by Foster, Zoe
‘Hi, girls, how are you both? Enjoy the game?’
Despite Tess playing nurse behind him, pathetically, uselessly rubbing his shoulder while holding a conversation with a gorgeous brunette – definitely another Girlfriend – who had come out of nowhere, Josh had managed to shuffle forward into our circle.
‘I loved the part where you kicked it out on the full,’ Col said, with a big, confident smile. Frank dissolved into laughter; Josh shook his head.
‘Colette, I’m afraid you’ve been framed; kicking out on the full is a very bad thing to do in a game.’
Her face fell. ‘Oh, shit Josh, sorry, I had no idea … Frank!’
Frank was still laughing so hard he was unable to speak. And then Josh was looking at me again.
‘Enjoy the game, Jean?’ He smiled at me, warmly, expectantly, genuinely.
‘Yes, thank you. Nice try you scored there.’ Knowing absolutely nothing else about the game, I stopped. Hopefully that would be enough for him.
‘Did Mum ensure you had a wine in your hand at all times?’
I felt uneasy chatting to him while Tess rubbed his shoulder. How fitting, I thought dryly; she literally had her claws stuck into him.
‘Actually, she and my mum kept each other busy.’
‘Your mum came? Where is she? Let’s meet her! Mums love me.’ He smiled convincingly. I saw Mum still chatting to a woman Kerrie had introduced her to earlier. I’m guessing felines were the topic, judging by Mum’s wild gesticulations and excited eyes.
‘She’s over there with yours. She’s the one with the tiny earrings and understated lipstick.’ His eyes searched the crowd before settling on Mum. His face relaxed and broke into a big smile. He shook his head at me as if to say, ‘Smartarse’.
‘She looks busy, I’ll get her later.’
‘Get who later, babe?’
Tess had noticed that Josh and I had been talking for longer than the authorised limit and asserted herself by wrapping her arms around his waist and interrupting the conversation. Subtle as a semitrailer.
‘Colette and Jean’s mum. Hey, did you drive?’
She put on a sad face and that infuriating baby voice that some women mistakenly employ, somehow thinking men are attracted to the idea of conversing with an infant.
‘Yes, baby, but I had a little, little bit to drink, so I think you might have to drive home …’
‘Riiiiight.’ His tone sharpened. ‘Guess I’m not having a drink with the boys then.’
‘Baby, I’m sorry, but the game was so boring, Melinda and I had nothing to do but drink.’
Josh’s eyes flickered. ‘Like I always say, you don’t have to come to the games.’ His tone was cold. ‘Where’s Mum with that drink?’ He untangled himself from Tess, moving past Frank and Colette, who were laughing and carrying on, to find Kerrie. My eyes followed him. And Tess’s eyes followed mine. She folded her arms and smiled wickedly.
‘It’s okay, sweetheart. I’m sure he’ll be fine without you for a few minutes.’ With that, she turned and stalked after him.
What was that? Was I that obvious? Had she sensed my feelings for him? Or was she just a complete bitch? Col saw me standing alone and walked over to me.
‘She’s onto you.’
I snapped my head to face my sister.
‘What?’
‘Are you honestly going to stand there and tell me you don’t have a thing for Josh?’ She smiled, her brows raised in disbelief.
‘Jay, Josh told Frank he’d met you at Balcony that night we were there. He was that guy you spilled the drinks on and went all stupid over, wasn’t he?’ She put her hand on my shoulder. ‘Why didn’t you tell me it was him, once you’d made the connection?’
I shrugged her hand off, my mind awash with thoughts of fight or flight. I decided to go with the former. Less effort.
‘Because I knew you’d only bag me out about it – like you are right now.’
‘Jaaaaay,’ Col’s voice softened. ‘I’m not bagging you out. I just thought you’d tell me something like that. The reason I’m bringing this up, if you’ll stop losing your shit for a second, is because if you’d listened to what I said, Josh offered that information to Frank.’ She paused, her eyes wide. ‘Um, which means he’s thinking about you?’
I looked away from her, my emotions unsure of which direction they were meant to be heading: anger or excitement. Could that be right? Surely not. Josh was property of one Tess Clifton, aspiring children’s TV host and proud owner of ten acrylic tips.
Col tugged at my hair, smiling cheekily.
‘Can you stop being shitty with me now, Angry Anderson?’ Her voice sparkled with victory. ‘If you do,’ she continued in a singsong voice, ‘I’ll buy you shoes just like Mu-um’s.’
Despite my best efforts at staying cranky, I smiled. I hated that she always had me at the end of her emotional thermometer, adjusting me as it suited her. She put her arm around my shoulder and whispered, ‘He’s ending it with her, you know.’ The hairs on the back of my neck stood up; my hearing suddenly rivalling that of a small, hungry bat. ‘Frank said so.’
I couldn’t help it: I looked at her, my eyes screaming what my pride wouldn’t allow me to ask, which was basically along the lines of, ‘Really? Really truly?’
‘And lucky for you I didn’t end things with Frank yet, darling sister, because he’s invited us to their cousin’s engagement party next weekend. Both of us. And you’re coming. Even though it’s bound to be fucking diabolical.’
ROUND 10
The Optimists vs The Realists
I was fat for the engagement party. My boobs were sore and annoying, and my stomach had blown out. Everything I tried on accentuated my hormonally-whacked size and exacerbated my irritability.
‘No, I won’t allow it.’ Col was shaking her head at my Final Fucking Choice, in which I stood – in the incorrect bra and undies – in my bedroom, which was littered with the corpses of Unsuitable Options. ‘Empire-line makes you look even fatter, for starters. Plus, boys think you look pregnant in that style. And, if you recall, Jay, the idea of tonight is to blow Josh out of the water, not to make him think you retained all of it.’
I grunted. ‘All very easy for you to say, Miss I-Don’t-Get-PMS, but —’
‘Tired of it. Shut up, and put that orange dress back on. It’s cute, not too short, and it makes your skin and hair and eyes look pretty. There’s no way he’ll miss you in that.’
‘I’ll only wear it,’ I said slowly, ‘if I can wear your new Chloe shoes.’ Col’s new heels were dark brown, outrageously high and so, so perfect. At least I would feel good about one item I was wearing.
She exhaled.
‘You fat little slug. I was going to wear them, but I’m sure you had already figured that much out. All right, fine. Just hurry up and do something with your hair and face; Frank’s picking us up in twenty minutes.’
I wished I’d washed my hair last night instead of this morning; it was all clean and fluffy and stupid and being very naughty indeed. I jammed it back in a high, loose bun – I thought it was very bed-head chic, actually, and it made me feel more streamlined. And as the dress had a high-ish neckline, hair up worked better. Hair dealt with, I could focus on my makeup.
Nerves fluttered delicately through me as I tried to pull off a sexy, smoky-eye effect with the one shadow palette I owned. But it was too much, I decided, and wiped off the majority. Instead, I added my usual fourteen laps of black kohl. A trio of thick gold and black bracelets served as the icing on my outfit.
I was dying to ask Col if Josh had dumped Tess yet, but didn’t want to appear callous. The thing was, what if he hadn’t? What if she was going to be there tonight? I couldn’t bear the thought. Especially after her nasty ‘sweetheart’ comment last week at the football. I found that I could, however, spin her nastiness around: she wouldn’t have said anything like that if she wasn’t thinking Josh was paying me a little too much attention. I could live with that, I thought, almos
t smiling.
Frank arrived ten minutes late, and as Colette and I walked out to his car, I noticed Josh wasn’t in it. Reading my thoughts, Frank waited till I’d climbed into the back before turning to look at me, his face swathed in cheekiness. ‘S’alright Jeanie, he’s still coming; he just got a ride with Mum and Dad.’
I blushed. He laughed.
‘You’re looking good, little Jay. As for your sister,’ Frank turned to take her in, ‘well, she could’ve put in some effort, if you know what I mean.’
Col shook her head, smiling. She got the joke. She’d had her hair coloured this morning, which meant it was all fancy and swishy and blow-dried, and she was wearing a gorgeous cream Roman-style dress that went to the floor, and around six kilos of my gold bracelets. She looked absolutely beautiful. I felt like a small, odour-releasing insect by comparison.
We arrived at the venue, situated directly on the harbour, which was glimmering beautifully in the autumn evening sun. Nothing had been said about Josh and Tess and whether they would be here together. Either way, I started to feel very, very anxious. I re-did my lip gloss for the fifth time since leaving home and thought about what I would say to Josh when I actually saw him. I wanted to stop being the bumbling and nervous girl I became within the bounds of his piercing eyes and dizzying aura, and start being the confident, fun-loving girl I was in Real Life. We walked in, being stopped every few metres by Frank’s family and friends. ‘These are my backup singers,’ he said to our polite groans. ‘I’ll be doing the star performance a little later.’
I excused myself and went to the bar to order three champagnes as Colette and Frank spoke to an old man in a chair, who looked to be a few birthdays behind the earth’s crust. The waiter was excruciatingly slow; I felt incredibly exposed at the bar by myself, especially in a dress that I now believed to be far too short for an engagement party, especially since most girls had opted for long and flowing and elegant over quirky and arse-skimming.
‘Shit, that was hard work,’ Col said, after extricating herself from Gramps. ‘Wow, look at this. No expense spared, huh?’
‘Mmm,’ I absent-mindedly agreed, my eyes darting uncontrollably around the room looking for Josh. ‘Can you imagine what the wedding will be like?’
‘They can’t be serious,’ Col said, gasping. ‘There’s a digital slideshow of the couple on every wall! Now I’ve seen it all.’
I laughed and followed her gaze, but my eyes looked only for a certain blonde head swanning through the crowd, its body latched onto a certain blue-eyed boy.
‘Well, girls,’ said Frank, who’d sidled up to Colette and whisked a champagne out of my hand, ‘this is how I think Colette and I will be celebrating our engagement. Only we’ll also get some marble busts made and some thrones on stage. What do you think, schnooky?’
‘I think you forgot the dancing midgets and the baton twirlers.’
‘I did too. Will you forgive me, my future wife?’
At that, Colette smiled and shook her head. ‘Idiot.’
‘Finally,’ a voice – The Voice – said behind me. ‘Real people.’
I held my breath.
‘Joooooooel,’ cooed Col, her tone clearly for my benefit. ‘How are you? You look very dapper. Nice tie.’
‘What? What about my tie?’ Frank interjected. Ignoring him, Josh stepped past to kiss Colette hello. Then he turned around completely to face me, and he looked at me, and he leaned in, and he kissed me on the cheek. He smelled of the ocean and fresh green leaves and clean laundry. I inhaled him as though I were ill, and to smell him were to be healed.
‘Hi Jean. That’s a great colour on you.’ He looked me up and down as he said this, smiling his beautiful smile.
I looked down, nervously tucking some invisible hair behind my ear. As usual.
‘Thank you, Josh,’ I said, finally locating my vocal chords. You don’t look so bad yourself, I wanted to say. Violent understatement. In his jet-black suit with his dark grey tie and his light grey shirt, he looked gobsmackingly, traffic-stoppingly, Giorgio Armani advertisementy handsome. He stepped back to make the four of us into a circle, still smiling at me.
‘No Tess?’ Frank asked Josh brashly – rather inappropriately, I thought, but I was glad he had.
Josh squirmed ever so slightly. I noticed this because I was watching every square inch of his body for some sign that yes, they had broken up, and she had been shipped off to Dubai to film a reality TV show, never to return to Australia.
‘Uh, she couldn’t make it.’
Frank, either not sensing or not caring about Josh’s obvious discomfort, ploughed ahead in his tact tractor.
‘You did it last night, didn’t you? Broke up with her?’
My heart started pumping excessive amounts of blood to my brain. Had he done it? Was it true? Had he actually broken free of Tess’s plastic claws?
‘Are you right there?’ Col reproached Frank, shaking her head. ‘I’m pretty sure Josh doesn’t want to talk about that right now.’
I watched Josh straighten out his tie and gather himself. ‘Girls, please excuse my brother. He was born without many vital organs, most notably a brain. Now, can I get either of you a drink?’
Col smiled, holding up her champagne. ‘We’re good thanks, Josh.’
‘Good. Excuse me, then.’ He stepped back and walked briskly towards the bar. Col slapped Frank with her clutch.
‘Frank, I can’t believe you said that! Whether he’s broken up with Tess or not, he doesn’t want you speaking about it in front of us!’
Frank let out a dramatic, exasperated sigh.
‘Girls, girls, girls. If you knew half the shit Josh’s been through with her … They’ve broken up maybe six billion times before. Last time she even threatened to tell her dad to drop him to reserve grade if he dumped her. She’s all class.’
Col was looking at me, smiling, so many things being said in her eyes.
‘So she’s that bad, huh?’
‘No. Double it and square it, and then you’re getting close.’
‘And you think they’ve really broken up this time?’
‘If they hadn’t, she’d be here. There’s nothing the Wicked Witch likes more than to dress up and parade her superstar boyfriend.’
‘Hmmmm,’ said Col, with a devilish glint in her eye. ‘So that would make Josh single.’
‘Indeed it would,’ said Frank, understanding the game completely. ‘Just like Jean, no?’
‘Guys!’ I whisper-shouted. ‘He’s just broken up with his girlfriend! Show some compassion, please.’
‘Jean, surely you’re not going to stand there and tell us you’re not interested in being the next Miss Josh Fox?’ Frank said with mock shock.
I took a long sip of my champagne and folded my arms. They were being complete morons and I wasn’t standing for it. Besides, Josh would be back any second.
‘Jay, settle down.’ Col was using her Big Sis Knows Best voice. ‘If you just admit that you like him, we can help orchestrate it.’
‘Yeah Jean, we can have you in the gossip pages and topless on the cover of FHM within weeks!’ Frank piped up.
‘Guys, honestly, if you don’t shut it, I’ll —’
‘Admit you like him, and we’ll stop.’ Col spoke and smiled as though she were offering fairy-dusted strawberries. It annoyed me. A lot. Nervous energy coupled with PMS irrationality meant I was not coping with her twisted brand of ‘fun’.
‘I barely even know him. How could I like him?’
‘Methinks the lady doth protest too much,’ said Frank in a snooty English accent.
‘Frank,’ I said, shaking my head and closing my eyes. ‘Colette. Can you please stop?’
‘Stop what?’ Josh interjected, sidling up between Frank and me. He was drinking champagne, not beer, and I smiled inside. Masculine and refined …
‘Stop telling her how great her legs are in that dress. She’s getting all embarrassed.’ Colette took a sip of her champagne to wash down
the lie. ‘Come on, Frank, weren’t you going to introduce me to your dad?’ She grabbed Frank’s elbow and steered him away, smiling over her shoulder at us as they were sucked into the crowd.
I laughed a breathy, nervous laugh.
‘Should I be worried about my suit and that glass of champagne?’
I turned to look up at him. The grey in his shirt and tie reflected the darker pigments of his irises, and his eyes looked even bluer than usual. They were locked onto mine: open, inviting, warm. He smiled. My heart did a triple somersault. His was a smile that involved so much more than just a widening of the lips and a crinkling of the eyes. It was the same smile that I’d seen on him that first night at Balcony, and it was tinged with intent, with possibilities. It was the kind of smile that I knew would ruin me, and turn my life inside out, and cause me to have sleepless nights, and make me watch my phone every minute of the day, and think about nothing else but the man attached to it.
Bring it on.
‘Nah,’ I said mischievously, returning his look with double the intent and a side of lasciviousness. ‘Think you’re safe for tonight.’
He suddenly winced and started rubbing his ankle.
‘Do you mind if we sit down? I’ve got tendonitis and can’t stand for too long. I know I may look young, but I’m an old man underneath.’
‘Of course, Grampa. Lead the way.’
We made our way to the second, and far less busy, bar and sat on two clear resin stools – very hip. Conscious of my upper thighs, I perched on the furthest edge of my stool, gripping strongly onto the leg bar with my heels while trying to look completely normal.
‘So, Colette says you design jewellery – is that right?’
‘Yes,’ I said, beaming. How thoughtful of him to bring this up.
‘I’ve never met a designer before. What’s the name of your label?’
