by E. N. Joy
“Well, I’m glad to see you’re dealing with all of this just fine.”
“Girl, I ain’t dealing with nothing. God is dealing with me. I think He’s using diabetes as a wakeup call for me. For me and Blake. Life is too short and too precious.”
Tamarra thought for a minute. “Yes. Yes, it is.” Her eyes watered.
“Best friend, what’s going on with you? I mean, obviously you haven’t been trying to get a hold of me the past couple of days to tell me about Maeyl and Sasha, because it was clear a minute ago that you didn’t even know about them.”
“You’re right; I didn’t. I mean, yes, we broke off the engagement, but no, I had no idea it was so that he could be with her.”
“And I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you,” Paige apologized. “But I’m here now.”
Tamarra looked into her friend’s eyes. “I’m glad you’re here now.” And she was glad Paige was there, but she wished she’d been there a few days ago, when she was lying in the hospital bed watching the news. When she’d had the guts, the nerve, and the courage to share exactly what she was going through. Even right now, she still could hardly believe what she’d seen on the news that day in the hospital. Suicide? She couldn’t believe the girl was dead. She couldn’t believe she had killed herself. She’d just talked to her only days before. Why hadn’t she seen a sign? Maybe there was a sign but she hadn’t wanted to see it. After all, she hadn’t even wanted to see her. But after receiving the phone call from her distraught mother, Tamarra knew what she’d watched on television was true. And now here she was preparing for a six-hour drive to Maryland to go to the funeral.
“So, talk to me now, then,” Paige insisted.
“I… I…it’s nothing. It was just about Maeyl’s and my wedding being off.”
Paige studied Tamarra’s face for a minute. “No, that’s not why you were blowing my phone up. There’s more.”
Do I tell her? Do I not tell her? Tamarra swallowed hard. “Oh yeah, there was one other thing.” Tamarra inhaled. “I kind of passed out at Family Café and it landed me in the hospital too.” Tamarra exhaled. Coward. She couldn’t tell Paige what she really wanted to tell her, about the girl…about the suicide.
“What happened?” Paige asked with concern.
“Just a little panic attack. It happened after my conversation with Maeyl. But I’m okay. Everything is good.”
“What hospital were you at?”
“Mount Caramel East.”
“Me too,” Paige proclaimed. “Heck, we were probably there at the same time. I’m just glad that we are both okay.” She looked at the suitcase. “But that still doesn’t explain why you’re all packed and leaving.”
Tamarra looked over at her suitcase. “Oh yeah…” She stalled. “I, uh, I have to go back home. Things aren’t good back at home. My family needs me.”
Paige shot Tamarra a peculiar look. “It doesn’t have anything to do with that brother of yours, does it?”
Tamarra didn’t want to straight-out lie. “Just some stuff going on back at home.” So she lied by omission. “I’ll tell you about it when I get back.” Maybe.
“When are you coming back? How long do you plan on staying gone?”
“Just a couple of days.” Finally, the truth. She planned on coming back home the day after the funeral. She knew she wouldn’t be able to bear being around her parents much longer than that because deep inside, she knew they blamed her. She could tell by the words her mother had spoken when she called her after learning of the death: “Did you hear? She’s dead. My baby is dead. All she wanted to do was come there to be close to you. To come there to be with you.”
Tamarra read between the lines and knew that in so many words, her mother was blaming her. Tamarra blamed herself. Something inside of her just couldn’t stop thinking about whether things would have been different if she’d just accepted the girl, welcomed her with open arms into her life. But she couldn’t. There had been just too much pain there and more wounds to open up. Even now that the girl was gone, the pain was still there. Tamarra had a gut feeling that the moment she arrived back in Maryland, the stitches that had barely held the wounds closed were about to burst wide open.
Chapter Thirty-seven
“Lynox, is that you?” At first, Deborah wasn’t going to speak when she saw Lynox standing in line in front of her at the food court in the mall. She really didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t spoken to him since the day she broke things off with him. She decided to go ahead and acknowledge him, though, before he spotted her, because if he spotted her first, then he’d know that she had been deliberately avoiding him. The thing was, she didn’t know why she was avoiding him. She didn’t owe him anything…. Did she?
Lynox turned around upon hearing his name bellow from a familiar female voice. “Well, if it isn’t Miss Lucas, soon to be Mrs…. Mrs…” he stated, snapping his fingers as if trying to recall Elton’s last name.
“Culiver.” She filled in the blank.
“So, how have you been?”
“Actually, I’ve been good. Blessed.”
“That’s good to hear.” There was a pregnant pause. “Oh, by the way, I found a literary agent. Signed the contract last week.”
“That’s wonderful. Congratulations.”
There were a few seconds of dry silence before Lynox said, “It’s been a while, you know, since we’ve last talked.”
“Yes, and much to my surprise, if I don’t say.”
“Excuse me?” Lynox wondered.
“Ummm, I don’t know. I guess I just didn’t expect you to give up so easily.” She was only half joking. It was true that Lynox put the “P” in the word “persistent,” and here this time around he’d let her go without a fight. Perhaps this was even more confirmation that she was meant to be with Elton. The fact that God was keeping Lynox, a.k.a. Mr. Temptation, far from her had to be a sign among the many others Deborah thought God was showing her. Yep, God had done everything in His holy power to keep Lynox’s eyes, his mouth, and that voice of his far from her; that was, until now.
Lynox put his hands up in defeat. “Oh, the last thing I’d ever do is step on another brother’s toes. When you said you were getting married, hey, you became hands off, both in the flesh, and certainly in my spirit. Shooooooot, if I do end up in hell, it ain’t gonna be because I was with another man’s wife.”
Deborah let her head drop in shame, knowing she’d been with another woman’s husband. It was true that at first she had no idea Elton was a married man, so maybe God wouldn’t hold that against her. But even after finding out he was married, she and Elton had finished what they’d started the other night when she got off the phone with Mother Doreen. Surely God would hold that against her. Why couldn’t she see that ever since Elton had walked back into her life, she’d been slowly but surely going down the list of commandments as if in a race with time to break them all?
Lynox looked down at Deborah’s vacant ring finger. “So, uh, have you two set a date? The wedding is still on, isn’t it?” That last question was wishful thinking on Lynox’s part.
Deborah followed Lynox’s eyes down to her finger. She hadn’t been able to find the ring since snatching it off and throwing it. “Oh yeah. We’re getting married just as soon as he gets his d—” Deborah cut off her own self. She was about to say “divorce.” That was too much information to share with Lynox. Her sins were nobody’s business but God’s. “As soon as he gets…done, uh, having my ring sized. It’s just beautiful, but it was a little too big,” Deborah lied, still making her way down that engraved stone of commandments.
“Hmm, I see.”
“Yep, and we’re going to start our life together, or should I say finish our lives together, over in Chile. Everything is working out as planned.”
“Whose plan?” Lynox questioned.
“Why, both of our plans, of course. Well, actually, it wasn’t planned at all. Not really. It just all seems to be happening in divine order.”
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br /> “Hmm, I see,” Lynox repeated.
What did, “Hmm, I see” mean? Deborah wondered. Did it mean he wasn’t buying it? She tried to read Lynox’s face to see if he believed her. His mind really didn’t even seem to be on her reply. She could tell by the expression on his face that his mind had already traveled toward its next inquiry.
“Are you sure you’re doing the right thing?” Lynox just came out and asked, catching Deborah off guard to say the least.
“Puh—Pardon me?” She half smiled while tilting her head from left to right.
“Are you sure you are doing the right thing? Running off and marrying this man after a few weeks’ whirlwind romance? I mean, I know it worked for Khloe and Lamar Odom, but come on, Deborah.”
“Do I sense a little jealousy on your part?” Deborah asked, somewhat offended that he was doubting her and Elton’s relationship, one that he knew nothing about other than the little bit she’d told him. That little bit wasn’t enough for him to judge their intentions.
“No, just concern,” Lynox stated. He then moved closer in to Deborah as if he was about to tell her something that he didn’t want people around them to hear. “God placed you in my spirit, and He’s never done that before, placed a woman in my spirit so securely that she felt like she was a part of me. No, I’m not up in church every Sunday. Heck, I’m not even a member of the one I drop in on every blue moon. I don’t know the Bible like the back of my hand. As a matter of fact, I have very few scriptures under my belt. I don’t pay regular tithes, and I can’t speak in tongues. But what I can do is listen to God and obey Him.” Lynox looked Deborah dead in her eyes. “Can you? Can you hear God telling you to do this? Is this God’s plan, or was it Elton’s plan that you fell right into like he probably knew you would?”
“How dare you insult my intelligence like I’m just some high school girl being wooed by the school jock?”
“If it walks like a duck, and if it quacks like a duck…” Lynox stated. He could see where his last comment had upset Deborah, as he watched her eyebrows furrow and her jaw tighten. “Look, I’m sorry. It’s not my intention to stand here and insult you or your…fiancé.” Lynox could hardly say the word. “I just can’t imagine God telling me one thing and then telling you another about the same situation. One of us isn’t hearing Him clearly. And I guess since you’re a saved, sanctified, Holy Ghost–filled saint, then you’re hearing Him a lot more clearly than I am. So, forgive me if I offended you in any way, okay?”
Deborah didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know what to think. Lynox had definitely given her some food for thought. Only thing is, she didn’t want to think about it. Her mind had already been made up prior to running into Lynox.
When Deborah didn’t respond because her mind was like a tornado of thoughts, Lynox took it as a sign that she wasn’t ready to forgive him just yet. “Look, I wish you and Elton nothing but the best. Just be careful. I know Elton is suave and charming on the outside, but what about his insides? What about his heart? He left you once; what if he does it again? What if he’s just playing you like a game of basketball? No pun intended.”
Still, Deborah remained silent. She didn’t want to entertain Lynox’s perception about Elton.
“Excuse me, sir,” the woman behind Deborah said to Lynox. “She’s ready to take your order.”
Both Deborah and Lynox had been in their own little world, forgetting that others were around. That’s just how intense the conversation had been. Lynox turned to see that it was his turn in line. He then turned back to Deborah. “You go ahead. I’ve lost my appetite.” He looked at Deborah for a moment and then gave her a hug.
She sniffed, inhaling Lynox’s smell. It was so strong, so sincere. It scared her that a part of her didn’t want him to let her go. What was up with that? She should have only had those types of feelings for her husband-to-be. Could it be that Lynox was…? She cut off her own thoughts that she hoped had only been sparked by the words Lynox had spoken to her, not incited by her very own heart.
After a few seconds, Lynox released Deborah. “When you get a chance, check out Jeremiah 17:9-10. It’s one of the few scriptures I have under my belt.” He winked. Then Lynox walked away from Deborah…forever.
Chapter Thirty-eight
Paige pulled up in her driveway after seeing Tamarra off to Maryland. It had been a little more than an hour and a half since she’d left Blake at the church to go see about her friend. Since the days of pigging out at The Golden Corral buffet were pretty much over, Paige contemplated what she would make for Sunday dinner. As she turned off her vehicle and exited, she rubbed her hands together, thinking it’d be even better if Blake had taken the liberty to cook for her. He had been at her beck and call lately. With the maid being off on Sundays, it wouldn’t have surprised her if Blake had whipped up something special just for the two of them.
She fiddled around with her key ring until she came upon her house key. She stuck the key inside the lock, but before she could even turn the key, the door flung open.
“Where have you been?” Blake shouted. “It’s been an hour and a half. I was worried sick about you.” He pulled her tightly up against him then just as quickly pushed her away. “Where else did you go? Who were you with?”
Paige was a little caught off guard by Blake’s reaction. Okay, a lot caught off guard. She knew he’d been doting over her the past few days, worried about her health and well-being, but now it was like he was taking it to the extreme. Paige paused for a minute, not replying to Blake. She had to see if he was for real.
“I tried your cell phone but didn’t get an answer,” he said seriously enough that Paige determined that he was definitely for real. “I couldn’t find Tamarra’s number, but I even called Norman up at your job, just to see if maybe you stopped by to check on things or something.”
“You called Norman? Blake, but you knew where I was. You didn’t have to go calling around town looking for me like I’m your runaway child or something.” Paige’s tone was pretty neutral, but she was a little agitated inside.
“I knew where you said you were going, but I’d asked you not to be any longer than an hour. After an hour went by, I called you and you didn’t answer the phone.”
Paige shook her head as if she could shake away the entire scene. She removed her purse from her shoulder and went to set it down on the countertop. After two steps, Blake grabbed her arm.
“So, why didn’t you answer your phone?” Blake questioned.
Paige looked down at her arm, then back up at her husband. She did this twice. The third time, she tightened her lips and shot daggers at Blake with her eyes. He released her.
Was Paige going crazy, or had this man put his hands on her in a not-so-gentle way twice already today? The same man who, for the first months of their marriage, she couldn’t get to put his hands on her in any kind of way? Red flags were starting to go up. The spirit within Paige was starting to become vexed by whatever spirit it was that was calling itself taking over her husband.
“I left my cell phone in the car,” Paige told Blake boldly, as if she were daring him to put his hands on her again.
“Well, you’re lucky you came home when you did, because in about five more minutes I was on my way over there.”
“Then it sounds to me like you are the lucky one.” Paige puffed up her chest and threw her hands on her hips.
“Look, honey, no need to get defensive. It’s just that I told you to be no longer than an hour, and when you were… I don’t know… My mind just—” Blake took a deep breath. “Just don’t let it happen again, okay, sweetheart?” Blake kissed Paige on the forehead. “What’s for dinner?”
Paige couldn’t believe the way Blake was turning it on and off. He’d changed since her car accident and diagnosis. He’d changed for what she thought was the better, but what she thought was the better seemed to be bringing out the worst in him. It was almost scary, and one thing Paige was not about to do was live in fear.
&
nbsp; “Baby, sit down for a minute,” Paige said to Blake. “Let’s talk.”
“Yeah, you’re right. I’m thinking the same thing you are thinking.” Blake walked over to the kitchen drawer and pulled out a notepad and pen. “We should write out a meal plan for dinner. We should plan our weekly meals in advance. That will help with your—”
“No, Blake, honey, we need to talk about us.”
Blake set the pad and pen on the counter then walked over to the table and sat down. “What is it?”
Not knowing what else to do but get right to the point, Paige said, “Boo, it’s you. You’re changing.”
“Wait. I’m confused. Isn’t that what you wanted? I mean, I realize that I was neglecting you before the accident, and it took both the accident and your diabetes to get me to realize that I never want to take my time with you for granted ever again. I want to make sure I’m doing everything possible to keep you happy, to keep you here with me. To keep you healthy. And as your husband, I’m going to make sure I take good care of you. Just work with me, Paige. I can do this. Trust me. I took care of my father for years; I can take care of you. I won’t do you like my mother did my father. I promise you I won’t just… just…”
Paige’s eyes had already filled with tears when she realized what was going on in Blake’s head. Why, all of a sudden, he’d been acting so possessive and watchful. As he sat there rambling on, Paige could picture him as a three-year-old boy wondering why his mommy just picked up and walked away. She could see him missing out on school activities and playing with friends while he took care of his father. She could see the fear in his eyes of having to relive the nightmare all over again as an adult.
“I’m not your mother, Blake,” Paige told him as the tears released themselves from his eyes. “And you’re not that little boy who got left behind by the only woman he loved at the time. When I leave, you don’t have to worry about whether I’m coming back.”
