by Teresa Roman
“Rick?” I said. “How did you get this number?”
“Ryan gave it to me a while back.”
“I … I tried to get ahold of you a few months ago. Your dad too.”
“Ryan didn’t tell you?”
“Tell me what?”
“Dad had a stroke about a year ago.”
“Oh,” I said, “I had no idea. Is he okay?”
“He can’t walk or talk anymore, so the hospital set him up in a nursing home.”
I couldn’t believe Ryan hadn’t mentioned anything about it. But that explained why I hadn’t been able to reach his father.
“What about you?” I asked. “Where have you been?”
“I just got back from overseas. I’ve been in Thailand for the past eight months.”
“Thailand?” I couldn’t help but wonder what he was doing over there, but I didn’t ask. With Rick, it was better not to. The longer I stayed on the phone with him, the more likely he was to ask for something.
“It’s a long story,” he said. “Anyway, why were you trying to get ahold of me? Don’t tell me you and Ryan are having another baby.”
“No. Nothing like that,” I said, trying to figure out exactly how I was going to tell him that his brother was dead.
“Then what’s up?”
“I don’t really know how to tell you this.” I paused, collecting my thoughts. “But back in January, Ryan got into a car accident on his way home from work one morning. He didn’t survive.”
Rick was silent on the other end. I worried that the connection broke. “Rick? Are you still there?”
“Yeah, I’m still here. I just, I don’t think I heard you right.”
“I’m so sorry, Rick.”
“I can’t believe it.” I couldn’t see his face, but by the sound of his voice, I could tell he was shocked. “Ryan’s gone?”
“I wanted to let you know back in January when it happened. I tried calling you. I even looked for you on Facebook, but I couldn’t find your account.”
“I took it down before I left for Thailand.” He paused for a moment before continuing. “Holy shit. I can’t believe I missed my own brother’s funeral.”
I didn’t bother telling him that there hadn’t really been much of a funeral. I wondered if I would’ve done things differently if I had been able to reach Rick after his brother died. Maybe he could’ve handled Ryan’s final arrangements instead. Although I doubted that would’ve happened. Rick could barely manage his own life, much less plan a funeral.
“How are you and the kids doing?”
“We’re hanging in there. Jacob and Lydia miss their dad, but they’re healing. It’s been a little over six months. You know how kids are. They’re pretty resilient.”
“I miss those little guys.”
“They’re not so little anymore.” I didn’t really see how Rick could honestly claim he missed my kids since he’d only seen them a few times. He didn’t call or send them cards on their birthdays or Christmas. It had been so long since he’d visited that I wasn’t sure they even remembered him.
“I’d like to see them if that’s okay with you.”
“Where are you right now?”
“San Francisco. I’ll be here for the next few days. Then I’m flying back to Texas,” he said. “I can drive up to Sacramento first thing in the morning. You guys still live in the same house, right?”
“How long are you planning on visiting?” I asked, hoping it wouldn’t be for long. I didn’t know how I felt about Rick spending the night. I’d never had a comfortable relationship with him.
“Not long. I just want to say hi to Jack and Lydia and pay my respects to my brother. That’s all I’m asking.”
“It’s Jacob,” I corrected him. “Not Jack.”
“That’s what I meant.”
Every fiber in my body told me this was a bad idea, but how could I tell Rick that I didn’t think him visiting his niece and nephew was a good idea? “What were you doing in Thailand?” I asked, changing the subject.
“It sounds cheesy, but I went there to find myself.”
With what money?
“The last time I talked to Ryan, we got into a huge argument. He told me I needed to get my shit together. So that’s what I decided to do. I sold my motorcycle and my car, and I bought myself a ticket to the farthest place I could think of. Living there for the past eight months was a huge wake-up call.”
“So you’re back for good now?”
“Yup. I’m ready to get my life back on track.”
The word “no” was still on the tip of my tongue, but I just couldn’t bring myself to say it. “The kids are in summer camp for most of the day,” I said, hoping to convince him that it wasn’t worth it to drive all the way to Sacramento.
“I don’t mind waiting for them to get home. Maybe we could grab dinner somewhere.”
“Sure, okay,” I said, wanting to kick myself the minute those words came out of my mouth. Something told me I was going to regret this visit big-time.
“Can you text me your address?”
“All right,” I said. “But I’ve really got to get going, Rick. I’ve got a lot of work to do.”
“Okay, I understand. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I hung up, feeling completely awful for how insensitive I was being. I’d had months to adjust to the fact that Ryan was dead. For Rick, the news was completely new and, I imagined, a huge shock. I should’ve been more sympathetic, but I’d never particularly liked Rick. Everything he did came with an ulterior motive. I wondered if his visit would too. Maybe this time it would be different. Maybe he really had “found himself” on that trip he’d taken to Thailand.
Rick was such an unreliable person that when he arrived the following afternoon, I found myself surprised that he’d actually shown up. “Sorry I’m so late. Traffic in the Bay Area was a nightmare.” He greeted me with a hug. “How are you doing?”
I managed a weak smile. “I’ve had almost six months to adjust, so I’m doing okay.”
I led him inside and offered him something to drink. Standing next to him gave me the weirdest sense of déjà vu. He looked just a bit too much like Ryan for my comfort. A storm of bad memories flooded my mind. Rick had only just showed up, and I couldn’t wait for his visit to come to an end.
I glanced at my phone, checking the time.
“The kids will be done with camp soon,” I said. “I need to go pick them up. If you’re thirsty, feel free to help yourself to something to drink.”
“I can go with you.”
“No, that’s okay. I didn’t tell Jacob or Lydia that you were coming yet. It’s probably better if I give them a heads up.”
I grabbed my car keys and bolted out of the house before Rick could say another word.
On the way back home from camp, I asked Jacob if he remembered his uncle Rick. I knew there was no way Lydia did.
“Not really,” Jacob said, “Maybe a little.”
“Well, he’s your dad’s brother, and he’s at our house, waiting to see you guys.”
“You mean right now?” Lydia asked.
“Yes. Right now.”
“What’s he like?” Jacob asked.
I wasn’t sure how to answer that. “He looks a lot like your dad did.”
“How long is he visiting?”
“Just for a few hours. He lives in Texas, and he’s got to get back home soon, but he really wanted to see you guys before he left.”
“Does he know about what happened to Daddy?” Lydia asked.
Jacob rolled his eyes. “Of course he does. Do you really think Mommy didn’t tell him?”
“Well, I don’t know,” Lydia said defensively. “It was just a question.”
“That’s enough, you two,” I said wearily. “No fighting please.”
When we got home, I found Rick sitting at the table. He’d helped himself to some ice cream. As the kids took off their shoes, he got up and walked over to us.
“You mu
st be Jacob and Lydia,” he said, kneeling down in front of them. “I’m your uncle Rick.”
Neither of my kids knew what to say. He was a total stranger to them, and they didn’t do well around strangers.
“They’re a little shy,” I said, putting my hand on Jacob’s shoulder. “Why don’t I get you and your sister both a scoop of ice cream, and you can sit and eat it with your uncle Rick?”
“Um, okay,” Jacob said.
While I filled two bowls with ice cream, the three of them sat down.
“So what kind of camp are you two going to?” Rick asked.
“Zoo camp,” Lydia replied.
“Is it fun?”
“Yeah,” Jacob said. “Kind of.”
“It’s not as much fun as hanging out with Mommy and Alex,” Lydia chimed in.
“Who’s Alex?” Rick asked.
“Mommy’s boyfriend,” Lydia replied before I could stop her. I’d forgotten to tell them not to mention Alex in front of Rick.
Rick turned to look at me. “You have a boyfriend already?” he asked, his voice accusatory.
My face heated. “Not that it’s any of your business, but yes, I do.”
“How long have you been dating him?”
“Like I said, it’s not any of your business.”
Rick stood up from the table and glared at me, reminding me even more of Ryan than when he’d first shown up. “That’s fucked up, Vanessa.”
My kids’ eyes widened. They weren’t used to hearing profanity. “Jacob, Lydia. I need you two to go to your room right now. Mommy and Rick need to have a private conversation.”
Neither of them argued with me. Instead, they got up from the table and hustled silently down the hallway.
“My brother hasn’t even been dead for a year, and you’ve already moved on. I can’t believe you.”
My pulse raced, ready for a fight. I’d been through years of this with Ryan. I was not about to let Rick treat me the way his brother had. “You know what I can’t believe?” I said, “That you decide to show up here out of the blue after doing God knows what halfway around the world and think you have the right to an opinion about what I do or how I live my life. You never gave a crap about your brother when he was alive. The only time you called Ryan was when you needed something from him.”
“I might not have come around much, but at least I loved my brother. Unlike you.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Ryan told me how hard he tried to make you happy. That no matter how much he did for you, it was never enough.”
Of course he had. I shook my head and took a deep breath, trying to keep my temper in check. “There’s two sides to every story.”
“You hooking up with some guy so soon after my brother died tells me everything I need to know.”
My face flushed. I bit back the angry tears I felt forming in my eyes. “I don’t care what you think. It’s been years since I’ve seen you or talked to you. Jacob, your one and only nephew, barely even remembers who you are. As far as I’m concerned, we’re better off without you in our lives.”
“At least I cared about my brother. It’s obvious you didn’t give a fuck about him.”
I pointed to the door. “Get out of my house. Now.”
“This was my brother’s house.”
“Well, he’s dead, so it’s my house now, and I don’t want you in it.”
He glared at me. “Fine, I’ll go. But at least tell me where you buried my brother. I want to visit his grave before I go back to Texas.”
“I didn’t bury him. His body was cremated.”
His eyes widened. “You heartless bitch. I can’t believe you didn’t give my brother a proper burial.”
His words were like a slap in my face. But I refused to give him the satisfaction of thinking that he’d gotten to me. “A lot of people get cremated these days,” I said. “And for your information, I tried reaching you after Ryan died to ask about his final arrangements, but you were nowhere to be found. That meant I had to decide.”
Rick stared at me, incredulous. He looked over his shoulder at the fireplace, searching for an urn.
“What did you do with his ashes?”
“I scattered them,” I said simply.
“Where?”
“In a park we used to take the kids to together.”
Rick opened his mouth to say something then closed it. Unfortunately, he didn’t remain speechless for long. “So instead of burying my brother in a cemetery, you have his body burned, and then you throw his ashes away. What kind of person does that?”
“I didn’t throw them away. I scattered them. Lots of people do that.”
“Did you even bother to think about how I’d feel about it?”
“Like I said, I tried to reach you—”
“Did my brother leave anything for me?” Rick asked cutting me off and abruptly changing the subject.
“Anything like what?”
“I don’t know, like maybe a letter or some personal items … or money.”
I gritted my teeth. This was the purpose of Rick’s visit all along. I doubted he cared less about seeing his niece and nephew. He’d only insisted on a visit because he hoped Ryan had left behind a stash of money for him. “No, he didn’t.”
“I’m his brother. His only brother. I can’t believe he wouldn’t leave anything for me.”
“He left everything to me because we have two kids. Kids that need a house and food and clothes and hopefully college tuition one day. You’re a grown man who can take care of himself.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“And I want you to leave. Now!”
I walked over to the front door and held it open.
“This isn’t over,” Rick grumbled as he walked outside. “I’m calling a lawyer. I want my share of Ryan’s assets, and you’re not going to stop me from getting them.”
“Go ahead. I’d like to see you try.”
Rick had no leg to stand on when it came to Ryan’s inheritance. I didn’t need a law degree to know that. Sooner or later he’d figure that out, and then he’d leave me the hell alone. For good. I slammed the door shut, pressed my back against it, and took a few deep breaths to calm myself down.
A few minutes later, Jacob and Lydia crept down the hallway.
“Where’s Rick?” Jacob asked.
“He’s gone.”
“Good,” Lydia said. “I don’t like him. He’s not very nice.”
“He kind of reminded me of Dad,” Jacob added.
“Why was he so mad anyway?” Lydia asked.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” I ran a shaky hand through my hair. “I’m sorry you had to hear us fighting.”
“It’s okay, Mommy,” Lydia said, giving me a hug. It made me feel better, but I was still angry long after the kids went to bed. I was too upset to sleep and wound up spending most of the night tossing and turning in bed. Rick and Ryan’s last words to me got all jumbled up in my head and I couldn’t shake the awful feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Once morning came I’d take the kids to camp, go to the gym and blow off some steam on the treadmill, and then I’d tell Alex all about Rick’s visit. He’d find a way to make me feel better. Even though I felt lower than low right now, I told myself that in a few days, my dead husband’s asshole brother and the horrible things he’d said to me would be forgotten.
20
I didn’t wind up telling Alex about Rick. He was so excited the next day about the good news his lawyer had shared with him the night before that I didn’t want to ruin his exuberant mood. She’d filed the papers needed to get a date for a custody trial set, and in the meantime, the judge had granted him temporary visitation privileges with his daughter so his ex-wife had no choice but to let Alex have time with Leah.
“I’m so happy for you,” I said, pushing Rick and all the ugly things he’d said to me the day before to the back of my mind.
“I want you and your
kids to meet Leah. Maybe not this weekend, but soon. What do you think?”
“Of course we want to meet her.”
“I’m nervous about what her mother’s going to tell her,” he said. “Who knows what garbage Kristi’s been filling Leah’s head with.”
“Now that you get to see Leah, you can tell her your side of things.”
“Yeah, I know, but I don’t want her to feel like a ping-pong ball. She shouldn’t have to pick sides.”
“Try not to worry,” I said, taking his hand.
He smiled, but I knew underneath it he was worried. Ever since he’d hired a lawyer to help him gain joint custody, he went back and forth between excitement at the prospect of getting more time with Leah and anxiety over her finding out the truth.
I didn’t want to place another burden on Alex’s shoulders, so I kept my mouth shut about Rick’s short but disastrous visit. Instead, I talked to Marla and Lynette about it.
“He sounds a lot like Ryan,” Marla muttered. “Which explains his temper. It must be a family trait.”
“I hope not. The last thing I want is for either Jacob or Lydia to act like that when they grow up.”
“They won’t, because they have you teaching them the right way to behave,” Marla said.
“You aren’t letting what Rick said get to you, are you?” Lynette asked. “He sounds like a total asshole.”
“I don’t know. I’m trying not to. But it’s hard. Over the past few months, I’ve slowly stopped beating myself up about everything that went wrong between me and Ryan and the way I felt after he died, but Rick’s visit brought it all back. I can’t stop feeling guilty about everything all the time.”
“You have nothing to feel guilty about,” Marla insisted.
“You’re wrong,” I whispered, too ashamed to say the words any louder. There were things Marla and Lynette didn’t know, things I couldn’t bring myself to tell them.
“I still can’t believe he had the nerve to curse at you in front of the kids,” Lynette said.
“Can we talk about something else?” I was the one who’d brought Rick up, but our conversation was starting to make me feel ill. Normally, venting to my friends helped, but talking about Ryan and his brother was only making me feel worse.
