by E. N. Joy
“Sounds like to me, child, you better get that spirit of yours in check before it gets you in trouble. It might need a tune-up or something.”
“Mm-hmm, whatever, Mother Doreen. I’m going to let you slide for now, but don’t think you’re off the hook.”
“Now, wait a minute. Who’s the elder here?” Mother Doreen reminded Deborah that she was a couple of decades her senior.
“No disrespect, Mother Doreen, but I gotta watch out for you. Black don’t crack. You lookin’ good for your age. I’m going to have to come pay you a visit in Kentucky and regulate. Let those male callers down there know who they are dealing with: a child of the King on assignment doing Kingdom work.” Deborah decided to throw in a little playful sarcasm. “And from the sounds of it, your work is never done. You’re putting in overtime.”
“Oh, child,” Mother Doreen lightheartedly scolded, “you done came back from that sabbatical fresh and brand new. Humph! And if I remember correctly from my younger days, besides turning your life over to Christ, only one other thing makes you feel that way.”
“Oh yeah?” Deborah baited.
“Yeah. L-O-V-E. Love.”
“Then I guess you would know.”
“Listen, baby, I have to go. My nephew’s baby momma is getting an ultrasound today to find out the sex of their baby.”
“Baby?”
“Child, like I said: we got a lot of catching up to do. You wouldn’t believe half the stuff that happened for those three months you were away. Just pray for us.”
“I will.”
“And we’ll talk again. Send everyone at New Day my love.”
“I will, considering you’ve got lots of love to go around.” Deborah threw in one last comment in reference to Mother Doreen’s male interest. “As Sister Unique’s generation would say, don’t hate, celebrate. Or even better, participate.”
“Oh, Lord, help her.” Mother Doreen laughed.
“Talk to you later.” Deborah ended the call with laughter on her tongue. “That Mother Doreen is something else,” she said out loud to herself as her computer beeped, signaling she had an e-mail. She almost forgot she had been sitting at her desk replying to e-mails before Mother Doreen called.
Deborah looked at her computer screen to see that the new e-mail was from Born2Write, whom she now knew to be Lynox. She shook her head, smiling at his refusal to give up his pursuit of her.
For a minute she thought to just delete the e-mail, but for some reason, that curious spirit had been guiding her decision-making process. A part of her knew that if she cracked open that e-mail, she was as good as cracking open an icky, sticky can of worms. But with that final thought, she opened and read the e-mail anyway. After doing so, she typed a reply. The reply sat on her computer screen for ten minutes before she built up her nerve to hit the send button.
She’d done it. She’d taken one of the worms from the opened can; she’d baited her hook and cast her pole. Now she sat back in anticipation, waiting on a bite.
“What am I getting myself into?”
Chapter Eight
“You did what?” Tamarra shouted as she and Paige sat on Paige’s living room sofa.
They’d had many talks on that sofa in the past couple of years. Even though the couch now sat in Blake’s premarital home instead of Paige’s, nothing had changed. They still enjoyed their sista-girlfriend talks all the same.
Paige and Blake had decided to get rid of Paige’s premarital dwelling and reside at his since it was bigger. But this was just temporary until they could get their dream house built. That was one of the reasons Blake was working exceptionally hard. He wanted to make sure that they could afford the house they desired. He didn’t want to end up like so many couples who had bitten off more house than they could afford. The two agreed that they wanted to enjoy their residence and not be so burdened by paying the note on it that they couldn’t appreciate it. Blake, especially, had been adamant about that.
As a very small child, after his father was seriously injured on the job and confined to a wheelchair, his mother grew weary of taking care of him. She grew weary and tired of taking care of them—her husband and her only son. As quiet as it was kept, she’d grown weary of taking care of her only daughter too; but because she was a female, Blake had supposed, his mother felt forced to continue to care for her. So, that’s what she did: one day while his father was in the television room and little Blake was napping, his mother scooped up his sister and left. Before doing so, she’d served his father a tuna sandwich, potato chips, applesauce, and grape Kool-Aid. She’d left Blake’s in the refrigerator; then she vanished as if she’d never been there.
Blake’s father never tried to locate her, and he never divorced her. To this day, Blake hadn’t tried to find her either. He’d been only three years old when she left. He only vaguely remembered her or his slightly older sister. He didn’t miss what he never recalled having—or so he had convinced himself.
He and his father lived off of his dad’s social security benefits for a while. Then eventually, after years of fighting in court, a jury finally awarded his father a huge settlement from the job in which he’d been injured. With that money, his father moved them from their house into a nice little, affordable condo. Nurses and home health aides came in weekly to assist them, but Blake had learned to care for his father and insisted on doing the bulk of the care.
By the time Blake was eighteen, he’d been awarded a partial scholarship to Bowling Green College. His father paid all of his remaining expenses, including room and board. Despite the many challenges Blake’s father had suffered in his life, he saw to it that he and his son had the best they could possibly have. They never lived above their means, but always had enough and then some. Blake was truly inspired by his father, who died shortly after Blake graduated college. Blake vowed that he’d walk in his father’s footsteps and persevere in life. His dedication and perseverance were just some of the things Paige admired about Blake.
The couch was one of the few things he’d allowed her to keep, vowing their new life together called for new things, including furniture. After a week of going back and forth, the couch stayed. Blake had only given in because it had been a gift to Paige from her parents.
Paige hugged one of the throw pillows on the couch. “I kissed Norman,” she confessed again to Tamarra. She sat giggling and looking all starry-eyed like she didn’t have the sense that the good Lord had given her. “Well, actually he kissed me. Come to think of it, we kinda sorta kissed each other. On second thought—”
“Blah, blah, blah,” Tamarra interrupted. “All I want to know is, was there a kiss?”
Paige paused and then screeched, “Yes.” She buried her face in the pillow in giddy embarrassment. “But it was an accident. All he really meant to do was kiss me on the cheek, but then I turned to say something to him and our lips just met.”
Tamarra sat back and relaxed. “Oh, thank God.” She let out a deep breath. “I thought you were talking about a real kiss. Girl, you had my heart racing.” She playfully swatted Paige’s hand, but then got serious, sitting up straight. “But do you mind me asking why you seem to be all in La-La Land about this?”
“I’m not really in La-La Land,” Paige said. “I just thought it was cute. I mean, it was like a scene out of a movie. I mean, who would have thought it? Me, attracting a white boy?”
“What are you talking about? You said you’ve dated a couple of Caucasian men before.”
“I know, but it’s different with Norman. In all the years I’ve known him, he’s never once showed the slightest interest in me. Besides that, he usually goes for the small, model type girls.” Paige chuckled and observed her body. “And trust me, I’m nobody’s model.”
Tamarra sat staring at Paige for a moment.
“What?” Paige asked when Tamarra didn’t speak, but only stared at her.
Tamarra was wondering if Paige was for real, if she’d been for real all this time about who she was—about
being happy with her size. Was she always making it a point to mention her weight, make light of it or express how confident she was in the skin she was in because she really meant it? Was she doing it because she wanted to believe it herself? Tamarra had always been led to believe that Paige was cool with being a member of the “Big Girls’ Club.” Everyone around her had. She never gave them a reason to believe otherwise. But now, at this very moment, Tamarra thought she was starting to see a crack in Paige’s exterior, allowing her real feelings to seep through. She wanted to speak on it, but the Holy Spirit had seasoned her lips, silencing her.
“I can tell you’re thinking something,” Paige told Tamarra. “Come on. What gives?”
Tamarra thought about going against that voice inside of her. “Oh, nothing,” she replied, opting for obedience.
“Like I was saying, because you know me, I’m not only a member of the ‘Big Girls’ Club,’ I’m the president, honey.” Paige stood up and did a peacock walk. “And proud of it.”
“Are you really?” Those words slipped out of both Tamarra’s thoughts and mouth.
Paige stopped in her tracks. “And what do you mean by that?”
“Nothing,” Tamarra perked up with a jolly tone. “I just meant are you really serious about…you know…this whole Norman thing.” What a nice save.
“Oh, girl, I’m just messing with you.” Paige swooshed her hand and flopped back down on the couch, grabbing the throw pillow she’d been toying with. “I just thought it was…cute, that’s all. But anyway—” Before Paige could finish her sentence, her cell phone rang. She retrieved it and looked down at the caller ID. “Hmm, speak of the devil.” She smiled before answering it.
“And the devil appears,” Tamarra whispered under her breath, knowing that something serious was brewing. But who was she kidding? She had her own fires to put out, and with the inferno she envisioned about to consume Paige’s life, she didn’t know if there was enough water to go around.
Chapter Nine
“Mother, I don’t know what kind of game you and Raymond are playing, but I promise you, you won’t win,” Tamarra spat through the phone. She sat on her bed, pointing with each word she said as if her mother could see her.
Her mother had barely gotten out the word “hello” when she’d answered the phone before Tamarra dug into her tough. For the past two days, Tamarra had been trying to get a hold of her mother, ever since the book club event she and Unique had catered. Her phone calls to her mother had gone unanswered, and her voice messages had gone unreturned. It didn’t feel good being on the other end of the stick, being the one getting ignored. Now that she had finally gotten her mother on the line by blocking her phone number, she could no longer contain her composure.
“Hello to you too, daughter,” Mrs. Evans replied. She silently snapped her finger, upset that she’d gotten caught off guard by her daughter’s call. She’d been deliberately avoiding Tamarra the last couple of days in an attempt to get her words in order. “What’s got you so uptight?” As if she didn’t already know.
“Please don’t act like you didn’t foresee this call coming, Mother,” Tamarra seethed. “I just can’t believe it. You’ve done it again. How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t want any parts of that man?”
“She’s your blood, for crying out loud,” Mrs. Evans countered, making it clear to Tamarra that her mother knew the exact reason behind her phone call.
“Humph, so I see you know exactly what I’m talking about.” Tamarra shook her head. “And see, initially, I had the nerve to give you the benefit of the doubt. That’s why I didn’t even mention her to you last month when I talked to you. And here you’ve known all along.”
“Yes, I have known, but believe me when I say that I had nothing, absolutely nothing to do with it. It was her very own decision to come there. I neither encouraged her nor discouraged her. She just felt that it was time.”
“Why is it that I make one little baby step and forgive you, and now you think that I’m able to take giant leaps? I’m barely crawling my way through this forgiveness thing and you think I’m capable of a marathon. I just don’t get you, Mom.”
“Please, Tamarra. Really, now. Do you think that after all we’ve just been through with me trying to make you deal with your brother that I would play a part in having you deal with your brother’s daughter? I know I’m only a babe in Christ, but I know how to get out of God’s way, that’s for sure.” Mrs. Evans sounded highly offended. Yes, she knew that her granddaughter had planned on visiting Tamarra in an attempt to ignite a relationship between the two, but she hadn’t influenced her in any way. She’d asked God to keep her out of His way, but in His will. And that’s just what He’d done. Even when her granddaughter called her crying after the initial ice cold encounter she’d had with Tamarra, all God had permitted her to do was to soothe the girl with comforting words. She’d been proud of herself for her obedience. And even though the Bible said that obedience was better than sacrifice, she hoped she hadn’t sacrificed an opportunity to play a role in mending her family
Even with her mother almost sounding convincing, Tamarra couldn’t be too sure. “Mother, do you swear you didn’t put that girl up to coming here to Ohio and trying to make a connection with me?”
“I don’t swear, but I’ll promise you. I promise I had nothing to do with Raygene coming to Ohio. It’s something she wanted to do.”
“Well, you raised the child. Didn’t you teach her to call first before she shows up at someone’s house?”
“You wouldn’t talk to her father, so she knew you wouldn’t talk to her. She thought that maybe if she just showed up—you seeing her in the flesh and all—that things would turn out better. And I promise you, I didn’t put her up to it.”
Tamarra was convinced, but she still wasn’t letting her mother off the hook. “But you knew about it, and you didn’t warn me.”
“Well, I tried to warn you, both your brother and I tried. But remember, you didn’t want to talk to him, and you didn’t want me to talk about anything that had to do with him. That was the whole reason why he had been trying to talk to you on the three-way. Raygene had been speaking more and more about you, about wanting to get closer to you and possibly bringing the family together.”
“That’s why you should have never told her,” Tamarra stated. “I begged you not to tell her.”
“She deserved to know, Tamarra. She deserved to know why you don’t want anything to do with her. Besides, what’s done is done. Raymond knew it was only a matter of time before Raygene made the attempt to see you. I mean, with her moving to Ohio and all to go to school, he knew it wasn’t something she’d be able to leave alone. Not with you that close by to her.”
Mrs. Evans paused then continued. “Raymond just wanted you to welcome his little girl with open arms and not hold against her what he did to you.” Mrs. Evans sounded more sincere than ever. “He just wanted to make sure that Raygene doesn’t have to pay for her father’s sins, is all. From the sound of things, she’s paying, all right.”
Tamarra rubbed the hand that wasn’t gripped around the phone down her face. She was tired of the entire situation regarding her brother, which is why she’d killed him in her mind so many years ago. It was in her mind where she battled daily not to wish that he was dead in real life.
“The girl just wants a relationship with you.” Her mother spoke to the sighs and breathing coming from Tamarra’s end of the phone.
“Well, I don’t want a relationship with that girl,” Tamarra was quick to reply. She heard her own voice. It sounded so sharp and cold. “Not now,” she lied, just so her mother wouldn’t think she was a total monster. What she was really thinking was Not ever!
“Is that what you told her?”
“No, but I wish I had. Then maybe she’d get the clue and quit stalking me.”
“Stalking you?” Mrs. Evans was confused.
“Yes, stalking me,” Tamarra confirmed. “I thought I’d seen t
he last of her when she showed up at my place unannounced last month, but then just a couple of days ago, I’m all set to serve some women at a book club event, and lo and behold, when I enter the room, there she is amongst the women. I guess it didn’t take her long to make friends here in Ohio.”
“Oh my, that had to be a shocker,” her mother empathized.
“You’re telling me. My knees buckled. I had to grab a hold of my new hire to try to keep from falling.”
“You didn’t fall, did you?”
“No, but my relish tray did. How come every time I receive the shock of my life, a tray of food has to suffer for it?”
“Dear, I’m sure it was just a coincidence, her being there. It had to be.”
“I don’t know. I didn’t stick around long enough to find out. I had my worker finish up, and I went back to help clean up after it was over.”
“Tamarra, honey, I really wish you would just give you and Raygene a cha—”
“Mom, I can’t. I can’t do it.” Tamarra got choked up. “I’m still healing. After all these years, I’m still healing.”
“Dear, that’s because you’ve been running all these years instead of just stopping to face things and deal with them. I know your father and I made a great mistake by making you believe that running was the right thing to do. And I can’t say I’m sorry enough. But I’ve forgiven myself. I’ve received your forgiveness, and I’ve received God’s. I’ve been set free. I feel like a massive weight has been lifted, and my only regret is that it didn’t happen sooner. But for so many years I ran from it; I ran from the truth, thinking it was what held me captive. All the while it was the one thing that could set me free.” Mrs. Evans paused for a moment. “Baby, isn’t it about time you get set free too?”
Tamarra didn’t reply.
“Stop running. Just turn around and face it; not just one thing at a time, but everything at one time.”
