by Shey Stahl
His only response was rolling his eyes and eating yet another cookie.
“Where’s Luke, I thought he was coming too?” Lane asked grabbing a few cookies from plate as well.
“He’s got a game this weekend in Seattle.” Logan answered before following Lane outside toward the track where Axel disappeared to.
Axel wasn’t one for crowds or birthday parties so I couldn’t blame him. If only I could have joined him. At least Lucas wasn’t here too. This way they wouldn’t gang up on me.
Both Logan and Lucas were heavily involved in baseball and both well on their way to receiving scholarships for college. At least this was better than the alternative for the little hoodlums which was prison.
Once Jameson arrived home and the rest of the family showed up to celebrate Lexi’s birthday, the night thankfully passed in a blur.
The next day, we were on our way to Daytona for the race with Logan in toe.
Taking Logan to a track like Daytona was a bad idea. Not only was he sixteen and into girls, but Daytona was notorious for their pit lizards. This was very exciting for Logan. In turn, he wanted to spend all his time around Jameson, as that was where the pit lizards were.
The infield in Daytona was out of control at times. Once, and only once, I took the kids through there on my way out. What took two minutes to get through took two hours of explaining when girls flashed their funbags at my innocent little boys.
Jameson qualified for the pole but then blew up the engine in practice so he was not the nicest person to be around. Every time I turned around he was yelling at someone and we got to the point that weekend that if we saw him coming, everyone fled.
While Jameson was getting a feel for the back-up car in happy hour I went to check on the kids at the playground where Emma was watching them.
“Don’t be mad.” Emma said when I saw Casten holding a bloody towel to his mouth and nose.
“What happened to him?” Glancing down at my little boy I knew. He looked distraught.
You wouldn’t believe the shit my kids could get into at a race track. Daytona was by far the worst so I knew something was coming.
“Hi mama...” He mumbled holding the towel against his face, his tiny shoulder slumped forward.
Kneeling down, I brushed his mess of hair out of his eyes to get a better view. Having a mischievous nine-year old already, I knew exactly what happened when I saw the purple blob lodged in his nose.
Play-Doh.
“What made you do that?”
“I’m sorry.” He offered looking at his hands.
“Don’t be sorry monkey...just uh...don’t push it up there any further.”
He seemed to think this was a good idea. After all, he had it so far up there it was now bleeding. I actually wasn’t sure it could go any further without lodging in his brain but I could be wrong.
Emma collected the rest of the kids and followed me to the infield care center.
While they cleaned up his nose and attempted to get the blob out, I ran back to the motor coach to get his monkey, which he said he needed to make it through the rest of the day. He may be my brave happy little 5-year old but he still needed his stuffed monkey just like Axel still needed his Mr. Piggy at times.
“Where’s Casten?” Jameson asked once back at his motor coach. I kept one eye on Logan and one eye on Jameson clutching the stuffed monkey to my side.
“He’s detained,” was my answer.
Jameson quirked his head to the side before climbing back inside the golf cart when Alley gestured toward the media center.
Both Noah and Charlie quickly darted the other direction quickly and hid behind Aiden.
“He stuck Play-Doh in his nose.” Logan told him swinging his arm around my shoulder. “He’s in the infield care center with Emma.”
“Why would he do that?”
Noah and Charlie chuckled and I pushed Logan away. He thankfully tripped over his own feet.
“You couldn’t keep your mouth shut, could you?”
“What?” Logan asked. “It’s not that big of a deal.”
“It is a big deal. He doesn’t want everyone knowing his shit head cousins coaxed him into sticking Play-Doh up his nose.”
Logan shrugged indifferently. “It happens to the best of us.”
Just as Jameson got back out of the golf cart knowing he had some father duties to tend to, Emma sent me a text message just then stating Casten broke down and was now crying.
Turning toward Jameson, I yanked him by his racing suit with me. “Come talk to him, he’s crying.”
Jameson groaned but followed. “Why is he crying?”
“Probably because he tried to stick Play-Doh into his brain.”
In every infield on the circuit was an infield care center. Drivers and their families were treated there for sprained ankles, cuts; scrapes, sore throats, and the flu...pretty much everything.
This wasn’t the first time one of my kids visited the infield care emergency room. Axel had frequent visits at Bristol, Charlotte and Daytona. Arie had stumbled over a tire in the garage area at Fontana and received her first set of stitches when she was two. And now Casten who he had an issue with sticking things in his nose. Let’s just hope that issue didn’t expand to chemicals when he got older.
Later that night after getting Casten ice cream to make him feel better, he spent the rest of the night curled up in Jameson’s lap playing X-box with Logan. Usually he was a mama’s boy but at the first sign of illness or injury, he wanted his daddy, much like all my children.
After the episode of “Play-Doh up the nose” Casten received a rather nasty infection.
He needed a hefty dose of antibiotics so I took him with me to fill the prescription when we went back to Elma for the Outlaw tour. It felt good to be back home for a few weeks and hanging out with Andrea and Macy was my favorite part. A not so favorite part was running into Chelsea for the first time since before the accident.
Having Casten with me was not something I wanted at this moment. I never wanted her to see the kids. We tried to keep them out of the public eye as much as possible but times like this I never thought I needed to. Everywhere in Elma I went, people never bothered us. The same went for Mooresville; two places where we truly felt at home. I should have known that I’d run into her in Elma though.
“Sway...is that you?” I knew her voice, how could I not? It haunted me for years in high school. Casten gripped my hand tighter when he felt me tense, looking up at me.
Turning back to look at her, I had to bite back a laugh that she had gained about fifty pounds.
“Chelsea?” My arms instinctively picked up my youngest spaz holding him close to me.
“Wow, it’s good to see you.” She said, her blue eyes appearing honest for once.
Casten looked from me to her. “Who is that?”
“This is Chelsea Adams.” I told him.
She held her hand out to him. “You look just like your daddy sweetheart.”
“Well I should, he’s my dad,” was Casten’s response.
“Oh I can tell with that remark.” She laughed. “You must be the youngest one...Casten, right?”
We both nodded as I gave her a confused look. “The internet...it’s not hard to find out.”
“Back to stalking these days?”
Her eyes widened in surprise. “No, I’m not. Listen Sway, I’m sorry for what happened.”
“Sorry doesn’t really take it back Chelsea.” I whispered. Our kids didn’t know the troubles we’d had prior to them. I didn’t want them to, knowing eventually there would be no way around them not knowing.
Chelsea sighed knowing this wasn’t the time for this sort of thing when my eyes glanced toward Casten who was curiously watching our interaction. “I wanted his heart back then Sway, but it wasn’t his to give. It never was.”
I could have told her she was wrong but she wasn’t. We didn’t know it then but our hearts were taken that night beside that black sprint car w
hen we were eleven. Neither one of us ever had a chance alone.
Back-out – Jameson
“How does it feel on the straight stretches?”
I shrugged flipping open my visor as Kyle leaned inside the car. “Good but not great. It still feels like it’s bottoming out on me.”
“We could try an air pressure and a spring wedge to see if that helps.”
“It couldn’t hurt.”
“All right,” he nodded. “do you need water or Gatorade?”
“Nah, I’m good.” Kyle put my window net up again and then moved back so the crew could make some adjustments. We were currently testing at Texas, in probably the hottest temperatures of the year. In the two-hour test session we did I drank six bottles of water and had no urge to use the bathroom—I’d say I was a little dehydrated.
I ended up making another hundred laps or so before parking beside the hauler in the infield where Kyle, Bobby and Mason were waiting.
Tossing my gear inside the hauler, I turned toward them. “You guys wanna get some food?”
They all agreed so we headed off to Lonestar for dinner before I flew home to see Sway and the kids.
Everyone was sound asleep by the time I got back to Mooresville. Quietly I crawled in bed, hoping not to wake Sway who was curled up to my pillow.
My eyes were just about closed when I felt a tiny hand against my shoulder. “Daddy?”
I could hear a soft melodic whisper that pulled me out of the almost sleep. My baby girl’s breath blew across my face as she nudged my shoulder again. “Daddy?”
“What’s the matter princess?” I whispered back blinking into the darkness.
Arie sighed. “I had a bad dream. Can I sleep with you?”
Opening my eyes just enough to make out her tiny frame; I lifted her in between Sway and me. She curled up next to me, her head resting on my pillow. Arie was a snuggler with me, not so much with Sway but she loved a good cuddle in the arms of her daddy.
Every time she slept with us she had to be touching me and usually with several body parts.
“I hate bad dreams.” She said with another sigh.
“Do you want to tell me about it?” I asked throwing an arm around her and rubbing her back.
“You wrecked and didn’t come home to us.” She wiggled and snuggled closer. “It made me sad.”
“Do worry baby, nothing is going to happen to me.” I whispered kissing her forehead.
Within a few minutes she was sleeping in my arms. This was always a fear of theirs. At least Arie’s. I never heard Axel or Casten talk about it but Arie worried me as I worried about her. But this was different. Even though I promised her, I couldn’t. I never knew what would happen from week to week on the track. All I could hope for was the chance to let my family know I loved them.
I’ve mentioned this before but other women were relentless at times. And it wasn’t even the pit lizards. It could be anyone. Any time they found out who I was it was if they thought if I gave into them, they won something. It wasn’t happening though. I was happy with Sway.
We were comfortable with each other. Just like my favorite dirt track, on any given night I knew how to get fast time, I knew where the ruts were and I knew just how much speed I could carry through the corners. I knew how to throttle through the turns to glide over the ruts...Just like any bullring track, I knew her as she knew me.
I also knew even good marriages failed at times. But it started with one simple miracle, two people fell in love. That’s what I valued. Sway and I fought at times over everything from time with each other to me leaving my underwear lying around the house. I’m not saying it was perfect, but it was pretty fucking good. All that being said, that’s why these women throwing themselves at me were never an option or even so much as a thought.
One particular woman, Kristy, worked for me as a scorer for our team and on any given weekend was rather flirty. Spencer warned me countless times that there was something more to her as though she took the job to get closer to me. For a while I thought he was right until she began dating Colin. I realized how right Spencer was when Kristy and I had to spend a few afternoons together when she stepped in for Alley as my publicist for an event. Kristy really wasn’t any different from any other girl.
Once night while we were in Chicago for the race, she knocked on the door to my motor coach fairly late as I was just getting ready for bed. Sway and the kids were in Eldora at the Little Dirt Nationals for Axel and Casten. I was flying out tomorrow to catch a few heat races but this left me alone.
Thinking it was Spencer again I answered the door in just jeans, without a shirt.
“Oh...hey Kristy,” I reached for my shirt on the back of the chair near the door. “What’s up?”
She was crying. That much was evident by her reddened eyes. I invited her in, she told me that she and Colin had gotten in a fight and she was feeling upset about it and thought she wasn’t good enough for him being a NASCAR driver. After a while when I told her I needed to get some sleep, she hugged me and confessed her real motive.
“I came in here hoping that you and I could...you know.”
Well shit, Spencer was right.
“Kristy,” I let out a deep sigh. I knew where this was going with that look on her face. I’d seen it on countless women. “You’re beautiful. I’m married, not blind, so when I tell you that you are, please believe me. But I love my wife more than anything in the world so this,” I motioned between us. “is not an option. Ever.”
“I know.” She mumbled tears streaming down her redden cheeks. Her expression brought me back to when Sway left me in Sonoma all those years ago.
Kristy was pretty and resembled Sway in a lot of ways, there was no denying that, but I also knew it really didn’t matter. No one would ever fill the aching void I felt when Sway wasn’t with me.
“You know,” I began handing Kristy a tissue. “My wife, Sway and I went through something like this.”
“I know,” she nodded. “I read that somewhere.”
“What I meant was that even though you think you can’t have Colin, you can. He loves you.”
“You don’t know that.”
“You’re right.” I offered. “I don’t know if he loves you but I can tell you from a man’s perspective, he appears to.”
She was silent and then turned to hug me. Carefully, trying not to lead her on any more than I already had, I wrapped my arms around her returning the hug and then pulled her away to arms’ length.
“Go get him.” I told her with a wink.
There were times where I got lonely and I missed Sway but the thought never crossed my mind to turn to another woman. Like I said, it wasn’t an option for me, never would be.
Another woman to frequently try her luck was Nadia.
Now Sway never came out and said it but I knew her feelings toward Nadia. It was the same as every other wife whose husband raced in the series. They didn’t trust her.
I also never appreciated how Nadia thought she was better than our wives. She thought because she was out there with us that she was better than them as though they didn’t have the drive to do what she had done in the sport.
Well to me, our wives had done more.
Nadia also thought the wives were gold diggers and never took the time to think otherwise. What she didn’t know was that, Sway, for example, ran Grays Harbor Raceway most days, made sure everyone with JAR Racings got their flight schedules; drivers were paid, raised our kids and kept me grounded.
To me, she had the hardest job out of all of us.
She was there when the spotlight wasn’t.
Something I knew a girl like Nadia wouldn’t be. She reminded me so much of Ashley and Chelsea it was revolting.
But, I still was pleasant to her when needed.
Sometime after the summer race in Charlotte, I was at a bar with Tyler having a drink when Nadia showed up. He’d yet to meet her so I introduced them and that was that. We parted ways for the night.
“So what, you’re gonna ignore me?” she asked when she stood there for a good few minutes and I had yet to say anything to her. The paper wrapping on my beer was more interesting than conversation with her.
“I was trying to. You’re making it hard.” I told her and finally looked at her.
She had green eyes that I never noticed until tonight. They shined in the lighting of the bar. But still, I wasn’t tempted by her even though I hadn’t seen my wife in over a week. Yeah, it would have been easy for me to act on impulse, driven with just hormones but that wasn’t me.
“You’re always an asshole, aren’t you?”
“How would you know?” My eyes focused on hers and laughed. “You made your mind up about me a long time ago.”
“No, you made it for me.” She replied and motioned for the bartender to get her a beer and one for me.
“I’m not always a bad guy.” I said looking at her again.
She smiled. “I know. I was just giving you a hard time.” Her hand came up and rested on my shoulder. “How bout a drink.”
Against my better judgment, Tyler and I had a drink with her. When Tyler left around midnight, I got up to leave and Nadia reached for my hand. I wasn’t comfortable with how close she was.
“Just one more?”
“Listen,” I stood from my stool and distanced myself from her. “I think you got the wrong impression here.”
“You’re seriously going to pass up?”
I turned and looked at her over my shoulder. “Yeah, I am.”
I then tossed a fifty at the bar and left without another glance.
Like I said, these women were never an option. Did I tell Sway about the encounter?
No.
I wasn’t trying to keep something from my wife but then again, I didn’t want her worrying about something she didn’t need to.
Once September rolled around it was time for Dirt Nationals in Eldora. Fortunately for me, the cup schedule opened up and I was able to attend. Sway was with Arie at her dance recital. I’ve been to a dance recital and though I loved watching my little girl and niece Lexi dance around like the little angels they were, I could only handle so much pink and screaming little girls.
