by Lauren Dane
“Adrian! Dude, I had no idea you were going to show up.”
He shook his friend’s hand, grinning.
“Jeremy is around here somewhere. Gillian told me to come down and see the show. My house is overrun by women and babies and toddlers right now.” Gillian was Adrian’s wife and the mother to his teenaged son and toddler daughter.
“So you’re excited to be going back home soon, then?” Damien approached, Mary along with him.
“Thing is? I am. I know my toddler is running around and getting into everything, dancing and singing. This is what happens when you settle down. I miss my gorgeous wife and my kids. My son who is now three inches taller than I am. He’s more like his uncle Brody every freaking day. Miles just chose a college. A college. This kid thing happens really fast, Mary. Take lots of pictures because you blink, and they’re driving and leaving home.”
Paddy turned to Natalie. “Adrian Brown, this is Natalie Clayton.”
She held her hand out, and Adrian shook it. “Hey, I’ve heard all about you. Mary is pretty tight with my wife and they talk about you, so I hear about it that way.”
Mary sighed and patted Natalie’s arm. “That sounds worse than it is. He means I tell Gillian, who’s one of my very best friends, how wonderful I think you are.”
“Sorry! Didn’t mean for that to sound weird.”
Natalie blinked, blushing and smiling, and Paddy put an arm around her shoulder, pulling her close.
They chatted, and Jeremy showed up with some champagne and some sparkling cider for Ezra.
Paddy needed to talk to his brother about all that had happened that night. Honestly. Because having Ezra up there with them had been so good, but not at the expense of his brother’s hard-fought mental and physical health.
* * *
AN HOUR OR so later, Adrian had left to go back home. Jeremy was off to visit with another client, and it was time to wrap up and head back to Hood River.
“I wish you could drive home with me.” He kissed her temple.
“Tuesday and I rode in together. Anyway, you probably need to decompress and what do they call it—debrief—after tonight with your brothers, as well.”
She was right.
“You’ll come to me, though? After you drop Tuesday off at home?” She had the following day off, and he was quickly getting used to waking up with her in his bed.
“Yes.”
“Let’s all walk out together, then.”
They rounded everyone up and headed toward the door.
They walked down that noisy hallway. A woman stepped in front of him with a smirk. “Hey, Paddy. You and your friend here want some company?”
“Uh. No thanks. I’ve got plenty.” He looked to Natalie with a smile, but she did not look happy at all and he got that, too.
He kept himself between Natalie and the other woman, and they went outside. He helped her into her coat.
“We’re right over there.” She pointed to her car. Tuesday gave Mary a hug and made her way over to where he stood with Natalie at her car.
He got close enough to whisper. “Sorry about that out there.”
“We’ll talk about it later.”
Uh-oh.
“Okay. I’ll see you in a little while.”
“Yes.”
He took her chin, tipping it so he could meet her eyes. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
He brushed a kiss against her mouth and she kissed him back, so whatever she wanted to talk about, it didn’t preclude a kiss.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
SHE DROVE EAST, and Tuesday broke into her thoughts. “So, what’s going on with you? That face isn’t your happy one.”
“You first! Oh, my God. I can’t believe you held back about Ezra. Tell me every last detail right this moment.”
“You’re a bossy bitch.”
“Damn right I am. Holder backer! You’re a holder backer. Jeez.”
“That’s such a dumb insult, I can’t even be mad at it. You have a master’s degree, and that’s the best you’ve got?”
“You’re ducking the subject.”
Tuesday sighed. “I don’t even know what’s going on with me. I haven’t told you because I don’t know what to think. He’s... Oh, my God, he’s so intense. I get near him and he looks at me and I can’t hear anything else. I can’t feel anything else. I see him. I hear him. He listens to me like there’s no one else in the world.”
“Did you do the sex with him?”
Tuesday burst out laughing at their longtime joke.
“No! We bumped into each other last week. He was in town, and I was walking from the shop to my car, and we saw each other on the street. And then we had dinner and then he walked me back to my car, and he kissed me.”
“You kissed Ezra? Oh, my God! I can’t believe you got your mouth up in all that, and you didn’t say a word. I am so mad at you, but I’m willing to put it aside if you tell me how he kisses.”
“How do you think he kisses? First. He smells really good. Not like leather and man or whatever, but he has this cologne and it smells like sex. And so does he. Also, he’s superwarm. I was shivering. He opened his coat. He didn’t even say anything. He just opened it and looked at me, and I walked into him, and he closed it and he had a hard-on. And then I was like, hello, sailor, and I looked up and he was looking at me, and he kissed me.”
She took a breath as Natalie drove, impatiently waiting for the next part of the story.
“I’ve never in my life been kissed like that before. He just...got up in there and took over. He’s the best kisser. The. Best.”
“Why do you sound so miserable?”
“What about Eric, Nats? Huh? What about him?”
And suddenly, her annoyance about groupies and that whole backstage business was swept aside by something real. Something deeper.
What could Natalie say? For so long, the subject of Tuesday’s dead husband and the wall of grief that had kept her from fully living her life had been one they’d danced around.
But Tuesday was her best friend. The person she loved most in the whole world. Natalie just had to hope she didn’t screw it up too badly.
“He’s gone, though, Tuesday. That you liked being kissed by someone else doesn’t mean you didn’t love Eric. Or that you don’t still and won’t always on some level.”
Things stayed quiet as they headed home.
“You’ve dated here and there.” It had been four years. But what sort of timeline can you put on that sort of grief?
“Yes. None of them were...”
“This is different.”
“I don’t know. I don’t know, and I don’t like that.”
“Okay. But what kind of life is this? Eric wouldn’t want you to date dudes you know you’d never care about just so you can have sex.”
“Eric is dead, Natalie. He doesn’t have wants anymore.” Tuesday’s voice went flat, her tone signaling the end of the discussion.
“Okay, then. He’s gone. And you can’t just turn your life off because you come across someone who makes you feel something.”
“I don’t know. I’m too tired to think about it anymore right now. Tell me what your grumpy face meant.”
“Meh. Doesn’t matter. So let’s watch scary movies and make popcorn. We won’t go to bed until after sunrise and sleep all day.”
“You’re going to Paddy’s tonight.”
“He’s going to be buzzed on that show for days. You and I haven’t really hung out since you got back from Tennessee. He’ll understand, and it’s not like I won’t see him tomorrow, anyway.”
Tuesday waved a hand. “I don’t need to be babysat. Also, we have so hung out. Today. Yesterday. Stop. I’m a little blue, it’s not the end of the world. Oh, my problems. A superhot dude laid a kiss on me! Woe.”
“I don’t want you by yourself wallowing in this stuff. Alone with your memories.”
“I am alone in my memories, Nats. The person I made them
with is dead. Oh, I know I’m not supposed to say this stuff. It makes everyone uncomfortable. But it’s still true.”
“Who says you’re not supposed to say it? I’m sorry if I made you feel that way. I want you to talk about it. I want to listen to you. I know I can’t fix it, but I’m always here to listen.”
“No, not you. You’re the only one who will talk to me about it. Everyone else wants me to move on because it’s been four years now.”
“It’s not that I don’t want you to move on. I do. Not on, that’s not right. Forward. Because you can’t go back. But I get that it hurts. And I know you’re struggling, and I wish I could make it better. I want you to say whatever the hell you want to. If you can’t be open with me, who can you be open with?”
Tuesday blew out a breath. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Thank you, and I mean that, for listening and always being here, but I just don’t want to deal with it right now. I want you to drop me home so I can take a long, hot shower and go to bed. I want you to leave me there and go to your boyfriend’s house. I need to be by myself and you need to be with him. He’s going to be heading out on tour soon enough. Get as much of him as you can before that happens.”
* * *
PADDY LOOKED OVER at Ezra, who’d chosen to drive. He was a great designated driver, but he was high on performing, too. And he was a control freak—a lot like the one Paddy’d fallen in love with.
“You were on fire tonight.”
Ezra grinned. “It felt really good to be up there. I can’t lie.”
“We missed you.” Damien spoke from the backseat. “It’s not the same without all four of us up onstage.”
“How are you feeling?”
Ezra blew out a long breath. “A lot of ways. I...I was wondering if I still had it.”
Paddy had to face that each time they started a new recording session. Each time he started to write a new song, he wondered if his best work was behind him. So he understood it on one level. But for Ezra, he knew things were way more complicated.
“You do. You never lost it. You just lost your way for a while.” Vaughan sometimes was the smartest of all the brothers. He was full of shit a lot of the time, but he was so much more insightful than Paddy gave him credit for.
Vaughan continued, “The question is, Ezra, not whether you have it or not. You prove that every time we make a new album. But how you want to go forward.”
Paddy agreed. “You don’t have to answer now, either. We have some time before we need to deal with tour musicians and all that.”
“I need to think about it. But that aside? This material kicks ass.”
“Loved the crowd response to ‘Silent No More’ and ‘Bright Light.’ I did not expect that reaction to ‘Chemicals.’”
The discussion shifted to what songs seemed to be the crowd favorites and which might need some tweaking live. They poked fun at Damien for breaking a stick and at Paddy for forgetting a line in one of their new songs. It was normal and good, and he realized how much he’d missed having Ezra be part of this.
But his brother had asked for some time, and they’d give it to him. And they’d be all right no matter what he decided.
“So. Tuesday.” Damien prodded from the back. “You gonna share what’s going on there or what?”
“Nothing’s going on there. She’s a beautiful woman. She’s our Nat’s best friend. Just being friendly.”
Paddy laughed at that. “If I was that friendly to Tuesday, Natalie would smother me with a pillow in my sleep.”
“That’s because I’m the superior brother.”
“Fine. Button up and don’t tell us anything. You’re stingy, Ezra. Selfish and stingy, and you’re going to hell.” Vaughan whapped the back of Ezra’s head, making him laugh.
“Asshole. I’ll see you there, I guess.”
“Paddy has his own table. I guess he can make us all set it perfectly over and over until the end of time.” Damien snorted.
“That’s purgatory, though, right? Like when we finally get it right, we can advance to heaven?”
It went on that way the rest of the way back to the ranch.
* * *
HE’D ONLY BEEN home about twenty minutes, long enough to build a fire and change into a robe—he planned to sweet-talk her into a shower with him—when she knocked on his door.
He opened up. His heart always beat faster when he caught sight of her, and that night she’d looked so fucking gorgeous, so rock and roll in her unique, Natalie way that she stole his breath.
“Come in out of the cold, gorgeous.”
She kissed him quickly as she passed, and he shut the door, closing the night away.
“I think we should shower, and then I propose food. I’m so hungry but I’m sticky and sweaty, too. So you can rub me clean, and I’ll watch you look gorgeous and wet, and then I promise whatever Mary has left in my fridge.”
She gave him a look over her shoulder and went upstairs. He followed, entranced by the switch of her hips as she led the way.
“I really like those pants.”
“I forgot I had them. I suppose now might be the time to confess Tuesday is much better at this sort of dressing-to-be-the-girlfriend-of-the-lead-singer-of-the-band thing than I am.”
He laughed, swatting her butt. He’d taken her bag downstairs so he tossed it in his bedroom, and then they headed into the bathroom to grab that shower.
“Let me.” He pushed her hands out of the way and pulled her shirt off, and then the undershirt. “I like this bra.” It was blue, like the undershirt had been. Blue against all that pale, creamy skin. He hummed and pressed a kiss to the luscious curve of her right breast.
“It’s new. The bra, I mean.”
“I love it when you do that.”
He unhooked the bra and bared her breasts.
“Buy bras?”
He popped the top button of her pants and unzipped. And dropped to his knees to help her from the boots before he pulled the pants down.
“Well, now.”
The panties had a corset sort of lace-up thing at the front. Dipping enticingly low to expose the top of her pussy.
“Those are new, too.” She turned, and he saw the back had the same lace-up V at the butt.
“Daddy like.”
He slapped her butt.
She got the giggles, and he joined her, surging to his feet and pulling her close. “Damn, I’m lucky.”
She sobered. “You are. Also, the hot I just got off stage sweat is now edging into I stink territory.”
He shoved her underpants down and dropped his robe before stepping into the shower stall and turning it on full blast.
“Used to be I’d smell like sweat, booze and cigarettes. Now that you can’t smoke in as many places, it’s one less thing to stink me up.”
“You can add women to that list.”
He grinned. “Woman? Because my hands smelled like you after I fucked you in my dressing room. I like that way better than cigarettes.”
“You sure you want to go down this conversational road while we’re naked?”
He soaped up, watching her do the same. He might have had a death wish to talk about groupies—and he knew that was where the discussion was heading—while they were naked and in close quarters. But at least it’d be while he watched soap slide over her nipples.
“I hate it. Just telling you up front. I know it’s part of your world and all, but I hate it. It’s bad enough that you’re gorgeous and charming and rich and famous. But that backstage stuff? Women just offering you sex every few steps? I don’t know what to do with it.”
“You know I’m with you, right? That nothing would happen ever? I get all I need at home, you got me?”
“And what about when you’re out on the road and you’re not home? What about when you come off the stage and you’re all...well, the way you are and you want to get off, and I’m not there?”
“Are you so quick to assume I’d cheat on you instead of jerk off
? God. I like to think you know me better than that. What have I ever done that would indicate to you that I’d fuck you over?”
She stood under the water and he realized he was dumb for pushing this discussion. He wanted her pliant and warm, not pissed off.
But now he was pissed off, too, because he hadn’t done a thing to make her distrust him.
“As it happens, I don’t think you’d cheat on me. I said the same to Mary last month. But what? Am I supposed to lie about how it makes me feel? Am I supposed to pretend? I’m trying and I know you are, too, but you asked me and kept asking until I answered. I’m sorry, though, that I hurt your feelings.”
“It comes with the territory. Like booze and drugs and getting ripped off by industry people. I can manage to avoid all that other stuff. You can trust me to avoid the former, too.”
She got out of the shower and he followed, catching the towel she threw to him. “You poke at me to be honest, and when I am, you punish me. That’s an unwinnable situation, and next time I’m going to think twice before I answer.”
He dried off, watching as she headed into the bedroom, naked while she rooted through her bag for her clothes.
He was crazy, but fighting with her turned him on. So stupid. She was angry, and he’d pushed her to that place. Worse, she was right. He couldn’t ask for her trust and then punish her for giving it to him.
“You have no idea what it’s like, Patrick.” She turned, pulling a long-sleeved sleep shirt on and then stepping into panties. He groaned slightly when she put pants on over that. “You’ve never had to. Put yourself into that place, I mean. But try. For one moment, imagine if really hot men propositioned me multiple times every day. If I did a job where I got all worked up, and they were in my path, and I was away from you. How would you feel?”
“I’d trust you to remember what we have. And that’s what I’m asking you to do.”
“I do trust you. Asshole. I just said I did. I didn’t flip out at the club. Or even just now. I came over here. I’m still with you. You kept at it, and I told you I hated it and didn’t know what to do with it. Me being mad now is about your reaction.”
Oh.
He sucked in a breath. And then he remembered, and heard the apology she’d given while they were still in the shower. “You’re right. But I love you. I’m with you. I don’t want anyone else. When I’m away from you, I’ll still love you and I’ll still be with you and I’ll still only want you. It’s a three-month tour. Come out whenever you want. I’ll leave it open for you to show up. Always have credentials waiting. Hell, take a leave and come with us like Mary will.” Mary would probably kick his ass if he did anything stupid, anyway. Ha. Probably. More like definitely.
