by Emma Miles
‘You should have seen her face. She was there when he said it, Ayline. I thought he’d forgotten all about it until you and your father arrived at Taurmaline. He saw it as his chance to tie us to a country in a way that would be mutually beneficial against Chem … as well as to advance his plan to bring magic back to Elden. As I told you, we argued, and he threatened me. Things have been … strained between us ever since.
‘I won’t do it to you, Kesta. I won’t do this to myself. I’m not a Chemman.’ He looked away again, taking in several breaths. ‘You need to go back to the Fulmers.’
She opened her mouth, but no words came out. Every beat of her heart seemed to shake her. She blinked, her vision blurring although her eyes were dry.
Without another glance he turned and fled the room.
Kesta stared after him, feeling cold, feeing hot. She was trembling, her body still aching for him even as shock drained the blood from her. Her feet wouldn’t move so she sat down on the floor. She drew her knees up and bit hard on her thumb as pain welled up from deep inside her forcing release through her eyes.
He was protecting her from Bractius’s awful plan, protecting himself from becoming something he hated. He was protecting any children he might one day have had. She was shocked by the horror of it; that his so-called friend would demand such a thing from him knowing his past. And it hurt her pride that he’d walked away.
Her hands were shaking almost violently, and she drew her arms in even tighter. Had she got it so wrong? How had she let her guard down and allowed herself to feel so much? She lowered her head onto her knees, squeezing her eyes shut, feeling sick.
But he did have strong feelings for her; she’d felt it through her knowing. He had kissed her first. And she … yes, there was no doubt, she had strong feelings for him too. Part of her knew she was being foolish. She hardly knew him, not the real Jorrun. The fact he could make her body tingle from head to toe with just a look was one thing, but was what she was feeling for him, genuinely about him?
He had kissed her first.
But what did this mean for them?
Because of Bractius, Jorrun would never allow any romantic or physical relationship between them.
She drew in one, sharp, desperate breath, as though surfacing from under the sea, and cried harder than she had in many years.
***
Someone knocked at the door and reluctantly she stood up. She’d washed her face and managed to calm herself, finally falling in to a groggy sleep. Her lungs still ached, and her throat burnt. Poor Azrael had fluttered around her several times, unable to touch her and at a loss as to what to do. In the end he’d gone back to hiding in the chimney. She’d gone over everything in her mind so many times she felt dizzy.
She drew in a breath and opened the door. Tantony’s eyes widened when he saw her red swollen eyes. ‘Um, Kurghan and I just got back, and the innkeeper says Jorrun arrived. Apparently, he asked for another room.’ He shuffled his feet awkwardly. ‘Lady … if he has said something to upset you then I’ll put him straight about what you did for him on Mantu.’
Kesta couldn’t help but smile at the idea of the Merkis putting the Dark Man straight.
‘It’s okay, Tantony; if anything, I upset myself. I’m just really tired.’
He grimaced in sympathy. ‘I know that feeling. The innkeeper has put aside a small room for us to talk in and have something to eat if you want to come down?’
‘Yes, I’ll come.’ She quickly brushed through her hair and then called up the chimney for Azrael. The fire-spirit came out and found an unlit candle to settle on. Kesta picked it up and followed the Merkis down the stairs.
Kurghan was already waiting for them and Kesta caught him exchanging a glance with Tantony when he saw her face.
‘I got the best wine I could,’ Kurghan said quickly.
Azrael flared up on his perch on the candle. ‘Three things Jorrun lovess! Wine, bookss an—’
‘Bug!’ Jorrun interrupted as he stepped into the room.
Azrael darted backward in mock startlement.
Jorrun didn’t look at Kesta, going straight to Tantony to grasp his wrist and give him a brief hug. He turned to shake hands with Kurghan and then sat down, pouring them all some wine.
Kesta watched him with her eyes narrowed, she gritted her teeth and her nostrils flared. She couldn’t believe he was pretending nothing was wrong and that nothing had happened between them! She felt her anger rising. There was a momentary flicker of emotion on his face as he caught her eyes when he passed her a glass. He avoided her fingers.
‘Azrael has told me what happened in Mantu,’ he said quietly, swirling the wine in his glass. ‘Thank you all for freeing me.’
‘It was mostly Kesta.’ Tantony shifted in his chair. ‘Has there been any news from Mantu?’
‘The latest is that they are still fighting. Elden still holds Haven. It might become a matter of who has the most supplies unless we can get ships out to them, and with Adelphy on his way we have none to spare.’
‘Do we have a plan?’ Kurghan asked.
Jorrun drew in a breath and dared to regard Kesta. She didn’t look away as his eyes flickered over the bruises on her cheek and throat. ‘The Icante is coming to Elden. She’s meeting with Bractius and they’ll plan our defence. The walkers will be key to defeating Adelphy.’
Kesta almost ground her teeth at the thought of her mother meeting the Elden King. Dia didn’t know what he was really like, didn’t know what he’d done to Jorrun; and to her.
‘Kesta, you will of course go back with Tantony and Kurghan to Northold. It is between you and the Icante as to what part you will play in defending our lands. Perhaps you should go back to the Fulmers if she is here?’
‘And what are you doing?’ she demanded.
He looked down at his glass and she saw him swallow. ‘I am going to Chem.’
‘What?’ She sat up straight. He’d spoken so quietly she thought she must have misheard.
He steeled himself to hold her angry gaze. ‘I am going to Chem to kill my father.’
‘Not without me you’re not!’
‘Kesta, there is no way I would let you anywhere near that place.’
‘Then I’ll go back to Mantu and finish what I started there.’
‘Kesta!’ He leapt up, his eyes blazed, and his cheeks burning red.
Tantony and Kurghan flinched. Had they ever seen their Thane lose his temper before?
She stood, leaning forward over the table, her own anger a cold knot in her belly. ‘I am going with you, or I am going to Mantu.’
‘Kesta, I really don’t need this from you now.’
‘Actually, you do!’ She gripped the edge of the table so hard it hurt the joints of her fingers. ‘You know if you go to Chem alone you’re never coming back. But then you would rather just throw your life away than dare to care about anyone else and risk losing them!’
He took a step back, blinking twice but not looking away.
Tantony cleared his throat.
The anger faded from Jorrun’s blue eyes and they softened in a way that made Kesta swallow. ‘You don’t understand what might happen to you if you go to Chem.’
‘Yes, I do.’ She pointed to her throat. ‘But if you don’t succeed, then Elden might become Chem, as will the Fulmers. Will my being here make that much difference to the defence of Elden? Possibly, but most likely not. Will it make a difference to your chances of defeating your father? You know it will!’
‘I can vouch for that.’ Tantony dared to speak up. ‘I don’t particularly want either of you going to Chem, for what my opinion’s worth, but I’d rest easier and have more hope if you went together.’
Kesta tore her eyes away from Jorrun and sat down.
Jorrun also sat and steepled his fingers as he silently regarded his Merkis.
‘At least think about it,’ Tantony suggested. ‘Let me get some more wine, I have a feeling we all need it.’
Jorrun nodded.
‘What about me?’ Azrael detached himself from the lantern on the wall in which he’d hidden and came to hover above the middle of the table. ‘I sshould definitely go with you, Jorrun. For your mother’ss sake.’
‘You hate being over the sea, Azra,’ he said gently.
‘But I do it, don’t I, Kessta? Sometimes you have to endure thingss you hate, to do what iss right; even if it hurts.’ The drake turned himself a dark fierce blue. ‘Don’t you, Jorrun?’
They all watched the Thane as he contemplated Azrael’s words. He turned to Kesta. ‘Very well, you may both come.’
She almost retorted that she wasn’t waiting for his permission, but she bit her tongue. Jorrun stood up to leave, but Tantony put a hand on his shoulder. ‘Stay. I’ll go get that wine.’
‘How was the work on the hold coming on when you left?’ Kurghan steered them toward a safe topic.
Kesta studied Jorrun as the five of them quietly talked of the hold and of their fears for Elden late into the night. He rarely looked toward her and avoided catching her gaze, but when he did his ice eyes were far from empty.
***
The next morning, they said farewell to Kurghan and Tantony, the two of them heading back to Northold. Kesta squeezed Tantony tightly.
‘Thank you for coming with me to Mantu. You’ll look after Rosa and Catya for me?’
‘Of course,’ he replied gruffly.
They clambered into Kurghan’s boat and Jorrun untied it from the dock. They watched them for a while, the dock itself almost empty.
‘I have a few things to arrange before we go,’ Jorrun said. ‘I’ll see you back at the inn.’
She nodded but sat by the waterside for a while watching the river flow by. She was nervous about going to Chem but was she quite scared enough? It wouldn’t be the first time her over-confidence left her flat on her face. A mistake in Chem though was likely to be fatal. It was the right thing to do, of that she was sure, and not just because of Jorrun. She still felt shame at fleeing Mantu and leaving the people there to their unknown fate.
When she returned to the inn, she looked over her small supply of now battered clothing. She set about washing everything and trying her best to patch it up. She didn’t have any money, and she wasn’t about to ask Jorrun for any. She and Azrael were messing about drying her things with wind and flame when a loud double knock startled them. Reaching out her knowing she felt no one there and immediately tensed.
‘Jorrun,’ she mouthed to Azrael. The drake moved out of sight but didn’t vanish when she opened the door.
He came straight to the point. ‘I have everything arranged. We leave this afternoon. Is there anything you need me to get for you?’
She glanced back at her things. ‘No, I think I have all that I need. Oh! Unless I would be able to take a bow?’
‘You couldn’t carry a bow in Chem; even I couldn’t. But it wouldn’t hurt to have one on the boat. I’ll get you one.’ He stood there awkwardly for a moment. Kesta resisted her urge to invite him in. ‘Get something to eat and then meet me at the ship in a couple of hours.’
He left without waiting for her agreement.
***
When she got to the boat, she found Jorrun stowing some things in the cargo hold. She handed him the lantern in which Azrael hid and then jumped across, managing to keep her balance. Jorrun looked from the small bag she carried to her but said nothing.
‘Where are your crew?’ she asked, realising they were alone.
‘I bought them passage on another ship back to Northold.’
She nodded. The ship was small enough to be managed by the two of them; one if necessary.
‘Will you tell me your plan?’
In answer he gestured with his head for her to follow him into the cabin. She’d never entered it before, having stubbornly remained on the deck with Rosa on their wedding day. Had that really been less than a month ago?
Jorrun put the lamp down. She looked around the room. There were three windows which were presently all shuttered. A table stood at the far end and took up most of the room. It was covered in writing implements, books and odd artefacts. It reminded her at once of his room in the Raven Tower. A single narrow bed was pressed up against the wall to the left.
‘I’ll sleep on the deck,’ he said, following her gaze.
She shrugged, choosing for once not to argue. He reached over to pick a sea chart up off the table and unrolled it for her to see. ‘The Chem fleet are sailing from Navere, they have no reason to do anything but come straight south toward Taurmouth now that they’re mounting an all-out attack. We will aim to avoid them by heading here, through the Borrows.’ She watched his finger as he slid it across the parchment. ‘We’ll leave the ship at the Borrows and go on with the boat we are towing. Osun is to find us a safe place to land. From there we go with his wagon to Arkoom.’
‘Won’t the Borrows be guarded?’
He shook his head. ‘From what Osun told me they were decimated, then abandoned.’
Kesta sat down hard on the chair, looking up at him with her eyes wide. The Borrows had always been the enemy of the Fulmers, but the deaths of all those people and the destruction of a society didn’t bear thinking about. Blood drained from her fingers and lips.
He moved so that he could look her directly in the eye. ‘Are you sure you have to do this, Kesta? You’re not just doing this becaus—’
‘I’m doing this for lots of reasons,’ she broke in, saving them both from treading on difficult ground. ‘All of them right.’
‘Did you remember my coal?’ Azrael popped out of the lantern, making them both jump.
‘And your oil, bug.’ Jorrun smiled. Then said seriously, ‘Shall we go?’
Kesta nodded.
***
Their journey was awkward at first. Although she had more experience of sailing, Kesta swallowed her pride to accept that this was his boat and therefore he was the captain. Whenever he asked her to do something she did so at once. She didn’t push him into conversation either; she wanted him to feel safe being himself again and come out from behind his shield of the Dark Man. She was treating him like a wounded animal; she didn’t imagine he would be pleased at such a comparison. She caught herself watching him too often and determined to keep her attention on the horizon and any potential danger.
She sensed it when he called up wind. It felt different from when a walker used their magic. The wind he stirred up was strong but lacked control and direction, missing the subtlety of a practiced walker.
‘May I …’ She bit her lower lip.
‘What?’ He lost concentration, and the wind whipped away from the sail and out across the sea.
‘Could I show you how I summon the wind and maintain it?’
A slight scowl settled on his face, but he nodded. ‘Go on.’
She agitated the air with one hand and stilled it with the other, subtly adjusting the intensity of each until wind swirled around her in a gyre. Steadying its direction, she filled the sail, finding and maintaining a perfect balance.
‘Did you feel the difference?’ she asked, still concentrating.
‘I think so.’ He let go of the rudder to move closer, watching her hands.
‘You are very strong,’ she said without turning. ‘I think you could probably learn to call storms like my mother. The way you use wind is great if you want to blast someone across a room, but for sailing you need to be subtler and you have to measure your endurance. Do you want to try?’
‘Maybe later.’
She realised that he was embarrassed at the idea of failing in front of her.
‘How does your mother call storms?’ he asked.
She ceased her magic and turned to face him, her wind slowly dissipated. ‘You need to generate heat where there is moisture and create a large rain cloud; really large. I could never quite manage it.’
‘I can do fog.’
‘Fog?’ she asked excitedly. ‘I don’t know anyone who can c
all fog, how does that work?’ She adjusted the sail to catch the natural wind and sat down.
He still seemed wary, as though expecting some kind of trap from her; she supposed she couldn’t blame him.
‘Dew is good, or the ground just after rain,’ he said slowly, looking out to sea. ‘Rivers are too tricky, and the sea is difficult, but a lake works well. You heat the water gently, like a warm summer sun, and then you pass a cold wind slowly over it.’
‘Who taught you that?’
‘An Elden witch. In a book.’ The slightest of smiles played at the edges of his mouth and Kesta’s muscles relaxed a little. She smiled in return.
‘I shall have to spend more time in your library.’
A shadow fell across his face and she cursed herself for saying the wrong thing.
‘There are some books in the cabin, you’re welcome to read them.’
Before she could even think of saying thank you he’d moved away to take up the rudder again.
***
They took turns that night keeping watch and keeping the ship on course. They also ended up taking turns using the bed in the cabin. When Kesta got into it, it was still warm and smelt of Jorrun. Vindictively she hoped he’d found the same from her and that it tormented him just as much. Unable to get to sleep she got up to look at the books.
‘Are you all right in there, Azra?’ she asked the lantern.
‘I don’t feel good,’ Azrael replied, the lamp growing dimmer.
‘Would you like some coal?’
‘No.’
‘Do you want me to get Jorrun?’
‘No! He will jusst say that he told me sso!’
She snorted. ‘Yes, he probably would. Is there anything I can do?’
‘Would you read to me, Kessta?’
‘If you turn that lamp up a bit so I can see.’ She ran her fingers over some of the books. ‘Do you want The Witch Trials of Elden, Herblore of Chem, or A History of Elden Magic?’
‘Elden Magic, please!’
Kesta settled on the bed and opened the book while Azrael crept out of the lamp.
***
They settled into a still somewhat uneasy routine over the next two days, one of them steering while the other kept watch. Jorrun had got better at summoning wind to the sail and she guessed that he’d been practising while she slept.
