by Hua Bai
prison, criticism meetings didn’t mean much. They would
have to give me a rice bowl after all the trouble they took, wouldn’t they? Besides, the meal tickets are in my hands, so there’s no danger of my going hungry. I’m sleeping alone on a mat on the stage. So what’s there to worry about? Those thoughts soothed me. And I even gained a sense of pride, for the one I had supported and helped was a rebel, an adven-turer. These complacent thoughts relaxed me to sleepiness.
Although the mattress was too soft for a man used to sleeping on the hard concrete floor of a prison cell, I eventually fell asleep.
Feelings of comfort and excitement were teasing my
sleep. I tried to resist them, yet they were stubborn and gradually drove away the haziness of my dream. A hand, I felt a hand groping along my naked body. Another naked
body lay down beside me. I awoke suddenly, aroused body
and soul. There arose a sexual impulse that had been suppressed for so long. It was her! I knew clearly it was her. She embraced me. I was frightened. She, so quick, embraced the whole universe. And I enabled her to stretch her wings and sing like a bird, as if we were not on an empty stage, but in a dense forest, two birds hooked to each other’s claws, turn-3 2 4
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ing and gliding. Her sensitivity stimulated my desire and my desire doubled her sensitivity. Yunqian had never given me so much. Now I made a firm decision: From now on, I
could not live without her, this Mosuo girl who had fallen into my lap from heaven, no matter whether she be fairy or demon.
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From then on, Sunamei and I wished the
singing and dancing troupe could perform in the theater
more often. Every two shows she could escape successfully once from the troupe. Her frequent absences at night caused a great sensation in the town. There were a lot of mysterious stories about her. The most popular one said Sunamei was a spirit and had the art of invisibility. The moment she sucked in a breath and vanished, her corporeal body stole into a home and into some man’s bed. Even without legs,
this tale sped through town, making females so nervous that they closed their doors at dusk and felt around for a naked woman beside their husbands at night. The males were also on the alert. When their wives weren’t looking, they would unbolt the doors, hoping for a miracle – the visit of a female spirit. Once a man’s devious intentions were discovered by his wife, a horrible fight would disturb the sleep of their neighbors.
Sunamei’s absence caused both husbands and wives a loss
of sleep. But no one imagined she would be with me. I was a stranger, a mental patient, and a taciturn sweeper. Sunamei slept peacefully in my place, as if the little bed and the man both belonged to her. The troupe was helpless. The army of men they summoned to search the surrounding woods never
found anything. Not until the morning would they find
Sunamei in the woods practicing her singing in the foggy morning sun, as if nothing had happened. The headache was that they never discovered a suspicious man with her, and 3 2 6
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they were not allowed to force anyone to make a confession, as during the purge of the May sixth counterrevolutionaries.
A controversy over Sunamei brewed among the members
of the troupe. Some thought, “Since Mosuo girls are born that way, it would be better to send her home.” Others
thought, “Never mind her, because Mosuo girls are simply intractable. We may as well tolerate her behavior with one eye open and the other shut. But it is not wise to let her go because she is the best actress of the troupe, and losing her means losing half the show.” Some even said, “Like dealing with a flood, one can only channel it but not block it. Find her a husband, and she will be tamed.” The latter was fiercely opposed on the ground that the Mosuo do not marry and so no husband could tame her. Owing to those different
opinions, the case of Sunamei hung in the air. As the farce caused by Sunamei’s absences occurred repeatedly, the
troupe gradually lost interest and did not even bother to look for her. However, this lucky, chancy success still made me anxious. Once the cat of our secret love was let out of the bag, I would lose her completely. I had an idea: I wanted to marry her. The notion, “Once married she will be naturally tamed,” fit well into my plans. I proposed to her many
times, and each time she said, “Isn’t it enough for us to be together like this?”
“No, you should belong to me.”
“You should belong to me.” I thought she was merely
repeating my words.
“Then let’s get married.”
Then she would giggle for a long time over my silly idea and play all sorts of tricks to banish it from my rational mind. Or, she would explain to me the customs and rituals of the Mosuo people’s matrilineal extended family and their way of making axiao. I hated listening to this, because it included her own experiences. But at the same time, I was enchanted by her descriptions, because what she said was surprisingly new and carried an irrefutable logic.
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Finally I decided to talk with Luo Ren. I found him in
the Cultural Bureau compound. I said to him, “I want to
talk to you about something.”
He took me to the half room where I had spent my first
night in the county. He offered me the board, and he himself took the coverless trunk as a bench. “Bureau Chief Luo, you know I have no acquaintances here. You’re the first person I met and the one who introduced me to this town.”
Rolling a cigarette with his fingers, he did not look at me but listened attentively, without interruption.
“You see, I am no longer young, over thirty already. My
former years were tortuous.” I didn’t know how to bring up the subject. Such a hypocrite. Forget it. Then it slipped out:
“I want to marry.”
“Marry?” Now he looked at me. “Do you have someone
in mind?”
“Yes. A girl has caught my eye.”
“In this county?”
“Yes, right here.”
“Sunamei?”
“How did you know?”
“I guessed.” I could see in his eyes that it was more than a guess.
“How could you have guessed it?”
“Everyone will know before long, the answer will be
found not only by me. That sort of thing will always come out eventually.”
I didn’t know what to say.
“I brought Sunamei here, and I have been to her home-
town. To avoid suspicion, I have stayed clear of her since she joined the singing and dancing troupe. When she comes to look for me, I simply refuse to see her.”
“She has told me.”
“Do you know what her ethnic group is?”
“Yes, I do.”
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“They – their relationships between men and women are
pretty messy.”
“You could call it free.”
“Free? Has she told you everything?”
“Yes.”
“So what do you think of their family and marriage cus-
toms?”
“Quite ancient, like those of ten thousand years ago, but also quite modern.”
“Modern?”
“They don’t have marriage, but they have love. Many
couples in our society have marriage but no love. I think they have better morals than we.”
“Morals? How – how can you talk like that?” He
frowned, looking hurt.
“I can see that you know the truth, but can’t yet voice it.”
“Then w
hy do you want marriage?”
“Well, I’m living here, not by Lake Lugu, and I’m not a
Mosuo man. If our relationship is not legalized, I’ll lose her, and I don’t want that. I couldn’t bear it. She should belong to me. I love her, and she loves me.”
“Really?”
“It’s true. I love her deeply and she loves me deeply, too.”
“Are you sure she loves only you?”
“Of course.”
“Can you really tame her?”
“I think I can. I’ll try to change her.”
“You have great confidence, don’t you?” His tone was one of doubt.
“No one but me can know how much she loves me.”
“Have you learned everything about her past?” He stared
at me with a different expression.
“Yes. She has told me everything.”
“It’s easy to admire things from the outside. Once you are involved, it won’t be so easy.”
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“I don’t understand.”
“My friend – ” He hesitated. “Tell me, what do you want
from me?”
“Please talk to Manager Tao of the singing and dancing
troupe on my behalf.”
“All right. Because you have made up your mind to
marry, go ahead. But before you’re married you shouldn’t see each other too often. If people learn of your intimacy, they not only will disapprove of your marriage but will try to keep you apart. Chinese moral principles. As to talking them around, you leave that to me.”
Luo Ren’s persuasive work was carried out smoothly. The
troupe’s opinion was mobilized, and Manager Tao came to
realize that what the restless girl needed was a husband. Her naughty shrewishness was due to the lack of a husband, a master. When Luo Ren offered to be my go-between, Manager Tao was afraid I might not agree. Goodness, how men differ from one another. When Luo Ren saw me he repeated their conversation with enthusiasm.
“How could a university graduate want a Mosuo girl? A
Mosuo girl starts having axiao at the age of thirteen, and this one was deflowered long ago.”
Luo Ren said slowly, “Well, give him a try. Maybe he’ll
agree because Sunamei is so beautiful.”
“Has he seen her yet?”
“He should have; your troupe often performs in the the-
ater.”
“But Sunamei has never seen him.”
“If he likes the idea, we’ll give them a chance to meet.”
“Thank you very much, then.”
“Wait until I succeed. I hope your troupe will perform
the wedding ceremony.”
“No problem. We’ll take care of it.”
Lying is the key to success: the maxim seems to hold
water. For fear of prematurely revealing our intimacy, Luo Ren took me to Tao’s office the very next day to see Suna-3 3 0
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mei. Of course, Luo Ren had already informed Sunamei. As soon as she entered the office and saw how I pretended not to recognize her, she nearly burst out laughing. Fortunately, Manager Tao thought it a typical feature of her personality and ignored it. Manager Tao asked her opinion of me.
She nodded her head several times and asked aloud, “Can I move my bedroll to his place now?”
“Nonsense!” Manager Tao covered her mouth hurriedly.
“Not so fast! You haven’t got a marriage certificate yet.”
After Sunamei had gone, Tao Zhengfang asked me my
opinion, and I put on an excellent show. Hesitating for
quite a while, I turned to Luo Ren and asked him, “What
do you think, Bureau Chief Luo?” I never expected I could be so crafty.
“You have to make your own decision.”
“Manager Tao, how about letting us see each other for a
while to cultivate our mutual love? She is a girl of minority nationality. Who knows whether we are fit for each other?”
“That sounds like a good idea.” Luo Ren also acted his
part. “We can’t impose marriage on them. Let them court
each other first, and then marry.”
“But – ” Tao Zhengfang said shyly. “We can’t allow you
to keep her for the night – ”
“Of course not! I’ll send her back in the evening.”
“That’s right. One must behave according to the moral
codes.”
After this official introduction, Sunamei and I could see each other openly. However, in the evening I had to coax her to leave in spite of her unwillingness, unhappiness, and incomprehension. After being constrained in this way for two months, I told Tao Zhengfang, “The love between
Sunamei and me has been cultivated, and I agree to marry her.” Tao Zhengfang was very glad because the two months’
practice had proved the truth of Luo Ren’s proposal. Sunamei started listening to others and had not been reported missing once, even without being watched.
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The singing and dancing troupe performed at our sol-
emn, noisy, and boring wedding. That night I was merely
wearing a smile as I anxiously awaited the end of the wedding. Sunamei’s smile was genuine. She later told me:
Everything was fun, much better than the skirt ceremony.
During the skirt ceremony, she was the sole protagonist, but at the wedding there were two. People even hung an apple for the newlyweds to bite into at the same time. There were a lot of games like that. At the tedious, noisy wedding banquet, people used wine for toasting and certain games for teasing. They swapped the bride and groom’s glasses for fun.
When it all finally came to an end, Manager Tao asked us to show our marriage certificate and lectured us: “This is a marriage certificate. Don’t ever lose it. It will allow you to live together all your life without anybody interfering.”
At the moment I found her words comic. Why did she
have to make such a statement?
Several members of the troupe followed us, helping Suna-
mei move her belongings to the newly whitewashed box
office. We were lucky that the young men who had planned to play practical jokes on the bride had lost interest because the room was small and eighty percent of it was occupied by Sunamei’s baggage and wedding presents. Besides, the electricity had gone out and the little oil lamp failed to produce a celebratory atmosphere. In the narrow space of the box office, only Sunamei and I remained. Tugging at my brand new Mao suit, she said, “Take it off! You look so awkward.”
She was wearing the same minority national dress she used for her stage performances. While taking it off she recalled the speeches, practical jokes, and wild drinking.
I didn’t know why, but, even though a moment earlier I
had found Tao Zhengfang’s statement about the marriage
certificate comic and superfluous, it now created a solemn emotion in my heart. It seemed important to take the
opportunity of our wedding to say a few earnest words to Sunamei. All words from me, of course, coming as they did 3 3 2
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from the bottom of my heart, were neither comic nor superfluous but absolutely necessary. Taking the marriage certificate out of my pocket, I said, “Sunamei!” I knew my voice was quivering. “Have you taken a careful look at the marriage certificate?”
“Why look at it?” She was undoing the heavy headdress.
“It’s just a couple of flags, not a single human figure on it.”
“Do you realize that this means you and I are legal
spouses? Legal, do you understand? It means our being
together is enforced
by law.” On the one hand I felt my
words were tedious, and on the other I felt the importance of what I had to say.
“That means tonight I don’t have to go back to the
troupe, and no one will come to catch us.” She didn’t seem to be joking. I felt like slapping her.
“Not just tonight, it means our whole life,” I corrected her.
“Our whole life?” She was greatly surprised. “That long?”
“That’s right. You and I will love each other until our
hair turns gray. We love each of our own free will and have freely become one. We will respect each other, love each other, and take care of each other. No one is allowed to destroy our marriage.” I found my own lecture boring, yet without saying these things my heart would not be at ease.
What an awkward situation.
Sunamei was taking off her underwear. On hearing my
words, she simply hung her slip on my head. “Are you giving a stage monologue?”
“Don’t be flippant.” I pulled her slip off my face and said with some anger, “Be serious! Marriage, which concerns a man’s entire life, is no joke. Sunamei, please tell me, can you be forever – ”
Before I could finish my sentence, Sunamei opened the
ticket window and threw the oil lamp into the street. Our room sank into darkness and I nearly lost my temper. Sunamei jumped into bed, holding my neck with her smooth
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arms and pressing my head to her breasts until I could
hardly breathe, let alone speak. She was strong, lifting me up and knocking me down on the bed. Then she said in an
agitated tone, “You damned fool, what are you asking? You ask me but I never ask you. I do not ask you, and I do not want you to ask me. Asking means disbelieving. Disbelief leads to questions. I believe, so I do not ask. I do not ask. I do not ask.…” Her words tapered off. What followed next
were her groans, screams, and tears of ecstasy. Although she was young, I felt she was much more mature, beautiful, and pure than the body in my arms.
Our married life was wonderful. The whole county was
witness to our happiness. People said my color improved, and I grew plucky. What a wonder occurs when a depressed man long tired of life suddenly sees a bright future. Like a torch, she shone on me and purified me. I even helped her wash dishes and clothes, including her briefs and brassieres, which I insisted on her wearing after we were married, to which she agreed. Meanwhile, I tried to influence and educate her. I told her that a married woman should be more staid, not flirty like a little girl. Every time I talked to her like this I told her it was because I loved her. Men flirted with her, but she ignored them. By and by she heard some men saying nasty things about her.