by Mary Abshire
“I’m not apologizing for protecting you, if that’s what you’re looking for. I thought he was going to hurt you,” he said.
“Did you really?” she asked with a pin-pointed gaze.
“He grabbed you, so yes, I did.”
“I can defend myself. You know this, but you didn’t even give me a chance. And now Derek has a broken nose for simply wanting a kiss, which I didn’t give him.”
Andrew smoothed his thumb over his tender knuckles. To be fair, he could’ve just shoved the young man aside. Andrew had estimated the guy wouldn’t fight since he had such a lean size. Andrew punched him anyway. Why? Because he wanted the punk to know he couldn’t touch Emily. In truth, the push he’d given would’ve sufficed.
“Maybe I overreacted,” Andrew said.
“Maybe?” Her tone increased. “I can take care of myself.”
“Most of the time you can, but in Pittsburgh—”
“Don’t even go there,” she said in a sharp tone before she bent forward. “You were supposed to be there. I twisted my ankle and fell. The demon capitalized on the opportunity.”
Her temper had returned in full force. Somehow he needed to bring it down.
“I’m just saying that sometimes you need help,” he said as calm as he could.
“And you need to give me a chance to defend myself. Stop treating me like a china doll.” She leaned back against her seat and faced the window.
He inhaled a deep breath as he pondered over her words. He’d always believed in being the one to act as a shield for ladies. He entertained the idea of being the knight in shining armor. Women wanted men to protect them. Emily was different. She didn’t rely on anyone to stand up for her. He’d seen her fight and knew she could take care of herself based on the self-defense training she’d acquired. He didn’t view her as a fragile woman, but he couldn’t help his basic desire to protect her. Clear to him now, he needed to change.
“I’m sorry for not giving you a chance,” he said. “You’re right. You’re strong. You could’ve handled the situation.”
She turned her head to look at him. “What else?”
He found himself stumped again. He’d confessed to rushing to judgment and underestimating her. What more had he done wrong?
“I’m sorry I hit your friend,” he said, though he felt differently. The kid should’ve asked for a kiss instead of trying to force one.
“What else?”
He recalled his actions and words, trying to figure out what other blunders he’d made. When nothing more came to mind, he said, “Help me out.”
“How about for being a jealous prick and thinking that you own me.”
“I’m not jealous,” he snickered.
“Bullshit. You couldn’t stand to see other men touching me. Admit it. And yet it’s okay for you to flirt and touch other women. I don’t give a damn what you do. Touch them. Fuck them. Whatever. Really, I don’t care. But don’t you dare say a fucking word if I want to be with a man. You do not control who I see or what I do. Got it.”
His heart pumped harder. Her last words weren’t a question, but rather a demand. He had nothing to say in response. He’d disrespected her in so many ways that he started to feel nauseated. What had he been thinking? He’d felt loathing, disgust, and violence toward anyone who touched her. Such emotions had consumed him, which meant he had considered Emily more than a friend and partner in crime. And he couldn’t deny he wanted to make love to her. Truth be told, he had been jealous.
Embarrassed for his words and actions, he looked away from her. He’d screwed up big time and he had no idea how to fix the mess he’d created.
Chapter Fifteen
Emily stared at Andrew sitting in front of her. He didn’t look like any angel. He had no wings or a halo. He appeared as normal as any other man. He’d acted like one too. His red knuckles were evidence he hadn’t acted angelic. Words he’d spoken were further proof of his less than heavenly state of being. By all accounts, the man resembled so many others she’d met in her life and had wanted to kick in the balls.
Anger continued to flood her while they sat in silence, riding the train. She couldn’t believe how quickly Andrew had punched Derek. The poor kid had no chance against Andrew. She hadn’t thought for a second the young man would hurt her. He was desperate, but he couldn’t have harmed her since she knew self-defense techniques. If Andrew hadn’t stepped in, she would’ve have pushed Derek away and told him to leave. Violence hadn’t been necessary.
The angel had infuriated her with his ridiculous idea she’d enjoyed playing a whore. Did he have any idea how degrading that made her feel? She was willing to bet he had no clue. How could he think she’d liked all those strange men touching her? She’d only let them to keep up the appearance. She’d hated being so close to so many men and she despised all of them for thinking they could do as they pleased with her body. None of them had any respect. The only man she’d fancied being near had been Andrew, but not anymore. She was having a difficult time just looking at him.
The train slowed as it pulled into the station. She wanted to take a long hot shower and forget about their argument, but his presence would deny her of the latter. How could he be so such a dumbass? Oh, because he had a penis. How silly of her to forget.
She strode off the train as soon as the doors opened. As far as she was concerned, she didn’t care if he returned to the apartment or not. Hell, she no longer cared what he chose to do. Which raised many more questions.
“Emily,” he said in a soft tone.
She climbed the subway steps, heading for the exit. No matter what he had to say, she couldn’t get over the argument they’d had.
“Emily, will you please wait,” he said.
She stopped at the curb because of traffic coming, not for him.
“I know you’re mad at me. I don’t blame you,” he said.
She gave him a cold glare. Damn straight she was still angry. Apologies were meaningless words. Actions mattered. He should’ve learned that from his countless visits in front of the council in heaven. But no. They’d gotten fed up with his attitude too. If he thought for a minute that she would tolerate his behavior toward women, he was sorely mistaken.
“I screwed up. Big time. I realize that now,” he said.
“Maybe if you use your brains instead of your dick you wouldn’t fuck up so much.”
The crosswalk signaled for them to go. She leaped from the curb and proceeded to the other side of the street.
“You’re right. You’re absolutely right,” he said. “I’ve been screwing up for a long time. I need to change.”
“You think?” She smirked. Did she need to send more bones his way so he’d get a clue?
They continued down the sidewalk. One more block to go before she could take that hot shower she craved.
“Be mad at me all you want, but know this, I had my best intentions at heart,” he said.
She stopped and faced him. “Best intentions? Punching a man when you didn’t need to was your best? Degrading the partner you’re working with and who is trying to help you was your best?”
He looked away from her.
“If that’s your best, then I don’t think I can continue to work with you,” she said, then continued walking down the sidewalk.
“Emily.” He grabbed her hand.
She came to a quick halt and yanked her hand free. “Fuck you, Andrew. You don’t get to touch me.”
She resumed her stride, heading to the next stoplight. The deal she’d made to help him didn’t mean anything if she had to put up with his attitude. If people in heaven were like him, then she’d rather rot in purgatory.
“I am deeply sorry for what I did. I wish I could change the past, but I can’t,” he said as they crossed the street.
“Maybe you shouldn’t worry about the past. Focus on the future, because right now…”
The thought of quitting and letting demons walk free soured her stomach. But they weren’t her p
roblem to deal with. Andrew could find someone else to help him.
“I can change. I will change,” he said.
“And how many times did you tell that line to your council?”
Reaching the door to the apartments, she jerked it open. An older woman dressed in a raggedy winter coat sat on the floor near the staircase. She had a trash bag next to her, but the odor in the air wasn’t coming from the bag. Emily had seen the homeless woman in the building a few times before.
Emily stopped and faced Andrew with her palm up. “Give me my money.”
He dug into his pocket and then withdrew everything he had. The bills weren’t much, but to someone who had nothing, the money would go a long way. She took all the cash from his hand and set the cash in the woman’s lap.
“Spend it wisely,” she told the old lady.
“Thank you. Oh, thank you. You’re an angel,” the homeless woman said.
Emily looked at Andrew. “You hear that? She thinks I’m an angel. If I was, I promise I wouldn’t have pulled the shit you did tonight.”
Saying nothing, he headed up the stairs.
“Sorry ma’am,” Emily told the homeless woman before climbing the steps.
She passed Andrew who looked like a sulking child. He’d said he would change. She hoped he would, but then again, she didn’t want to stick around and find out. So many men had said they would do better or stop doing something to make the relationship stronger. Did they ever stick to their word? No. Needless to say, she lacked confidence in Andrew.
Emily reached the apartment first. The air in the studio felt warm and smelled stuffy. She tossed her key on the red lawn chair on her way to the windows. After she lifted each one, a cool wind blew inside and brushed over her. Not far behind her, the door clicked shut. Andrew stopped a few feet away.
“I know I can’t change how you feel—”
“No, you can’t.” She rubbed her eyes. The argument had taken a toll on her. She wanted to clean up and hit the bed. In the morning, she could decide what to do.
“I regret I’ve hurt you so much to lose your faith in me.”
She removed her wristlet. “You’re not the first person, and I doubt you’ll be the last. The good news is that I don’t have to stick around to put up with any more bullshit.” She tossed her purse onto the floor near her inflatable mattress.
“What do you mean?” he asked in calm tone.
“In English, I don’t think I can work with you.”
“You’d leave? Just like that?”
“You bet. I’m sure you can find some other woman to help you. She’ll probably undress for you too.” She strode to the closet and then parted the doors.
“I think it would be a mistake if you left,” he said as he came up behind her.
“Not for me. I’d rather spend eternity walking the Earth than to have to deal with people like you,” she said as she gathered clothes to wear for bed. A fresh shirt, underwear, and shorts would suffice. Clothes in hand, she spun to head for the bathroom.
Andrew stepped in her path with his hands up. “Please just wait. Just give me a chance.”
“For what? I’ve met plenty of men like you. Nothing changes. I’m not interested in your games or any of your macho shit. There are plenty of women out there who will put up with you. Go find one of them to do your bidding.”
“Please don’t leave. I’m begging you. Give me one more chance.”
She shook her head.
“Please,” he pleaded before she could say another word. “I realize I made mistakes. I won’t make them again. I want to work with you. We make a good team.”
“We made a good team.”
“Tell me what to do and I’ll do it. I will do anything to be able to keep working with you. Anything at all.”
She stepped closer to him. “You don’t get it, do you? I don’t want anything from you. I don’t need you. As far as I’m concerned, you can grow some wings and fly away, angel.”
He lowered his gaze and turned. Saying nothing, he walked away from her. He snatched the key from the lawn chair before he left the apartment.
Emily stared at the door. Maybe she’d been cold and harsh, but she’d spoken the truth. She didn’t require a man to keep her company, defend her honor, or smother her with kindness. She could live a normal life on her own. Men complicated matters too much. She hoped he took time to reflect on his actions and his future. He needed to fully understand the error of his ways to make changes. Could he do it? His history didn’t instill much faith. Come morning, she’d decide if she should stay or go.
Chapter Sixteen
Andrew sat on the concrete bench near the bus stop. The clear plastic walls surrounding the waiting area had been covered in posters and etched with writing. Traffic had decreased given the early morning hour. The hums of car engines faded and the silence grew after each vehicle passed. Alone, he stared at the road though he truly wasn’t looking at it. His thoughts were elsewhere.
He bent over, put his elbows on his knees, and rubbed his fingers together. Part of him felt numb while the other felt disgust. He’d known he’d made her mad, but he hadn’t known how deep he’d hurt her until she’d told him. Her words had chilled him. They were worse than any slap to the face. He felt stripped to the bone and left for the garbage. He’d destroyed her trust in him and so much more. The way his life was heading, he’d probably lost her.
Nausea swam inside him as he realized what he’d done. He’d never seen a woman so upset. He’d angered ladies before, but they’d never rejected him. His apologies would appease them and life would go on. Not a single woman had ever thrown him out before. Emily was the first, and being told to leave was the worst punishment ever. It didn’t even compare to the sentence imposed by the council.
The squeak of a wheel grew louder. A man dressed in dirty clothes and wearing a baseball cap pushed a shopping cart along the sidewalk. He had a long hair and a beard. The cart had been stuffed with a variety of items. Andrew assumed they were the man’s only belongings. At least he had some. Andrew had nothing but the clothes on his back, a few quarters, and the phone Emily had given him. He needed to return the cell to her. The idea of starting over without her severely disrupted his intestines and he had to fight from puking.
The homeless man stopped his cart near the bus stop. He smelled and looked in desperate need of a bath. “Would you have any change?”
Andrew recalled Emily had given all his cash to the woman camped out in the apartment building. Her kind act had taken him by surprise. When the woman called her an angel, Andrew’s heart had stilled. As if he hadn’t felt shitty enough, Emily’s response to Andrew about the angel comment had cut deep into his soul. He sucked at being an angel.
Andrew dug into his pockets. “I only have a little bit left.” He fished out the remaining quarters and handed them to the homeless man. “If I had more I’d give it to you.”
The man’s eye’s widened. “Thank you, sir. Thank you very much.” He looked happier than a toddler on Christmas day.
The tires on the cart squealed as the man continued down the sidewalk. A woman jogging approached him. Her locks were tied behind her head and swayed with her steps. Dressed in a tight-fitting running suit, she held her clenched hands in front of her. Small wires ran from her ears to the device strapped to her arm. She passed the homeless guy and headed for the bus stop.
The jogger stopped in front of the bench and tugged the plugs from her ears. “Hi,” she said, her breaths somewhat heavy.
“Hi.”
“Has the bus been by yet?” she asked while she unhooked the cord from the phone on her arm.
“No. I haven’t seen one.”
She ambled around and tucked the wire into a pocket on her tight pants. The woman’s toned figure reminded him of Emily.
“Mind if I sit?” she asked.
“Help yourself,” he said with a gesture.
She sat at the far end from him, clutching something in her hand.
>
“Do you often jog at this hour?” he asked.
She nodded and her ponytail swayed. “I don’t get bothered. But if someone does try to jump me, I’ve got pepper spray handy.” She shook her hand holding the dark object.
“Good idea.”
She was smart to carry a weapon. Emily often had too. Women today were much different from the ones in the 1980s and in heaven. But then, ladies didn’t have anything to fear in the kingdom above.
“Are you lost?” she asked.
“No. Do I look it?”
“Not exactly. You’re dressed nice and I haven’t seen you before. I know this area well, so I thought maybe you were lost.”
A hint of a smile formed. “I was out with a friend and I made her mad. I needed time to think.”
“Oh, I see. What did you do to make her mad?”
He took a deep breath as he considered where to begin. “I disrespected her and acted like a macho jerk. She’s a very … strong and courageous.”
She chuckled. “We have to be today to survive in this world. If you really care for your friend, get your act together.” She rose and stepped toward the curb.
The hum of a big engine drew closer from down the street.
“Good luck with her,” the jogger said.
“Thanks.”
The bus stopped near the sign. Bursts of air shot out while diesel fumes drifted in the air. As soon as the doors squeaked open, the jogger leaped onto the bus. Not even a minute later, Andrew was alone again.
The jogger’s words gave him plenty to ponder. Since he’d arrived from heaven, he’d met several women. Overall, they seemed to be of a new breed. Many women weren’t going to rely on a man for anything. Roles had reversed more. Women were bolder and took charge instead of men. Emily fit into the dominating class of today.
The independent woman he’d met two weeks ago was a blessing and he’d taken her for granted. The idea of losing her pained him. He had to change. He had to make amends with her. He had to prove he was an honorable man worthy of her friendship, her loyalty, and maybe her love. She was worth fighting for. Meeting Emily had been the best thing that had ever happened to him. She had no fear and refused to let anyone damage her will to live. How could he survive in the world and do his job without her? He couldn’t.
