Chapter Forty Four
We hiked back down the mountain to their house and I took a shower. Celeste had given me some of her clothes to wear while she washed my outfit. I made a mental note to always keep a full change of clothing with me at all times. My internal fire apparently isn’t going anywhere soon. So I have no idea how many more swims in the creek might be in store for me.
I stood in the shower and obsessed about my decision. I wished I could choose something different. All the wishing in the world wouldn’t make any difference. I also couldn’t stay in the bathroom forever – there’s no way to avoid the inevitable. So I pulled on the dry clothing and walked to the den where they were all waiting.
I thanked Rave and Celeste for the offer to get me enrolled in the Vaydem School, but told them I just couldn’t accept it. I tried to add the words, “…at least not right now.” However, my internal fire heated just enough to warn me that I would be lying. So I helplessly watched as all three of their faces shadowed over and became unreadable.
“Tray…” I started to say something, but fell silent.
My emotions threatened to overwhelm me. I desperately want to give him his freedom. I want him to have a career, be able to attend college and have a real relationship with a girl his own age. He deserves all those things – he deserves a life of his own. Tray shouldn’t have to sacrifice everything for me.
It’s just not fair…
I wanted to rip my own chest open and yank the fire out of the empty space. It was this internal blaze that was currently betraying me. It was forcing me to hurt my Tray. I didn’t know how to fight something that I couldn’t see. The flames blazed wickedly hot one final time before they settled back down.
I’m erasing Firefighter from my list of “Careers to Have Before I Die”…
“It’s okay, Little Girl – no need to explain,” Tray casually offered and then gave me a sideways smile as he prepared to walk outside to the garage.
Tray was prepared to go, work. I couldn’t let him just leave without giving him some kind of explanation. He deserved a reason and I was going to give him one even if it kills me. I defiantly challenged the now, low burning fire to try and stop me.
I’ll let it burn and burn and burn…
“Please, will you just walk with me for a minute before you start work,” I pleaded.
“Sure I will,” he replied.
We stepped outside and walked down the driveway. Once we were out of everyone’s earshot, I stopped him. We turned to look into each other’s eyes.
“Tray, I want to go to the Vaydem School. I really do want you to have a real life of your own and not have to worry about me all the time. I want to learn about the sacred Vaydem culture and their ways. I know you’re also right about Krista because she’s my best friend no matter where we move. That’s not gonna change. So my going to the Vaydem School seems like the most logical and sensible plan available. It’s the most perfect and rare opportunity I’ve ever been presented.
“I can’t adequately explain this, but I’m gonna give it my best shot. Although it’s definitely what we ‘think’ is the right option and it’s what I want to do – it’s just not what I can do right now. I’d love to say that it’ll change sometime, but since I don’t know what “it” is that’s holding me at our school, I can’t say that with any certainty.
“Sadly, I can’t even give you the benefit of saying “I’ll do it for you.” You’ve done everything for me and never questioned my madness even once. I would give anything in the whole wide world to be able to do this for you. It’s just not within my power, even though I don’t understand the reason I can’t…” I stated.
I would have likely continued rambling, but I was crying too hard to speak.
Life’s not always fair…
“You really have no idea how much I love you, huh?? You don’t have to explain anything to me or feel guilty about the choices you make. We’re a team, little girl of mine. It’s you and I against the world – well, the world, now minus a few select people that is.
“A lot of crazy stuff has happened in a very short amount of time. Sometimes we should just count our blessings and let, whatever’s gonna happen, happen. I want you to consider something intriguing. If we had taken off like I wanted, then we would be long gone from here. Think about what could’ve happened…” he offered quietly.
I shivered when I thought about my uncontrolled spirit light. I could have killed myself, Tray or some innocent person. Horror washed through me as I considered all the very real consequences of not having Celeste to teach me. The tears stopped falling.
“Now, you understand. We aren’t always given the answer, or the answer we’d hoped for, but we trust the Creator to lead us in the right direction. You don’t need to make excuses or feel guilty. The weight of the world is not on your shoulders, my little girl…it’s just not…” he explained and then held me for a few minutes.
The tears renewed their journey down my cheeks, but this time it was entirely different. They were flowing from relief.
Tray offered one last statement as we headed back to the garage so he could get to work. “The Maker shouldn’t have to toss a sky scraper on top of our stubborn heads just to get us to listen to what he’s saying…”
Or burn us to ashes either…
Ember Rising Light (Book One) Page 48
