by E. N. Joy
Dinner and movie? Yes. A long, drawn-out, romantic affair? No. That was all just a part of her fantasy. She’d often lie in bed for hours fantasizing about how she wanted her relationship with a man to play out. Sometimes while watching television, her mind would even wander off to Fantasy Island. She was so loved, so wanted by a man in her head, but then she’d snap out of it. She’d get up to go to the bathroom or something and see herself in the mirror. Her round face. Her chin and a half. Her chubby arms and disappearing shoulder blades that were being smothered in excess skin. Yeah right! What man would want a woman like her? Only in her dreams. So, she convinced herself that no man would really want to spend the rest of his life with her. She told herself that it was only a matter of time before he started talking about her and teasing her like the kids at school did. Well, before he could get her, she would get him.
This is the true reason why almost no man had gotten a second date with her. She’d already taken the liberty to point out all of his flaws; to point out all of the reasons why she couldn’t spend the rest of her life with him. She was bound and determined to be the dumper and not the “dumpee.” She’d been dumped on enough in life. As a young girl, she had often felt like even her own mother didn’t want to be bothered with her because she wasn’t the ideal daughter, a daughter her mother could put in pageants and talent shows. Well, as an adult, it was time that the tables turned. This attitude had allowed her to feel like she had such control, such authority. She had loved boasting so much about it during her worldly talks with Norman.
Most of her conversations with Norman had been enhanced to some degree…well, enhanced a great deal. Most of what she shared with him came from her fantasies and not reality. But even if Norman had to say so himself, it certainly made for good conversation. She was a diva to the tenth degree in his book, which, deep down inside, was one of the reasons he had never tried to get at her. He knew her record and wasn’t about to allow her to damage his playa ego.
Little did he know that Paige’s stories were intended to hide the truth. She told him she broke off relationships because the men were too much like her father, but the real reason was fear. She was afraid that the men just wanted to use her because they thought she was some overweight woman with low self-esteem who they could walk all over. This was why she made it a point to try to convince herself and the entire world that she was comfortable in the skin she was in.
But all that was in the past now. She’d let Blake into her real world, and now he was her world. He was her husband. There was no dumping him like a hot potato. She had to make this work, which was why she’d decided to get up out of bed and get herself together.
Paige chose a nice-fitting pair of slacks and the sexiest shirt in her closet that still allowed her to be holy. After wallowing in misery a few more seconds after Blake had gone into the bathroom to get dressed, she decided that she was no quitter. She was not going to give up. If she wanted her marriage to work, then she had to act like it. She had to show Blake what she wanted out of this marriage by giving him what she wanted: attention, intimacy…and lots of it.
By the time they got ready to hit the road, they knew they would have missed the first half of the game. Paige had wanted her husband’s eyes on her anyway. She hadn’t wanted to take the chance of his eyes wandering off to the sideline to get a glimpse of those cheerleaders. So, she convinced Blake the two should just skip the game and do dinner.
Blake agreed, taking Paige to an expensive steak house in a neighboring town. Afterward, the two went down to the Riverfront Park in downtown Columbus and watched the moonlight dance on the nearly frozen water.
“You cold?” Blake asked his wife as he stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her.
“Not anymore.” She smiled as she closed her eyes and thanked God for bringing this fantasy to life. She’d dreamed many times of doing something as romantic as this with the man she loved, who loved her back, and now it had come to pass. Just to think, two hours ago her flesh had been on the verge of a willingness to call it quits. Paige rested her head on Blake’s arm that was wrapped around her shoulder. She then placed soft kisses on his manly hand. She kissed him up his arm until her body had completely turned around and was now facing his. She looked him in his eyes with the most sensual look ever. “Let’s get out of here. I’m ready to go home and go to bed.”
Blake raised his arms, stretched, and yawned loudly. “Yeah, you’re right. I am pretty beat.”
Paige was waiting for him to start laughing, to show that he was only joking around…that he could read between the lines of the words she’d just spoken. But he never did. He was as serious as a heart attack as he led the way back to their car through the chilly end-of-February weather. Spring was right around the corner to warm things up, but Paige couldn’t wait until spring to warm things up in her marriage.
Later that evening, back at home, Paige cried silently as she watched Blake’s chest rise up and down as he slept. She shook her head in disbelief. Even after she slipped out of her Donna Karan pants and blouse and into a gorgeous nightie and robe set she’d picked up from Fashion Bug, Blake still managed to just roll over and go to sleep. Right about now, Paige would have settled for feeling like the only woman in the world period. Now she didn’t even feel like a woman.
Angrily snatching the covers off, she got out of bed. Mumbling angry words to herself about her husband, she took off the nightie set and threw on some jeans and a T-shirt. She hurriedly put on some tennis shoes. She didn’t even put on a bra or socks. She just wanted to hurry up and get out of that house, out of the place that was suffocating her…that was making her feel less than a woman. She needed someone to talk to, but the past few times she’d talked to Tamarra, she felt as though Tamarra couldn’t relate.
Lately, the only person who could relate to her was Norman. It would be midnight soon. She knew he would be getting home from work shortly. Maybe she would go to his house, spend the night there. And she wouldn’t feel bad about it, either. Right now she needed to feel as though a man wanted her and needed her. She’d given her husband the opportunity and he hadn’t taken it. Perhaps Norman would.
Paige shook the thought of infidelity from her mind. What was she thinking? She didn’t know what to do. She just felt hopeless and useless, unwanted. So, even when she got into her car, she had no idea where she was headed…or if she even wanted to come back.
Chapter Thirty
When Tamarra woke up, she was lying in a hospital bed in the emergency room. At first thought, she had no idea where she was. It didn’t take long for everything to register once she looked around the room.
She grabbed her throbbing head and felt a knot. “What the—”
“I see you’re awake,” a nurse said as she entered the room with a little cart, prepared to take Tamarra’s vitals. Noticing Tamarra rubbing her head, she added, “Yeah, you took a nice little fall there when you passed out. Good thing your friend found you. As a matter of fact, your friend is waiting in the lobby.”
Tamarra’s heart started to race. Her friend? The last person she remembered talking to, the last person she remembered seeing was Maeyl. He was waiting for her? He hadn’t given up on her. Once again, he was there for her just like always, but this time, she wasn’t going to let that man get away. She was going to pray, fast, and seek God in order to change her heart about Maeyl’s circumstance of having a child and a baby’s momma. No, she wasn’t going to feel uncomfortable sharing birthday parties and attending events that Sasha would more than likely be at as well. She would be the one who was Maeyl’s wife. She would be the one he would come home to, so that’s all that would matter. Now, more than ever, she realized that she needed Maeyl; she really needed him. No man was ever going to be there and love her the way Maeyl did—ever.
“You’re smiling. Must mean you’re feeling better,” the nurse concluded as she took Tamarra’s blood pressure.
Tamarra hadn’t even realized a huge grin was spread acro
ss her face. “As a matter of fact, I am feeling better.”
“Good, because in spite of what people know and believe, panic attacks can be very, very dangerous. Mix that with passing out and landing on hard concrete pavement, you have nobody but The Man Upstairs to thank for you even being alive,” the nurse told her. “Well, The Man Upstairs and your friend, of course.” She winked.
“Yeah, God and my friend.” Tamarra imagined how frightened Maeyl might have been when he went to walk away from her, only for her to go crashing down. Like she had just a minute ago, he must have seen their lives flash before his face, and now couldn’t wait to reconcile with her… just like always. He’d realize she was sorry for feeling the way she did about him and his relationship with Sakaya, and he’d forgive her, just like always. And they’d get married as planned. And she’d make him macaroni and cheese every night for dinner. They’d be so happy, just the two of them. She shook her head. Just the three of us, she reminded herself. Just that quickly, she’d already erased the child from the scenario.
The nurse finished taking her blood pressure then proceeded to take her temperature, check her IV, and take her pulse. The entire time, Tamarra just lay back, smiling. Never mind that this nurse was poking and prodding; no complaints or murmuring came from Tamarra. She was just glad to be among the living. She was just glad to know that Maeyl, her friend—her best friend—her soon-to-be fiancé again, and then soon-to-be husband, was there for her.
“Everything’s lookin’ good,” the nurse concluded and then headed for the door. “I think the doctor wants to keep you overnight. I’m not sure. But in the meantime, can I do anything for you or get you anything?” she asked Tamarra.
“Yes. Can you send my friend in, and do you mind turning the television up?” Tamarra got comfy in the bed, pulling the covers over her chest and propping her pillow.
“The volume is right there on the arm of your bed.” The nurse pointed. “And I’ll be happy to let your friend know that he can come see you now.”
“Thank you,” Tamarra replied as she turned up the volume of the television.
She flicked from one channel to the next as she waited for Maeyl to come in. It was later than she thought, as the eleven o’clock news was on. She listened to how a man had gunned down his girlfriend then shot himself. Next they showed a police chase that resulted in the suspect being shot and killed. Right after that they showed where a homeless man had been beaten and left for dead.
“They should call it the eleven o’clock bad news,” Tamarra said, deciding to turn the channel. Turning only landed her on another news station. This report was one about a female they had just found dead. They suspected that suicide was the cause. Tamarra shook her head and said a prayer for the deceased. She recalled the times she felt her life was so bad that she would be better off dead.
Just when Tamarra was about to turn the channel yet again, they showed a picture of the victim that looked to be taken from a driver’s license. Darting up in the bed, Tamarra couldn’t believe her eyes. Was the deceased female they were showing…was it really…? Maybe it was just an uncanny resemblance. But then they put the name under the photo and Tamarra thought she was going to absolutely lose her mind.
At the same time that Tamarra’s fear was confirmed, when she knew who the dead victim was, she saw a male figure appear in the doorway. Covering his face was a huge bouquet of flowers. When he lowered the flowers he was smiling, but Tamarra was screaming in shock at what she’d just witnessed on the news.
“Oh my God, Tamarra, honey. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you,” he said, setting down the flowers and trying to comfort her.
There was no comforting her as she cried out hysterically. Nurses came instinctively to see what was going on. All they could see was the back of her visitor while Tamarra clutched him tightly, staring at the news, crying her eyes out and trembling. It was obvious it wasn’t a panic attack, but that something had truly upset her.
“Is everything okay?” one of the nurses asked.
“I think so,” her visitor replied. “I think I might have just startled her is all. We haven’t seen each other in years.” He began patting Tamarra’s back and rubbing her.
The nurses stood in the room a few more moments just to see to it that everything was okay. Once Tamarra had calmed down, she wasn’t able to speak, but she could nod when the nurses questioned whether she was up to having a visitor. After giving her some water, they left Tamarra and her visitor alone.
Tamarra looked up into his eyes and still couldn’t speak. She was too distraught, too confused.
“Come here now, sweetie.” He pulled Tamarra against him and let her cry on his shoulder for at least ten minutes. No words were spoken, just the sounds of Tamarra sniffing. Even when she stopped crying, she just stayed there, another ten minutes, in his arms.
Tamarra didn’t know why he was there, but after what she’d just witnessed on the news, she was glad he was. She even told him so. “I’m so glad you are here.” Those were the only words she spoke for quite some time while she just allowed him to hold her.
She needed someone there for her like never before, and was glad that God had made it so that someone had been there for her—even if it was Edward, her ex-husband.
Chapter Thirty-one
“You are the best,” Elton said as he lay next to Deborah, breathing heavily. “I knew there was something else I missed about you.” He looked over at her and winked.
“So, is that the only reason why you came back to the States?” she asked, trying to hide her pleasure if his answer was in the affirmative. It had been a while since she’d been with a man sexually. In all actuality, Elton had been the last man she’d been with. After that incident, sex had become a scary thing. Well, not sex itself; just the result of the act. Obviously making love was like riding a bike: once a person learns how to do it, they never forget. Guess the same goes for sinning as well.
“No way. There’s nothing more I’d rather be doing than playing basketball back over in Chile.” He looked to Deborah then touched her cheek. “But if all this had to happen with my knee in order to get me back to Malvonia, Ohio so that I could reunite with you again, then it was all worth it.” He leaned over and kissed her softly on the lips.
It was Elton’s kisses after he and Deborah made love that seemed to push any guilt to the back of her mind. He made her feel like the woman she used to be: loved, vulnerable, not always looking for the worst in a man, but just carefree and happy-go-lucky. Surely God would understand her backsliding in one area just a little bit. Surely God wanted her to be happy. Besides, she wouldn’t be sinning for too long, as she and Elton planned on eloping to somewhere like Vegas to get married. Neither of them wanted a great big wedding for show. They just wanted to do what they should have done years ago—make things right.
“Well, I’m sorry about your knee, but I’m not sorry you came back,” Deborah told him.
Cutting his eyes away from Deborah, he proceeded to get out of bed. “Speaking of this knee…” He cleared his throat. “The doctors here say it’s not as bad as the doctors over there in Chile thought. As a matter of fact, my rehab doctor says my knee is almost as good as new.”
“Praise God!” Deborah shouted. “He’s still in the healing business, that’s for sure.” Deborah noticed that Elton wasn’t joining in on her praise party. “Elton, your knee, that’s great news.”
“It is, Little Debbie, which is why I talked with my agent, who spoke with my coach the other day. The coach wants me back, babe. They want me back playing for the team.” Now here came Elton’s excitement. “Isn’t that great? It really will be just like old times, only this time when I go overseas, I won’t be leaving my girlfriend behind. I’ll be taking you with me, Little Debbie.”
Deborah tried to crack a smile, but it was just as forced as a big girl trying on a pair of jeans in the juniors department. “Elton… I… I can’t move to another country. What about church and work?”
“There are plenty of worship temples over in Chile, and you can type on that computer in any country. I mean, with the Internet, e-mail, mail delivery services, phone…come on. You could work out of a bathroom stall if need be.”
Deborah shook her head. “I don’t know, Elton. This is all just happening—”
“Did you or did you not say you wanted to be my wife?” Elton reminded her as he sat back down on the bed. “If you’ve changed your mind, I’ll understand.” He attempted to stand, but Deborah grabbed his hand and pulled him back.
“No, Elton. I haven’t changed my mind. I want to be Mrs. Elton Culiver more than anything else in my life right now. I know that’s what God wants for me. It’s what I want. I… I don’t think He would have brought you back here unless this is exactly what was supposed to happen. I think God had meant for us to get married and move to Chile as husband and wife over five years ago when you first went…without me.” Deborah looked down, but Elton instantly lifted her chin so that she was facing him again.
“And I’m not leaving you again, Little Debbie—at least I don’t want to. But basketball is my calling. It allows me to live the lifestyle I live. It’s what’s going to allow me to maintain that lifestyle and provide you with only the best.”
Deborah wasn’t sure how Elton was living. Since returning to Ohio, he’d been staying in the beautiful home he had custom built for his mother. It had more than enough extra guest rooms, but she imagined his place over in Chile was to die for. Elton himself always looked like a million bucks. She was sure his home life reflected his person. She imagined maids and butlers—and nannies when the time came for them to have children. She lived a good life now, but she knew God had even more for her, and it would be provided through her husband, Elton.
“And I’m not going to let you leave me, Elton,” Deborah said. “Chile, here I come!” she yelped with excitement as the two embraced.
