Lingering Touch - A Story of Young Love

by Anna Howard

  There was nothing really extraordinary about the pond. Yes, it was always swarming with dazzling dragonflies, and yes I occasionally found a bird nest with chirping baby birds in it, and yes even the softest touch would cause millions of tiny ripples to spread around the water so that it looked hypnotizing. But these weren't the reason this pond was so special to me.

  I liked coming here because it reminded me of a time that I could hang out with my mom. No, not my real mother, I rarely even saw her, let alone hang out with her. I meant my nanny, who was like a mother to me. I couldn't even remember her name, I only remember countless days spent playing in the pond and having water fights and coloring while watching movies and drinking hot chocolate. She was the one who taught me how to play volleyball. She disappeared from my life when my mother left, and I hadn't heard from her since.

  Tonight the pond was glowing and reflecting the pale moon. I sat and dragged my finger across the surface of the glassy water slowly, watching the water ripple out and crash on the sides and into each other. Memories of the days I spent here with my nanny invaded my mind, making me smile fondly. I remembered her face perfectly. She had huge, soulful brown eyes the color of melted chocolate, they were the kind of eyes some girls would kill for. They sparkled when she was doing something mischievous or saying something silly. They were so open and kind, loving, but also filled with so much pain. I never knew why she seemed so sad when she didn't know I was watching, I just knew she must have been through something terrible to make her cry herself to sleep every night. But if she could help it, she never would have let me know how sad she truly was, she probably didn't even know I knew. Every time she saw me, her eyes lit up and she smiled brightly, like she didn't have a care in the world.

  She also had perfect hair. It was light brown and stick straight. It was so long, it hung almost to her hips. She used to let me play with it and wind it around her head, making her look like a princess, I had said. I used to tell her about my day at school, how Jimmy Olsen pulled my hair that day, or how Katelyn Young broke my crayons. An owl hooed, stirring me out of my reverie, and I stood and took one last look at the smooth water longingly. Regret filled my heart and my eyes brimmed with tears. I never did find out why she was so sad. I wished I could remember her name.

  The water was smoothing out now, and I bent to touch it one more time. But when I got close enough to look into the water, I saw my own reflection. My eyes were red-rimmed and reminiscent. My face was flushed from running and my hair was ragged. Pretty much I looked like crap… But that was nothing new. I turned and started running without a backward glance.

  Once I was far enough that I couldn't hear the sound of water, I walked into the trees a little and bent over, gagging. I was looking a little tubby lately, this was sure to help. After purging I clutched my stomach and bowed my head. Dang. I had promised myself I wouldn't do that again. Yet here I was, running too much and purging, even though I shouldn't. I just couldn't help it anymore.

  When I got home I strained my ears for any sign that my father was still awake, and when I didn't hear anything, I slipped in and skipped up to my room. When I had locked the door behind me I turned and looked at the floor. My math book was sitting not so innocently on the floor, a painful reminder that I had school tomorrow. That meant I would have to see Trevor in math. Trevor was still mad at me. I really didn't want to see him tomorrow, to face him after what I had done, (even though I didn't actually do anything wrong,) but part of me was also really excited to see him again.

  o.O.o.O.o.

  "Hey," Trevor smiled brightly at me as he slid into his chair smoothly. The bell had already rung and Miss Carmandy had already started the lesson. She glared at him and continued speaking. He didn't even flinch. He was acting totally normal, maybe even a little too normal, but that must have meant that he wasn't mad at me anymore! Either that or he blocked the whole thing from his mind completely. The latter seemed like a more likely option since he was pretty pissed when it happened, but I didn't mind, because he wasn't ignoring me or glaring at me or any of the hateful things I had prayed he wouldn't do.

  "Aren't you mad about yesterday?" I knew I might have been stirring the pot, but I had to know.

  "What? Yesterday? Oh, right, the kiss. Well, I would be, but you were right. Not about it being exciting, though. That was just weird. Um," he scratched his head and glanced at Miss Carmandy. "I mean, you were right about Casey. About kissing Casey. I don't know why I was so scared, but after that whole thing with you I guess I just wasn't anymore, so I kissed her!" He beamed at me. But he was leaning back, away from me. Usually he leaned toward me when he talked to me.

  "Wow, that's great, Trev!" I said with false enthusiasm. But I couldn't imagine him just kissing Casey. I wondered if they kissed like how we kissed. My mind created unwanted images of them rolling around on a soapy floor. Somehow, I highly doubted that was what happened. Calm down, it was just a kiss that didn't mean anything!

  He smiled back and turned around, he didn't talk to me for the rest of the period. And he stood up immediately when the bell rang. Usually we walked out of class and to lunch together side by side, but today he hopped over his desk and strolled out the door without a backwards glance at me. My bottom lip jutted out a tiny bit as I watched him leave. He didn't even turn the right way to go to the cafeteria, which meant he must have been going to Casey's class to walk with her instead.

  Camry Castillo walked up to me just before I left.

  "Wow, Ariana, you look so pretty today! And OMG, you're like, so skinny and gorgeous!" Inwardly I cringed, but on the outside I smiled and thanked her. I knew I wasn't skinny or pretty. All the exercise and make up and dieting would never help that.

  I met Amber and Alyssa at the table at lunch, Drew still wasn't with Amber and Lyssa was discovering Josh's tonsils across the table, aka, they were making out blatantly. I plopped down next to Amber, not in the mood to lie on the table as usual today. I was about to ask where Drew was but then I noticed Trevor and Casey weren't there. I reminded myself to ask about Drew later.

  "Where are Trevor and Casey?" I asked her.

  "I'm not sure, they haven't been here yet." She spoke quietly and didn't meet my eyes. Hers were red and puffy, almost like she had been crying recently. It probably had something to do with Drew. My heart twisted, I was the one who set her up with Drew nearly three years ago.

  "Amber, what's-"

  "Oh, speak of the devil," she said and pointed behind me. Trevor and Casey were walking our way, holding hands and smiling at each other. Casey's lip stick was smudged and Trev's shirt was a little crooked. Both their faces were flushed and they looked almost too happy. It was obvious what they had just been doing.

  "Hey guys," Casey smiled warmly at us and sat down at the end of the table. She winked at me and pointed at Trevor with her free hand when he wasn't looking, as if I couldn't already tell. I flashed her a subtle thumbs up. Trevor slid in between her and me, but left a good foot of space between us when usually he just sits right next to me. My heart sunk to my feet. He was totally still mad at me.

  Alyssa and Josh broke apart when they heard Casey, somehow she had gotten on his lap and she turned to face them while still sitting on him.

  "Looks like you two were having fun." she laughed and leaned into Josh.

  "Not as much fun as you." Trevor replied good naturedly and winked. Lyssa laughed and we all began talking normally, or rather Lyssa, Josh, Trevor, and Casey were talking. Amber and I just sort of sat in silence next to each other, each absorbed in her own thoughts. I wanted to get away from there, because everyone seemed so happy except me and Amber.

  I stood abruptly and started walking away from the table. Nobody even noticed me.

  The school gym was relatively quiet and empty, only a couple people were working out. One of them was the school quarterback, Austin Butler, who was so ripped he made Vin Diesel look like a Barbie. Ok, not really, but you know what I mean. He was huge. He waved at me and gri
nned, and then continued pumping weights. The other person there was this scrawny little nerd kid hiding in the back corner, struggling with something even I could have lifted, which is saying something because I'm probably the weakest human alive.

  I headed straight for the treadmill and started running, forcing my legs to go faster and faster. It wasn't quite as nice as running outside, but if I closed my eyes I could imagine I was outside. So I closed my eyes and just kept running, holding the sides of the treadmill to keep me up when I started getting tired. A random chick got on next to me after about 20 minutes and started running. She was out of breath after about 30 minutes, and so was I but I wasn't letting it show nearly as much. The girl got off and headed towards the showers. Class started in about 15 minutes, but no way was I going to go to calculus with Trevor today. So I just kept running. I ran until after the bell rang, and then I kept going, the only sounds being the hum of the treadmill itself and my shoes slapping on the plastic conveyer belt. I would have been leaving calculus and going to Foods class next, but I kept running all through that class, too. I had to have run almost two hours at least.

  Afterwards I showered and went straight to my car. There were still a few classes left but I just wasn't in the mood. So I went home instead. I think I was catching senioritis.

  Inside, all was quiet aside from my still slightly labored breathing. The fridge hummed softly, tempting me with the creamy cheesecake I know the cleaning lady had left in there for us, and I almost opened it, just this once, I rationalized. But at the last moment I stopped myself and turned away, telling myself I would regret it. So instead I walked up to my room. What was I going to do now? My legs ached from running, but I was still jittery and anxious to work out more. I stepped on the little scale in the corner of my room, and my lips turned down at the results. I crawled under my bed and dug out a few old fitness magazines. The top one featured a crazy intense army work-out, perfect.

  I strode on wobbly legs to the weight room in the basement. My usual fluffy pink towel was waiting for me, waiting for the puddle of sweat that would soon be on my forehead. I stripped down to my bra and underwear and started doing pushups. One, two, three…

  Five hours later I heard the slam of a door upstairs over the pounding music pulsing in my head. I froze where I was, (which was an extremely uncomfortable position by the way,) not even daring to breathe. Sweat poured down my forehead and arms and stomach. Fortunately, I had earphones in, rather than listening to music out loud, but I was still worried that my father might be able to somehow hear me. My heart beat against my chest and my breathing was ragged. I counted the beats while I strained to hear any sound coming from upstairs.

  As per usual I heard some crashing and indecipherable cursing, then the heavy thud of footsteps on the stairs. About halfway up an even bigger, unmistakable thud. That was new, I didn't think dad had ever passed out on the stairs before, at least I was pretty sure that was what happened.

  My arms and legs were quivering. I dropped the heavy weight and collapsed against my will on the floor, folding in on myself. I hugged my knees and fell to my side, crying softly.

  I must have fallen asleep like that, because I woke up a while later feeling achy and stiff from lying in such a cramped position for so long. I stretched my arms and legs like a cat and sat up. My whole body was sore already. Soft moonlight shone in through the filtered window, and I wondered what time it was. My iPod read 2 o'clock in the morning. Slowly, I stood up and touched my toes. I felt like I was on fire. My body ached and each step I took was torture. But this is a good thing, I whispered to myself, holding back more tears. I was sure my eyes were already red from crying, they definitely felt like it. Wow, why was I such a little cry baby?

  As I had expected, dad was still passed out on the middle of the stairs. That was going to hurt when he woke up, considering the way his neck was craned at an abnormal angle. I briefly considered dragging him to his room, or at least even just moving him around so he wasn't in such an uncomfortable position. Heaven knew he wouldn't wake up. I quickly dismissed the thought, and instead kicked him (but not too hard, of course) as I passed him. He stirred a little and snored, mumbling something about beer and "my little girl".

  Whatever. I sniffed in disgust and walked away from him without looking back.

  As I was getting ready for bed all I could think was, oh man, I am going to be so sore tomorrow.

  Chapter 9 - Welcome Home, Dad

  And I was.

  My arms and legs creaked loudly in the morning when I woke up, but after a scalding shower I felt much better. Today was going to be a good day. It had to be.

  I skipped out of the bathroom and picked out a cute outfit, Rock Revival jeans and a loose flowery top with a silver cardigan. Moving was torture, but I embraced the pain. My legs looked skinny and the nude heels I wore with them made them look long, too. I sat at my mirror and grimaced at the sight.

  I had accepted the fact that I wasn't pretty, but that didn't mean it didn't kill me to look in the mirror everyday and be reminded of it. I blow dried my hair, curling it in slightly at the ends. Then I flat ironed it to perfection, and brushed it until it was shiny and smooth. So my hair actually looked decent although it was far from pretty. The color was too bright, like some creepy chucky doll or something. Then there was the issue of my face…

  My eyes were too big. The color might have been cool, except on me, they just looked washed out and dirty. They're green, and that with my amber hair made my look like a stupid clown. Thankfully I only had a few freckles that were easily covered with makeup. I applied my Chanel makeup, covering up as much as I could.

  For a minute all I did was stare at the pale girl in the mirror. She could have been pretty, but her eyes were too far apart. Her nose was too wide. Her lips too thin. Her hair was stringy and thin. She frowned back at me. Her cheeks were a little swollen, which usually happens after I purge. I didn't do it very often, though, so the swelling should go down soon.

  Finally I couldn't look in the mirror anymore, because if I did I might start crying and smear my makeup, or I might punch the mirror or something.

  Whatever. I turned in my chair and gathered my things, then left without a second glance.

  o.O.o.O.o

  School was a drag, but luckily it passed quickly and at least it was Friday. The day had finally come that Trevor cancelled our plans to hang out with Casey, not that I really minded. But now that I was home alone, I was bored already. What to do, what to do? I skipped past the fridge, ignoring the ache gnawing at my stomach.

  Now was a good a time as any to work out, I supposed. I changed into my yoga pants and a purple sports bra. I was just walking down the stairs when my heart starting pounding erratically. That was strange, I hadn't even started working out yet. It sometimes acted up for no apparent reason, but that was usually during/after a really intense work out. I froze and sank to the floor, clutching my chest. My heart slowed until I could barely hear it, beating only every few seconds. Normally it should be at least a few times a second, but it was a little different lately. I gasped, trying to suck in the air that I so desperately needed.

  After the strange feeling passed, I stood abruptly and shook my head. My vision blurred and started blacking out, but then it passed just as fast as it came and I was fine.

  Ok. That was weird.

  Maybe I shouldn't work out today, I thought to myself. If that had something to do with what I thought it did, working out would be a bad idea. So instead I trudged back up the stairs.

  Now what was I going to do?

  Lyssa had her new boy toy so I couldn't call her, and I didn't even see Amber at school today, which meant she was probably sick, so I couldn't call her either. Trevor would be with Casey, of course. Which left me alone and bored out of my mind.

  I plopped down on the black velvet couch and turned on the T.V., flipping through the channels until I found anything worthy of watching. The Vampire Diaries was on, so I clicked it and settle
d back to watch. My stomach growled at me irately, but I promptly ignored it and let myself be immersed in the enthralling show.

  I woke later to the sound of my cell phone ringing. I must have fallen asleep on the couch. I wondered how long I'd slept, but the crick in my neck told me it was long enough.

  I checked my phone, 2 missed calls. Both from Austin. As I was about to call him back, I received a text from him.

  Bby, R U doing anythng 2day?

  It must have been important if he was calling and texting, so I called him back.

  "Hello?" He answered on the first ring.

  "Hey, Austin. Sorry, I was asleep. What's up?"

  "Hey babe! I just wanted to know if I could see you." Awe, heart melt.

  "Of course you can, love. Do you want to come over now?"

  "You know I do! But I still don't know where you live," I could hear the frown in his voice.

  "Well, meet me at the McDonald's on Main Street in about ten minutes and I'll show you. Ok?"

  "Sweet!"

  Click.

  I stood up and stretched like a cat, arching my back and throwing my head back. Oh my, my head was throbbing like nobody's business. I squeezed my eyes shut and grabbed my head, holding it tightly to try to stop the throbbing. When it didn't stop, I staggered to my feet and stumbled to the kitchen, where we kept all the medicine. The white bottle of painkillers was up front and easy to find, even with black dots clouding my vision. After only a minute of pulling at the bottle, I was able to wrench it open and swallow 2 pills. Almost instantly my vision cleared and the pain in my head dulled.