Lingering Touch - A Story of Young Love

by Anna Howard

  "Hey Ariana," Casey interrupted my thoughts. "You should come with us to the party on Saturday!" Trevor was playing with her hair, curling it around his finger and then letting it drop to her shoulder.

  "Uh, I don't know, I might just hang out with Austin," Why didn't I want to go to a party? Probably because Casey and Trevor would be dancing together and laughing together and having fun all night. Austin would probably just want to get drunk and embarrass ourselves then go make out. I didn't actually know, because I'd never been to a party with him, but that was my guess. Although in his defense, he isn't much like all my idiot previous boyfriends. Austin is actually nice and sincere and not just trying to get in my pants all the time.

  "Ooh, he should come, too!" She said and shook my shoulder to get me to open my eyes and look at her. When I glanced over, Trevor had stopped playing with her hair and was looking at me with narrowed eyes, but before I could tell for sure he looked away.

  I thought about it for a second. "Yeah, ok, fine. We'll be there." Maybe it'd be good to get out and do something for once. Casey cheered and hugged me. Amber smiled from across the table. And Alyssa stopped making out with Josh long enough to ask why Casey was cheering, and then hugged me excitedly as well. Trevor was the only one who didn't look excited about it, but I wasn't asking for permission.

  Casey and I walked with Alyssa and Amber to our lockers after the bell rang, but Alyssa and Amber were talking about a test in English. So Casey and I were hanging back.

  "Do you think Trevor likes me?" She asked suddenly.

  "Of course he likes you, he's always with you, and you guys are the cutest couple here, besides Amber and Drew of course." I said, confused.

  "I mean, do you think he like, likes me likes me? I'm only asking because you're like his best friend and well…"

  "Well?" I encouraged her.

  "Well, he hasn't even kissed me yet." I looked at her in shock. "I know! I thought he really liked me and we were like this way cute couple or whatever, but he still hasn't kissed me. Like, I thought he would on the second date because it was just us, and we were in a movie theater, for heaven's sake! But he never did. And then I thought he was waiting for like, the right moment or whatever. But there have been so many perfect moments and he still hasn't done it!" She pouted.

  Wow. I really was shocked. They've never kissed in front of me, but I figured that was just because they were polite. I never would have guessed they haven't kissed at all yet.

  Trevor kissed me.

  No, I wouldn't think of that. It wasn't even a kiss, anyway. It was a tiny peck on the cheek, because I bought him an adorable puppy. That he named after my hair. No. He did not name her after my hair, Copper is a perfectly normal name for a puppy. Why was I even thinking this? I had a boyfriend, and he was an amazing kisser!

  "Oh no, do you like him?" She stopped and grabbed my arms, digging her fake French nails in. I jerked to a halt beside her.

  "What?! Me? No!" A few people walking close by stopped and stared at me for yelling so loud. I had to take a deep breath before continuing. "No, we're just friends. I can talk to him for you,"

  "Oh, really? You would do that for me, Ariana? You're the best!" She threw her arms around me and crushed me in a hug. I didn't think I had ever inhaled so much perfume in my life, and that's saying something because I spend a lot of time with Lyssa.

  "Yes," I said once I could breathe again. "Yeah, I'll talk to him in math," The warning bell rang, and the phrase saved by the bell popped into my head.

  I hurried into the classroom just as the final bell was ringing, and Miss Carmandy shot me a dirty look. I slipped into my desk behind Trevor and he turned slightly to smirk at me. I pulled out a sheet of paper and started writing a note to him. But what was I going to say if he didn't like her? What was I going to say if he did? I mean, of course he would say he likes her. We all knew it.

  Trevor, Casey wants to know if you like her. It seemed normal enough, not like I was being pushy or anything, because I was asking for her. And it was totally normal that she wanted to know, because they've been going out for some time now. Before I could wimp out, I passed the note up and poked his arm with it. He glanced down at it and took it, unfolding it casually on his desk.

  When I got the reply, I almost didn't want to read it. Slowly, I tried to open the note with the same casual air he had. Yeah, why? I breathed a sigh of relief. That was a normal enough response. He didn't say something like of course, so that must mean he isn't totally head over heels. And he didn't say no, so I was right about him liking her. But then why hadn't he kissed her? I asked him and passed the note back.

  I have.

  Was he lying? Or was Casey lying? Casey seemed innocent enough, whining to me and asking me to ask him. She wouldn't ask me to ask him if she was lying. I didn't think he'd ever lied to me before. Why lie about kissing Casey?

  Normally I would try to get involved in the problem, try to sort it out for the happy couple or whatever. But I didn't really want to get in the middle of Trevor's love life, I couldn't do that. I had never gotten in the middle of Lyssa's or Amber's love lives, except once when I set Lyssa up with James Payne. That was a mistake I'll never make again. Besides that I was the one who set up Amber with Drew, but that was a lucky guess on my part.

  So I didn't say anything back. I tried to focus on the lesson Miss Carmandy was teaching. But all the numbers and letters sort of jumbled together and looked like one of those weird magazine cut-out letters villains write in movies that don't make sense. I was just about to ask if I could go to the rest room or something when Trevor passed back another note.

  It's Wednesday. Oh, right, we always hung out on Wednesdays and pretend we're doing math-related things. As if.

  Maybe I would just talk to him at my house.

  Too soon, the day was over and I walked with Trevor to my car. I hadn't said anything since the note. What was I supposed to say? Oh, by the way, I know you're lying about kissing Casey. That didn't exactly sound like a great idea.

  "What's your problem?" Trevor said when we started driving. For a minute I didn't answer, weighing my words carefully.

  "What are you talking about?" I chose to go with the safest route, playing dumb.

  "Come on, Ari, you haven't said a word to me all day."

  "Yes I did!" I said and glanced sideways at him.

  "That note didn't count, you never actually said any words to me."

  He was right, I hadn't actually spoken to him at all today. I always talked to him every day. I'd gone days without talking to Lyssa or Amber, but I talked to Trevor every day. Until today. Of course he knew something was wrong. Dang him for being so observant.

  "Oh." I said, because I couldn't think of anything better to say.

  He looked at me expectantly.

  "Um, how was your day?" I said, keeping my eyes on the road.

  He sighed and looked away, down at his hands. "Really, Ariana?" When I didn't answer he continued sarcastically, "My day was just great. How was your day?"

  "Awesome." I said with just as much enthusiasm as him.

  The rest of the ride was silent.

  We got to my house and I stomped in without looking to see if he was following me. Not that I had to, I could hear him slam the car door. I winced, but I knew he wouldn't hurt my baby. I dropped my bag on the floor inside and headed straight for the fridge, pulling out two apples and tossing one to Trevor. We sat at the table across from each other. The awkwardness in the silence was tangible.

  "Why did you lie about kissing Casey?" I finally asked because I couldn't stand not talking to him.

  He looked up at me in surprise. I usually wasn't this blunt. Then his face hardened. "What makes you so sure I'm lying?"

  "Because I talked to Casey, Trevor, and I can usually tell when people are lying. You were lying when you said you kissed her and you're lying now." I said matter-of-factly.

  He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "I don't really want to talk
about this right now," he hinted. But obviously, I was going to ask about it anyway because, well, that's just what I did.

  "I don't really care. You can't just lie about something like that, and you can't just lie to me. What's up Trev?" Hehe, Trev.

  He groaned and put his head in his hands. "I really don't wanna-"

  "Talk about it right now, I know. And I really don't-"

  "Care, I know." He grinned. We sat for a minute, grinning stupidly at each other. I didn't want this happy moment to end, but the curiosity was still gnawing at me. I realized I don't really care that he hasn't kissed Casey yet, he probably has a good reason for that. But what I did care about was the fact that he had lied to me about it.

  He sighed and looked away, no longer smiling. "Ariana, I've only kissed one girl my entire life. I don't think I even remember how."

  I looked up at him. Only one girl? But he was such a stud! The shock must have shown on my face because he laughed and leaned back on his chair.

  "Ok, I've kissed more than one girl, but I've only actually kissed one girl, you know? And it was a while ago." Pain flickered across his face so fast I thought I might have imagined it. "So, I'm scared to kiss Casey because, well, because I don't really think I know how. And I think I really like her, so I want this to be perfect." He bit his lip and suddenly got very interested in his nails. But honestly, how do you just forget how to kiss?

  "Well, you don't need to be scared about it, it will be perfect when it happens. You should just kiss her. You know you want to, and you know she wants you to, too."

  I wouldn't say anything about the one girl he's "actually kissed," (whatever that means,) because I was pretty sure I knew who it was about and it seemed like the memories were making him really sad. I thought it would be a better idea to get his mind off of it instead.

  Randomly I remembered when he told me he wanted to try ice skating and I had an idea. "Hey, you've always wanted to try ice skating, right?"

  "Uh, yeah. Why?" He looked at me suspiciously.

  "Well, this wood floor is pretty big, and I bet if we moved the table over it would be even bigger. And when you cover it with soapy water it gets really slippery…" I said and got up, pushing the chair to the far side of the kitchen.

  Trevor grinned and helped me push the table and the rest of the chairs to join the first. Then we found a bucket in the garage and dragged it up to the sink, filling it up with sudsy water. Finally, when it was full, we dumped the whole thing on the floor, soaking the floor and our bare feet. We tried sliding around on our feet, but it didn't really work, our feet kept sticking to the floor and tripping us. So we went up to my room and found a couple of pairs of old slippers. Trevor, of course, opted to take the fuzzy pink bunny slippers, while I had normal blue ones.

  The slippers worked perfectly as skates on our homemade ice rink. The floor wasn't as wet as it should have been, so we had to fill up the bucket once more, but this time we put a lot more soap in with the water, and our new ice rink was almost all soap with just a little water. We each slipped and fell way too often, and before too long we were both soaked and covered in bubbles, laughing hysterically.

  We eventually started throwing soap bombs at each other, and I won the fight when I got the whole soap bottle and squirted it at him.

  "Okay, okay, I give!" He surrendered and held his hand up in truce. I stretched mine out to shake but he tugged and I fell hard on to the slippery floor, but not before I let go of his hand. I pulled him down with me and we crashed to the ground together so I was pretty much laying on him.

  I looked down at him and his eyes were searching mine. They were so clear, so bright. Time froze. Neither of us moved. Neither of us breathed. It was such a perfect moment.

  I leaned down closer to him, and he leaned up the slightest bit. I could feel his hot breath on my lips. But no, I didn't like him, and he didn't like me. I had to shatter the moment before it became too much.

  "So you've really never kissed a girl?" I smirked and relaxed on top of him like we were just best friends. And we were. I tried to do his cool eyebrow thing but judging from his snort and wicked smile, I failed miserably.

  "Just when things were about to get exciting." He smiled and winked, doing the eyebrow raise perfectly. But his eyes looked disappointed. Or was I just imagining it?

  "I'll show you exciting." I said and grinned. He looked confused. Ok. So he's only really kissed one girl according to him, and he was scared to kiss Casey because he didn't think he remembered how. Being his best friend, it was my duty to remind him of the sacred art of kissing somebody. Strictly as a friend, of course, because I don't like him like that. And I have a boyfriend. And he's a very good kisser.

  So I leaned down and pressed my lips to his.

  It was like lighting zinged through our bodies when our lips touched. It sent a wave of shock down through my spine and made me shiver. I pulled away and stared at him. He stared back. I was suddenly hyper aware of every place our bodies were touching. Which was a lot because I was sorta laying on top of him.

  Then we reached for each other at the same time, and our lips met again and we didn't pull away when another shock of electricity went through us, more powerful then the last.

  Kissing Trevor was nice. Well, more than nice, it was fantastic. Incredible. Breathtaking. Words couldn't even describe what I was feeling. He was gentle yet fierce without being sleazy and just trying to rip my clothes off. Plus when I was with him, just like his gorgeous eyes, everything was clear and beautiful. I felt every detail between how he twined his fingers in my hair, to how his mouth tasted like cherries and chocolate.

  I don't know how long we stayed like that, laying in the soapy water and kissing. But finally we stopped. I didn't know why we did, but we did. We laid side by side, breathing heavily and looking up at the harsh fluorescent lights. When I said I'd show him exciting I wasn't expecting things to get so hot and heavy, and I definitely wasn't expecting him to show me exciting.

  After a second Trevor sat up like he just realized something. He looked down at me, well, I think glared is the more appropriate word for what he did. Then he stood up and looked down at the mess we made of the floor and of ourselves. He glared at me again.

  "What the hell was that?" He shouted. I cringed.

  I didn't know how to answer. I sat up and hugged my knees. Why was he so mad at me? That was the most amazing kiss I'd ever had. The most amazing kiss I'd ever given. I hardly ever put that much effort in kissing someone. But when I did he yelled at me and acted like he hated me. What if it wasn't an act? A feeble voice in my mind asked me. What if. I knew I was crossing a line in kissing him, but I honestly did think it would help him get enough courage to kiss Casey. If he can kiss me, he can kiss her, right? Ok, it wasn't the smartest idea, but that didn't mean he had to hate me for it.

  He stood there fuming for a moment. He wouldn't even look at me. Finally he snatched his stuff off of the floor and stomped out the front door, slamming it behind him. The sound echoed off the walls of my empty house. Apparently he'd rather walk all the way home than let me give him a ride home, or stay long enough for me to let him borrow my phone to call someone to get him. But… at least my car wasn't getting all soapy.

  Oh, who was I kidding? I would gladly let my car get all soapy if it meant he wasn't so mad at me. I would sell my car, or even give it away for free if it meant he wasn't so mad at me. But the truth was, he was mad at me. And he just walked out on me.

  I've been lonely before. I felt lonely before when my mother left me. I felt lonely before when my father started drinking and stopped talking to me, when he stopped being my father. I felt lonely before when all of my friends had boyfriends and girlfriend and I didn't, so I had had to sit alone. But never have I felt so completely alone.

  Chapter 8 - Never Good Enough

  I lay in bed that night trying to think about anything but what happened between Trevor and me. So naturally that was all I could think about. I tried studying for a
while, but that turned out to be pointless, because all the threes looked like a part of a heart and the X's made my think of kisses and the 0's made me think of hugs. Pathetic, I know.

  The stars on my ceiling glowed dimly compared to the light cast by the moon through my window. The light coming in through the window seemed to be brighter than usual, and then I remembered that there would be a full moon tonight! I hopped deftly out of my bed and tip-toed over to the window, throwing the curtains open. White light washed over me. The stars outside twinkled softly, dim as the ones in my room compared to the moon looming above all of them, stealing the attention and showing off elegantly. The whole world outside was still and quiet, bathed in the ghostly moonlight. Finally I couldn't stand just standing and looking anymore, so I slipped into my shoes and grabbed my iPod.

  The screen slid out easily from being used so often. I weighed it for a moment before setting it gently on my bed and checking to make sure my door was locked. My dad never came into my room, but I had learned to expect the unexpected from him. I looked outside down the window, smiling to myself as a cool breeze swept over me. My room was on the second floor, but a part of roof hung just below my window. It was easy to climb onto that and then drop silently onto the grass below.

  For a moment I just stood under the moonlight, basking in its glow. But then my legs started pumping, almost on their own. They took me around to the back of the house into a cluster of wooded area back there. I hardly ever took this trail, because it was so close to my house and not very long, but I liked to make special trips when the moon was full. Fall leaves crunched beneath my feet as I weaved through trees and shrubbery. The trees glowed shades of white and grey in the night, nothing like the warm reds and oranges they looked like during the day. It was like a whole other world where everything is white and blue and grey and it all seems to glow and it's so peaceful and quiet and carefree. That was part of the reason why I loved coming here by the light of the moon, and because at the end there was a tiny pond.