“Where the hell do you think you’re going?”
“You heard him,” I said, jamming my helmet on.
“He’s upset. I get that. But that doesn’t mean he’s serious. Rachel is talking to him right now.”
I shook my head. “I can’t Kiana. He hates me. I can’t be there when he’s like this.”
“I don’t have another photographer, Sawyer,” she cried. “Who’s going to shoot this wedding for me? Anthony?”
It fucking hurt to hear she would turn to him when I bailed. She hated him, but the way she was looking at me, I wondered if I’d finally become the man she always thought I was.
“There are other photographers,” I said.
She shook her head. “Not on the island. Not available. I called around when you first said you weren’t going to do this. No one is available. No one can fill in. He’s already here, so I guess I’ll have to rely on him to do a good enough job for my couple, or they won’t have any photographs from their wedding.”
I heard the anger in her voice. The distrust. She felt it from the first time we met. She never trusted me. She expected me to let her down all along, and I had no choice but to do just that.
“I’m sorry, Kiana.”
She laughed mirthlessly. “You are. I’ll have Kapena bring home whatever’s in your office. I don’t want you coming back here.”
Bile rose up in my throat. It fucking killed me that she thought so little of me that she could just fire me and be done. Walk away without a second thought.
But that was exactly what she was doing. She didn’t even look back as she walked to the office and yanked the door open. I watched until she disappeared inside.
I drove home, knowing it wouldn’t be my home much longer. Once Kapena found out what happened, he’d likely kill me. He told me if I hurt her, I was done. It wasn’t going to be long before he found out exactly what happened.
My mind made up, I started packing the second I got home. My duffel bags were buried behind the surfboards in the closet. I yanked them out and dumped my clothes in. I ran a finger down the surfboard Kapena let me use and wondered if I could ride the waves one more time before I left.
My phone rang when I walked out onto the lanai. I’d never get another view like that. But I couldn’t stay there. It wasn’t home.
“Yeah?”
“How was the meet and greet?” Ethan asked. He knew Carrington and his fiancée were arriving that day.
I sighed. “About as good as I expected,” I admitted.
“So basically shitty?”
I nodded. “Yep. He said he’s not getting married if I’m the one shooting the wedding.”
“Fuck.”
“Yeah. But it’s good. I’m done here.”
“What do you mean, done?” Ethan asked, his voice dropping to that low and dangerous level that made all the hairs on my neck stand up.
“I’m done. I can’t do it. I’m ready to come home.”
“You mean Winterville?”
I nodded, pinching the bridge of my nose. “Yeah, Winterville.”
“I’ll kick your ass if you show up here.”
“What?”
“You’ve done enough fucking running. Stay there and fight for what you want.”
“I don’t want to fight. Kiana hates me, and Carrington hates me. There’s nothing here for me.”
“It sounds to me like exactly what you need is there. She hates you because you’re being a pussy.”
“Fuck you. I’m not being a pussy.”
“Yeah, you are. You’re letting some guy you met once a long time ago tell you what to do. You’re running scared like a wimp. I don’t know who you are anymore.”
“She doesn’t want me.”
“Do you remember what Olivia did when Harley said we slept together?”
“She wouldn’t talk to you.”
“Exactly. She avoided me. She ran away because she couldn’t be around me. It hurt too much, she said.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” I sighed, watching the waves crash onto the beach. Out there I’d feel better. One more ride, then I’d go to the airport and wait until a flight opened up to get me home.
“She didn’t give me a chance to tell my side of the story. She just accepted what that psycho bitch told her.”
“Okay?”
“You’re doing the same thing, asshole.”
“I am not.”
“Yeah, you are,” Ethan said. “Carrington said he doesn’t want you? Well find out why. Kiana doesn’t fight for you? Fight for yourself.”
“It shouldn’t be this hard.”
“You’re a dumbass if you think this is hard. Get over yourself. Relationships aren’t easy. Any of them. But if you do it right, it’s worth the frustration that comes with it.”
I heard something in his voice that I wasn’t sure I liked. “What’s going on?”
He sighed. “Olivia and I had a fight last night. I don’t like fighting with her.”
“What was the fight about?” He huffed, and I could tell he didn’t want to talk about it. Too fucking bad. “What did you do?”
“I want more kids, and she’s not so sure. I tried to get rid of her birth control.”
I laughed. “You’re a dumbass. And I’m taking advice from you.”
“I’m the one with a woman in my bed every night. You’re the one crying like a pansy into your breakfast.”
I grumbled in agreement, but I was not going to come out and say he was right.
“You know why Olivia works?”
I was shocked by the change in conversation, but also a little intrigued. I knew Ethan made more than enough money to support all of them. He could have even hired Olivia as his assistant instead of someone else. I never asked, but I was a bit curious.
“No.”
“Because she wants to. She likes to know she’s doing something that makes a difference. She likes working with Wyatt, but I don’t encourage her to quit because she needs to feel like she’s being productive. Doing something good. I’m guessing Kiana is the same.”
“What do you mean?”
“She didn’t start her business because she was bored. She isn’t working her ass off because she has nothing better to do. She found something she loves, just like Olivia did, and she doesn’t want to let it slip away.”
“She didn’t say anything when he blasted me.”
“What did you want her to say? That they’re free to walk? You know how this shit works. She fucking killed herself for this. It’s huge for her company. You’re a guy she’s known a few weeks. She can’t choose you over everything she’s worked to build for years.”
Son of a bitch. I hated when he was right. Especially, about stupid shit I did.
“Fuck.”
“Yeah,” he agreed. “Fuck. So what are you gonna do about it? Are you gonna pack your shit and run away with your tail between your legs like you always do? Or are you gonna fight for your job and your woman?”
“I don’t run.”
“Oh yeah? When’s the last time you pushed for something that didn’t fall in front of you? Something that was hard?”
“Fuck you,” I said. Ethan laughed as I hung up on him.
“That better not have been my sister on the phone,” Kapena said from right behind me.
I spun, no idea how he snuck up on me like he did. “Where the hell did you come from?”
“It’s my house, asshole. Was that my sister?”
I shook my head. “A friend from Winterville.”
“And what did this friend say?”
“That I was being a dumbass for walking away from Kiana when Carrington said he didn’t want me shooting his wedding.”
“Shit,” Kapena muttered. “Who’s going to do it?”
I shrugged. “Anthony is there. He’s drooling over the possibility.”
“You better fix this.”
I nodded, a plan forming in my mind. “I’m working on it.”
“Work fast. That fucker does not need to be anywhere near my sister.”
“Agreed.”
I slept on it for a night, knowing I needed a clear head and a plan before I tried to fix anything.
When I woke up in the morning and saw my bags packed in the corner of the room, my gut rolled. I couldn’t walk away. I’d found everything I was looking to find in Ke’aloha. There was no way in hell I was running from it.
I showered and dressed in something casual that I didn’t mind getting ruined. I flipped through my paperwork and found what I was looking for, then set out.
I knocked on the door, wiping my sweaty palms on my shorts. I was insane to do this, but I had no choice.
The door opened, and her smile faded. She glanced behind her, and I nodded.
“I know he’s going to be pissed that I’m here. I’m not trying to ruin your wedding, Rachel. I’m not. I want to apologize. He deserves that much from me.”
“He was really upset yesterday,” she said quietly.
I nodded again. “I know. I didn’t want to ambush him. I knew he’d be pissed off, but Kiana has such a big heart that she thought he’d be fine. She said he’s a great guy. I want to give him a chance to say what he wants to say to me, then I’ll leave. I’d love the opportunity to shoot your wedding, but that’s a decision you two have to make.”
“I don’t think—”
“Who’s at the door, babe?” Carrington asked, turning a corner in their suite. His eyes landed on me and went hard. “What the fuck is he doing here?”
“He came to talk to you,” she said before I could answer.
She was in my corner, at least. Then again, she’d been in a similar position to me. She had to fight to get him to let her in.
“I have nothing to say to him.”
Rachel raised an eyebrow that said more than anything else.
Carrington glared at her, but after a minute, he grunted, then nodded toward the interior of the suite.
Rachel stepped back and swept her hand for me to enter. A small smile teased her lips, one I returned tentatively.
I followed Carrington inside with Rachel right behind me. She asked if we needed anything and when we both shook our heads, she left the room.
We stared at each other for a long minute. I never knew him well, only spending a few days with him before he got shot, but I could read him. He was always someone easy to read.
And in that moment, he was pissed off.
“If you have something to say, you better spit it out.”
I sighed and nodded, knowing I didn’t have forever. “I’m sorry. I should have listened to you that day. I never should have been looking around, just stuck to your six and kept my head down.”
He laughed mirthlessly. “Yeah, you should have.”
I nodded. “I was a bit of a cocky asshole. I knew it was stupid, but I wanted the shots. I thought I could be one of the first photogs to bring shots like that home.”
“But you didn’t. You left them there on the field.”
I shook my head, confused. “I brought them home. I have my camera.”
He moved closer to me and held my gaze. His blue eyes were cold as ice. “You really have no idea, do you?”
I opened my mouth to argue, but I realized I was clueless. “About what?”
He shook his head and rolled his eyes. “Why didn’t you publish those pictures, Carpenter?”
The question was a kick to the gut. He was the reason. It was all because of him. Because I couldn’t show the world what happened to him.
“I knew you’d be pissed off.”
His eyebrows went high and his lips curled into a smile that held no humor. “You knew I’d be pissed. Because you were going to show me getting my leg blown off?”
I winced at the harshness of his tone and the casual way he said the words.
“Is that it?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I knew you wouldn’t want to relive that moment over and over again. That having those pictures in print would only make it harder for you to move on.”
He rolled his eyes again. “You’re a dumbass, you know that?”
I snorted. “I’ve been told that a lot lately. Want to clue me in?”
He moved closer, the prosthetic he wore clicking on the tiled floor as he got in my face. When he was close enough that I could smell his cologne and feel his breath on my face, he said, “You should have published those pictures. For all the guys we lost that day. For all the people who never knew what really happened over there. And for me, you asshole. So I knew saving your ass wasn’t a waste of my fucking leg.”
I took a step back and fell onto the couch behind me. I dropped my head into my hands and sucked in a breath. He wanted me to publish the pictures?
“You were a pussy, Carpenter. You didn’t do it for me. You kept those pictures hidden for you. Because you knew that you never should have been taking them. And you knew that if you published them, it would show that you were out there trying to be a hero instead of doing your fucking job. Staying on my six.”
Fuck me, he was right.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Carrington laughed and lowered himself to the couch next to me. “You stupid fuck. You really thought you were doing it for me?”
I nodded. “I did. When I went to see you, you were so mad. I didn’t want to bring more pain to you.”
He laughed again. “I was pissed at first because I was on so many drugs I didn’t know who anyone was. When I found out you were pulling the story, I was pissed and didn’t want to see you. How could you do that?”
I shook my head. “I really thought I was doing the right thing.”
“For you, maybe. We all agreed to it because we wanted our stories told. In life and death. You had control over that. A lot of the guys felt like you buried our story because you knew you fucked up. You should have told our story.”
I sighed. “I think it’s too late now. I’ve been out of the military for a while. I actually did take a job shooting pictures of inanimate objects all over the world.”
“And you landed here?”
I grinned. “There are a lot of benefits to Hawaii.”
“There sure are. You wouldn’t stop talking about it. When Not A Dream announced we were the winners, it was an easy pick to come here to get married. As much as I hated you, I knew you were right about being here.”
“Yeah, well, I won’t be here much longer.”
“Why not? You’ve got a cushy job. Why would you leave?”
“Kiana? The wedding planner?”
Carrington nodded.
“She and I…”
Realization dawned on his face.
“It’s over now. She fired me yesterday. I came here to see if you’d forgive me and let me work your wedding so she doesn’t have to deal with Anthony. Then I’m leaving. She doesn’t want me.”
“He’s as thickheaded as you are,” Rachel said, walking around the corner and meeting Carrington’s eyes. She swung hers to me and said, “She’s in love with you.”
I shook my head. “No. She loved Anthony. They were together for a while. He was cheating on her, which she didn’t find out until this week. But she loved him. She doesn’t want me. I was just a rebound to help her get over Anthony.”
Rachel rolled her eyes. “You men think you know everything. She can’t stand him. She pulled me aside yesterday and asked me to talk to Joe about reconsidering having you work the wedding. She said you take much better pictures and are twice the man Anthony ever dreamed of being.”
“She did?” I breathed.
Rachel nodded. “She did. She wants Anthony gone, but I don’t have much pull with Not A Dream.”
“Hell yeah, we do,” Carrington said. “This is our story. And we can choose how it’s told. And who tells it.”
I was so nervous Saturday afternoon that I was sweating. The weather was no different than it had been all week, but I was walking in to Opposites Attract like I b
elonged there.
I had a reason to be nervous.
Jack saw me first and pulled me into his office. He closed the door and leaned against it. “What are you doing here?” he hissed.
“I work here.”
He shook his head. “She said she fired you. Why are you back? Kapena was supposed to get your stuff. And you haven’t been back in days. What were you thinking? You never should have walked out on her.”
I sighed. “I know. You’re right. I thought it was the best for her. I was told recently that I have trouble knowing what really is best for the people around me.”
“Okay,” Jack said, dragging the word out. “But what are you doing here?”
“I’m shooting the wedding.”
Jack shook his head. “No. No. No! You can’t. She’ll freak out.”
“I talked to Carrington and Rachel. They want me here.”
“What?”
“It’ll all come out in the end, Jack. But I’m right where I’m supposed to be.”
He sighed and stepped away from the door. “I’m just warning you. Be careful. She’s pretty hurt that you left like you did.”
I nodded, sobering. “I know. And I deserve her anger. But I love her, and that means I’m going to let her get mad at me, but I’m not going anywhere.”
Jack sucked in a deep breath and wished me luck. I went back into the hallway and walked down to Kiana’s office. She was focused on her computer and didn’t notice me walk in until I closed and locked the door.
Her brown eyes flashed excitement, then pain, then anger. “I told you not to come back here.”
I shrugged. “I left something behind that I couldn’t live without.”
“Kapena could have brought it to you. What was it?”
I stepped closer. “You.”
She gasped but didn’t move. “Go away, Sawyer.”
I shook my head, advancing on her. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying right here. You’re not going to get rid of me. I don’t care who you hire. Who you decide to bring in to replace me. Who you have as clients. I’m not leaving you ever again.”
“Why?” she spat, her anger taking over.
Damn, I loved a feisty Kiana. “Because I fucking love you. I’d do anything for you. And I don’t care if you bring even more of my worst nightmares in that door, I’m not running out on your ever again.”
Order vs. Chaos Page 22
