Chapter Fifty Two
I went to Ember’s room to check on her again. The soft light of her alarm clock cast an eerie, red glow across her sleeping face. I walked quietly over to the chair beside her bed, sat down and just stared at her.
Ember looked content – that was a rare occurrence, here lately. I knew she loved all of her gifts, but the iPod made her especially happy. As I traced the outlines of her face, I decided that I need to buy a good quality, easy to use camera. That way I can take pictures and wouldn’t have to trace the outlines of her face.
Even as I thought it, I knew it would never work. Even if I had a hundred pictures of her, I would trace her features and commit them to memory. That’s our ritual and it won’t likely change. We’ve also spent hours searching each other’s eyes – trying to see something beyond our spirits. It’s almost like the Creator will reveal a secret to us through our constant gazing. I sit and just watch her sleep sometimes, because I’ve lost her before. The memory of her being robbed of her soul still haunts me.
Ember’s life has been very chaotic, recently. That means mine has been, too. So a romantic relationship with Willow would be a complicated undertaking. It was easy to pick up on Ember’s subtle, yet not so subtle hints on the drive home. But, I will have to let her sweat this one out. I don’t know how things are going to play out between Willow and I.
She still hasn’t mentioned a single word about my disappearing act with Ember or all my years of silence. It hurt to think about the years I had spent without her for more reasons than I could count. The simple facts were I didn’t have anything to give her back then and running with us would have been extremely dangerous. I figured that she would be better off without me in her life. It was unexplainable, but Willow and I had picked right back up where we left off. It was like we had never been apart. Even our ‘code language’ survived the prolonged absence.
The thought that Ember wants me to date someone seriously had kind of tripped me out. I figured that she would be upset at the possibility of coming in second place or having to compete with someone else for my attention. I had watched her with fascination, over the past few days as she’s tried everything to get me hooked up with Willow. That’s when I knew my assumption had been entirely incorrect.
Ember’s soul must somehow understand that I’m her Guardian for life. So she will always have this place reserved in my heart for her alone. Until recently, I didn’t think I could love anyone else – not in the way they deserved to be loved at least. Ember keeps me near the brink of insanity most days. I’m usually focused on her and trying to keep her safe from herself. Most girls that are looking for a relationship wouldn’t appreciate how overly protective I am when it comes to Ember.
It’s almost impossible to explain the many facets of our relationship to outsiders. She’s my sister biologically, but she’s actually my child. I’ve raised her from the moment she was placed in my arms. My parents decided their responsibilities ended with Ember, the moment she first drew a breath. My Grandma Edie had helped me take care of her while she was alive. But even my grandma knew that Ember was my kid. She also told me that biology doesn’t make anyone a “parent.” So, the reality is, I’m Ember’s dad.
Those are not the easiest things to convey to a new girlfriend. She would likely see me as nothing more than a ‘too-protective/overly involved’ big brother. Plus, a new romance takes a tremendous amount of energy. A new girlfriend would expect lots of attention from me, too. I don’t always have that much to give.
In fact, there’s a chance that any girl I might date would start to view Ember as an intrusion in my life. That’s not the case, at all. We are gypsies, so family means everything. I have never, and will never, see my little girl as a burden. She’s a labor of love – an intense one usually, but a labor of love all the same.
It would also be very difficult – or even impossible – to explain the Spiritual Guardianship part to someone. This part of our relationship is usually more profound than I’m capable of understanding most days. Even if I somehow could miraculously explain to a girl about my Guardianship connection to Ember, I wasn’t sure I could convince her that I consider her my daughter.
But, Willow is different from every other female that has ever been in my life. She’s known me since we were kids, she’s spiritually gifted herself and she understands all the connections I share with Ember.
My grandma’s words about Willow also echo hauntingly through my mind.
“She is not like any other girl, little boy…you’ll understand my meaning…someday…”
My profound and extensive connections to my child don’t need any explanations – at least, where Willow’s concerned they don’t. So I’m left rethinking my position on certain things. I’m starting to discover that I probably have enough room in my heart to let a few more people inside.
This was the first Christmas season we had ever spent with two families we had chosen and who have chosen us too. I had felt the weight of Ember’s protection lift from my shoulders today. That’s actually never occurred before. My little girl is safe and I can rest at least for one more night. Tomorrow however, would be another day filled with anxiety. She’s my priority and will continue to be since she walks into trouble without a single thought about doing it. I will protect her with every resource I have at my disposal too. It seems like the Creator will put me to the test on a daily basis.
Her hat box full of memories was sitting on her dresser. She had pulled it out to include her new items. I had paid the girl at the counter to wrap the box in the best paper and with the shiniest silver bow she could find. I wanted it to be special if Ember was going to carry it with her for the rest of her natural existence. That necklace cost a few grand. Ember loves the box and wrapping paper just as much as the gift inside. Sometimes I simply didn’t understand that child – make that most of the time, I didn’t understand her at all.
I had torn through my gifts with wild abandon. It was pure pleasure to watch her, watch me. I had to admit that making her wait for my arrival to the living room was a little bit mean on my part, but it was worth it. I needed the extra few minutes to check my facial expressions in the bathroom mirror. It’s important when getting ready for a stage performance to have a quick ‘dress rehearsal’ before the curtain opens.
While it was true, I loved my gifts – it was also true that I had been watching Ember when she bought them. So I needed to be convincing when I opened the boxes. I must have been convincing too, judging by her excitement.
Willow and I had a long, long history up until I ran away with Ember. This means, she knows me very well. I highly doubted that she believed I would let them both wander around unprotected – especially in a crowded mall, of all places. Still, Willow must have had her own ‘dress rehearsal’ because she ‘acted’ like she didn’t know I was there.
Of course, there was never any chance of that happening – ever…
Ember Rising Light (Book One) Page 56
