by Lily Harlem
She stroked his hair and let tears fall freely as he buried his face against her abdomen and cried.
The sadness was palpable. Despair a heavy cloak draped over them.
Jenna hadn’t known Walker, but she cried for him the way she cried for every life lost in war. It was the reason she did what she did, to try and make a difference, to save lives.
Eventually Seb pulled back and dashed at his wet cheeks. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” She kneeled next to him and set her hands on his knees. She allowed her own cheeks to stay damp. “Don’t ever be sorry for being human. For having a conscience and feelings.” She smiled. “It’s okay to not be okay.”
“How’d you get so wise?” He cupped her cheek.
“I’m really not.”
“I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me, too.”
“It’s not a bad room.” He released her and stood. After pulling in a deep breath he gestured to the bed, then the dresser. “Top hotel really. Better than The Dog and Duck.”
She smiled. “Don’t ask me to stay here with you, I can’t.”
“No?” He raised his eyebrows.
“No. The staff will be checking on you every few hours.”
“If we were married you could stay.”
A laugh came out louder than she’d expected. “Hold your horses. I’m not marrying you just because you have a nice room you don’t want to go to waste.”
“Spoilsport.” He winked and she saw a sparkle of the man she’d had a one-night stand with. Not much, just a hint of Seb’s cheeky side, his carefree, seize-the-moment nature, that she adored.
She nodded at the sun setting over the gardens. The tall trees cast long slim shadows across the neat lawn and a cherub spouted water into a fountain. “You should maybe take a walk, get some English air into your lungs, blow out all the damn desert dust.”
“I might.” He sat on the bed. “Tomorrow. I’m knackered and my body has no idea what time it is after that flight.”
She reached for his pill. “Here, take this if you’re about to crash out for the night.”
He took it, then washed it down with a glass of water which had been placed next to the bed.
“How about,” she said. “I come back tomorrow and we walk together?”
He raised his eyebrows. “You haven’t got somewhere else to be on your precious few hours home? Parents?”
“I’d love to see my parents, but they don’t know I’m here, so they won’t be sad if I don’t.” She smiled. “I’d rather spend time with you.”
“I’d like that.” He pointed at the window. “And to go out there. Walk without being shot at, hear the birds, feel the breeze, that would be good.”
“It’s settled then.” She stooped and brushed a kiss over his lips. “I’ll see you just before lunch, Major.”
Chapter Twelve
The next day dawned bright and without a cloud in the sky.
Jenna dressed in jeans, sneakers, and a soft pale blue sweater. On her way to Redwood she called in at a small delicatessen and picked up fresh olive bread, ham, mature Cheddar, a pat of salted butter, cherry tomatoes and a bottle of sparkling water flavored with elderflower. She packed it in a large shoulder bag along with a blanket from her quarters that would be perfect for their picnic.
Seb was sitting staring out of the window again when she arrived. But this time he stood when she stepped into the room.
“Hey.” He smiled.
“Hi, soldier, how are you feeling?”
“Well rested, it’s so quiet here, it’s a bit weird but it meant I slept.”
“Good.”
He stepped up to her, his left arm was still strapped up in a sling, but he snuck the other around her waist. “I’ve been counting the minutes till you got here.”
“I’m a little later than planned. I stopped to pick us up some food. I thought we could walk through the woods, find somewhere with a view and eat lunch.”
He didn’t say anything, but he did touch his lips to hers.
“You want to do that?” she asked. “Feeling up to it?”
“I can think of nothing I’d rather do.” He smiled. “And yes, I feel fine. This isn’t even painful anymore.” He shifted his left shoulder.
“Good, but try and be nice to the physiotherapists when they start on you, okay?”
“Mmm, that’s happening tomorrow afternoon apparently.”
She pulled in a breath. “I’ll be on my way back to Iraq.”
“I know.” He bit on his bottom lip. “But don’t let tomorrow invade today.”
“Okay.” She stroked down his chest. He wore a black polo that hugged his torso, soft black combats and a belt with a silver buckle.
After shoving his feet into sneakers, he looked up at her. “I can’t tie these damn laces one handed.”
“I’ll do it.” Quickly she stooped and set to the task.
“I feel pathetic.” He tutted.
“Don’t be silly, it’s only for another few days, then you’ll be out of the sling and getting back to normal.” She stood.
“As long as normal includes handling a weapon.”
“You really want to get back out there so badly?”
He frowned. “You know I do.”
“Mmm, I do.”
“Come on,” he said. “Let’s go.”
They walked for nearly an hour, first exploring the gardens and the vegetable and fruit patch, then they wandered farther afield. A small pathway cut through the trees, occasionally there was a clearing. Each time they paused, enjoying the stillness and the sound of the birds.
“It’s beautiful,” she said.
“Yeah.” He smiled down at her and reached for her hand. “Very.”
A lovely warm sensation filled her chest. She needed nothing else except to be with him. Out here it was as if they were the only people in the world and that suited her.
“Shall we keep walking?” he asked. “Before we have our picnic?”
“Yes, that would be nice.”
They carried on for another twenty minutes. Since they’d left the gardens they hadn’t seen anyone else, just a few squirrels.
“Ah, this looks promising.” Seb nodded ahead.
“Yes, it does.”
The path led them to a small clearing beside a fence. Beyond the fence was a huge meadow dotted with yellow and red flowers. In the distance several hills rose toward the blue sky and a solitary farmhouse with two big barns sat in a valley.
“This will do nicely,” Seb said. “Don’t you think?”
“Yes.” She shook out the gray blanket and set it beside the thick trunk of an oak tree. “Here, sit.”
She sat next to him and began to pull food from the bag.
“Wow, you brought a feast.”
“I figured we needed a break from mess food.”
“Too right.” He wedged the pack of tomatoes between his legs and attempted to open it single handedly.
“Here, I’ll do it.” She laughed and took the tomatoes from him. “You sit back and make the most of being fussed over.”
“Not in my nature.” He scowled.
“Well.” She crawled closer and spoke against his lips. “Get used to it.”
“The only thing I want to get used to,” he ran his hand down her back, “is being with you.”
She looked into his eyes.
“Do you feel the same?” he asked quietly.
“You know I do.”
“You haven’t said it.”
Hadn’t she?
“I told you,” he said, “in my quarters, after we … made love, that I’d never felt about a woman the way I feel about you. It’s like you’re here, already, in my heart.” He paused. “And I don’t want to hide that. A brush with death makes you realize there’s no time to waste, no reason to not let love grow if it wants to.”
“It’s happened so fast.” She sat back on her heels and clasped her hands in her lap.
�
��And that’s a problem?”
“No. I don’t think so.”
“But you didn’t plan it, right? All your life you’ve planned everything, and yet this, me, us, that’s taken you by surprise.”
How the hell does he know that? “I guess… I certainly didn’t plan to sleep with you at The Dog and Duck, I was there for a quiet evening before the madness of deployment began.”
“Me, too.” He kind of shrugged. “Yet it happened. We found each other.”
She looked at his handsome face. It was a face she didn’t think she’d ever get tired of looking it. His smile made her smile, his sorrow made her cry. “I’m glad we found each other.”
He reached for her hand.
“And I do feel the same, Seb. I’ve never felt this way before about a guy. And when you came into the emergency room, all bloodied and out of it.” She shook her head, unable to go on.
“But I’m okay.” He rested his hand over hers. “Look at me. I’m going to be just fine.”
“I know.” She nodded. “And yes, I do think we’ve got something special.”
He pulled her to him, wrapping his good arm around her waist then kissing her.
She melted against him, running her hands through his hair, over his stubbled cheeks and to his neck. She pressed against him, wishing they were naked, in bed, that they had all the time in the world to make love.
He moaned softly and deepened the kiss.
Her nipples peaked and a curl of desire tugged at her belly. Everything about him, his taste, his scent, the way his body felt against hers, turned her on.
“It feel so right to have you in my arms,” he murmured.
She pulled back a fraction, stared into his eyes, and ran her hand over his stomach to his belt buckle. She began to undo it.
He snatched in a breath. “Jenna.”
“Shh.” She freed the buckle, then the button and the zipper on his pants.
He was hard, his erection pressing at the material. She ran her knuckles over the wedge of flesh enjoying the desire that flashed in his eyes.
“I’m a bit … trussed up, but I’ll do my best.” He grinned.
“You, Major, don’t need to do a thing.” She glanced left and right. “Well, maybe keep watch, okay.”
He swallowed, then nodded.
She slid downward so her face was hovering over his groin. Carefully she loosened his clothing, then released his cock.
“Oh, God, yes,” he whispered, resting his hand on her head. “I’ve dreamed of this, babe, of your mouth and—”
She ran her fingers down his shaft and slid his cock tip into her mouth.
He groaned, a delicious long expulsion of pleasure-coated air.
She sank deeper, loving the slightly salty taste of him, and breathing in the scent of soap.
As she took more of him his legs tensed and he held her hair back in a loose ponytail. “Jesus, that’s good,” he muttered.
She allowed him to slide over her tongue, so he was almost touching her throat, then withdrew. She repeated the action, bobbing slowly up and down and taking him deep then shallow.
It was thrilling to be outside, performing oral sex. Add in the appreciative moans coming from Seb and she knew she’d never forget this moment.
“Ah, Jenna…” he said after several minutes. “You’re gonna make me come.”
That’s the idea.
She tightened her grip on him and sped up.
He gasped and held her hair tighter. “Yeah … like that.”
His cock was filling her mouth. So hard and big. Pre-cum coated her tongue. She reached lower with her free hand and cupped his balls.
He groaned and tensed.
She rolled his balls gently in her palm and continued to work him with her mouth.
“I’m… I’m… It’s here.” He curled forward, half over her.
She took him as deep as she could, working him with her tongue and swallowing as he throbbed against her palate.
On and on he came, groaning loud and abandoned. He jerked his hips and held her hair tight, pulling at the roots.
She stayed with him. He needed to be reminded his body could give him pleasure as well as pain.
“Jenna, oh, God, that was…” He tugged her, forcing her to release him and look up at his face. “Fuck, you’re good at that.”
She giggled. “You think?”
“Hell, yeah.” He pulled her close. “Feel free to do that anytime you want … it’s the best kind of medicine.”
She giggled and kissed him.
He wrapped one arm around her. “Lie down, I’ll return the favor.”
A shiver of longing went through her. She knew how good Seb was with his mouth.
He moved forward from the tree trunk, grimacing as he did so.
“Your arm,” she said, frowning.
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not.” She set her hands on his shoulders and eased him back again, where he’d been relaxed. “I’ll take a rain check on returning the favor.”
“But, Jenna, I’m…”
“You’re still recovering from being shot.” She paused. “And I’m hardly going to enjoy it knowing you’re uncomfortable.”
He opened his mouth.
“No arguing.” She reached for the bread. “It’s time to eat. I’m starving.”
For a moment he appeared ready to continue his argument, but he must have sensed the determination in her voice, because he took a chunk of bread and cheese and started eating.
“A couple of my friends, other nurses, know about us,” she said.
“They do?”
“Yes, it’s hard to keep things secret when living and working in such close proximity.”
“I guess it doesn’t matter anymore.”
“With you here and me out there … no, it doesn’t.”
“I wasn’t too worried anyway,” he said. “Us hooking up would have been frowned upon and certainly not encouraged while we’re on deployment, but it’s not a disciplinary offence.”
“True. It’s just nice to have it private for a while, when it’s new, don’t you think?”
“Babe, I’m proud to call you my girlfriend.”
“Girlfriend?”
He chuckled. “You brought me on a picnic and sucked my cock, that’s definitely the kind of thing a girlfriend does.”
Heat spread over her and she poured them each a tumbler of water. “Yes, I suppose it is.”
“Are you blushing?”
“No.”
His grin broadened. “You are.”
“It just sounds so rude when you put it like that.”
“Ah, ruder than when I say I fucked your pretty tits on our first night together, or that I had to press my hand over your mouth to stop you crying out when I made you come on the table in my quarters?”
“Stop.” She giggled.
“And when I took you from behind that time, your ass, phew, so pretty.”
“Major!”
“I can’t help it.” He took a sip of his drink. “These moments are all imprinted in my memory.” His face fell serious. “As is this one, sitting here with you—pretty damn perfect.”
She glanced at the meadow, a skylark was hovering and singing a chirpy tune. “It is.”
“I want the sex with you, sure,” he said, “you’re really bloody hot, but I want you, too, Jenna. The whole package. When I’m with you it feels right.”
“We’re going to have to get used to being apart.”
“I thought we weren’t going to discuss that today.”
“It’s the elephant in the room. Tomorrow I’ll be flying back out there.”
“For how long?”
“Ten weeks.”
He nodded and set down a chunk of cheese. “It’ll be at least fourteen before I’m back, so the doctors say.”
“So we could potentially have four weeks together later in the summer.”
“Yes. And I’ll be in full working order again.” He
smiled, but then something in his eyes dulled.
“What?”
“It makes me feel … guilty I guess.”
“Go on.”
He shook his head. “Here’s me talking about everything in my life being okay, more than okay if I’m with you, and Walker … well, he hasn’t even got a life any more.”
“You can’t let your thoughts go that way.” She took his hand.
“It’s hard not to.”
Her heart ached for him. There was nothing she could say to make him feel better. He had to work through it. There were experts at Redwood he could talk to, but she got the feeling Seb was a brooder and only opened up to a few people.
She was honored to be one of them.
Chapter Thirteen
Ten weeks later
Jenna packed up her meager belongings and looked around her pod. It had been a noisy and dusty home for the last few months. She wouldn’t miss the flapping canvas walls, the constant battle against sand, or the dodgy internet that made Netflix virtually impossible.
Plus she’d always associate it with missing Seb. The longing to be with him had been like an actual pain in the very center of her chest. It was an ache, a sadness, a hunger that couldn’t be satisfied.
For the first month or so of being apart, they’d emailed most days. He’d told her about his progress with the physiotherapists and how he was working back to full physical fitness. He’d been to the shooting range and his arm was up to firing a weapon again.
She chatted about what was happening on camp, as much as she was allowed to, and what she was missing about home.
But then, three weeks previously he’d emailed for the last time.
I’m driving my mother crazy, and to be honest she is driving me crazy. Much as we love each other I’m too bloody old to be living with her.
I own an old bothy with a bit of land in the Beacons that I spruced up several years ago. It’s basic but it’s a good place to get away from it all and do some training. Needless to say that part of Wales has little phone signal, and no internet. I won’t be contactable, but don’t worry. I’ll be okay.
See you soon, babe.
She’d replied, telling him to take care and keep on getting better, but she hadn’t heard back. Despite stalking her inbox, there’d been no further contact.
At night she’d dreamed of him marching over the remote mountains of mid Wales. Imagining the waterfalls, the steep ridges, the bothy he was staying in—old shepherd huts were remote and isolated, it was best for the sheep, but did it even have a road leading to it or had he hiked there with his kit?
