by Jess Bryant
“Shut up, Lincoln! Just shut the fuck up for once in your goddamned life!” Remy growled at his cousin, “I believe her. She didn’t know her brother… half-brother… was responsible for hurting Colt. There’s no way. She loves Skylar. They’re best friends. If she’d known, she would have said something. Right?”
Rachel nodded weakly.
She couldn’t believe it. Well, she could actually, she just hadn’t wanted to believe it. She’d known that Craig was capable of hurting people. He’d hurt her, more than once. She’d heard him talk about hurting others. But the thought of him hurting Colt like that, someone she liked, someone she cared about, she hadn’t wanted to think that was possible.
Because he was her brother and she’d known that if he hurt Colt she couldn’t stand by him. She couldn’t protect him. He would have whatever Lincoln wanted to do to him coming. He was a dead man walking and she seemed to be the only one just now realizing that.
“She knew he was plotting to hurt us and she didn’t say anything.” Lincoln countered.
“Because she’s fucking scared!” Remy yelled, “She’s scared of him. He hurt her. He threatened her. Damnit, Ford said he told you what happened at the salon that day! You know he’s been asking about her, trying to find a way to get to her and that’s while she’s been here with me. What the fuck do you think he’d have done to her if she was on her own?”
Remy was… defending her? Rachel wiped at her face again. She couldn’t quite keep up as the two men yelled at each other, fists clenched, blood on both their shirts already from the earlier fight. The two of them, chin to chin, felt like a powder keg about to explode.
“Yeah, she came to you, didn’t she?” Lincoln snarled, “She knew she was in trouble and she came to you to protect her. She’s playing you, Remington.”
“No. No.” She shook her head. “It’s not like that.”
“It’s always like that.”
“Damn it, Lincoln. Stop.” Remy looked like he wanted to pull his own hair out, “Stop.”
“Why? Because you don’t want to hear the truth? You’d rather live in your fantasy world where she actually cares about you? Where you’re not a pawn she’s using just to protect…”
That was as far as Lincoln got. Before he could finish his sentence, Remy exploded. Rachel screamed as she saw it happen but she couldn’t do anything to stop it. Remy’s fist connected with Lincoln’s jaw and the sound was like a bullet going off. Lincoln made a noise, a half-surprised half-outraged growl that was muffled when his head snapped back.
He came back upright quickly, fists clenched and Rachel moved before she could convince herself it was a bad idea. She took five quick steps across the living room and squeezed herself between the two big men. She put her hands up to warn Lincoln back but Remy gave a growl and grabbed her instantly.
“Rachel, no!” He jerked her aside, putting her behind him without even looking at her. “Don’t touch her Lincoln!”
“I wasn’t going to.” Lincoln held his hands up and took a step back. “Jesus, Remy, I know I ain’t the nicest of us but I’m not gonna hit a girl.” He sniffed when Remy didn’t budge, “I wasn’t even gonna hit you, asshole.”
Rachel and Remy both looked skeptical.
“I’m gonna give you that one because I fucked up with you ten years ago. I should’ve told you to stay. I should’ve figured out a better way to help you than sending you away. I figure you deserve at least one.” Lincoln scratched his jaw and then worked it back and forth as if it were already sore, “You’re lucky you did that here though, where I won’t have to even the score, but that’s all you get. One. Try it again and I’ll lay you out Remington.”
“You won’t ever get that chance.” Remy growled. “You come at me, or her, and I’ll put you in the ground.”
“Uh huh…well, at least we answered one question.” Lincoln leaned around Remy far enough to look at her, “She cares about you enough to do something stupid like throw herself in front of me to protect you. Which was very, very stupid, sweetheart.”
All of her earlier fear had vanished at the thought of Remy being hurt. She’d had to stop it. Had to get between him and the threat. That was why her voice didn’t stutter and she tried to get around Remy to put herself between them again.
“I love him. I love him and you’re not going to hurt him for something I did.”
Lincoln sighed, “I’m not gonna hurt him at all. He’s family. I protect my family. Try to keep up.”
“Don’t talk to her like that.” Remy growled, keeping one firm hand on her, “Don’t talk to her at all.”
“Jesus, you boys… I’ve heard love is blind but I didn’t realize it was stupid too.” Lincoln groaned and moved away from them, “She lied to you, Remington. For weeks. She put all of us at risk. Those brothers you swore to protect? Colt was attacked and left for dead by her brother and his new best friends.”
“Yeah.” Remy nodded seriously, “By Craig and his friends. Not by her.” He held up a hand when Lincoln opened his mouth again, “If she’s scared of them, don’t you think it’s logical that she’s scared of you too? She came to me for protection, sure. Fine. But it’s way past that now. She’s mine so stop threatening her.”
“I’m not threatening her. I’m just saying I don’t trust her.”
“You don’t have to. She’s not part of your crew. She’s not yours. She’s mine.”
“Yeah and if she’s yours, she’s family but…”
“Exactly.” Remy snapped and Lincoln winced as if he’d just walked into a corner he hadn’t seen coming. “She’s with me and that makes her family. We protect family still, right? That’s what you’re always blowing hot air about. Colt’s family and I wasn’t here to protect him from you. She’s my family now and I won’t make the same mistake again. I’m going to keep protecting her and since we’re family, that means you protect her too now.”
Fresh tears burned her eyes as she realized what it was she’d been missing. She was so deep in her fear, so swallowed up in it, that she hadn’t noticed that Remy wasn’t reacting like she’d thought he would. Sure, he’d moved away from her at first but he’d defended her time and again when Lincoln went on the attack.
He’d said he believed her. He’d pulled her away from his cousin to protect her. Was it possible? Did he really not hate her? Was he really not going to throw her out and forget all about her?
“You want to keep her, that’s on you.” Lincoln shook his head, “I’m not keeping this shit from the rest of the boys though. They deserve to know you’re choosing a liar, the sister of a traitor, to shack up with.”
Remy took a dangerous step forward and she grabbed his arm before he could swing it again, “Remy, no!”
“He’s not going to talk about you like that in our home.” Remy snarled.
“Stop. Both of you, stop!” She begged as tears worked their way forward again.
This was all her fault. She had done this. Remy was going to have to choose between her and his family and somehow, someway, he was choosing her. He was choosing her and he was making the wrong choice.
She had done this and she didn’t deserve his protection. She wasn’t one of them. She wasn’t anything like them. She wasn’t smart or stubborn like Jemma. She wasn’t bold and brash like Skylar. She had done nothing to prove herself to these men, to show that she could stand with them instead of against them, that she could be loyal and helpful.
That was the only answer. She knew it. Maybe she’d known it all along. She had to choose Remy and the Bomars, on her own, and stand by them. It was the only way.
“What can I do to prove to you that I’m with Remy for good? With him because I love him? I choose him. If I have to choose, I choose him.” Rachel wiped at the stray tear that escaped and rolled down her cheek, “I didn’t know Craig hurt Colt but you’re right. It shouldn’t have mattered. I knew he wanted to hurt you and you’re Remy’s family, Skylar’s family, and that should have been enough. I was scare
d, too scared to help before but I’m not anymore. Tell me what to do to prove that I’m with you and I’ll do it.”
“Rachel, no.” Remy hissed but she shook her head at him.
“I have to. I owe your family this.”
“You don’t owe him a damn thing!”
“I owe you. I should have been honest from the beginning but I was so scared… scared of everything but I… I’m more scared of losing you.”
“You’re not gonna lose me, Rach.”
She hoped that was true but until she proved to him and to herself that she could stand with him instead of behind him she wasn’t sure she could believe that. She turned to face Lincoln, putting Remy at her back. She knew they’d have to talk about all of this a lot more but this… this was her decision.
“Tell me what you need me to do.” She told Lincoln as steadily as she could.
The older Bomar boy looked down on her for a long moment but she didn’t blink and didn’t look away. Staring at him like this, she saw past all of the things he showed the outside world. The pretty face that hid the dirty Bomar soul. Those were both there, sure, but there was something else. Something deeper. She could almost see a battle waging behind those sea-glass eyes before he narrowed his gaze and nodded.
“You can help us lure Craig out.”
“No.” Remy growled.
“Out?” She asked, ignoring him.
“Nobody’s seen him in a day or two. We think he’s hiding out. Maybe he figured you’d come clean eventually and he wanted to get a head start. That or he’s visiting with his friends in the Santos Peridos MC, planning something else. We need to give him a reason to come home so we can get our hands on him.”
“No!” Remy growled again, “No, you are not using her as bait.”
“I’ll do it.”
“The hell you will.” Remy spun her around by her shoulders, “No, Rachel.”
“Look, you two lovebirds talk amongst yourselves. Figure it out. I’ve got a meeting in…” Lincoln looked at the expensive watch on his wrist, another of those watches like the one Craig wore, “Shit. Now. I have to go. If you’re helping, call me tonight. If you’re not… just know it’s not going to save your brother and I’ll be sure the entire family knows about your hand in all of this.”
The threat made Remy snarl again, “Get the fuck out of my house.”
“I’m going.” Lincoln moved past them, “He has my number, Rachel. I’ll expect your call.”
Rachel watched Lincoln leave the trailer. When he opened the door, she got a glimpse of Bentley leaning against the hood of a car. He didn’t smile at her and if possible, that hurt her feelings far worse that Lincoln’s threats and curses had. She’d never liked Lincoln, never thought of him as anything but scary. She’d thought that Bentley was her friend though, or at least that they were on the verge of a friendship, but that was all gone now. Lincoln slammed the door behind him and in the quiet and still trailer she became suddenly aware of Remy standing directly behind her.
He loomed over her but he made no move to touch her and that hurt too. He’d touched her since her revelations but only to protect her from Lincoln, she realized now. They hadn’t been affectionate touches so much as protective. He was still protecting her… but that didn’t mean he still loved her.
She turned around to face him and winced at the pain written all over his handsome face. He’d told her that he loved her yesterday. They’d spent the night dancing and drinking and celebrating Cash and Jemma. They’d made love for hours, slept wrapped around one another, and in the midst of all of that, they’d talked and made promises to each other.
They wanted each other. They needed each other. They’d planned for a life together. But today it was all crashing down around them and she didn’t know how to rebuild them when the reason their foundation was shaky was her fault.
“Remy…”
“Rachel. Don’t.”
“No. Please. Let me. I need to explain…”
“You don’t.”
Tears worked their way back into her vision, “Please, Remy, please don’t leave me. I love you. Let me explain.”
Remy shook his head and moved towards her, framing her face between his bloody fingers, “I love you too and I’m not leaving you. I told you before, nothing could make me leave you behind. Nothing. We’ll figure this out. We’ll work through it. I love you.”
“W-w-why?” She sobbed as her legs gave out, her strength waning, and Remy had to catch her, had to hold her up, just like he had since the moment they met.
Chapter Fifteen
Remy caught the woman he loved when she collapsed. Every single part of him recoiled at the sight of Rachel in pain. He ached to hold her, to soothe her, to tell her that everything was going to be okay. But at the moment, he wasn’t sure that was true and he didn’t want to lie to her. So instead of saying that, he simply answered her heartbreaking question.
“Because you’re beautiful baby, inside and out. You have such a sweet, gentle soul. Even after everything you’ve been through you don’t see the bad in people. You always see the good. You saw the good in me. You bring it out in me.” He shifted her against his chest, holding her close when she made no move to wrap her arms around him, “You make me a better man, Rachel. Being with you, it takes all the hate and anger those monsters put inside me and soothes it. I love you, baby.”
Rachel shook her head, her small body heaving under the weight of her heavy sobs, “Y-y-you s-s-shouldn’t.”
“Shhh…” He soothed softly as he carried her down the hallway to the small bathroom.
It had seemed to work the other times. When she’d been scared and hurting, he’d put her in a warm bath and it had helped calm her down. He didn’t even bother undressing her, or himself this time. He simply stepped into the tub and rearranged her in his lap until they both fit. He flipped the tap on and the water began to pool around them, cool at first and then warming, sinking into his clothes and weighing him down. But Rachel never moved, never pulled way or cuddled closer, she simply laid exactly where he’d put her and cried and cried until he had no idea if she would ever stop.
When he realized that the bath itself wasn’t going to help, he began to stroke his hands over her, trying to soothe the both of them. His fists wanted to clench. His jaw wanted to grind his teeth into dust. But he couldn’t lash out, no matter how much he wanted to.
He was pissed off. Angry. Mad. Beyond mad. He was seething on the inside but he wasn’t mad at Rachel. He was mad at himself. He was angry at Lincoln. He wanted to rip Craig Grant apart limb by limb now that all of his worst fears had been confirmed. The man had hurt his brother, nearly killed him, and he’d hurt the woman Remy loved too. He’d scarred her so badly that even now, she couldn’t seem to wrap her head around how or why he would choose her.
She’d expected him to throw her out. Turn on her. Hate her. He’d seen the fear written all over her face as she spilled what she knew. And she knew a lot. A lot that she hadn’t told him. A lot that she’d been keeping from him. But she hadn’t lied, not like Lincoln had accused her of doing.
She’d never lied to him. She’d told him she was scared. She was afraid of her brother. He’d threatened her. He’d hurt her. But when he’d asked her why she’d never lied, she just hadn’t told him the truth. She hadn’t trusted him with the truth. And fuck that hurt.
He loved her. He’d told her he loved her. He’d promised to protect her. But she hadn’t trusted him to believe her, choose her, and stand by her.
He understood the fear. Hell, he’d lived with his own fears too long not to understand where she was coming from. It was one of the things that had drawn him to her. They were the same. They’d both been betrayed by people they should’ve been able to trust. He had let her in, past that, but as far as they’d come in the last week, she hadn’t overcome hers yet.
She’d never had anyone choose her or put her first. She’d told him that. Her father had been a mean old bastard that was
better off in prison. Her mother had worked herself into an early grave instead of taking care of her daughter. And Craig, that piece of shit half-brother of hers, had hurt her irreparably. She didn’t trust anyone to be there for her and he wasn’t sure he could even blame her for lumping him in with everyone else.
He’d run the last time things got hard. Ten years ago, instead of facing his demons he’d fled the city, the state and then the country. He’d chosen war over fighting with his family. He’d run towards bullets in a desert on the other side of the world, chosen to watch his friends bleed and die, rather than stay and deal with his damage. Of course she would think that given another bad situation, another betrayal, that he would up and disappear again.
He’d deserted everyone that mattered to him back then. He’d left Cash and Colt behind to fend for themselves. He’d left his cousins and friends behind to deal with each other. He’d run away from his responsibilities, from his life, from his family. But nothing could make him run away from Rachel.
“I’m not going anywhere.” He brushed his lips over the top of her head, “I promise that you’re not going to lose me, love. I swore to protect you. Remember that? That day in the kitchen when I first kissed you? That was the first day of the rest of our lives. I told you. You’re mine. And I protect what’s mine. There’s nothing to be afraid of anymore. I’m not going anywhere so come back to me. Come back, Rachel.”
He held her to him but she didn’t respond. The water in the tub was turning tepid and his woman had still made no move to speak so he sighed and pulled the drain. He had no idea what to do next. He’d thought that he had seen Rachel at her worst. That night after the fight, when her brother threatened her and she’d fallen apart, he’d thought that was as bad as it could get. Then, after the confrontation in the salon when she’d fallen to pieces, he’d sworn that he would never let her fear get the better of her like that again. But that had been nothing compared to this…
She was paralyzed with fear. She didn’t move. Didn’t speak. Showed absolutely no signs that his words were getting through to her.
