you over him. I tried to explain that it wasn’t a choice, that I had enough time for both of you. But he pouted, and I eventually gave in. And that’s just it, I always gave in. He’d erupt and go berserk and I’d be the one to say I’m sorry. Christ, I’m such a loser.’
Jackie hugged me. ‘You’re not a loser. I feel so bad I haven’t been there for you.’
‘You couldn’t have known. No one could. You only knew what I wanted you to see, which was a great marriage. But it was all a lie. And then when he started abusing me, I accepted it, thinking that it would get better. But last night…’ I swallowed. ‘Last night he raped me.’
Jackie punched the sofa. ‘That son of a bitch. I’ll kill that motherfucker. Where is he?’
‘He’s doing repairs at one of his rental properties. At least that’s what he said he was going to do, but who knows?’
‘Well, you can’t stay here.’
‘But wherever I go he’ll find me.’
‘You can go to my parents’ cabin. You’ve never mentioned the cabin to him, have you?’
I shook my head.
‘You can stay there for a few days until we figure things out. Let’s pack some bags and head there now. Do you still have the GPS app on your phone you told me about?’
I nodded.
‘Delete it.’
‘I can’t. If Eric goes to check my whereabouts and sees I’ve deleted the app, he’ll be furious.’
‘So, fuck him. You’re not going back to the man. Who gives a flying fuck what he thinks?’
I could tell Jackie was furious by the number of F-bombs she dropped.
‘But I only have five hundred dollars and I can’t take money out of the bank or Eric will know that, too. He checks the bank accounts multiple times a day.’
‘Don’t worry about that,’ Jackie said. ‘Bruce and I will help. Let’s just get you away from here.’
Jackie helped me pack a few bags. I also took a few cans of soup and a bag of pretzels.
‘Is there anything else you’ll need?’ Jackie asked.
‘I’m taking Izzy.’ I went to the basement to grab her travel carrier while Jackie went to find her. We loaded her into my car and I followed Jackie in my car, leaving my mess of a life behind.
Chapter 31
A sense of relief washed over me as I pulled out of the driveway. I felt as if I’d been sinking fast in quicksand and someone had finally thrown me a rope.
The cabin was a five-hour drive. Jackie and I stopped mid-way to fill up our gas tanks. I made sure I paid with cash because I didn’t want Eric to be able to trace my credit card.
I checked my cell phone to see how many messages I’d received. There were several.
10:00: Hope you’re feeling better.
11:10: You were a good girl last night.
11:15: Why aren’t you texting me back? Are you sleeping?
No asshole. I left you! I thought this to myself, but I held off texting him back.
Jackie saw I was checking my phone. ‘How many messages?’
‘Four messages and three voicemails.’
‘How about grabbing a bite to eat at the diner next door?’ Jackie asked.
I nodded. I wasn’t hungry, but I could use a cup of coffee.
We walked inside the diner and sat in a booth near the back. ‘The last time I was in a retro-looking diner was with Eric.’ I sighed.
‘If you want to eat somewhere else we can,’ Jackie said.
&nb
sp; ‘It’s okay.’
A waitress walked over. ‘Hi, ladies.’ She handed each of us a menu. ‘Can I get you something to drink?’
‘I’d love coffee and a glass of water,’ I said.
Jackie opened the menu. ‘Make that two.’
I didn’t open my menu.
‘Have you eaten anything today?’ Jackie asked.
‘Not much. I can’t eat when I’m depressed.’
‘But you have to keep your strength up. Diners have great comfort food.’ She looked at her menu. ‘How about tomato soup and grilled cheese? Or macaroni and meatloaf?’
The waitress returned with glasses of water and a carafe of coffee and filled our mugs. ‘Are you ready to order?’
Jackie ordered a burger and fries and I settled for a cup of tomato soup and the grilled cheese.
Jackie sipped her coffee. ‘I was thinking about everything you told me and I feel terrible I was the one who encouraged you to do the whole online dating thing. Maybe if I hadn’t, none of this would’ve happened.’
‘Jackie, it’s not your fault. Eric presented himself as the Great Oz and we all fell for it. It was only after we were married and the curtain was pulled back that the real man emerged. I met him at a time in my life when I was lonely and broken. I don’t think I’d ever gotten over the rejection I felt when my marriage to Scott ended. If I’m honest, I didn’t have a lot of self-esteem.’
‘Then along came Eric, the man of your dreams,’ Jackie said.
‘Exactly. I was easy prey. He did and said all the right things. And the sex was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. I truly thought he was my white knight, the soulmate I’d been praying for.’
I stopped talking while the waitress returned to see if we needed anything.
‘What made it even harder is that he treated me like a queen in public,’ I continued. ‘Who would believe me? Everyone loved him and they, too, thought I’d found my happily ever after.’
‘I know I sure did,’ Jackie said. ‘Remember how I told you he needed to give Bruce some pointers?’
I nodded. ‘I kept trying to make the marriage work, thinking that if I did what he wanted me to things would change. But they only got worse.’
‘You should have told me sooner.’
‘I wanted to, I did. It was hard for me to admit I’d made such a huge mistake, and I worried that people wouldn’t believe me. He’d send flowers to all the women at work and I’d hear for days what a great man I had. If only they’d known what my life was really like.’
Our meals arrived and I ate more than I thought I would. ‘Did you call Bruce?’
‘I did but it went into his voicemail. I left a message telling him that something came up and I’d be with you the entire day. He should soon be home, so I’m going to call him then. I thought I’d spend the night with you.’
‘You don’t have to do that. You’ve done enough.’
‘Nonsense. I already called into work and told them I needed a few days off to take care of some personal business.’
‘Jack, I’m so sorry I’ve dragged you into this whole mess, but I had no one else I could trust.’
‘That’s what best friends are for. Remember when we were teens we had a secret code word?’
I smiled. ‘I haven’t thought about that in years.’
Jackie and I came up with a word that we’d use when we needed help. It was Jackie’s idea. We were going to our first high school party and she insisted we have a secret word that if either of us said out loud the other would know something wasn’t right. We settled on pizza, our favorite food. I never used it, but Jackie used it once when a guy was getting a little too friendly and she didn’t want me to leave her alone with him.
‘We should have a code word now,’ Jackie said. ‘Just in case.’
I pushed my plate aside. ‘Okay. Any ideas what it should be?’
‘It can’t be something you’d normally say and yet it would have to fit the conversation. Or feel natural if said.’
‘What about a sentence or phrase?’ I said. ‘Like, maybe, I twisted my ankle.’
‘That could work. You don’t twist your ankle often, do you?’
‘No, which is why I never wear high heels, except when Eric made me wear them along with sexy lingerie, which got raunchier over time.’
‘You should’ve spiked him in the nuts with your heels,’ Jackie said.
‘Believe me, I thought about it a time or two.’
We laughed and I realized how ridiculous it felt, considering the mess my life was in. And yet, laughing was good. It was a sliver of light in an otherwise dark day and I was thankful for Jackie, who I trusted with my life.
We finished our lunch and hit the road again. An hour later, I felt my car pull to one side and heard a flapping sound. I pulled over to the side of the road and Jackie, who wasn’t that far ahead of me, did, too. I turned on my emergency flashers and got out of the car.
Damn! I had a flat.
Chapter 32
The flat sent me into panic mode again. I started to sweat, imagining that Eric had somehow figured out where I was headed. Why did everything have to be so difficult?
I hadn’t fixed a flat since my senior year in high school. Mr Little, my driver’s education teacher, would only pass us if we could change a flat tire. I hated it then, and I was sure my attitude hadn’t changed. My only saving grace was that I was wearing old jeans and a T-shirt so if my clothes got dirty, it’d be no big deal.
Jackie walked back. I started to hyperventilate. I was short of breath, and I felt as if I was going to faint.
‘Whoa, Shel.’ Jackie steadied me. ‘Calm down. Eric’s not here. He doesn’t know where you are. Breathe in slowly through your nose, then slowly out your mouth. That’s it. Nice and slow. You’re alright. I’m here with you. You’re safe.’
I did as Jackie instructed, breathing in through my nose then pursing my lips and breathing out the small hole. Eventually my heart stopped racing and I could feel my breathing return to normal.
‘That’s it,’ Jackie said. ‘You’re fine. We’ll change the tire and be on our way.’
I nodded. ‘Thanks,’ I managed. ‘I don’t know where I’d be without you.’
Jackie and I opened the trunk and took out the spare tire and jack. Jackie pulled out her cell phone and typed while she spoke. ‘How. To. Change. A. Tire. Found it. It says to put the jack under the frame near the tire you want to change.’
I did like Jackie had instructed.
‘Raise the jack until it’s supporting the car,’ she continued.
Just as I was raising the car, a man driving a red pick-up truck with a gun rack in the back stopped. He put down his passenger window and leaned over. ‘You ladies need some help?’
‘That would be great!’ Jackie said. ‘If you don’t mind.’
The man, who looked to be in his seventies, pulled in front of Jackie’s car and walked back to where we stood. He wore heavy jeans, bib overalls and a green and tan flannel shirt. ‘Why don’t you ladies step back? I’ll have this fixed in no time.’
Twenty minutes later, the man, whose name we learned was Jerry, had the spare on. ‘That’ll hold you for a little while.’ He pointed to the flat tire. ‘That one’s been punctured by a nail. Should be fixable, though.’
I pulled a fifty out of my wallet and held out my hand. ‘Here’s a little something for your trouble.’
He waved his hand. ‘Wasn’t any trouble at all. Besides, it’s not every day I find damsels in distress along the highway. It was worth it just to see your pretty faces.’
I returned the fifty to my wallet and offered my hand instead. ‘Well, thank you, Jerry. You were my savior today.’
Jackie thanked him, too.
We watched Jerry leave. ‘Any idea where I can get the flat tire fixed or buy a new one?’
‘I know for sure there’s a place in town, not far from the cabin. Do you think you can make that distance driving on the spare?’
‘Well, the sticker on it said it should be good for fifty miles and they’re usually on the conservative side when it comes to those types of things. We have about fifty miles to go, right? I think I can make it. Let’s give it a go. I just won’t be driving as fast as I was.’
Jackie and I returned to the road and an hour or so later pulled into the garage. The town was so small it only had one traffic light. Besides the garage, there was a small grocery store and a small pizza shop, all family owned.
A tall, bald man with a goatee, wearing a blue mechanics jumpsuit waited on us.
‘Hi, Paul,’ I said.
He narrowed his eyes. ‘How’d you know my name was Paul?’
‘It’s stitched on your jumpsuit.’ I smiled.
Paul felt the stitching on the upper left side of his chest. ‘Oh, yeah. Thought maybe you were one of them mind readers.’
If only I was, it would’ve saved me from marrying Eric! ‘Sorry to disappoint you. I’m no mind reader but I had a flat and I think I know what happened to the tire. The guy who fixed the flat said it had a nail puncture.’
Paul nodded. ‘Well, I’ll know soon enough. I’ll check it out and get the tire fixed right away.’
Jackie touched my shoulder. ‘Let’s go to the grocery store and pick up a few things.’
‘Good idea. I need milk and coffee. I can’t live without coffee.’
Jackie and I went to the grocery store and I headed straight for the instant coffee. Jackie went to the deli to get some lunch meat. I also picked up cereal, milk, a couple cans of soup, and bread. I figured that the groceries, along with what I’d brought from home, would tide me over for a few days, just long enough to get my head on straight and figure out what I wanted to do next.
I knew one thing, I wasn’t going back to Eric. During the five-hour drive, I had a lot of time to think about our whirlwind romance. Looking back, I can’t believe how gullible I was. And stupid.
I met Jackie at the checkout and she laughed when she saw the cereal in my grocery cart. ‘I haven’t eaten cereal with marshmallows in it since I was a kid.’
The Perfect Husband Page 16
