by April Lust
I nod and drop my head back to my lessons. I can hear him shifting in his seat.
I’m totally floored when he asks, “So can you read some of it?”
I look up at him. He’s got a lip ring that makes me quiver deep inside. It only accentuates his full, sensual mouth with its soft-looking, beige lips. I stare down at the book before me, my mind racing. But I clear my throat and begin to read.
“And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate…”
When I look up at Landon, he has the strangest look on his face. I can’t describe it. It’s somehow exposed, tender. Vulnerable.
Impossible, I think.
But soon that look of grim matter-of-factness takes its place.
“I don’t really understand it,” he says.
“Neither did I,” I respond. “I started reading Eliot when I was a kid and I had no idea what he was talking about. But I suppose the way the words felt to me, the rhythm…I just fell in love. It reminded me of the pain I felt growing up.”
He just stares at me. Again, I think, why am I telling him this?
Images of my mom Alaina flash through my mind. I see her lying in her bed in our house. When I was eleven, she got esophageal cancer from chain-smoking. I remember the coughing that persisted throughout the days and nights. It was like a death rattle.
I was with her when she died. I held her hand throughout all of it.
I had longed for my father to be there with me. But he hadn’t.
I bring myself to the present. Landon’s gaze continues to penetrate me. It seems he wants to ask me a question, but he doesn’t.
The silence is awkward and I can’t help but try to fill it.
“You know, not to be disrespectful to the club, but I always wondered why men joined motorcycle clubs.”
I realize my error too late. Landon’s face looks as if I’ve tried to slap him. I can feel myself trembling in fear. But his face smooths over once again, and he answers, “There are a lot of reasons men belong to clubs. Legitimacy, reputation, identity. Family.”
The last word seems to ring in the air. I wonder why.
“Why did you join?” I ask, then bite down on my tongue.
Another error. A shadow passes over his face and he clenches his fists. “Miss Grayson, I don’t think that’s any of your business. If you haven’t forgotten, I’m here to be your bodyguard, not a conversationalist. So why don’t you do your work and leave me alone.”
His change in mood is so drastically abrupt I have to admit to myself, despite the fear, that I feel hurt and angry by him putting me off. I feel stupid for ever dreaming of Landon, for ever thinking that his eyes reminded me of sapphires.
“Fine. I guess I’ll take a nap for a while.”
“Good idea, Miss Grayson.”
“Why don’t you just call me ‘Vivian?’”
“I think we’re better off on a last name basis. I’ll call you ‘Miss Grayson,’ and you will call me ‘Mr. Lockhart.’”
“Fine, Mr. Lockhart. Then I’m off to sleep for now.”
I walk to one of the couches and let my body fall ungracefully.
I manage to fall asleep quickly. I don’t know how long I’m out. But when I awaken, I’m surprised to see Landon himself has dozed off on the other couch.
Stay away from him, I scream in my mind. You don’t know what he’s capable of.
But I can’t seem to help myself as I tiptoe closer to him. It’s so strange to see a man like him asleep. The way he seems so vulnerable and open and defenseless, which is everything he’s not in waking reality. When I look down at him, I get a strange sensation in my heart, like a fierce yearning. Despite its hardness, his face is so beautiful, almost angelic in rest. I can’t help myself. I suddenly yearn to place kisses upon his flawless jawline covered with a light blonde stubble.
I shiver when I think about how it would feel to kiss him, to run my tongue along the secret curve of his neck.
What is wrong with me? I’ve never been like this before.
I know I shouldn’t be doing it, but I can’t help myself as I trace a finger softly across his cheek.
And suddenly, his eyes flutter open. I’m lost within the depths of two hauntingly beautiful yet raging storm clouds of fury.
My life flashes before my eyes. This is it, Vivian, I think. This is the way you were meant to go.
I just pray it happens swiftly.
Chapter 4
Landon
I’ve got to think while Vivian sleeps. I’ve got to find out who could be behind trying to kidnap her.
Blacktop Chaos has been involved in a vast turf war with the Midnight Devils for many months. It could definitely be them behind the attack. But then the Helldogs, another rival of ours, got pissed last week when they found out the Sunset Phantoms weren’t paying their chapter dues like everyone else.
But I’m not that alarmed. I know it’s something our club can easily handle. We’ve reigned as kings for so long that our authority is rarely questioned.
Still, it’s so fucking hard to think. And I realize why. I just can’t concentrate with Vivian’s firm, gorgeous body right before my eyes as she sleeps.
When I’m around her, I feel a way I’ve never felt before. Uncertain. Self-doubtful. Why the presence of some tiny, meek chick I could break in two with my hands has me this freaked out, I have no idea.
I’m no saint and have never known angels. But I have to admit if they exist, then Vivian’s one of them.
She sleeps so peacefully. Her soft brown hair falls across her shoulders as her chest rises and falls with each breath. A strange knot of unfamiliar emotion forms in my throat. I suddenly long for something I don’t know the name of.
When I was a kid, my mom had a Japanese geisha doll she kept on the top shelf of the living room bookshelf. She always told me not to touch it, ever, or she’d beat the shit out of me. But I was so fascinated by that doll. It had the most beautiful, delicate features. Dark, shiny hair and flawless, porcelain skin. I ached to touch it.
Just like Vivian, even though she looks nothing like a geisha.
Suddenly, I can hear my little brother crying…Something is hurtling towards me that’s dangerous, something that threatens to claw its way to the surface.
But I successfully block it out.
Returning to Vivian, I continue to eat up her body with my eyes. Her chest, oh man, it’s a rack a man would die for in hopes of touching. Round, firm tits that would fit perfectly into my hands…
I imagine taking one of her nipples into my mouth and sucking hard.
Oh fuck. I can feel my cock stirring and growing hard already. Damned thing seems to have a mind of its own when I’m around Vivian. I ache to start pulling at it as I watch her, but I know I can’t.
I can usually control my desires, up to a certain point. I’ve had so many women in my lifetime that I’m somewhat desensitized. Women are simply tools for my pleasure, and I’m always in control.
But with Vivian, it’s almost as if I’m green again.
Almost. I’d know exactly what to do with that little body. I would make her scream and moan and pant until kingdom come.
And the way I felt when she’d talked about the pain of her childhood. I had no idea she was ever unhappy. I thought she’d lived a charmed life with Steel and Alaina.
A life totally unlike mine.
Fuck, I don’t need this mess, I think suddenly. I decide to do the best thing I can do at the moment. And that’s kill some time by going to sleep beside Vivian on the other couch.
I nestle into the cozy leather pouch. My limbs are so long they s
tretch past the sofa’s edges. But I shut my eyes and begin to breathe deeply, feeling strangely relaxed.
I’m never fully relaxed.
The next thing I know, Vivian’s beautiful, perfect face is hovering right above mine, inches away. I can hear her soft, shallow breathing. Her perfume is heady in my nostrils. And her finger is lightly tracing my jawline.
What I do next is involuntary. I don’t even think about it. My hand reaches up and seizes hers, clamps down hard, and wrenches her fingers away from me.
“Landon—” she pleads, obviously terrified. Her eyes are filled with fear and mistrust.
And I suddenly realize that she thinks I’m going to kill her.
I know I’m more than capable of it. I know I could shatter her like a porcelain doll.
I relax my grip somewhat, but something won’t let me relinquish her hand. I don’t want to admit it to myself, but I’m almost saddened by what I see in her eyes.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
That look of pure terror. Is she that afraid of me? Am I that intimidating?
That is what I’ve strived for all my life. That’s the image I’ve tried to convey.
And I never let anyone touch me. Not without prior consent.
Ever.
I narrow my eyes at her. “Don’t ever, ever do that again,” I say from between gritted teeth.
She’s about to cry, and those big, trembling hazel eyes of hers like pools of dark water are dangerous. If I fall in, I’m a goner. As it is, I’m slowly losing myself in their depths. I’ve still got her hand in mine.
It’s like I’m not in control in myself and my body is somehow stronger than my mind.
Slowly, still holding Vivian’s hand, I pull her towards me.
Because suddenly I need that mouth unlike anything I’ve ever needed before. I need to taste those pink, soft lips, to slip my tongue between them.
I know something in her is resisting, and it only arouses me even more.
But her eyes speak the truth. They’ve grown stormy with lust and yearning. Is my little well-behaved charge really a passionate vixen inside?
Only one way to find out.
Suddenly Vivian bites down on her lower lip and knits her brow. It’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. My cock pulses and twitches. And the raw lust is written all over her. I can feel her need and longing emanating from her body.
Vivian Grayson, aching to be kissed.
To be fucked.
Aching for me, Landon Lockhart. For my touch.
I’m drugged by her. I want to claim her, mark her for my own. Wrench open her legs and bury myself inside her.
I sigh, ready to bury her mouth in mine.
My cell phone rings. Our faces move rapidly apart.
“Hello?” I ask somewhat angrily into the receiver.
“Lan-man,” Steel says.
“Yes, boss.” I sober up quick.
I steal a look over at Vivian. Suddenly she looks like she may be sick, and her face is burning with shame.
Steel’s deep baritone pours like velvet over the phone. “How’s everything going?”
“Fine. We’re secured in the hideout. Just chilling right now.”
“Good. Well, the club is looking into the problem as we speak. I’ll call you in a few hours and let you know what happens. We’ll be able to take care of it quickly, I’m sure. Until then, do me a favor and start making phone calls. Tell me if you find out about anything.”
“Okay, boss.”
There’s a pause. Steel speaks with a deep gruffness to his voice. “Thanks, Landon. I really appreciate you doing this for me.”
“No problem.”
He hangs up the phone.
When I look up, Vivian has moved away and is sitting back at her desk, reading over that stupid poem.
That poem I didn’t understand barely a word of, but that seemed as if it were written just for me. As if someone had taken a look at my insides and wrote down exactly what they saw.
It had been like hearing music—the music of all the pain and sadness I’d felt all my life. The times I’d think what the fuck was I put on this earth for. The times I felt completely worthless and nothing more than a piece of shit.
The times when I was younger, unaware, oblivious. Back when I was a teenager with no clue of how to be a man.
I’d almost choked up on those words.
And Vivian’s voice when she read it had sounded like a mermaid’s or a beautiful fairy princess’s. It melted through to my very soul, and I suddenly ached for everything I heard within that voice.
Everything that was and is now barred to me for eternity.
Everything I don’t deserve to have.
At that moment, a knock sounds upon the hideout door.
I look towards Vivian. She looks understandably frightened.
“Don’t worry,” I say. “I’ll take care of it.”
I pull out my gun from my jacket pocket and steady it in my hand.
Vivian’s face has gone white. She’s staring at my gun as if it’s the most terrifying thing she’s ever seen. Her father is Steel fucking Grayson; has she never seen a firearm before?
I open the door slowly, the barrel aimed straight at our guest. Who happens to be Blade.
“Hey man,” he says cheerily, grabbing my hand and giving it the Blacktop Chaos secret handshake. “We wanted to check up on you and see how you were doing.”
I hug Blade briefly and notice that Robin is behind him.
“Hey girl,” I say, winking at her.
“Landon,” she smiles, coming forward to take my hands in hers.
Robin is Blade’s old lady. They’ve been going out for months.
“Hey, Robin, I want to introduce you to someone,” I say. “Vivian, come here. Vivian Grayson, this is Blade’s old lady, Robin Lloyd.”
“What’s up?” Robin remarks confidently. She’s a wild one, that girl, and always so sure of herself.
Vivian’s shy, but she smiles warmly at Robin, and I appreciate the gesture.
Robin’s face is stunning, but it’s scarred just like her arms.
“I wanted to show you the pics of the mods I took in the chop shop,” Blade says to me.
I steal another look at Vivian. She’s turned her attention away from Robin and is looking at Blade like he’s speaking Greek. I feel the sudden urge to laugh and a warm sensation settling within me.
I realize that being with her makes me sort of happy. It’s not a feeling that I’m used to experiencing. I’m never happy.
“Come on in,” I say. “Everyone take a seat.”
Blade and Robin sit down together on one of the sofas, so Vivian and I are forced to sit together on the other. I’m too aware of her presence next to me. A whiff of that floral fragrance washes over me and I have to clench my fists so I won’t shudder with lust.
“So,” Blade begins. “How’s it holding up?”
“I need to start making phone calls,” I respond.
“Poor Vivian. I’m sorry you got stuck with this one,” Robin begins. “You know, I’ve known Landon since we were kids. God, he was such a dork back then.”
Blade laughs outright, and Vivian looks floored. But she can’t suppress a tiny giggle. Usually I don’t mind being the butt of Blade and Robin’s jokes, but right now I feel embarrassed and defensive.
And I definitely don’t want Vivian hearing about my childhood.
To my horror I hear her ask, “So what was Landon like as a kid?”
Robin throws her beautiful auburn-haired head back and laughs. “Annoyingly good and sweet and innocent.”
Vivian’s face looks as if she doesn’t believe a word of it.
“Hey Blade,” I say, trying to change the subject. “Why don’t we go play a game of pool? You can tell me about the mods.”
“Sure thing, Lan.”
Robin rolls her eyes at me. “Oh, don’t worry, I get it. Bad topic. Well, c’mon and sit beside me, Vivian. We women are definitely no
t needed or wanted in a conversation about chopping. But we can have our own girl talk.”
And that’s when I start to really worry.
Chapter 5
