Chapter Sixty Five
Sneaking peeks out the window to see if they were arguing or kissing, I couldn’t see anything – curses…
I wanted to try to fly again tonight. If they stayed out in the car to debate endlessly about my birthday outfit, I would never get the chance to try it. But, if they were passionately making out then, I would happily reschedule my flight plans. I highly suspected that they weren’t kissing though. I didn’t want them to argue, but I didn’t know how to make them stop.
What difference does it make about what outfit I wear tomorrow anyway? I don’t think Boo is going to care much…
I had virtually cracked Tray and Willow’s ‘code language’ by the time we left the restaurant. That would have been good news for me, but I think they both knew that I understood it. So, I kind of figured they would never use it in front of me again and that was thoroughly disappointing.
The shirt that Willow had given me displayed my every curve and it made me blush. So, I pulled the bust line up higher and that made me feel a little more comfortable. Then, I tried on the rest of the outfit. I walked over to the full-length mirror and turned in a circle.
I didn’t recognize myself in this outfit as I touched my reflection in the mirror. My fingers touched my image – it was really me. I looked so much older than just sixteen. Tray will never allow me to wear this outfit anywhere beyond our front door, even if it was just to the Jansens’ and back. I can only imagine how fast this outfit is going to get miraculously ‘lost’ or be involved in some unfortunate, fiery accident.
I wonder when I developed all these curves…
I clicked on my iPod. At least, Krista somehow found the time to download my music. She had even included songs that weren’t on the list I had given to her. It was interesting how well she knew me because I loved them all.
“Hey, Sweetie – wow, that outfit looks fabulous on you…” Willow said from the threshold of my doorway.
“Come on in,” I offered as I turned off the iPod and then patted my bed for her to sit down with me.
“I know it’s late and you’re probably exhausted, huh?”
“Nah, I’m gonna read or something…” I offered and would have to read at least a page to keep with my truth telling trend.
“And the ‘something’…” Willow stated.
Of course, she would be onto me…
“I’d rather not say what the ‘something’ is, if it’s all the same,” I countered and crossed my fingers.
“Listen – really listen – your brother and I made up that language of our own by hearing the subtleties. Can you hear them too? Do you know how to hear our language, Ember?” Willow asked.
“I understand the language – well, most of it…” I admitted.
“Will you listen?” she inquired softly.
“Sure…”
“Mysterious - life first. We channel backwards never – once released – returned spent – anew. Black coins tossed into unseen fountains – falling ever downward. Muse – the musician – inspiration unsuspecting – melody of the song. The flames have almost risen – future lost perspective – hold strong and secure all those things you cherish,” Willow used ‘their’ language and I felt tears fill my eyes.
She said my life is just beginning and I’m part of a great unknown. Once I give my spirit light away, it’s retrieved and changed. It can turn into something bad if I’m careless. I’m young and Tray is my Guardian. It’s my brother’s job to ensure that my decisions are sound. I’m almost a woman and my future is in question because they don’t know how to teach me. So I should allow him to guide my decisions for the time being. He’s strong, will keep me safe and he loves me.
“Tell me Ember – could you hear me – what did I say?” Willow questioned me.
“I need to talk to Tray. Will you go get him please?” I asked her through tears and she nodded.
My brother walked into my bedroom a minute later and I told him to just hold me for a little while. He and Willow both sat down on my bed and they held me in an embrace – I needed this. I have never been so scared in my whole life. I was considering hiding in this bedroom forever. I suppose I had assumed that someone out there – somewhere – would be able to tell me who and what I am, eventually. Now I’m terrified that I’m all alone in the world. Suddenly, the need to fly didn’t seem so important anymore.
“I was going to give myself a birthday adventure. I wanted to see if I could release my spirit again and fly. I need to find that dead tree because I feel drawn to it like a huge magnet. It’s inexplicable, but I can’t seem to shake this feeling that I need to do this tonight, because something big and scary might happen tomorrow.
“I’d rather know now if I can do it instead of waiting until everything falls to pieces. It’ll be too late if I wait until tomorrow and something happens. I can’t tell you what ‘that something’ is because it’s like this veiled premonition of some sort. It’s just beyond my reach,” I finally stated and felt immediately relieved.
Neither one of them flipped over the edge. They both just rubbed my back in a comforting gesture. I moved away slightly, so I could see their faces. We looked each other in the eyes and I knew right then that I would never be alone. I had my Tray and my Willow, always.
“Give me a few minutes to think about letting you take that flight, okay?” Tray replied.
Willow and I were thoroughly stunned. We stared at him – looking for signs of the body snatchers that had undoubtedly captured him. He is actually going to consider letting me try to release my spirit and fly around??
Oh my heavens, they had better bring my brother back – right after I return from my flight…
Willow eventually turned her attention back to me as my brother paced the bedroom floor, deep in consideration.
“Would you please share with us what happened tonight at the restaurant? You’ll notice I didn’t pose it as a statement, but a question. This implies that you can choose whether to respond or not,” Willow told me and took a chance that I would be willing to tell them.
Tray didn’t stop pacing, but I knew he was listening closely.
“I can’t explain it in words…” I admitted this fact, reluctantly.
I didn’t want what happened in the restaurant to play any role in Tray’s decision to let me fly. Neither of their faces clouded over with panic, so I hoped that was a good sign.
“Can you at least try to explain it somehow?” Willow requested.
“It’s kind of like being inside the most perfect and heavenly storm ever…” I said and then, got silent because that didn’t measure up to the actual feeling.
“Please go on, Sweetie…” she encouraged me.
“It’s sort of like my spirit light draws ‘something special’ into it. Then, the light and the ‘special something’ mingle into another thing that’s more vibrant. I feel more alive somehow…” I stated and it still sounded hollow, but that was the best I could do.
“Do you still control your spirit light when this combining occurs?” Willow inquired and I noticed that she chose her words just as carefully as I chose mine.
“No, but I don’t want to and don’t need to. The combination of the two – well, they just sort of care for themselves…”
It sounded like I was using my own cryptic language, but that was the only way to describe the confounding situation.
My brother immediately stopped making laps around the room as he looked directly at me. I watched his facial features morph into what I thought might be a cross between anger and outright terror. I didn’t know what I had said, but something was sending off warning bells – this was not good.
“You’re saying something like the combining is self-centered! As in, it’s just looking out only for itself and own self-interest??” Willow asked when she realized Tray was misinterpreting my words.
He thought I meant that the combined elements are hurting me in some w
ay.
“No, that’s not what I’m saying at all! It’s like they are a ‘part’ of me and ‘apart’ from me at the same time. They join together in this heavenly union of sorts that feels wonderful. I desperately want them to stay that way, but they won’t. They do what they want to do and combine only when they feel like it,” I tried again.
Tray’s face returned to normal and I realized with surprise that Willow had somehow known what my brother was hearing. She had redirected me so I could explain myself and calm him down too.
Sorry Willow, but you can never go back home again…I’m keeping you.
“Ember, when did you first notice this combining – if you can remember that is…” her question faded quickly.
“That day back in November, outside of the gym…” Tray answered for me with a thoughtful look in his eyes and tried unsuccessfully to mask his hurt.
I remembered every last vivid detail about that day. A tidal wave of memories flooded through me – heavenly euphoria then agonizing pain. I had frightened my brother to the point of near insanity and I had lost a part of my soul in that breezeway. If I suddenly had the power to turn back the hands of time, I knew deep down I wouldn’t change a single thing about that cold, November afternoon. This knowledge however, was a knife that cut both ways.
“So the combining happened at school. Did it occur during a winter storm or what was…” Willow prepared to continue until Tray interrupted her.
“Has their combination ever frightened you in any way because you looked terrified outta your mind that day at school – sort of like the way you looked tonight,” Tray asked suddenly and his question weighted me to the ground.
“No, never…” I responded with conviction.
“Actually, now that I consider it, I think it’s like a type of internal warning system for me. It seems to make me aware of my surroundings, alerts me if something’s wrong and makes me more cautious…” I stated in total shock and gasped.
“Okay, so this new combining or whatever it is sounds like something that you want to occur because it feels good. It might be something you need for your survival. Both of those are very excellent things…” Willow announced happily and then, clapped her hands together.
Finally, something good comes out of the chaos…
I heard my brother sigh loudly in relief. Then, he made his decision.
“Little Girl, we don’t always have to be taught. Some lessons we have to just discover on our own. It’s time for you to fly…” Tray looked me straight in the eye. “So let’s just go try this sucker…”
“You really mean it, Tray??”
“You can try, but you have to swear to me that you won’t be gone very long or go very far…”
I shouted ‘I promise’ over my shoulder as I ran to the bathroom. I needed to change out of my new outfit and into something more suitable for the weather. My body would be standing outside while my spirit flew around. I wasn’t about to risk trying to reunite my spirit with my body through any windows – or walls for that matter. I dressed in five, very warm layers of clothes.
Tray and Willow were already outside and had been waiting for me when I burst through the door. They each had a look of genuine concern although they tried to hide them behind nervous smiles. I vowed silently that I wouldn’t give them any reason to worry about me. I would just release my spirit, fly around where they could see me and then, return to my body. Once they understood that I could come and go without any difficulty, I would ask permission to please try to find my tree.
I nodded in their direction and smiled. Tray nodded once in return and then crossed his arms. I knew how hard this was for him to watch because he had no control over it. I turned on the song had been playing on my stereo the last time my spirit released and took flight.
The rush of the wind started to draw on my spirit light. I inhaled deeply and felt my soul slowly rising. I held my breath in anticipation as I waited for something to happen and then…nothing.
Oh no way is this happening…
The volume of my iPod was low, so I turned it up, hoping that was the problem. I tried again and could feel my spirit as it desperately tried to comply with my wishes. It would almost release and then, like an annoying liquid hot, rubber band, my inner fire would blaze into an inferno. It would literally yank my spirit right back inside of me. I fought against the internal fire for control of my spirit, so I could set it free. It refused to give into my demands. I called on my spirit light and it swirled around my body. It was under my complete command. No matter how hard I struggled against the inner fire though, it refused to allow my spirit to be released.
And everything had been going so well…
In my complete frustration, I did the only thing I could think to do in this situation. I shook my fist in the air, threw a crazy fit and stomped around in anger. I know it must have been a spectacle to see because both Tray and Willow covered their mouths and unsuccessfully tried to hide their laughter. After twenty more minutes, I finally had to surrender and walked back inside in defeat. My face was red from being wind-blown and I was exhausted from all my useless efforts.
“I know you’re disappointed honey, but the night’s not a total loss. You controlled your spirit light in a wind storm while listening to your iPod on full volume. It was spectacular how you spun the lights all together. It looked like a cool disco ball with the silver light pulsating through it…” she announced, excitedly.
I sure wished I could have shared in her enthusiasm, but I still had this heavy feeling about what tomorrow would bring. My internal fire won the challenge. So I might not get another chance to fly for months.
“Yeah, I made a pretty light show. I think I’ll just shower and go to bed. Oh yeah, I wasn’t gonna read anything tonight – sorry for the little deception,” I said and sounded thoroughly disappointed.
Willow hugged me and rocked me back and forth. We sat that way for a long, long time. Sometimes, I just needed Willow. She was my brother’s only link to anything happy from his childhood. I desperately wanted her to stay with us forever, but I knew she longed to be liberated from this place.
Sadly, Tray and I wanted to be free as well. We had never been confined to any place. I was stuck here in Western North Carolina though, burning ablaze on the inside, missing a part of my soul somewhere and wishing to be free. We had been living in this house longer than we had ever been anywhere that I could remember. I realized then that my desire to fly tonight was more about my need for freedom.
I wanted the three of us to hit the road and travel anytime we felt the cool breeze blow. I finally understood, while Willow was holding me close, that my gypsy blood wasn’t going to stand much more stasis without something…
But, I didn’t know what that something was, so I made my birthday wish early…Creator, just send me a sign…
One has to be very careful about asking the Maker for a sign. They might end up with a billboard dropped right into the middle of their life in response…
Ember Rising Light (Book One) Page 69
