by J. H. Croix
“Sounds like a plan.”
I didn’t let myself dwell on what it meant that I’d be spending the night in a hotel with Jesse. I started to ponder whether we’d share a room and immediately brought my thoughts to a screeching halt. I didn’t need to obsess about this. Not now.
He started driving, and I called Em, wondering if she would even answer. I was surprised when she answered on the third ring. “Hey, Aunt Charlie, what’s up? Checking up on me?”
“Don’t you wish,” I said, smiling to hear she was in a good mood.
“Actually I was just calling to let you know we won’t be back until tomorrow. Gram had a little fall. She’s fine, but she fractured her hip.”
“Oh no! Is she okay?”
“She’s going to be fine. They’re keeping her for the night to make sure she’s stable. Honestly, Em, I was worried at first, but she didn’t even seem to be in a lot of pain. The only reason we knew something was wrong was when she couldn’t quite get up.”
“Oh,” she said softly, quiet for a moment. “What should I do?”
“Nothing. You relax and we’ll be home tomorrow.”
“What are you and Jesse going to do?”
“We’re staying at a hotel.” The moment I spoke, I realized she might read into what that might mean. I hoped she could leave it be for now.
To my relief, she did. “Okay. Tell grandma I said hi, and I’ll see her tomorrow, okay?”
After I tapped to end the call, I glanced to Jesse. “Well, that went well. She’s had a rough year and she’s close to my mom, so I didn’t want her to worry.”
He rolled to a stop at an intersection. “Yeah?”
His comment was vague enough that I didn’t have to answer, but I figured I might as well.
“Her mom died of cancer. She was my sister. It was hard on all of us but, of course, it was hardest on Em. First, she had to watch her mom get sick and then she died. My dad also passed away about six months before, so…”
I swallowed through the emotion knotting in my throat. I didn’t talk about it a lot because, well, I’d been busy simply picking up the pieces of my life and trying to carry on.
Jesse glanced over, his gaze understanding. After a beat, he spoke, “No wonder you walk around like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. You’re taking care of everyone. That can’t be easy.”
I held his gaze. The simple acknowledgment of what I’d been trying to manage somehow eased its weight. “Maybe not, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
He nodded slowly. The light changed to green, and he looked away. “Okay, here’s the deal, I say we stay at Midnight Sun Lodges and go out for dinner. You’re not allowed to worry. Your mom is in good hands, and she’s comfortable. You get a free pass for tonight.”
“Free pass?”
“You know, back when you were in school and got out of class for something. I know you love your mom, but you could use a break. She’s where she needs to be, so you might as well relax.”
I didn’t quite know what to say to that, but my heart squeezed, and I wanted to cry again. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I wasn’t quite ready to have an emotional meltdown in front of Jesse.
“Deal?” he asked.
“Deal,” I replied, getting a grip on my emotions in the nick of time.
In short order, we’d checked in at Midnight Sun Lodges. Jesse didn’t ask me if I wanted a separate room. I didn’t, so I was relieved he didn’t bother to ask. Just as I was about to ponder what I should wear tomorrow, Jesse pocketed the keycard to our room and turned to me. “Okay, we need a change of clothes for tomorrow, so let’s go shopping.”
He drove into downtown Diamond Creek. The concept of “downtown” in Alaska was quite different than most places. Diamond Creek was small like Willow Brook, but it had even more tourist shops crowding the main street through town. Within moments, Jesse found a clothing shop. I purchased a T-shirt for the night and fresh set of clothes for tomorrow, figuring an extra pair of leggings and a sweatshirt would be put to plenty of use. He basically bought a repeat of what he was wearing—jeans and a black T-shirt.
Once we were back in his truck, he glanced over. “Okay, what do you like to eat?”
I was feeling a strange sense of giddiness. My worry for my mother was in the back of my mind, but for the moment I wasn’t dwelling on it. It helped that I knew there wasn’t anything I could do. She was resting comfortably with the nurse at the reception desk assuring me they’d call if anything changed.
I met his gaze and smiled. “I’ll try anything.”
“Not helping much,” he said with a slow grin. “Let’s see, there’s the Boathouse, that’s a little nicer than average with seafood. There’s also Diamond Creek Brewery.”
“What’s that?”
“An actual brewery with a restaurant attached. The menu is casual, but they’ve got a bit of everything.”
“Let’s go there,” I replied.
“Perfect. That’s within walking distance, so I’ll just leave my truck at the hotel.”
We returned to the hotel, dropped off our purchases, and then walked hand in hand to Diamond Creek Brewery. Entering the restaurant, I glanced around. What was once an old plane hangar had been refurbished into a modern restaurant. The high-ceilinged space, which had enough space for two small planes, was now a restaurant and brewery. The brewery part of the business was to the back with the stainless steel brewing equipment visible behind a waist-high brick wall with two decorative copper storage vessels flanking the entrance into the brewery.
Model planes hung from the ceiling, most of them models of the small two to six-seater planes that crisscrossed the skies of Alaska. Windows had been added with most of the walls broken up with stunning views of an adjacent marshy field against a backdrop of the bay and mountains in the distance. Booths lined the walls and tables were scattered in the middle of the space. The kitchen was against the far wall with a bar currently crowded with customers. The cavernous space was softened with fabric wall hangings and colorful rugs.
Within minutes, we were seated at a booth. I selected one of the wines they made on site, while Jesse perused the beer selection for several minutes before settling on a seasonal winter beer. After our waiter left to get our drinks, Jesse leaned back in the booth, cocking his head to the side. “I think you should let your hair down,” he said. The grin that followed sent desire curling through me.
I’d pulled it back into a ponytail this morning, thinking it would be windy and I didn’t want to bother with it. I’d been right on both counts. It was breezy here by the ocean, and I never wanted to bother much with my hair. I felt my cheeks flush as I looked over at him. “I should?”
“I don’t know if should is the right word. It’s more that I love it when your hair is down.”
For a moment, I just stared at him. Honestly, my hair wasn’t something I thought much about. I simply didn’t have time. The most time I’d spent on my appearance in the last few years was when Em had persuaded me to dye my hair with that streak of purple. It had been fun because she loved it. Every time it started to fade, she offered to do it again.
Reaching out, I tugged the elastic out of my hair and let it fall loose. The slow, devastating grin that stretched across Jesse’s face made my skin prickle and need coil in my core, radiating outward.
He didn’t say anything else, but the heat in his eyes was enough. Our waiter arrived, delivering my gooseberry wine and Jesse’s beer. Taking a sip, I glanced over at Jesse. “Oh my God. This is really good. I mostly got it out of curiosity.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, they know what they’re doing here. It’s not just a hobby.”
“It’s pretty busy here,” I observed as I glanced around at the mostly full tables and the line beginning to form at the entrance.
“It’s like this most of the time here. It’s another tourist destination. There’s a ski lodge here too, so they stay busy all year long. Like Willow Brook, it�
��s crazy in the summer. Give it another couple of months, and we’d have been waiting about a half an hour just to get a table here. Have you been through summer here yet?”
“We moved here right at the end of summer last year, so not really. I hear things get busy.”
“They do. Alaska’s on a lot of bucket lists. I’d say like you, but you were born here, so you’re a true Alaskan,” he offered with a wink.
I burst out laughing. “I don’t quite buy that. I hardly remembered it.”
Jesse shrugged. “Alaska has a lot of transplants. It’s a bit of thing to be born here.”
I leaned back, sipping my wine and eyeing him. “Were you born in Alaska? All I know so far is you grew up in Fairbanks and your family moved to Willow Brook after you graduated from high school. Oh and why did you become a firefighter?”
He drummed his fingers on the table. “I was born in Fairbanks. My parents ended up there for the same reason yours were outside of Anchorage. My dad was in the military and got stationed there. As for becoming a firefighter, well probably because I like being outside. I went to college and got a degree in geology because I liked being outside. But I realized that kind of work was mostly academic. Not really my thing. I signed on for my training one summer and loved it. I can’t do it forever. It’s pretty hard work physically, but I figure I’ll do it as long as I can. I love the wilderness, and I like pushing myself to my limits physically. It also feels good to make sure people are safe.”
“So you’re on one of the hotshot crews, right?”
Since I worked at the only general medical clinic in Willow Brook, quite a few of the local firefighters passed through our office for minor injuries. I’d learned the Willow Brook Fire & Rescue housed two hotshot crews and a local crew. Due to its central location in Alaska, Willow Brook was a convenient point for travel.
Jesse nodded. “Yup. I’m foreman on one of the crews. During the winter, we’re mostly in Willow Brook, but in the summers we’ll be in and out of town whenever and wherever they need us. I’ve gotta be honest, my shoulder finally feels back to one-hundred percent. I know I complained about those extra two weeks, but I think it helped,” he said.
I grinned. “Good. I really wasn’t trying to give you a hard time. But you’re not my patient anymore, so next time you might have better luck with Doc Johnson.”
“Nah, he’s a hard ass too,” he replied with a chuckle. “Anyway, your turn. I know you were born in Anchorage when your father was stationed at Elmendorf, but not much else. How long were you here before your parents moved away?”
“I was five, so I don’t remember much, just a few fuzzy memories.”
“And then?” he prompted.
“Then, up until high school, my dad got stationed in different places. He was in the Air Force, so we were in North Carolina, in Texas, and overseas in Germany once. He retired after he was stationed in Massachusetts. We stayed just outside of Boston while we were there. I graduated from high school in Massachusetts, went to college and straight into med school. Then my sister, Emily’s mom, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. That was just awful. We were ten years apart, and she was older. For my last two years of med school, we were all dealing with that. She was going to doctors, getting chemo, and everything. Em was having a hard time. Her dad hasn’t exactly been around. Ever. Then, my dad had a stroke. That was just one more thing. He ended up dying of complications. This sounds weird, and I don’t mean it to be weird, but in a way, it would’ve been easier on my mom if he just died right away. Instead, she got hopeful. And who wouldn’t? We all got hopeful. But he never bounced back. She had to make all these awful decisions. Meanwhile, my sister Karen was dying. Inside of six months, they both died. Even though I knew Mom’s memory was starting to go, it wasn’t like it is now. So we decided to move. I wanted to give her the one thing that she had missed for so many years. Plus, I thought a fresh start somewhere new might be good for all of us. We got here, and her memory slide sped up. And…”
I ran out of words for a moment. When I paused, Jesse nodded, his gaze somber, still just listening.
“So here we are. I’m a parent in the legal sense of the word and trying to be pretty decent at it, but half the time I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I feel guilty because Em’s mom died and her dad was never around. I worry it’s too much on her to watch my mom slowly go too.”
I recited the series of events quickly, all of the emotion of those years void in my words. It wasn’t gone inside, but the telling of it was distant because I couldn’t handle anything else. Jesse didn’t say anything, so I continued, letting it all out in a rush. “Right before my sister died, she didn’t want me to just have guardianship of Emily because those could be overturned more easily. So she set it up for me to adopt Emily once she knew she was dying. Em’s dad isn’t the greatest guy. If my sister hadn’t gotten pregnant, I doubt she’d have seen him again. I figured he might fight her on the adoption, but he didn’t even bother to come to court. So all that happened. Like I told you, my mother always wanted to come back to Alaska, so I decided we should try moving. I figured we could use a fresh start. Only I didn’t count on her memory slipping so quickly.”
Jesse was quiet for a few moments. I sipped my wine, thinking I could use something to take the edge off. It felt funny to be here, almost as if this was an actual date. Yet, there was no way to talk about my life without its inherent messiness spilling out. If I spent much time on social media, I’d have had an entirely depressing string of posts unless I lied through my teeth.
He opened his mouth to say something when our food arrived. I’d gotten halibut tacos, and he gotten some kind of king crab dish. The interruption was welcome. I hadn’t quite meant to dump out the last few years of my life all at once like that. But then, it just showed how out of practice I was with this. I didn’t seem to know how to gloss over any of it.
Once we were settled and eating, he caught my eyes again. “I know you worry about your mom, but I think it’s probably good you’re here. Willow Brook’s a lot smaller than Boston, but once you line up some help for her when you’re at work, you won’t have to worry. I don’t know if you could have given her a better gift than bringing her to the place she always said she wanted to return.”
His tone was light, yet my heart gave a hard thump at his words. I’d spent a lot of time doubting just about every decision I’d made in the last year or so. The only decision I hadn’t questioned was adopting Em. There had been no need to even contemplate that. The moment my sister asked me, I’d known the answer. I’d already loved Em to pieces. No matter how unprepared I felt at times, there was no doubt for me. Yet, it had still been hard to pick up the reins. Layering atop that was the grief for my father and sister and the sharp pain at witnessing my mother slide slowly into confusion.
I took a bite of my food, savoring the rich halibut, before sipping my wine. I needed a moment to gather myself. I wasn’t usually too emotional, but Jesse had a strange effect on me. On the heels of a deep breath, I opted to keep a light tone.
“Do you mean you don’t think we should plan for Waffle to watch guard over my mom?”
He flashed a grin, his low chuckle sending a shiver down my spine. “That’s a back up for emergencies only. It’s not really a plan. I get the sense you already know this, but even if your mom puts up a fight, I think once you have somebody set up to help her, she’ll settle right in.”
I took a deep breath, letting it out with a sigh before taking a sip of my wine. “I think you’re right,” I said softly. “I’m getting there.”
The rest of dinner passed uneventfully. Well, I mean, if you didn’t count the fact this was the closest thing I’d had to a date since college. It was more of an accidental date. Yet, with Jesse sitting across from me, looking ridiculously handsome with his tousled amber hair and his knowing green gaze, desire spun through my veins the entire time.
By some miracle, I really didn’t dwell on worrying about my mother. She
was safe and sound, and we’d see her in the morning. I felt like I could put my worries on the shelf in a closet and close the door for the night. So that was exactly what I did.
Chapter Fourteen
Jesse
Charlie sat across from me, her cheeks flushed, the tension gone from her face, and her gorgeous hair falling down around her shoulders. Meanwhile, all I could think about was getting her back to the hotel and getting her bare naked.
But I was a gentleman. I managed to get through dinner. I didn’t go all caveman and throw her over my shoulder on the way out. I caught her hand in mine, and we walked back to the hotel in the late evening.
The air was cool with a salty breeze gusting off the bay. The evening was quiet with the sound of waves rolling into the shore and seagulls calling in the distance. When we got to the hotel, once we were in the elevator, I glanced over to Charlie. Our eyes collided, and it was as if a flame spun to life, heating the air around us.
I didn’t even hesitate. With her hand still held in mind, I stepped in her direction as I tugged her to me. We came together with a soft bump. Her hand slid up to cup the back up my neck, and she leaned up to kiss me. I couldn’t have said who kissed whom first.
All I knew was the moment my lips met hers that flame flashed hot around us, catching us in its center. In a matter of seconds, her tongue was tangling with mine, and she was arching into me. She was cool and smelled crisp like the air outside.
I didn’t even notice the elevator coming to a stop until the sound of the doors swooshing open nudged my consciousness. Drawing away, I caught her eyes. Her gaze was smoky, and her lips were swollen from our kiss. It was a damned good thing I had a loose grip on my control. Otherwise, I would’ve taken her right there in the elevator.
Instead, catching her hand in mine again, I tugged her out of the elevator, and we practically ran down the hall. Fumbling for the keycard, I got us in the room and then spun around.
We collided against the door, tearing at each other’s clothes. Charlie all but climbed my body, her legs curling around my hips as I lifted her up against me. Her head thumped against the door when I tore my lips free, needing to taste her skin.
