by Davis, Mary
“You think it’s peaceful there?”
“I’m not talking about peace on the outside. I know you won’t be content here, not really. The Lord won’t let you. You don’t belong here anymore.”
That’s just what her uncle had told her. “I thought you would want me to stay.”
“I do, but more than I want to satisfly my own selfish desires, I want you to be happy. You won’t have the joy of the Lord going against Him.”
“I told you, I’m not sure it was God’s will. I think I acted hastily without the Lord’s blessing.”
“Mistake or not, Lucas is still your husband, and God wants you at your husband’s side. It’s not like Lucas has hurt you. You admitted that yourself.”
“No. He has never hurt me. He’s always been so. . .” Her words trailed off as she thought of Lucas. No doubt he was out in one of the fields seeing to it nothing got neglected. Or riding out on his horse, sitting tall in the saddle. Or hunting for food to put on the table. Or tending to a scraped knee. She took a deep breath and exhaled. “Selfless. That’s what Lucas is. Everything he does is for someone else.”
“I’ll miss you.” Allison had a wistful expression.
“What?” Cinda asked, coming out of her dreamy state.
“When you leave, I’ll miss you.”
“Am I leaving?” She had hoped for someone to make the decision for her, though she knew it was hers alone to make.
“Yes. You’ll go. You’re only putting it off for a little while.”
“How can you be so sure, when I’m not?”
“I just know, and I know you. It’s something in your eyes when you talk about them. . .about him. They are a part of you now. They’re your family, and family has a way of getting under your skin.”
❧
Cinda didn’t remember her bed being so terribly uncomfortable and cold. She pulled the covers around her neck. How could she be cold? It was almost summer. It had been colder in Montana, but she had never felt it.
Cinda had unconsciously slipped back into the routine of being “home.” She thought the peace and quiet was wonderful, and she enjoyed being able to sleep in. She actually got to read a book, and she was getting along with her aunt better than she ever imagined possible. With the barrier of guilt stripped away, they had nothing to stop them from being friends, at last. Her aunt even let her in the kitchen. All the while, though, Cinda couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling, like something bad was going to happen; but hadn’t it already?
Cinda took her place in the doorway of the kitchen. She watched her aunt kneading bread dough.
Aunt Ginny caught sight of her. “Come help me make these pies for the church social tomorrow.” She turned the kneaded dough into the greased bowl and draped a towel over it to let it rise.
Cinda stood dumbfounded in the doorway. Had Aunt Ginny really invited her into the kitchen? Maybe she had imagined it. . . wishful thinking.
Aunt Ginny heaved a bowl into Cinda’s arms. Cinda clutched the bowl and cautiously stepped into the room, afraid to disturb anything or make a mess in the spotless shrine. Her aunt gave her the ingredients and guided her through the steps of pre-paring the piecrusts. Cinda soon relaxed and the two spent the afternoon in the kitchen baking and talking pleasantly. Cinda cherished the time they spent together and would savor it forever.
They both conveniently avoided mentioning Lucas or Cinda’s leaving.
❧
Cinda went to a schoolmate’s wedding. Sally was three years younger than Cinda, and now she was marrying Emery, a boy who had been in Cinda’s class. As long as Cinda could remember, Sally had been in love with Emery. Love. What was love? Cinda couldn’t put a finger on it.
After the wedding ceremony, Cinda gathered with her friends—Allison and David, Vivian and Alvin, and Eve and her banker fiancО, Leon Livingston. They stood together under an oak tree in the churchyard.
Eve held out her hand so everyone could see her grand engagement ring. “Isn’t it gorgeous? We’re getting married next month. I couldn’t let you have all the fun.”
“Next month?” Vivian asked. “Isn’t that a little fast? I mean, to get a proper wedding together.”
“Leon says he loves me too much to wait any longer than that to make me his wife.” She flashed the ring in the sunlight to show everyone just how much Leon loved her. Leon stood proud. Proud of the expensive ring and proud of being the one to catch the beautiful Eve Weston. Love? Cinda wondered. Was this love?
“My wedding will be the most splendid this little town has ever seen. Too bad you’ll be going back soon,” Eve said to Cinda.
Cinda looked away, not knowing what to say, but she knew Allison understood.
twenty-one
Cinda wandered around the empty, quiet house. There was no arguing. No talking. No conversation at all. No playful laughter. No giggling girls chasing after one another. No love crossing the table between the many occupants. Nothing—just peace and quiet. Very quiet. She should have been happy in the stillness. It was what she had longed for ever since she left, wasn’t it?
She found herself thinking more and more about Lucas and his entire family. They were loud, sloppy, and sometimes even a bit rude. Chaos always reigned in that house—and love. There was no mistaking the love that enveloped the house. They were a tight-knit family. Any one of them would go out on a limb for another. She missed the love that seemed to be floating about in the air in that crowded, rundown house.
She couldn’t believe she had been here for three weeks already. At times it seemed like she had never left this home. At the same time it seemed like she had long since overstayed her welcome. Her uncle was right. She didn’t belong here anymore. It was time to go home. Home to Lucas.
I struggle against my own flesh, Father, my selfish worldly desires. I am so weak. I must confess what You already know. I don’t want to go back. I know You want me to return, so I will. I will try with Your help to do so with a cheerful heart. Believe it or not, I actually miss them, and I think I have come to love the husband You gave me. Thank You for letting me not grow old alone. Amen.
She seemed happier somehow knowing she was going home. It felt like a weight had been lifted from her soul.
❧
Cinda sat at the writing desk in her room. She would write Lucas a letter, letting him know she was returning—immediately. She wasn’t quite sure how to say it. She mulled it over so long, she noticed the mailman heading down her street before she had written one word.
“Oh, I don’t have time to run to the post office, and it must go out today.” Cinda scribbled, Dear Lucas, I’ll be home soon. Love, Cinda.
It wasn’t at all what she wanted to say, but the mailman was almost at her door. She rushed down and caught him just as he had turned to leave.
The next day a letter from Lucas arrived. Cinda tucked herself safely up in her room before opening it in private. She took a deep breath.
Dear Cinda,
I’m sorry to hear about your uncle. I hope your aunt is doing well under the circumstances. Everyone here misses you.
Everyone?
The twins are asking when their mama is coming home. The boys miss your cooking, even your biscuits. I even caught Marty looking at that dress you fixed for her. I’ve done some fixing up myself, around the place.
What about you, Lucas? Do you miss me?
Looking around, I can see that there’s something missing. It’s hard for me to believe what you took.
What?
He was accusing her of stealing? She took nothing but her own clothes. She didn’t even take the pearls he gave her. She left more behind than she took. All her mother’s treasured things. Now she wished she hadn’t written that letter saying she was coming back. Just what did he think she had stolen? Whatever it was, she would be sure to return it. She read on with fury burning in her eyes.
When I sat down to write that very first letter to you nearly a year ago, my thoughts were not of myself. All I could t
hink about was Lynnette’s girls. They needed a mother, nothing else mattered to me. Now it seems I can only think of myself.
I know I’ll never get back what you took, for how does one retrieve his heart when it has been stolen? For that is just what you’ve done. My heart is yours, now and forever.
Lovingly,
Lucas
Cinda slipped her fingers across the word “lovingly,” cares-sing each letter. A tear dropped on the paper, smearing Lucas’s signature.
“Oh, no.” She pulled out her white handkerchief and dabbed at the drop. The ink came off, ruining her best handkerchief. She didn’t care. The signature was almost illegible. She clutched the letter to her chest.
“I’m coming, Lucas,” she whispered, hoping it wasn’t too late. He loves me! She dashed down the stairs.
“Really, Cinda. Ladies do not run,” Aunt Ginny said in disgust.
“Well, maybe they should.” Cinda smiled broadly and pecked her aunt on the cheek. “I’ll be back later to pack.”
Cinda raced in a most unladylike way all the way to Allison’s to show her the letter and to say good-bye.
twenty-two
Cinda entered the house and smelled the familiar aroma of freshly-baked bread. She went to the kitchen door. The sight of her aunt in the kitchen warmed her, but something seemed wrong. Her aunt stood still at the sink with her back to Cinda. She wasn’t washing dishes, though it looked like she was going to. She wasn’t even looking out the window over the sink.
“I’m home, Aunt Ginny,” Cinda said with a cheerful lilt in her voice.
Her aunt jumped slightly and brought her hands to her face. If Cinda hadn’t been looking at her, she would have missed it.
“Aunt Ginny?” Cinda walked over to her and touched her shoulder.
“I didn’t hear you come in,” she said in a shaky voice.
“What’s the matter? Did something happen? Did you get some bad news?”
Her aunt shook her head to all the questions.
“What is it?”
“I’m going to be alone.” A tear ran down her face. She wiped it away. “All alone.”
Cinda hadn’t thought that her aunt might be lonely when she left. She couldn’t leave her now. She also knew she couldn’t stay. It was simple. There was only one solution. “Pack your things. You’re coming with me.”
“Where are you taking me?”
Cinda smiled. “Montana, of course.”
“I couldn’t. That’s your home.”
“And now it’s your home, too. I can’t leave you here alone, and I can’t stay,” she said with a shrug. In Cinda’s mind it was easy and settled. She ignored her aunt’s protests and started deciding what they would take with them. She remembered the list she had made a few days before she left Montana—the items she wanted to get for Lucas’s house. She located all of them and more from her aunt’s house.
“What we don’t take with us and can’t sell, we can give to the church.” There were a few larger pieces Cinda knew she could sell to interested parties.
“Are you sure this will be all right with him?” Aunt Ginny asked. “Most men wouldn’t take to their wife’s relations being put upon them unexpectedly.”
“Him has a name. It’s Lucas.” Cinda smiled to herself. “And Lucas will make no arguments. I can guarantee that.” Not after his little surprises when she first arrived in Montana.
❧
Three days later they stood on the train platform. Cinda was glad her uncle and aunt had rented their house. Now she didn’t have to worry about selling that, too.
The two-day train trip seemed to take forever. Cinda was anxious to get back to Lucas. She had herself so worked up her stomach flipped and turned the entire train ride.
“The first thing we are going to do when we get off this train is find the town doctor,” Aunt Ginny said.
“Are you feeling ill?” Cinda hoped not. She didn’t know if she could handle more trouble after her uncle’s death.
“No. But you obviously are.” She had a no-nonsense look on her face. “The doctor can give you something to settle your stomach.”
“I’m fine.” Cinda tried to assure her. “I’m just anxious.”
“You haven’t eaten a thing since we got on the train. It won’t do any good for you to faint into your husband’s arms. Mr. Rawlings will think I have been neglectful in taking care of you.”
Cinda didn’t think it would do any good to argue, and it would be nice for her stomach to settle.
After seeing the doctor, they went to the livery to rent a wagon and horses. Cinda wasn’t going to trust their precious cargo with the stagecoach or some other freight service she didn’t know about. Fortunately Lucas’s name was known throughout the region or the liveryman wouldn’t have even bothered with them.
They started out early the next morning with their loaded wagon. Cinda hoped their journey wouldn’t take more than three days. She also hoped they wouldn’t get lost. She didn’t think she could cut across the prairie like Lucas did. If she followed the road the stage took to the town south of Lucas’s land, then headed north, she couldn’t miss. She hoped.
Mid-morning they stopped at a stream to water the horses. When they climbed back aboard and got on their way again, Cinda noticed a horse and rider on the next rise. The silhouette looked vaguely familiar. She soon realized it was the one she had seen when she left on the train. Please don’t see us. Visions of bandits raced through her mind.
He hadn’t really threatened the train Cinda was on. Maybe he wasn’t really a bandit but a regular person out for a ride. Cinda racked her brain about what to do, turn and run or continue on, hoping he stayed put. The road forked up ahead. In case he wasn’t a figment of her imagination and posed a real threat, she would take the south fork. It led away from him. Then she would loop back around to the northwest.
As soon as she veered to the south, the rider prodded his horse in motion and headed straight for them. Cinda snapped the reins, urging the horses faster. The rider would overtake them in no time. He came at them so swiftly, his hat swept off his head and bounced on his back.
Cinda could see his brown hair bouncing in time with his hat and his strong, determined jawline. Lucas! Cinda reined the horses to a halt as he caught up to them. His horse was lathered from being ridden hard for some time, not merely the short distance he just closed between them.
“You’re going the wrong way,” he said, jumping down from his mount.
“Lucas!” Cinda exclaimed as he pulled her down off the wagon seat.
He was out of breath from the ride and cupped Cinda’s face in his hands. He studied her and then pulled her close. She could hear his racing heart. He pushed her away. “Are you all right? You’re not hurt are you?” Concern etched his face. Before Cinda could answer he was squeezing her again. He pushed her away again and looked around. “What are you doing out here alone?”
“I’m not alone.” Cinda pointed up to the wagon seat. “Aunt Ginny is with me.”
Lucas frowned. He obviously wasn’t comforted by that fact. “Don’t you know it’s dangerous for women to travel alone in the West?”
“I didn’t—” Cinda started, but Lucas pulled her into his chest again. The back and forth motion turned her stomach. She wished he would make up his mind, hug her or hold her at arm’s length.
When his breathing slowed, he stepped back from her and cradled her face in his hands. “You’re really safe?”
Cinda nodded with a weak smile.
Lucas looked deep into her eyes. “They’re greener. I couldn’t remember if they were greener than alfalfa or not. They are definitely greener.” He leaned down, kissing her long and hard. Then he tied his horse to the back of the wagon.
Cinda thought about Lucas up on the hill on his horse before he raced down. Was he the man she thought was a train robber? Were they one and the same? “Lucas, did you follow me to the train when I left?”
His broad mischievous smile emphasized
his dimple. He kissed her again. She had her answer. He had seen her safely to the train. Now he helped her up onto the wagon seat and climbed aboard.
“It’s good to see you again, Mrs. Crawford.” Lucas replaced his Stetson.
“Not as good as it is to see you, Mr. Rawlings,” Aunt Ginny said with a formal air.
He turned the wagon north and headed across the prairie. “This is a good pair of horses you got here. I’m surprised they didn’t try to push some plugs on you.”
“If it weren’t for Aunt Ginny, they would have.”
Lucas leaned forward and eyed the older woman.
Her aunt kept her gaze forward, sitting properly. “My father was a horse breeder.”
Lucas raised his eyebrows. “You made wise choices.”
The corners of her aunt’s mouth turned up ever so slightly at the compliment, and she sat a little taller.
twenty-three
Three days later they pulled into the quiet farmyard. The only activity was the chickens mulling around, pecking at the ground. It was just like the last time. Lucas helped Cinda down and then her aunt. All was quiet, but Cinda knew it wouldn’t last. She eagerly waited, listening for that first sound.
There it was!
Cinda’s smile broadened. “Here they come.”
“Here who—” Aunt Ginny started to ask when the barn door burst open, and Daniella and Daphne, dirty from head to toe, raced full speed toward them, scattering the chickens.
“Mama, Mama,” they yelled.
“I hope you don’t mind?” Lucas removed his hat. “They asked if they could call you Mama. I said it was okay.”
Cinda nodded. Tears filled her eyes as she knelt down to catch the racing pair.
“We missed you sooo much,” Daphne said with Daniella chiming in on the sooo.
“I missed you both, sooo much.” Cinda hugged and kissed them both.
Trevor strolled out of the barn just like last time. “We weren’t sure what happened to you, Lucas. Jed said you got a letter and raced out of town.” He looked at Cinda and her aunt. “I see everyone’s all right.”
