“That sounds great.” My face breaks into a smile. “Whatever you want. I’m here.”
Over the top of Ben I can hear Jenny’s screeching laughter. She’s really enjoying this. I suppose I understand that, she’s an extrovert and the total opposite to me, but it makes me wonder why she thought I would like this. I’m not like this at all.
“I would like to learn more about you, Serena,” he says with a curious look. “But I know how awkward it can be to reel off loads of spiel about yourself so instead I’ll ask you questions about yourself. Nothing too hard, does that sound okay?”
The tight knot in my chest loosens slightly. Surely by standing here and chatting to Ben, I’m doing my job, and I can answer a few questions about myself, that shouldn’t be too difficult. To be honest by this point I’ll do anything to stay by his side rather than talking to anyone else.
“Sure, I don’t see why not. What do you have in mind?”
I expect him to start with something silly, such as ‘what is your favourite colour?’ but that isn’t what I get at all. Ben’s lips twist up into a smile and he begins.
“What are you doing in the city? I’m assuming that you don’t come from here?”
Oh. That’s deeper into my life than I expected. I don’t know how comfortable I am with sharing that much. Then again, it’s better than pressing my breasts into someone’s face. “Is it that obvious that I’m a small town girl?”
“Yes,” he laughs. “But in a good way.”
In a good way... hmm, I’m not totally sure what that means but I like the feeling of those words circling through my system. “Oh right, well yes, I moved here a few years back for job opportunities.” A thick blush fills my cheeks as I realise how ridiculous that sounds now that I’m standing here handing out shots. “I didn’t have a plan though which is probably why it hasn’t worked out so far.”
Ben nods slowly, but not in a judgemental way. For someone who clearly has a lot of success in his life that’s nice that he doesn’t immediately make all sorts of assumptions about me. “Right, okay, so do you have a plan now?”
Urgh, I hate that question because I really don’t. I can’t tell him I’m just sitting back and waiting for my real life to begin. “I don’t know, I’m still trying to figure that part out.”
“Fair enough, you’re a free spirit.” While I’ve never seen myself in that way, it’s nice that he does. I quite like him thinking that I’m just this cool, casual, easy going girl. “So when was the last time you had a boyfriend?”
I throw my hands on my hips and give him a defiant look, which isn’t like me at all. Ben’s eyes are drawing something out of me that I didn’t know was there before. “How do you know I don’t have a boyfriend now?”
“I don’t... I guess I phrased that question wrong.”
Damn it, now I have to admit the truth. Maybe I shouldn’t have acted like that because it’s me left humiliated now. “Oh well, I don’t have a boyfriend at the moment. The last time I was really with someone was in high school and he was... well, not good for me.”
In reality, my crappy relationship with Luke in school is one of the reasons I keep away from guys now. It might sound silly but I trusted him with everything. I thought he was the one in a naïve and childish way. I loved his preppy look and cheeky smile so much that I would have given him everything. I liked him for a very long time before he even asked me out.
When he did, I thought it was the best day of my life.
Things were going well for a while. The only issue I had was his popularity. He dragged me into his group of friends which meant I left all of mine behind, but I was too blinded to notice it. His friends were much more advanced than mine, into drinking and partying, into sleeping around without even thinking about it. It was in way over my head.
I didn’t want to cave, I didn’t want to become someone new for Luke but that happened eventually anyway. I let my school grades slip, I started partying, and eventually I slept with Luke. Then the very next day he broke up with me.
I lost my friends, my grades, my boyfriend, myself... all for someone who didn’t want me. Since then I’ve been on dates but if they aren’t Prince Charming they don’t get to stick around for long. I don’t have time for that. I cannot put my faith in someone unless I know for certain I can trust them.
“Yeah, I haven’t had many relationships either.”
As Ben answers me, I’m shocked. I would think that he has a different girl on his arm all the time... but maybe he does, he just doesn’t let them in. I might not have led that lifestyle myself, but I know there’s a big difference between sleeping with someone and letting them in.
“Wow, that’s... yeah. Erm, so when was your last relationship?”
“I didn’t know we’d changed the game around?” Ben chuckles at me. “I didn’t know it was okay for you to ask me questions... but since you want to know I had a girlfriend when I was twenty years old but it didn’t work out because I was a workaholic. I cared too much about my business and not her.”
“Oh. Right.” I don’t know what to say to that, maybe I shouldn’t have started asking anything. “I see.”
“So, my turn again.” He leans back in his chair and runs his eyes up and down my body. The stare is invasive, but weirdly I like it. It isn’t like me to want to be looked at, but there’s something about Ben’s gaze that makes me feel kinda sexy. Even my shoulders are rolled back as if I’m confident. “What are you normally dressed like? I can’t imagine you walk around like that all the time.”
“Oh I do,” I tease. “This is my clothing from home. It just happens to be right for the job.” I giggle playfully before giving him a real answer. “No, I’m usually in jeans and tee shirts. I would like to dress better but I can’t afford to. That’s why I’m here.”
Maybe that’s a bit too honest, but I’ve said it now. It’s out there. I would much rather him know that I’m here because I need the cash rather than him think I like it.
“Yeah, fair enough. I’m always in suits, I don’t know how to be casual. Maybe that’s my problem.”
Ring, ring... Ring, ring... Ring, ring...
I glance around, wondering where that noise is coming from. It can’t be me because I don’t have anywhere on my body to hold my cell phone. It’s safely locked in the work changing rooms along with everyone else’s.
“Is that your cell phone?” I ask Ben curiously. “It’s been going off for a while.”
“Oh is it?” As he pulls it out and he looks at the name on the screen, his expression falters. I already know that he’s about to leave me before he pushes his chair back. This is someone he needs to speak to. Thankfully because of the conversation I just had with Ben, I know it isn’t his wife. That would be really weird. “Hang on, I’ll be back in a moment.”
I watch him leave, admiring his butt as his quick steps move away from me. He’s damn gorgeous, and also the kindest person that I’ve met since I’ve been here. I’m not ready for him to go yet.
I stand awkwardly for a couple of moments at the edge of the table, but now that Ben is gone I can’t get away with sticking to this one table any longer. Jenny has pretty much got control of it, what with her flirting with Kyle like there’s no tomorrow.
I don’t want to go, but I’m going to have to if I want to make any money. Apparently the boss doesn’t like staff who stand around without doing anything, and I don’t want to get fired because of that on my first shift. I haven’t even made any tips yet. I need to at least give talking to other people a go.
I push my way back through the crowd when a man plants his big hand on my arm to pull me to his table. He has a thick Cuban cigar between his lips as if he wants to show how rich he is, and a group of men and a couple of young women who might possibly be escorts by his side.
“Yes, can I help you?” I ask through gritted teeth, trying to ignore the hot pain radiating through my forearm.
“Get us some drinks, love. That’s why you’re h
ere isn’t it?” He laughs nastily with his friends. My eyes discretely turn towards Ben’s table because I miss him like crazy already. “Come on, we want a selection of vodkas.” He gives me a horrible look. “Well come on then, get to it. You aren’t thick are you? I haven’t grabbed the arm of someone stupid by mistake?” His eyes explore me, but it doesn’t feel anything like when Ben looked at me. I feel self conscious and uncomfortable all over again. “That would be a real shame since you aren’t even the hottest girl here.”
Tears sting the back of my eyes, I feel terrible. If this is what I will normally have to deal with then I don’t know if I’m strong enough to hack it. I can’t even argue back, this is definitely the sort of place where the customer is always right. I don’t think the asshole boss will like it if I start standing up for myself.
“Yes,” I whisper. “I’ll get your drinks for you. I’ll be back in a moment.”
Come back, Ben. I miss you so much! You’re the only person that I ever want to work with here. I need you.
Chapter Five – Ben
I race away from the table only because I know it’s my mom on the other end of the phone. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, who I’m partying with, I’ll pretty much always stop them to speak to Mom. She needs me and I need her. All we have are each other in this world.
My dad died when I was just a baby so I don’t remember him at all. He’s always been like a ghost in my life, the man in the photographs and in my mother’s stories. Not someone attainable, but someone’s who’s always been there, affecting me all the same. His impact on me has affected my life from day one and I never got to know him.
Growing up in a single parent family, with a mom who worked every hour God sent just to give us a mediocre life, I knew I wanted more. I never wanted to live the same life as Mom and I wanted to make her existence better too. That’s why I’ve always worked hard, that’s why I obsessed over business and getting my qualification, that’s why I worked myself into the ground. I wanted to make a better life for me and Mom and that’s just what I’ve done.
“Hi, Mom, you okay?” I ask while glancing behind me to see where Serena is. I can’t see her anywhere. The only people still at the table are Kyle and Jenny. Maybe he’s finally done the decent thing and sent Rick home. “I haven’t heard from you in a while. Is everything okay?”
“Yes, yes,” her tone is warm but I can detect some loneliness there. I make a mental note to myself to make an effort to go and see her at the weekend. She doesn’t live too far away, just outside the city. I should be able to do it more regularly really, sometimes I get too caught up in partying. “I’m okay, thank you. I’ve been out with Vivian from Bridge Club today, we went shopping and for a coffee, so that was nice. Ever since her husband passed away she’s been struggling. I can help with that, you know?”
I gulp down the thick ball of emotion that lodges firmly in my throat. I don’t want to go down this road, not now, but if Mom wants to talk about Dad with me then I’ll let her. She might need that and if it helps her get through the day then so be it. “Yeah. You know what you’re talking about,” I rasp. “So it’s good that Vivian has you.”
“Oh I’m glad to have her too. It’s good to have friends.” She pauses for a moment and I can almost tell where her mind is headed. She has this funny notion that I’m the lonely one, despite the fact that my life is constantly filled to the brim. I’m always doing things, there’s never a dull moment for me. Why would I feel lonely ever? “So, how are things with you? Have you been busy with work?”
“Busy as always.” I puff my chest out proudly. “You know me, always got something on the go.”
“Yes... I know you have. What worries me is that you push yourself too hard. I just think by now you should delegate more and start taking some of your life back.” She only says this because she feels guilty. She doesn’t want to think that it might be her fault I work so hard, even though it really isn’t. I don’t blame her at all, I know that she did her best for us. “Shouldn’t you want to start... dating now?”
“I’ve been dating,” I insist. “You don’t need to worry about me on that front.”
“Well I don’t really mean dating. I mean settling down.” I roll my eyes, it feels like everyone is on my case about that at the moment. “I think it’s time you start finding someone to get serious about, don’t you? You need to find someone and settle down before it’s too late.”
“I don’t know, Mom. I’m not sure that’s what I want.” I might as well be honest with her. “I’m quite happy with the way things are.”
“You only think that because you’re out at the moment. I can hear the music thumping in the background, but what about when you’re at home lying in bed alone. Don’t you think it would be better to have someone?”
I don’t often spend the night alone, and when I do it’s because I’ve passed out, but I don’t think Mom needs to know that much.
“I’m good, Mom. Don’t trouble yourself. I’m doing well.”
“You might want kids one day,” she continues as if she hasn’t heard me. “The last thing you want to do is leave that too late. If you don’t... well then you won’t have anyone to love like I love you.”
I’ve always suspected that Mom wishes she had more kids but no one came along after my father. I’ve never even seen her show any interest in any man. Maybe my dad was just ‘the one’ and after the love she shared with him nothing can compare. It’s sweet, if not very lonely.
“If I ever decide to settle down, Mom, I’ll let you know, but for now...”
“Oh I know. She’ll have to be a really special girl to catch you’re eye, I’m just saying that it might be time to start looking.”
Inadvertently my eyes travel aback over to the table, just to notice that Serena still isn’t there. She must have got called over to another table which I don’t like. I was looking forward to asking her more questions and getting to know her better. I don’t want her taken away from me now.
“Yes, Mom, I know. I’ll think about it.” She doesn’t understand that being twenty eight isn’t a death sentence. She was married by twenty one years old so she doesn’t think that I should still be single. She doesn’t understand that I’m nowhere near ready. It doesn’t matter though, if it ever happens then she’ll realise that I was right to wait until I met the right person. “Anyway, I’ll pop over to see you at the weekend if you like, it’s been too long since I came to see you.”
“Oh yes, that’ll be nice. Come for dinner. It’s been a long time since we had a nice meal together.”
My stomach growls at the idea. “Oh that sounds great, Mom. Your meals are honestly the best. I haven’t eaten anything home cooked for ages.”
“So what do you eat?” I laugh at her horror. “I’m serious, are you having take away every night?”
“No, Mom I eat out too. And I always have my vegetables,” I tease. “You forget I’m a big boy now, I can look after myself.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say. Just come over tomorrow lunch time, don’t wait until the weekend, and I’ll fatten you up, okay?”
“That sounds lovely.”
Just before I hang up the phone I cradle the phone close to my ear to feel closer to Mom again. I do miss her every day, but I can’t persuade her to move right into the city near me. She wants to keep the house I grew up in, the one she brought with my father. I guess she’s never gotten over his death.
As we say our goodbyes, I wonder again what it would have been like if my father never died. I try not to consider this much, but sometimes when I’m talking to Mom my imagination gets the better of me. He wasn’t ever an ambitious man, he was happy working a middle management job, but maybe if that drunk driver didn’t crash into his car as he drove home from work, we wouldn’t have struggled so much and I wouldn’t have developed my deep need for money. Cash represents a security I haven’t had before adulthood, maybe if I had a father I wouldn’t have become this way.
&nbs
p; Then again, if I wasn’t like this I don’t know who I would be. It’s too weird to think about.
Once the call disconnects I pause for a moment, just trying to get myself back together. Mom makes me a little emotional, and emotion spells vulnerability in the business world and that’s the last thing I need added to my bad ass reputation. I’m known as someone quite ruthless and strong, not someone who chokes up after speaking to Mommy.
Right, Ben. I steel myself. Don’t think about that now. Think about seeing Serena again.
That intriguing, beautiful woman is fascinating, I really want to spend more time with her which is something I’ve never really felt before. Even my girlfriend I had when I was younger, Ally, never captivated me that much. She was pretty and fun, but my business always got in the way. I was just starting to get big then, I was on the way up and I didn’t want that momentum to end. She just couldn’t drag me away from it.
I don’t even think about her now, and I haven’t much since we broke up, which just shows how little she affected me. I imagine she’s married now to someone who will worship her in the way she deserves. That could never be me.
But maybe with Serena...
I don’t know why, and I’m certainly not thinking about settling down all of a sudden, but I do want to see her more. I like her face, her smile, her lilting laugh. I like the way she has been opening up to me as well. I can tell that she’s shy and usually quiet, but with me she gave me a bit of sass and that’s something awesome. I would like to see how far I can push her...
Broken: A Mountain Man's Romance Page 25
