Order vs. Chaos

by Mary E Thompson

  I pulled my bike back onto the road toward Kapena’s, and for the first time since I planned to move to Hawaii, I wasn’t sure I’d made the right choice. I’d been there less than two weeks, but it didn’t feel right. Nothing about being there was what I expected.

  If things were different with Kiana, I knew I’d feel more settled. But I couldn’t base my entire life on the whims of a woman I barely knew. The God’s honest truth was Hawaii wasn’t what I hoped it would be. I didn’t have that settled feeling I was hoping would appear. When I was in Waikiki, I felt that way, but I was relaxed and on vacation.

  Now I was working. I was trying to build a life. I had one friend, a guy who would always put Kiana ahead of me, even if he liked my ass more than hers.

  I always trusted my instincts. Doubting myself never paid off. But my instincts were all fucked up. Maybe Hawaii was right for me, but I was seriously considering going back to Winterville.

  Chapter Eight

  I finished the pictures for the wedding and got everything to Kiana. I told her I included the photos of the bride’s brother in a separate file and that she could do what she wanted to with them. I hoped she’d pass them along and told her so. If she didn’t, I’d figure out something.

  “He was right, you know,” she said as I was leaving.

  “Who was right?” I asked, turning back to meet her eyes.

  “Anthony. He said the only reason people booked weddings was because of him. Now it’s because of you. None of this is because of me.”

  She sounded so sad and broken that I knew I couldn’t walk away. I had no idea why she was saying anything to me, and not Ada or Jack, but I’d take whatever I could get from her.

  “You know that isn’t true.”

  She laughed mirthlessly. “Except it is. I talked to Kristy, the bride?”

  I nodded.

  “She told me she was so happy I hired you and that she was considering rebooking everything with Anthony’s new company when she found out he’d left. Then she heard you were working for me and she was back on board.”

  “Pictures mean a lot to people,” I said carefully. “When an event is over, the pictures and your memories are all you have left.”

  Kiana nodded. “I know. That’s why I’ve always wanted the best photographers. But I thought there was more to what I do than just hiring a good photographer.”

  “Listen,” I said, sitting across the desk from her. “My closest friend got married a few months ago. He drove his wife insane over all the little details. He was one of those grooms who wanted everything to be perfect. And it was. The hard part was, it’s only one day. And when the wedding is over, the hard shit starts. These couples want something tangible to look at when times are tough and remember that they were happy. Ethan and Olivia have a great marriage, but he keeps pictures of their wedding all over the house.”

  “Did you shoot their wedding?”

  I shook my head and smirked. “I was his best man. He hired a wedding photographer for the job.”

  Kiana laughed. “Well, you’re as good as any I’ve ever met. I didn’t expect you to be so talented.”

  I nodded. “I heard. And thank you.”

  She nodded, chewing on her lower lip.

  “Everything you do is what makes the pictures amazing. You know that right? When the brides show up here and see the location you have, when they dance to the music you selected, when they toast with champagne you picked out and eat the food you chose, it’s all because of you. My pictures are there for them to remember, but they’d be boring shots without everything you create to go with them.”

  Her eyes held mine for what felt like forever. My pulse kicked up and my shorts tightened. I wanted to reach for her again. To kiss her again, but her words rang loud and clear in my memory.

  She didn’t want me.

  I pushed to my feet and went to the door. “I’m going to head out to lunch. Can I grab you something?”

  She considered my offer for a second, then shook her head. “I’m good. Thanks.”

  “Did I hear someone say lunch?” Jack asked from behind me. “Where are you going?”

  I shrugged. “Haven’t thought that far ahead.”

  “Well, I’ll drive if you treat. But only if Kiki comes with us.”

  “I have a ton of work to do,” she protested immediately.

  “And you’ll feel better if you get some food in you,” Jack argued. “Come with us. We’ll go to Ohana Cafe.”

  She shot him a glare and huffed a sigh. “Fine.”

  Jack flashed me a triumphant grin and went back to his office. He was back a second later with his keys and a pair of sunglasses.

  Jack drove us into Ke’aloha with Kiana stuffed in the backseat of his coupe. I offered, but she insisted I’d never get out if I managed to wedge myself back there.

  She was probably right, but I tried.

  We sat on the lanai of the cafe with paper menus that had clearly been used often. There was blue crayon on my menu and a piece of rice in the middle.

  Could be worse.

  We ordered sandwiches and drinks when the waitress came by. She promised everything would be up quickly and left us alone.

  “Sawyer was a big hit with the bride this weekend, wasn’t he?” Jack asked, picking a scab he didn’t know was already bleeding.

  Kiana glanced at me then pasted on a smile and nodded. “He was. She said he knew her brother.”

  “The one who died?” Jack asked, his confused gaze sliding back to me.

  I nodded. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen him. We worked together for a short time.”

  “I thought he was ex-military?”

  Shit. Why did Jack have to ask so many questions? “Yeah, he was. I never was though.”

  “Have you always been a photographer?”

  I nodded, hoping we were veering back to safer territory. “Always. Can’t imagine doing anything else.”

  “I know how you feel,” he said with a sigh. “If Kiki ever fires me I won’t survive.”

  “I’m not going to fire you,” she admonished.

  “Yeah, well, I’m sure I’ll screw up one of these days.”

  She grinned at him. “Not likely. I don’t think I would have started Opposites Attract without you.”

  “We’re definitely opposites. Although we both like men.”

  Kiana laughed, something I wasn’t accustomed to hearing. I liked seeing her happy. There had definitely been too much anger and disappointment in her eyes since we’d met.

  “Thankfully, we don’t share the same taste in men though.”

  “Really?” Jack asked. “Because I think Sawyer’s hot, too.”

  I choked on my water. Jesus. I tried to cough it out of my lungs as I watched Kiana’s cheeks instantly flush scarlet at Jack’s words. Her eyes flipped to mine, then found her hands in her lap endlessly fascinating.

  Jack sat between us grinning proudly.

  “I never said that,” Kiana said, although I wasn’t sure which of us she was telling.

  Jack waved his hand dismissively. “Oh, you didn’t have to. I saw the way you looked at him. Unfortunately for me, he thinks you’re hot, not me.”

  “Seriously?” I blurted.

  Jack just grinned.

  The waitress arrived, giving us all an excuse to stop talking. I ate my food, stealing looks at Kiana the whole time. She kept her eyes focused on her sandwich. Jack grinned the entire fucking time he ate, making me want to kick him under the table.

  “Why are you both so awkward?” he finally asked. “You like each other. I don’t know why that’s an issue.”

  “Let it go, Jack,” Kiana begged.

  I wanted to press the issue, to hear what she was thinking. I wanted her to tell me she wasn’t interested in me, or she was still in love with her ex, or something that would make wanting her less painful.

  Instead, Jack fell silent, letting her have her privacy.

  It pissed me off that I was sitting
there, trapped in a lunch date I never wanted to be on. Hell, one I got suckered into paying for. I would have preferred to take Kiana to lunch. To have her all to myself.

  But that wouldn’t happen. If the lunch made anything clear, it was that nothing was going to happen between us. It was over before it even started.

  I had one more day off before the Valentine’s Day rush of weddings. Kiana had four booked for the long weekend. Since Valentine’s Day fell on a Thursday, there was a wedding on that day, another on Friday, and two on Saturday.

  I refused to think about the fact that my friends, Vicki and Hunter, were getting married the same day in Winterville and I couldn’t be there.

  Nope, I was going to enjoy my last day of freedom on the water for another surf lesson. Maybe Kapena wouldn’t give me shit again.

  Not likely.

  I was up early for a run on the beach to try to chase away the remnants of another nightmare. I fucking hated the shit, but running helped. It would be nice if a woman could chase away the garbage in my head, but I learned that lesson. I wasn’t up for overnights.

  When I got back to Kapena’s, he was on the lanai talking to Kiana. Kiana in tiny black bikini bottoms and a rash guard that clung to her curves and outlined her nipples perfectly. She was fucking killing me.

  “Did you eat?” Kapena asked when he saw me. He was as bad as my mother, constantly trying to feed me. But he cooked better. Not that I’d ever admit that to my mom.

  I shook my head. “Just needed to go for a run. I’ll grab something before we head out.”

  “Head out?”

  I cocked my head at him. “Surfing lesson.”

  “Nah, man, that’s tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow’s Valentine’s Day,” Kiana said with a glance my direction.

  I shook my head. “I’m not planning to surf when we have to work. We’re supposed to surf today.”

  “I can’t do it today. I have lessons booked all day. That’s why I’m up already. Needed a good breakfast so I can be out on the water.”

  “Can I just tag along? You can teach me and your clients?”

  Kapena shook his head as I spoke. “Nope. They pay for one-on-one. I can’t bring you. Kiana can teach you though.”

  “No,” I said without looking at her. “We’ll just do it another time.”

  “Why not? She can surf just as well as I can. And she’s hanging out here for the day. She said she was going to surf and eat all my food. If you’re both here, she can teach you.”

  I risked a glance at her. She looked as uneasy about it as I felt. It was not a good idea for me to be up close and personal with her. Never mind the fact that I was half-hard whenever I saw her, having her wet and straddling a board was going to put dirty fantasies in my mind for a long damn time.

  “It’s fine. I’ll take care of a few other things today. It’s going to be a busy weekend.”

  “Is there a reason you don’t want me to teach you?” she demanded. “Do you think I’m not as good because I’m a female?”

  She had to be fucking kidding me! Did she really want to teach me how to surf? She spoke to me as much as I spoke to her, and all of a sudden she wanted to be alone for hours together?

  “I never said that. I’m sure you’re just as good as Kapena. I was trying to give you a chance to enjoy your day without worrying about me.”

  “I guess you don’t really want to surf then. I’m here, and I’ll teach you. But if you think I can’t do it, then no worries.”

  “Fine!” I yelled. “I’ll get my stuff.”

  I stormed off to my bedroom like a petulant child and changed into swim trunks and a rash guard. I needed to calm down before I went back out there. If for no other reason than she was trying to be nice to me. If she was trying, I would, too. I tried to spare her a day together, but if she wanted it, I wasn’t going to walk away.

  I grabbed the board Kapena let me use last time and went back to the lanai. Kapena was gone, and Kiana was standing at the edge of the sand looking over the water.

  “Are you ready?” she asked, not turning around.

  “Yeah.”

  I followed her to the water and out into the surf. She dipped under the waves as smoothly as Kapena. When she finally stopped paddling and sat up on her board, I did the same.

  “What’s the real reason you didn’t want me to help?” she asked after a minute of staring into the water. “Was it because of the pictures I saw the other day? We’ve barely spoken since then.”

  I shook my head. “No. But we’re not talking about those.”

  “I wasn’t going to ask. If that’s not it, then what?”

  I laughed. “You can’t stand me. You’ve threatened to fire me more times than all my past bosses combined. You avoid me at all costs. Why in the world would you want to spend an entire day with me? Alone.”

  She shrugged. “You were right the other day. About Kristy. She called me after she got the pictures you took. Having those pictures of her brother meant more to her than anything else. The day I spent months getting ready for and killed myself to make sure was perfect was overshadowed by some pictures of her brother.”

  “And that pissed you off?”

  “No,” she said quickly, shaking her head. A smile ghosted across her lips. “It reminded me of why I went into this business in the first place. I wanted to give people something to cherish. A wedding is important to so many people. But it’s not the wedding, or the food, or the flowers. It’s the people you share it with. I’ve lost sight of that lately.” She met my eyes, letting me in for just a second. “You reminded me of that the other day. I wanted to thank you.”

  “With a surfing lesson?” I asked, laughing.

  She shrugged and gave me a smile for the first time. “I don’t know much about you. And the opportunity presented itself. Are you ready? Because there’s a good set coming.”

  I glanced over my shoulder and nodded. “I’m ready.”

  “Good. Point the nose of your board toward the shore and paddle slowly. In about ten seconds, paddle faster.”

  I did as she said, counting in my head. When I hit ten, she shouted, “Faster!” I paddled faster, feeling the wave tug at my board. I paddled hard, but the wave was too fast. It swept under me, leaving me behind.

  “Come back,” Kiana shouted.

  I paddled back out to her and sat up on my board next to her.

  “You’ll get the next one. I had you paddle too soon. You were too far ahead of it when it caught up to you. We’ll get it. Did Kapena talk about how to stand?”

  “I’ve surfed some. Just push to a stand once the board is going.”

  Kiana nodded. “Yeah, but make sure you know where the wave is sending you. You need to keep your eyes tracking the wave so you don’t end up head first in the ocean.”

  “That happened last time.”

  “Let me guess. My brother was really kind about it, too.”

  “Yeah, if you call laughing his ass off kind.”

  She chuckled. “Sounds like Kapena.”

  We watched the horizon for the next hour. Kiana had me take off for multiple waves. When I caught one, she was on the one right behind me, coaching me. I didn’t try to stand up again, listening to her advice as I scanned the water.

  I was starting to get hungry when Kiana said, “One more. I want you to stand up this time. Then you’re buying me lunch.”

  “I am?”

  She nodded. “Wasn’t that your plan? Keep me fed so I don’t get cranky?”

  I laughed at the words I used the first day we worked together. I definitely liked the relaxed, fun-loving side of Kiana more than the tense perfectionist.

  “Okay, this is the one. Good set. I want you on the second wave. I’ll follow you. When the board goes, jump up, right away.”

  “Are you sure?”

  She nodded. “Absolutely. Go. Paddle. Now.”

  I took off, paddling hard. The wave came up under me and caught my board, dragging me toward the s
hore. Kiana screamed for me to stand up. I pushed up, bringing my feet under me, then slowly rose.

  Fuck me, I was standing on a surf board. In Hawaii. Riding a big ass wave.

  “Woo hoo!” she screamed from behind me.

  I turned and gave her a hang-ten sign.

  Then promptly fell off the board.

  I hit the sand, telling me I was close to the shore. I popped right back up and saw Kiana a few feet away, laughing.

  “That was good. Right up until the end.”

  “Yeah, well, I had a good teacher.”

  She snagged her board and walked over to me.

  “Good ride.”

  On instinct, pure and simple, I swept her up in my arms and hugged her tight.

  Then realized what I’d done.

  Chapter Nine

  Kiana didn’t push me away, but she didn’t act like she was enjoying herself either. I let go of her quickly and took a step back.

  “Sorry. I have a big group of friends in Winterville and they all hug a lot. Every week, I’m kissing and hugging fifteen females.”

  “Fifteen women?”

  I shrugged. “Well, thirteen women. A few little girls.”

  “What the hell kind of people did you hang out with?” she asked, her eyes wide.

  I laughed. “It wasn’t like that. My brother and his fiancée and all of their friends would get together. All the women were either married or engaged or in serious relationships. I never dated any of them.”

  “Oh,” she said, sounding relieved. “Sorry. Just the way you said it didn’t make sense.”

  “Yeah, I don’t think about it. I know them all so well that I forget everyone doesn’t. Hopefully, you’ll get to meet some of them this summer, though.”

  “Why would I meet your friends?”

  “My brother wants to get married here. I told him I’d talk to you about it after the craziness of Valentine’s Day and get them on your calendar. You know, if I still have a job.”

  I could see her switch into business mode. Her eyes shuttered and her posture straightened. She wasn’t relaxed and comfortable anymore. And I couldn’t deal with that. Work Kiana hated me. I needed the Kiana who liked me back.