by Donna Alward
And just as surely as her heart had broken last night, it broke again from his kindness and consideration even as he kept his distance. He was going through his own stuff but none of that was mentioned. His caring was only for her, and it only made it more difficult to do what she knew she needed to do.
“You don’t need to check on me. Josh is around, and so are Mom and Sarah. I’ll be fine, Rick. I’m just sorry about your stuff.”
“I can replace it. Forget it.”
He went to the back door, looked back and hesitated, but said nothing as he turned around and went out. And now Jess was left alone in her workroom with police going through her private things.
Twenty-four hours ago she’d been sitting in church, content with her life. Now it had all blown up in her face.
She got up and went to the storeroom to grab a mop and bucket. Might as well get started on cleaning up the mess and starting over.
* * *
It took a few days for Rick to get his head in a decent enough place to make the drive to Augusta. Streetlamps were decorated with wreaths and storefronts advertised sales among bright holiday displays. He should have taken this step long ago, but better late than never. He just hoped it wasn’t too late.
It had been difficult, but he’d stayed out of the way of Bryce’s investigation. Mike was arrested, and Rick almost felt sorry for him. Karen Greer had died in her sleep the night before the break-in, and her death had pushed Mike over the edge. Bryce had found him passed out at the Greer cottage, paint from Rick’s supplies all over his clothes and a good-sized dent in his car where he’d hit a stump in the driveway, spilling the better part of a bottle of rye over the interior.
Rick’s compassion didn’t extend too far, though. The man had terrorized Jess a long time, and he’d violated her space. Rick just thanked God Jess hadn’t been home at the time. Who knew what might have happened if she hadn’t been at Josh’s? He couldn’t help feeling guilty for that. If he hadn’t messed up so badly, they would have been together. He would have protected her.
Watching her walk away, seeing her be that strong, had been his breaking point. That had been the moment that he truly knew what it was to have lost everything.
He’d let her down. He had a history of letting down the people he cared about—Roberta, Kyle, even himself. And now Jess. If he hadn’t been so angry, they might have talked their way through it. He would have been there for her. But he’d been so afraid. Afraid that she would ask more of him than he could give. That he’d fail her.
So he’d taken the first available opportunity to bug out, knowing that eventually she’d wise up and leave him behind. Her parting accusation had hurt so much because she’d hit the nail right on the head.
And then the phone had rang saying there were police cars at her home and he’d realized that he’d let her down anyway. Nothing he’d ever felt compared to the fear that something had happened to Jess. He’d hidden it well when he’d arrived, but he’d been frozen inside, running on autopilot. He didn’t want to lose her. And if he was going to stand a hope in hell of being with her, it was time he got his shit together.
He’d made an appointment with a therapist. He stood outside the brick office building in Augusta and tilted his face up to the sun, letting the rays wash over him despite the bitter cold that seeped through his jacket. He’d thought he’d hit rock bottom before, but nothing was worse than losing her. That she’d stayed strong, that she hadn’t fallen into his arms caused him to feel both consternation and admiration.
Her walking away had taught him one big lesson: he needed to learn how to deserve her.
Dr. Johnson wasn’t what he’d expected at all. There was no touchy-feely woo-woo stuff in his office. They just talked for a while and Rick answered questions. Progress. One step at a time.
After the appointment, he stopped on the way back to Jewell Cove for supplies. Once at home, he busied himself by emptying his shopping bags of paint, brushes, and glass. Jess had gotten him some custom orders as a result of the Black Friday sale and he had lots to occupy his days. He’d work on those later, though. First he went to work on a door insert, painstakingly creating puffs of lilacs in dark purple, mauve, and white surrounded by rich green leaves. He was so engrossed that he forgot the time and only looked up when there was a knock on his door.
Jess, he thought, hope springing up in his chest. He stuck the brush in a can of water and hurried to leave the porch, careful to shut the door behind him. But it wasn’t Jess on his front step at all. It was Mary Arseneault, big as a house in the last few weeks of her pregnancy, glowing and smiling as he opened the door and invited her in.
“Mary. What a surprise. Come on in.”
“I brought you dinner.” She held out a square pan covered in tin foil. “Lasagna. I made extra.”
Rick didn’t know what to say. He’d acted like an ass, and his friends rallied around even though he pushed them away. “Gosh, you didn’t have to do that. But thanks. It smells awesome.”
She laughed. “I must be getting close to my day, because I’m nesting like crazy. I made one for dinner and froze two more in addition to this one. We won’t talk about the bread I baked either, okay? Or the fact that I vacuumed the entire house from top to bottom again when I just did it yesterday.”
He was at a distinct disadvantage. He had no idea that women “nested,” whatever that was, before giving birth. But Mary seemed happy so it didn’t matter.
“Did Bryce send you over to check on me?” he asked.
“Not at all. I know you were spending a lot of time at Jess’s, and that things have hit a rocky patch. Thought you could use a good meal, that’s all.”
He raised an eyebrow. Mary was looking a little too innocent. She was a great woman and generous to a fault, but she had a twinkle in her eye that she couldn’t conceal.
“Okay, out with it. Why are you really here?”
He took the lasagna from her hands and put it on the kitchen counter as she moved farther inside and took off her coat. She hung it over a kitchen chair and then sat down, putting her hand on the table before lowering herself onto the seat. He sat down, too, and faced her.
“All right. I came here hoping to soften you up so that you’d say yes when I offered you a job.”
He hadn’t seen that coming. Not in the least. “A job?” What sort of work would Mary have for him?
“Rick, my baby’s coming anytime in the next few weeks. The nursery is still pink, and we’re having a boy. I want a mural and Bryce insists he can’t paint it.… I want to hire you to do it. The stuff you’ve done for Tom and Abby is gorgeous, and everyone knows you’re the one who’s been painting the holiday glass for Treasures.”
He looked up, shocked. “They do?”
She shrugged. “Hard to keep a secret in this town. And what people don’t hear they guess at. I think you could be starting something great, you know?”
He was still absorbing the fact that his painting had become common knowledge when she reached into her handbag and pulled out a sheaf of papers. “I saw these ideas online. What do you think? Can you do it?”
He had a look. They were gorgeous. One had farm animals and a bright red barn, all in vibrant colors. Another had a tree with multicolored leaves surrounded by zoo animals, including a monkey sitting on a branch, eating a banana. There were puffy clouds on a blue background that met the ocean and had sailboats bobbing cheerfully on the surface. But Rick’s favorite of them all was a tree that was painted in a corner, branches extending to each wall, and different leaves held different words like love, family, fun, Mom, Dad …
Right now the leaves on Rick’s tree would be bare, but this little baby about to be born would know family and love and devotion. He was just about the luckiest baby in the world.
“I like this one,” he answered, handing it back to Mary. “I know it’s simple, but it’s … personal.”
“It’s my favorite, too. Will you do it, Rick? I know it’s a rush job…�
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“And I’ve got some Christmas things on the go right now.”
“Even if he’s born before it’s done, he’ll be sleeping in a bassinette in our room for a few weeks anyway.” She smiled at him. “Your work is so pretty. I know it’s not glass like you’re used to working on, but I’m sure you can do it.”
How could he refuse? Bryce and Mary had always been so good to him, even when he made it difficult. Which was pretty damned often. And it was a job. Maybe for a friend, but it was a start. If he’d learned anything these last months, it was that a man had to start somewhere. It was time to stop spinning his wheels and get moving.
“Give me to the end of the week to finish up some stuff here, and we’ll go sort out colors and what I need.” He smiled at her and she smiled back. Her lips twisted a bit and she shifted in her chair and then beamed up at him again.
“I swear to God he’s doing somersaults in there.”
Rick looked over and his jaw dropped as Mary’s tummy actually changed shape beneath her maternity top. “Wow. Does that hurt?”
She laughed. “Of course not, unless he sticks a toe in my ribs or kicks my bladder. Here.”
Before Rick had time to resist, she’d grabbed his right hand and put his palm on her belly. Only a few seconds elapsed before the baby moved again, the sensation rippling beneath his touch.
“That’s so cool.” He stared at the shape of her stomach, amazed. Here he was, over thirty years old and the closest he’d ever been to babies was this moment, with his friend’s wife. He felt a little awed and excited by it all. “How does it feel on the inside?”
She laughed. “Weird. When he was smaller, it was just flutters. But now? It’s like everything inside is shifting even though it doesn’t hurt. And in a way it’s how we communicate. When he’s moving and dancing around, I know he’s happy and healthy. Sometimes I think he responds to my voice.”
Rick swallowed thickly. There was such love in Mary’s voice. “You’re a good mom, Mary,” he said quietly.
“Thanks.” She leaned forward and kissed his cheek. “And you’re a good man. Don’t you forget it, okay? You’re gonna get through this. A lot of people believe in you.”
“Not Jess,” he scoffed, wanting to believe her and unable to.
“Jess more than anyone,” Mary argued, patting his hand. “Jess is just protecting herself, which we all understand. But if she didn’t believe in you, she never would have let you this close. Are you just going to let her get away without a fight?”
He frowned. “It’s not that simple.”
Mary smiled softly at him. “It kind of is,” she argued. “Hang tough and it’ll come right. Now, go heat up that lasagna and have something to eat.”
“Yes, Mom.”
He wasn’t prepared for the quick hug and the feel of her baby bump against his abdomen. She really was ready to pop.
After she was gone Rick ate and then went back to his painting, paying even closer attention to each flower and petal of the lilac blossoms. Everyone thought he was giving up when he wasn’t. He was just waiting for the right moment to make his case.
To prove to Jess that he could be the man she needed. Because more than anything he wanted to be that man.
CHAPTER 22
He’d seen Dr. Johnson again and was halfway back to Jewell Cove when his cell phone rang. Abby’s number popped up, so he pulled over to the shoulder and answered. “Abby,” he said quickly. “Is anything wrong?”
Abby’s voice sounded confused even through the staticky connection. “Wrong? Why would anything be wrong?”
He sighed. “Just worried about Jess is all. She’s not exactly talking to me at the moment.”
“Don’t give up on her yet. She loves you, Rick.”
The words sent something soaring through him. Jess had never said the words and neither had he. But Abby said it so easily that he figured it must be true. His elation faded though when he remembered how badly he’d let Jess down. What an ass he’d been. No matter how upset, he should have found a better way to deal with it than lashing out and pushing her away.
He loved Jess, too, but if he was going to finally say the words it would be to her face and not to a friend. “So, did you need anything in particular, Abby?”
There was a slight hesitation. “Actually, I just wanted to make sure that, well, that we were okay. That you and Tom … well, you know. We’re really sorry, Rick. I don’t blame you for feeling betrayed.”
He’d had time to think about all that had happened, and he knew deep down that Abby and Tom had meant well and tried to do what they thought was right. None of this was their fault. It wasn’t really anyone’s fault. It just was what it was.
“I’m getting over it,” he responded. “It’s not your fault. I know that. You were just trying to help.”
“Thank you,” she said, and she sounded very relieved. “And Rick? Please don’t give up on Jess. She needs someone who will fight for her. To show her she’s worth it.”
“Thanks, Abby.” His voice came out rough with emotion. He’d been such a jerk since he’d come home. He was sure he didn’t deserve such good friends. It was time he stopped letting them all down. “It’s just so overwhelming. All I wanted was to know where the necklace came from,” he said, his voice breaking a little. “And I don’t really know much more than when I started.”
“I might be able to help with that.” Abby’s voice was cautious through the phone. “You left before we really finished, uh, talking. But it’ll keep until you’re ready. No pressure, okay?”
His chest constricted. Abby was being so careful, tiptoeing around him, and he felt terrible about going off on her before. “I’ll call you, okay? I need to take care of a few things first.” Right now Jess was his number one priority.
“Have you seen Jess at all since the break-in?” Abby asked, as if reading his thoughts.
“Not yet. But I will. I’m working on a few things before I make my case.”
“As long as you make it.”
Rick pinched the bridge of his nose. “She may not forgive me, and I don’t blame her. It wasn’t just what I did but what I said. How I treated her. She kicked me to the curb. She might not take me back, either.”
“A mistake doesn’t have to mean forever and you love each other—even if both of you are too stubborn to admit it. You’re a good man, Rick, who’s had to deal with a lot. Let Jess help you with that—the same way that you’ve helped her be strong again.”
The backs of Rick’s eyes stung a little. “I wish I could be as confident as you.”
“You will be,” she assured him, “when the time is right.”
The conversation ended and he pulled back onto the road again. He started the downhill slope into Jewell Cove and his throat tightened up. This was his home. His memories were here. The people he cared about were here. He knew he was where he belonged. And he belonged with Jess, if she’d take him back.
* * *
It was five minutes to five on a Wednesday night. Jess had precisely two hours to close up, count her cash, grab some dinner, and prepare for tonight’s class, which was wire and bead wreath ornaments. Easy concept, sometimes finicky on the execution. And she was not in the mood for it. She was tired and she was cranky.
Tessa closed out the cash register since the last customer had left. Jess made herself take a deep, cleansing breath and let it out slowly. She’d been irritable ever since the blowup with Rick. At first she told herself it was because of the break-in but the mess had been cleaned up, the insurance claim filed, and all she had to do was wait for the money to come through and she could order new furniture. She told herself that it was hormones, but that was just an excuse. No, it was Rick. She missed him. She loved him. And each morning, when her stomach didn’t feel quite right, she was reminded that they still needed to talk.
The door opened, the tiny bell dinging merrily. “Sorry, we’re closed,” she said, turning around, but stopped short at the sight of Ric
k standing in the doorway, a flat cardboard box under his arm.
Her heart thudded against her ribs. She was glad to see him again. Her eyes drank in the sight of him, lean and rugged, dangerous dark eyes and black hair that she missed running her hands through. Every molecule in her body was happy to see him.
“See you Saturday, Jess.” Tessa grabbed her backpack from under the counter. “Hi, Rick,” she said shyly as she passed by him and out the door.
Rick turned around and locked the dead bolt. “Now you’re closed,” he said, smiling a little.
“I … I didn’t expect to see you today,” she managed, running her hand down her long sweater even though it didn’t need smoothing. She wished now she’d dressed up a little or something, rather than wearing comfortable leggings and boots and the old sweater. She’d worn it because some of her waistbands were becoming a little snug as her figure began to change. The knowledge sent a little heat to her cheeks.
“The festival is this weekend. I did promise you I’d bring you more items.”
“And you keep your promises?”
His gaze locked with hers. “I try, Jess. I really try. I’m not perfect, but I’m trying.” He took a step forward and her pulse quickened. “You make me want to try.”
Her breath caught in her chest. “I’m not much into taking emotional risks.”
“I know. And I know I let you down.” His throat bobbed as he swallowed. “God, I let you down, Jess. In so many ways. I was so afraid, and I let that keep me from you when you needed me most. I’m sorry, Jess. You have no idea how sorry.”
She wanted to go to him. He was standing by the counter now and she was eight, maybe ten feet away. But she couldn’t. Not yet. She had to get her thoughts together. Be ready for the logical and responsible conversation they needed to have. She folded her arms in front of her. “I’m sorry, too. For not trusting you. For not believing in you even though time and time again you proved yourself. Rick, both of us have baggage. I’d rather we be friends than end up hurting each other any more than we already have.”
There was understanding in his gaze, understanding and tenderness and she wasn’t sure how strong she could be. “Don’t look at me that way,” she said bluntly.
