Chapter Twenty One
“They are perfectly fine – practically spooning in the upper level,” Tray informed me while he walked me to our car.
I almost requested a few more details, but I stopped before I spoke. I had pressed my luck enough with my brother for the time being. At least, he had rushed back out of the gym looking much better than when he went inside.
Tray’s door was still wide open when I got into the car. He must have made a mad dash to get to me in the breezeway. My brother slid into the driver’s seat and closed the door without any further explanation.
The fire flamed wickedly hot and the agony renewed the instant we drove off school grounds. He is prepared to take me and leave this area forever. Moving away is something that I can’t do right now. I wonder what kind of argument will be involved when I tell him that. I will have to cross that bridge after I climb the upcoming mountain of truth I’m getting ready to scale. I had promised him that I would tell him ‘everything’ and that’s what I was going to do. My life is falling to pieces and I need my brother to help me.
We rode in silence until we arrived at a small public lake. He pulled the car into an available parking space. He didn’t turn off the engine though and that could mean almost anything.
I had been worried about how to approach this conversation with him. I didn’t know where to start. My main concern was that he would want to have me locked up tight in a nice, padded room afterwards. I kind of figured that I would struggle with the words. Would my brother look at me like I was certifiably insane or worse?
Somehow I remembered to thank him for everything he has ever done for me, first. That was the easiest part of the conversation. But even the difficult explanations flowed like water from a broken dam as I revealed the details. I told him about becoming one with the wind and the resulting flight through the surreal forest. Then I told him about how the window-pane broke from the outside in, when I returned to the bedroom.
I told Tray about my scary memory lapses and hideously real nightmares. I recounted everything from turning into a human torch in the lunchroom, my hiding spot in the air vent, my real adventure in the school’s basement and why I went down there that day. I detailed the unbelievable, celestial storm that was centered in my bedroom. I explained to him how the stereo was suddenly possessed and had injured my eardrums.
Every single bit of it sounded like total madness – tales from some psychotic rambling girl that badly needed to be medicated. I wanted to be completely honest with him, regardless of how insane I sounded.
Tray sat and listened to my crazy stories without interrupting me. He had his left hand draped over the top of the steering wheel. He either stared blankly through the front window or he looked at me, emotionless. His expression was unreadable even when I could see his face clearly.
I gave him every last detail about why I was dressed like “Loosey Lucy” today and how I just had to do something to save Krista and Greg from that prank. I ended with the tale of the inner light and the silver mist. This part of the story was the most difficult part to recount. It turns out that I didn’t have adequate words in my rather extensive vocabulary to describe what had occurred in that breezeway. Although I gave it my best attempt, it was lacking in the end – it sounded so hollow.
Then, I told him about how the silver mist had healed my ears, and explained that I couldn’t leave this area. The only detail I didn’t include was my internal incinerator. He will become frantic if he thinks I’m still in physical pain. Finally, I apologized and attempted to explain the reason behind the secrecy and misdirection in my life.
“I hope you can forgive me, somehow. I love you so much and I would rather die than to ever hurt you. I’m so sorry. I should’ve told you everything right from the start. It was ridiculous to keep you in the dark because you’re my hero and I know you can likely fix everything. I promise that my only intention was to keep you from worrying yourself sick about me or looking at me like I urgently needed to be locked up in a padded room.
“It’s gonna likely still end up that I’ll need that straitjacket regardless unless you say I’m okay. I thought maybe if I could at least figure out what was happening then you wouldn’t think I was psychotic or something. I figured that I was worried enough for the both of us so why bother you about it. I realize now that I’ve said it all out loud that it all sounds insane…”
I had to stop because I needed to take a breath. Tray chewed on his lower lip and remained silent. When he didn’t respond in any way, I continued to ramble.
“Everything just freakin’ snowballed right out of control. I still don’t know what to make of any of it and so I didn’t accomplish anything by keeping you in the dark. Well, I’ve made myself crazy, but that doesn’t count because that’s what I was flipped out about in the first place.
“I thought about asking you whether schizophrenia runs in our family, but I didn’t want you to freak out with me. So I looked it up on the Internet at school and it didn’t seem to fit my problems. Then, I discovered multiple personality disorder and it seemed to fit a little better. But the idiotic experts can’t agree on whether it exists or not. I’m starting to wonder if I have a brain disease of some type, but I can’t find any time to look into it because I have all these girlfriends now. They have all these boyfriends or guys they want to have as boyfriends…” I chattered incessantly and would have continued, but Tray burst into laughter.
I didn’t know exactly how to respond to his newfound hilarity. So I sat silently and waited on him to finish laughing. I sure hope he will explain to me what he finds so funny because I’m in need of some levity.
“That sure is a whole lotta stuff to be shouldering all by yourself, Little Girl…” Tray finally offered.
I nodded my head and waited for the next proverbial shoe to drop. I kind of thought my brother would rush me to the nearest hospital to get my head examined. I had forgotten, in my rush to tell him everything that Tray is a male. He probably needs some time to process the tremendous amount of information I had just handed to him.
I glanced at the clock on the dash and was startled to see that a full hour and a half had slipped by while I rambled. I knew Tray needed to get back to work, but I also knew that if I opened my mouth again, that another ninety minutes would slip by. I couldn’t control myself and I knew another seemingly endless torrent of useless words would flow like a raging river.
Tray would sit all afternoon and listen patiently. I somehow managed to remain silent although I felt the tide building. I finally chose the safest approach and pointed toward the clock so my brother would notice the time. He immediately put the car into reverse. Once we were back out on the road, he broke the silence.
“You’re going back to work with me – no arguments. I’ll feel better keeping you close by for the time being. Besides, you can climb into the backseat and take a nap. You have bags under your raccoon eyes and heaven knows you should be too young to have that particular problem,” he stated that last part under his breath, but I could hear it just fine.
“You’ll get in trouble for bringing me to work with you. I don’t want that to happen. I’ve caused enough problems for one day…” I replied worriedly and then forced myself to shut up.
I can’t allow the psychosis to overtake me. I need to listen to him. So I stopped protesting and sat quietly.
“No one will even know you’re there, except me. If Rave does find out for some reason, I’m sure he won’t mind. You’ll hopefully sleep through the rest of my shift, so no real worries of you wandering away,” he said as he turned into the graveled parking area.
I can’t begin to count the number of times I have scared a few years out of Tray’s life by wandering away from where he had left me.
Wow, I am a huge burden…
I climbed into the backseat and rolled up one of Tray’s thick sweatshirts to use for a makeshift pillow. Then I wrap
ped myself up in the blanket. I tried to make a mental note to put a pillow in the car for the next time as my eyelids became heavier. I wondered tiredly if Tray would ever be willing to leave me alone again. In a way, I kind of hope he will chain me to him forever. I knew it was a crazy thought, but sometimes that’s how I feel…
“We’re going to Best Buy right after I get off work to get cell phones,” he announced with a quiet authority. “I love you, sleep well, Little Girl.”
He didn’t wait for me to respond. Tray simply opened the door, locked it before he closed it and then he walked back into the garage where he worked.
I will be wasting my time if I even attempt to argue with him. Tray had already made up his mind about getting cell phones. That meant we are going to get them regardless of the added expense.
While I drifted around between hazy lucidity and sleep, I thought about how foolish I had been. It was ridiculous for me to have kept all those secrets from my brother. I didn’t realize just how terrified I was until right then. Now, I’m safe with Tray watching over me. My eyes closed defiantly, even though I have always wanted to meet Mr. Jansen. I was so exhausted that I sighed and surrendered to the inevitable.
I was asleep before Tray picked up a single tool…
Ember Rising Light (Book One) Page 25
