by Sara Wood
Her voice had become sharp and wounding as she became more desperate in her attempt to sever the ties between them. For all the time she spoke, she wanted to kiss his angry mouth, to slide her tongue between his lips which he had parted in a snarl, and her defence became fiercer.
'Jade,' he said in a harsh whisper, 'there is something unfinished between us, and I won't leave you alone until it has been cleared. There are things I have to know.' 'There's nothing you need to know about me,' she cried. 'Will you come down and talk to me, or do I have to put you over my shoulder and carry you down?' he rasped.
She stared at the grim face. There was no doubting his determination. Jade hoped she would be able to keep her dignity and pride during his cross-examination.
'If you swear to leave me alone afterwards, and not keep bothering me like this, I'll come down of my own accord and talk to you,' she said reluctantly. 'If that's what you want.'
His head disappeared and Jade climbed down, wishing her dress didn't keep riding up. On the lowest branch, she pulled her skirt down over her scratched thighs and poised to jump, relieved that he didn't offer to catch her. But when she landed on all fours like a cat, he was there, his hands on her waist, helping her up. She shook him off impatiently.
'Come and sit by the river,' he said, his mouth hard.
They went to the old landing-stage, where the huge stones had once been brought from France to build both the priory and the church, nine hundred years ago. Jade was carrying her shoes and sat, dangling her toes in the cold water. The sky was now a fiery red, casting an unearthly glow on Dane's face. She gulped as he came to sit beside her, and moved away a little.
'All right, you've made your point,' he muttered.
'What do you want to say?'
'Clarify,' he amended. 'It's because of Soniver. She says that until I get things straight, I won't settle to work. I have to get my past clear before I can make any kind of future for myself.'
Jade bit her lip at the thought that his future wouldn't include her in any way at all. But he was right: if they could get all their hostility laid out and in the open, it might help her to see how far apart they were in every way.
'Go on,' she said coolly.
'I want to know first why you sized me up the way you did. Virtually from the moment you saw me, you decided I was a prize bastard and yet you had no reason to think that. Why, Jade?'
'Intuition,' she mumbled.
'It's more than that. I think you gave yourself away when you declared I'd be holding wild parties and orgies at the manor, with nude bathing. It's something to do with Sebastian, isn't it? I know how painful it is, Jade, when I mention his name. It hurts me when I speak of my lost, unborn child,' he said, agony on his face. 'But it will help us both if we understand the reasons for our antagonism. Tell me. Trust me.'
His tone had become so gentle and concerned that her heart wrenched, both for him and for herself.
'You were like them,' she said, trying to find a way to tell him. 'Sebastian's friends. Smart, well-groomed, sophisticated. They were all living life in the fast lane: snazzy cars, elegant girlfriends. We had parties during which they virtually took the house apart.'
'And you didn't like that?' he asked quietly.
'No. To begin with I thought it was high spirits, but I soon realised it was a complete disregard for property and anyone's feelings,' she said.
'Didn't Sebastian try to control his guests? Or did he merely stop holding the parties?'
'He was in the thick of it all,' she said miserably.
'That must have been difficult, with both of you wanting different life-styles,' he said. 'I can understand how you didn't want the new owner of the manor to be a carbon copy of your late husband.'
'Oh, you're not a bit like him!' she cried passionately. 'For a start, you don't hold parties like that!'
'At least you recognise one difference,' he said, his mouth twisting. 'You're an exuberant person; why couldn't you enjoy the fun?'
'It was more than honest fun,' she said in a low voice. 'You see, Dane, I'd been brought up to honour my parents' values. At home I was surrounded by creative, deep-thinking people who appreciated the quality of life and fitted in with my mother's ideas about morality. She was sensual in the Italian way, but very proper.'
His eyes ran over her gently blowing hair and studied her brooding face. 'I see.'
'When they died, my life seemed to stop. I didn't know what hit me. Sebastian and I had met at a concert—we liked the same music—and he'd been taking me to dinner and concerts. To be honest, I don't know it happened, but he looked after me during that period, handling everything. He was a stockbroker and had the kind of brain that could untangle my parents' complicated money problems.'
'You married,' he said quickly. 'And came to live at the manor.'
'Yes,' she said, relieved that he hadn't asked if she loved Sebastian. 'I'm afraid he spent money lavishly on entertainments. It wasn't long before I discovered that his friends didn't have the same kind of morals that I did. I'd find various unmarried couples making love in the oddest of places, in broad daylight, and it shocked me, particularly when they swapped partners. Sebastian said I was bourgeois, and I suppose, for all my Bohemian life, I was.'
'Not necessarily.' Dane's voice had no expression in it at all. 'Is that when the dining-room got damaged, during a party?'
'Yes,' she breathed. 'It was his farewell party before he left for the ballooning attempt. He was always doing reckless things, driving through the village with his eyes shut and getting someone else to tell him when to turn the wheel, that kind of thing.' She was conscious that Dane was frowning hard. 'That was a party to end all parties,' she said with a mirthless laugh. 'Everyone got drunk and sick.'
Her throat had tightened and she couldn't go on.
'What is it, Jade?' he asked, at the sight of her anguished face. His arm stole around her shoulders and he moved close, so that his body warmed hers as the sun dipped below the horizon and the sky flared a dark blood-red for a moment and then a solemn, funereal purple.
'Tell me,' he added gently. 'Tell me what the problem is. I'm not sure I understand how a sensitive girl like you could be so much in love with someone like Sebastian, as you describe him.'
'Love?' she said in a cold, hoarse whisper, unable to keep up the pretence any longer. 'I hated him.'
She felt shock run through Dane and closed her eyes. He held her for a while, rocking her, and then his thumb tipped up her chin.
'Tell me.'
For the first time in her life, she wanted to talk about it. Whatever he thought of her, despite the fact that he wanted to clear the air so they could go their separate ways, she could trust him, she knew that.
'He was an inconsiderate lover,' she began in a barely audible tone. 'He took and never gave. I was naive and innocent when he married me, full of romantic ideas about marriage. He was often drunk, and I hated sex because it was so crude. That made him angry. I'd been very quiet during that last weekend, escaping from his guests whenever I could and only turning up to meals for appearances' sake. Late on the Sunday night, I went up to bed and found a strange couple in it. I can't tell you what they were doing, but I never wanted to use the bed again. I felt defiled by it.'
'Hell! I'm going to get rid of the damn thing!' Dane's hands held her tightly, enabling her to go on.
'There were people in my studio, too. So I went into Sebastian's study and curled up on the couch. He came in, wanting to make love, and I just couldn't. He would have tried another woman, I suppose, but at that stage in the evening they were all occupied,' she said bitterly.
'Wait a minute. Are you telling me he was unfaithful? To you?' he asked in astonishment.
'Yes,' she said, ashamed. 'He said I was frigid and not much fun, and I began to believe him, believe there was something wrong with me. Every time I saw him kissing another woman at a party I'd grow even colder towards him. I didn't want him, Dane, you understand! You felt the same way to
wards your wife!' she cried, desperate for someone to understand her feelings.
'Jade, of course I know how you felt. Go on. He came to the studio and tried to make love to you. Is that why you cried out "not again, Sebastian" that time when we were together?'
'Yes.'
He gave a self-mocking laugh. 'I thought our lovemaking had reminded you of your husband, and you were so wrapped up in him that his was the first name that sprang to your lips. God, that hurt my pride!'
'I know. I'm sorry. I couldn't tell you then. You see, he said it was the last time he'd see me for a few weeks, and he was determined to… to…' She broke off, remembering, and struggled to control herself, knowing by Dane's silence that he was controlling anger. 'He forced me,' she said in a whisper. 'Again and again, until I was physically sick. Then he hit me repeatedly, humiliating me with the things he said about my lack of femininity.'
'The swine!' grated Dane, his body tensed in fury.
'That was the last I saw of him.'
'So the next thing you heard was that he was dead.'
'Yes. And this is the part that has haunted me, Dane. When I heard, when his two friends came to tell me, I was glad!'
'Jade.' Dane turned her towards him and she was drawn against his chest in a secure embrace.
'I felt so guilty, Dane,' she mumbled into his shin. 'He was my husband and he was a human being, and all I could think of was that I was free! I couldn't believe how low I had sunk.'
'Not you,' he crooned. 'Sebastian. You'd stayed your own true self all the time. It was a natural reaction, Jade, under the circumstances.'
'I felt sorry for him, and grief that it had happened after,' she said. 'But I still was shocked at my initial reaction. I didn't like the kind of person I was. So I withdrew from everything for a while, to try and calm myself down.'
'Every time you spoke his name or spoke of death, a terrible pain came into your face,' he said gently. 'I thought you grieved for him and your lost love.'
'Everyone thought that. I let them, because it meant they left me alone out of respect. I was unable to talk of it: I swept it out of my mind as much as I could so that it would go away. Then I discovered he had arranged a second mortgage on the house and we didn't have any money. Selling Saxonbury was mixed blessing. I loved the house itself and the area, but hated the memories.'
'Poor Jade.'
Dane was stroking her hair, his fingers gently pushing their way through the thick tresses to massage her scalp. Jade felt the familiar love and need for him rise within her, and couldn't cope with that in her emotional exhaustion.
'Thank you,' she said, moving back, still within the circle of his arms. She searched his face and saw concern there. 'You have helped me to face up to what happened. It seems all so long ago now, so much in the past. I am grateful.'
'I'm glad to have made things easier for you,' he said huskily.
Jade was unable to bear being near him any longer. Her pulses were jumping erratically.
'Right,' she said briskly. 'I'd better go now. It's dark.'
'Yes, of course,' he said, releasing her. 'I'm honoured to be the first person you've told your story to. Don't expect miracles: you may find it difficult to come to terms with what happened. It was a bad patch in your life in the same way that mine was. But the pain goes eventually. Thank you for trusting me.'
'Who better?' she asked lightly. 'Who else should I tell but Dane King, the man who is so capable at handling women?'
'Please,' he growled. 'Don't—' He paused and cocked his head, putting a finger to Jade's lips when she made to speak.
There was a rustling in the wood—a noise louder than any woodland animal would make.
Dane leaned over and put his lips to her ear. 'Wait here,' he whispered.
At first, she was left quivering at the warmth of his breath, and then realised what he was intending. Already he'd begun to walk stealthily down the landing-stage, as if he was going to investigate the sounds. He looked back as Jade got up, and stopped her with a glance.
She watched him disappear into the dark wood in an agony of suspense. If that was a poacher, then Dane was unarmed and in danger. She began to tremble uncontrollably. Lately there had been a number of reports on the television where poaching gangs had boldly threatened gamekeepers and landowners with sawn-off shotguns, or crossbows. And there were roe deer in the wood.
It seemed to Jade that ice ran through her veins. She stood rooted to the spot by fear for Dane, all her senses alerted to the sounds in the wood. And then there was a noise which jerked her out of her immobility: a gunshot!
'Dane!'
Jade ran at full speed into the wood, the brambles tearing her dress, the sticks and small stones on the path bruising her tender instep. As she went further in, branches caught in her hair and scratched her face, but she plunged blindly on towards the heavy crashing that was coming from the undergrowth ahead.
She stopped at the edge of a glade, the weak moon filtering its pale light through the gap in the canopy of trees. In a tableau, Dane stood holding a man in an armlock, a dead buck at their feet.
'Dane!' she wailed.
'I'm all right, Jade. Get back!' he suddenly shouted, as they both were alerted to the sound of someone rushing through the wood from the path that led to the road.
'No!' she cried, running forwards. 'You'll be hurt!'
'Jade,' he grated, 'it'll be his partner. Hide. Look after yourself.'
She picked up the poacher's shotgun. 'I'm not letting anyone hurt you,' she said fiercely, pointing it at the oncoming assailant.
'Oh, Charlie!' Incredibly relieved as the supposed partner turned out to be the startled blacksmith, she lowered the gun. 'Oh, my God!'
'What is it?' said Charlie and Dane together, at her horrified face.
She raised her head slowly. 'I—I was going to kill someone, to save you,' she said hoarsely.
'I don't think so,' grinned Dane, his eyes suddenly alive with silvery light. 'Not with the safety catch on.'
'I heard the shot. What happened?' demanded Charlie, picking up the gun. 'I arrived too late. This swine had already killed the buck,' said Dane grimly.
'Well, you got him, that's one good thing,' commented Charlie. 'Are you going to take him to the manor and give the police a ring?'
Dane looked at Jade, whose wide eyes still registered utter relief.
'No,' he said with a smile. 'I thought you might, Charlie.'
'Me? I didn't catch him. Why…' His slow gaze travelled from Dane to Jade, who were gazing into each other's eyes and completely oblivious of everything around them.
Dane's hands were already relaxing their grip.
With a grin, Charlie shouldered the gun and spun the poacher around, out of Dane's hands, clamping an even more painful iron hand around the man's wrists and pushing him towards the buck.
'Pick it up,' he ordered.
The poacher struggled to heave the buck on to his shoulders, and sullenly began the walk back to the road. Charlie's eyes were filled with amusement. He turned his head and looked at the couple who hadn't moved.
'He could have died, you know,' he yelled at Jade. 'He could have been blasted by shot.'
That ought to get her moving. He saw her shudder, and then he continued after the poacher, leaving them to it.
'You could have been killed, Dane,' Jade moaned. Then, as the enormity of the danger overwhelmed her, she rushed towards him, flinging her arms about his neck and holding him tightly. 'If you'd died… If… Oh, Dane,' she mumbled incoherently. 'I love you, I love you, I couldn't… Oh, it was awful!'
She was violently thrust away, the full length of his arms as he held her shoulders in a bruising grip.
'What?' he insisted, his fingers digging in deeply.
She pressed her lips together, wishing she didn't act on impulse, wishing…
'You said you love me,' he said in a low tone.
'Did I?' she squeaked.
'Stupid girl,' he murmured affectiona
tely, shaking his head in exasperation.
'Thanks,' she snapped.
'For how long? How long have you love me?'
She tried to avoid his gaze, but he forced her to look at him and repeated the question with a menacing softness.
'I can't remember,' she said reluctantly. 'A long, long time.'
'You said you hated me.'
'I know! I did! I hated you because you made me love you!' she cried defiantly.
'Stupid girl.'
'Don't keep saying that! I know I'm stupid! No one in their right mind would love you!'
His mouth twitched. 'I distinctly remember being half conscious after connecting with Charlie's fist, and you telling him that you had no feelings for me.'
Her lashes fluttered and she blushed. 'I thought you were listening,' she defended. 'I didn't mean it. I wanted to convince myself as much as you.'
'Why? Why not be honest?'
'Because you were—or I thought you were—entertaining dozens of women every week. They were going in and out of the manor like yo-yos. I didn't want to love a man who thought so little of women. And don't forget, I turned up one day to find Dodo lounging around in a see-through neglige and you totally unconcerned,' she said, wondering if he would explain that. She'd never been sure about his relationship with Dodo. 'She said it had been one hell of a night and you said something about overcoming her. And she was ravenous.'
He sighed and gave her a gentle smile. 'I'm so glad you were jealous. I hoped you would be, that's why I didn't explain at the time. Dodo had come to stay because it seemed the only way to force her to finish a script she was late in delivering. I bullied her all night and made her keep on writing, overcoming her need for sleep with gallons of coffee and almost constant snacks.'
'Oh.'
He laughed and drew her into her arms. 'Jade, I fell in love with you the minute I saw you on the verge. From then on, I was constantly on the verge. Do you remember how we picked up coins on the road? It was the maddest, most enjoyable thing I'd done for years. You hit me right between the eyes.'
'I did?' she asked, amazed.
'You did,' he said solemnly. 'And in other places, too. It astonished me that I couldn't keep my hands off you. I must have seemed very fresh.'
