“I’m serious. I’m old now. I don’t want to pretend I like to give blowjobs again. And anal? Jesus, don’t me started on that. You know it’s a thing now? Like people really do it outside of bad porns!” I whisper. Angie just throws her head back and laughs. She pours us each another shot and we do it.
“Taking the train to brown town!” she shouts as she slams her glass down. Katy puts her fingers in her mouth and whistles. I just drop my head into my hands on the table.
“Shhh...” I say again although I know it falls on deaf ears. Katy turns the bar over to one of her evening guys and heads over to our table.
“So, what’s going on over here?” she asks us as she sits down and pours her own shot. I’ve never seen Katy cut loose before so I’m a little taken aback by the moment. Something is obviously getting to her.
“Aliza is afraid to be single again because of blowjobs and anal sex, but she’s already had regular sex with Holt so I’m not really sure where this is going,” Angie replies. Cheshire cat grin on her pretty face. Bitch. Too bad she’s my best friend these days.
“Ugh,” I groan. “Someone kill me now. Please?” I say through clenched teeth.
“Is it bad?” Katy asks.
“Oh, she says the sex is off the charts,” Angie tells her with glee.
“Oh. I’d probably have the sex then. Though I don’t really know,” She says honestly.
“What do you mean you don’t know?” I zero in on her.
“Nothing,” she says looking away. “You know. No one will ever ask me,” she whispers and it’s true. The whole town is afraid to step on Will’s memory so no one will ever look at Katy that way and that is exactly how Holt wants it. I grab her hand on the table and squeeze it tight. Then we all take a shot.
“There. It’s settled,” Angie shouts triumphantly.
“What’s settled?” I ask with a nervous pit in my stomach.
“You’ll do the blowjobs and the anal,” she answers with glee. “And you’ll love it.”
“I don’t know about that,” I hedge.
“I do!” she claps. “Don’t knock it until you try it.”
“I take it Cody likes to be a little adventurous?” Katy blinks wide eyed. I wonder how much sex she’s had, I mean, I know she was barely eighteen when Will died...
“Abso-freaking-lutely!” Angie drunkenly cheers.
“No! Holt is totally going to lose interest in me because I’m so old and boring!” I wail. Those two assholes that I call my friends just laugh.
“Do you love him?” Katy whispers.
“Yeah,” I whisper back.
“Does he love you?” Angie asks.
“Yeah,” I smile softly.
“And he tells you?” Katy asks.
“All the time,” I tell them with tears and clarity in my eyes.
“Well, there you have it, love, you and Holt are officially official just like high school,” Angie claps. “Now, time to go home and bang the sexy sheriff in whatever way you see fit,” she declares shoving me out of the booth and handing me my purse and coat.
“Oh. Umm, okay,” I say.
“Oh look. Here’s Major to drive you home,” she says and I look up to see SCUBA glaring at Katy who just blushes and looks away. There’s something going on there for sure.
“Ready to go?” he asks me as he helps me into my coat.
“Umm, yeah. Thanks,” I tell him before I hug my girlfriends goodbye. “Thanks, Angie. I needed tonight.”
“I know, babe. I know,” she kisses my cheek.
Major and I walk through Father’s and he just opens the door for me when I hear my friends who will both be dead by morning shout across the tavern that every freaking person in town goes to. Oh and is owned by Holt’s family. So that’s not at all embarrassing.
“Say hi to the sexy sheriff for us!” they shout which is followed by “Enjoy the great sex!” And raucous girl laughter. Remind me never to drink tequila with those two again. At least not in public.
Major walks me to his patrol car and opens the door for me. He looks at me closely and I wonder what he sees there. Hopefully, happiness.
“Everything okay with you?” I ask as he fires up his car.
“Sure, why wouldn’t it be?” he evades and I see it for what it’s worth.
“Oh, I don’t know, you just look a little down in the dumps. Everything going smoothly living with Katy?” I ask.
“Sure, why wouldn’t it be?” he answers with a question. I groan and hope he doesn’t notice.
“No reason. No reason at all,” I plead. “She sure is a pretty girl though…” I trail off.
“Yes, she is. Although I don’t know what that has to do with her being my roommate and all.”
“Well, I just meant that no one would blame you if you were, say, attracted to her,” I say, eyes wide, pretending that I’m innocent wide. Major just groans.
“Nothing,” he says shaking his head. “There’s nothing going on there. At all,” he tells me and I’m not sure who he’s trying to prove it to, him or me.
“Okay, okay,” I placate. But just as the conversation was taking and interesting turn, it appears we have pulled into the driveway of my house.
Holt is standing in the open doorway with a burp cloth over his strong, sexy shoulder. I might be drooling a bit. He has a soft smile on his face as he welcomes me home. I smile back and toss a jaunty wave. Major just chuckles.
“Tell the Sheriff I said congratulations on his lifetime of blowjobs and anal.” He laughs, his eyes twinkling with glee. Uh-oh. Time to shut that shit down.
“Yep, I’ll do that, right after I tell him that you have the hots for his sweet and innocent baby sister,” I laugh.
My words stealing the breath from his lungs as he babbles incoherently for a retort that we both know would be a lie. I step out of his patrol car and head into the house to congratulate Holt on a lifetime of love, and blowjobs, and maybe other things—for as long as he’ll have me.
CHAPTER 31
Aliza
Valentine’s Day…
Little Ford is sleeping in my arms. I had just finished feeding him his bottle while he snuggled in my arms before he fell soundly, peacefully asleep. And now I can't bare to put him in his little bassinet.
I know all too well how short this time is. Babies are big kids who don't sleep in your arms before you know it. In the blink of an eye, they walk and talk and are off to school. Or are taken too soon from this earth.
The door to the nursery slides open and Holt, in all of his glory walks in. Still in his uniform he usually, hurries in to see the boys and I before he changes for dinner.
Tonight, he is in his well worn jeans and a gray t-shirt, his feet are bare, and the expression on his face can only be described as hopeful yet hesitant.
“Hey baby, you got a minute?” he asks me softly. I just nod not sure what to say as Holt carefully picks up the baby and places him in the little bassinet with his brother before moving to snuggle in next to me on the day bed in their room.
“What is it?” I ask, unable to stand the suspense.
“I have something to show you,” he pauses. “It's a good thing, I promise,” he finishes when notices the Steel in my spine.
“Okay,” I reply softly.
“Shortly after receiving notice that the boys were coming here, I was sent all of the documents from Hannah's estate,” he says softly before taking a deep breath and pushing it out. “This was in all of it with the will and the boys legal documents. I thought you'd want to see it….no, I think you need to,” he tells me before handing me a small envelope.
“What is this?” I ask but before he can answer me, I see Holt’s name scrawled in Hannahs messy handwriting across the front.
“Just read it, gorgeous,” he rumbles into my ear, pulling me deep into the safety of his arms. So I do what I was told and open the envelope. To my surprise, it's a letter. From my dead best friend to my now lover.
***
&n
bsp; Dear Holt,
If you're reading this, I didn't make it out alive to raise my boys. And I knew I was never really going to. It's okay, I've made peace with it. But now I need your help.
When I came to stay with Aliza and Sam, I knew I was pregnant. And I was hiding it from Matt. Matt was never going to stop hurting me, with his fists or with his words, whichever weapon he chose that day. And I knew it. I knew it then and I definitely know it now. Sam knew it too. It was his idea that I come and stay with them while I got back on my feet. He said he would protect me and my babies. But we both know what happened.
Aliza never knew how bad it really was. I think she always suspected, but she never asked and I never told her. I always knew that Matt would come looking for me, it was only a matter of time. When Sam died, I knew I couldn't lead him here to Liz. He would have killed us both. Sam always said you could help me, but I was too afraid.
So I went back to Connecticut and to Matt. Things were okay for awhile. But they got bad again. And then they got worse. As soon as the babies were born, he started finding reasons to hit me every day. And I knew, it's only a matter of time.
So I had my attorney set up my estate so that if Matt hurts me, custody of my sons will go to you and Liz. She's hurting right now, but I know she is where my boys need to be. Liz and my sweet babies are my family. The only people I have ever really loved. So, I'm asking you, Holt, that when I'm gone, you give them a beautiful life. Protect them. Watch over them. And most of all, love them completely. Give them what I can't, and that's a beautiful life.
I have faith in you. I know that if anyone can do it, it's you, Holt. So, thank you.
Hannah
***
Hot tears are streaming down my face when I look up at Holt, Hannah's letter still clutched tight in my hands. His own eyes glitter with his own unshed tears.
“She's right you know?” he asks after he clears the rough from his throat.
“What's that ?” I ask.
“We're going to have a beautiful life,” he states softly.
I place my palm on his stubble roughened cheek and lean into him, looking in his eyes, my lips just brushing his when I reply, “You already have. I love you, Holt.”
EPILOGUE
Will
Ten Years Earlier…
Wildest Dreams
“Say you'll remember me, just like this,” Katydid says with her big cheshire cat grin stretching her face.
“No,” I smile back softly. “I'm going to remember you naked in my bed, with your wild ass mane of hair spread out on my pillow.”
“Shame on you!” she whisper squeals. “Someone could hear you,” she scolds me. Her red glossed lips purse in her distaste.
“Trust me, baby. The knowledge of your virtue is widespread. All the guys in the unit give me tons of shit. Especially when they know my hand is wrapped around my cock way more than yours is.” She gasps but I see the twinkle in her blue eyes as she slaps my chest in play.
“Well, we’ll be married soon enough. Then you'll get sick of me,” she pouts. She looks every bit as young as she is and I wonder, not for the first time, if she won't grow to regret tying herself down to me when she could be off making friends, going to some frat party. I frown at that thought. Those assholes don't deserve her. “Hey, what was that face for?” she asks as she softly traces a fingertip over the worry lines between my brows.
“Nothing, baby. I just hate leaving you,” my voice is hoarse, suddenly, I'm choked up. I love her so much. I can't imagine my life without her.
“We both know this is part of the deal. Plus, this is a short one. In and out. You said it yourself a million times,” she soothes.
A million times. She's right, I have said it a million times, but this time feels different. I pull back a bit to look down into her sweet face. A face I will love and cherish every day, for the rest of my life, no matter how long that may be.
Katy smiles sweetly at me and I lean in and kiss her softly, but fiercely. I skate my hand up her back and into her long brown hair, gripping it firmly as I deepen the kiss. She gasps and I lick into her mouth. I don't give one fuck who might be watching. I need to say goodbye to my girl. You never know if it could be the last time.
She wraps her arms around my shoulders and presses her soft lips to mine again and again. Taking her time. A horn blares in the distance and we both freeze because we know. It's time to go.
Still holding her small body in my arms, I tip my forehead down to rest on hers for just a moment. I close my eyes tight and take in a deep breath before letting it out. She smells like oranges. Always oranges. I find in the field, if we get them to eat, I smell them. Always. I look right into her gorgeous eyes and tell her, hopefully, not for the last time, “I love you, Katydid. I always will. Never in my wildest dreams did I think a girl like you would fall for me.”
“And I love you, Will. I'll be here waiting when you get back,” she smiles at me again. Fuck, but I love her. I nod once and release her.
Katy stands at the chain link gate, gripping the filthy metal in her small hands as she stands watching me walk away. I turn back and look over my shoulder to wave to her. I need this picture, this snapshot, that will be burned into my brain. Katy, standing there, her long dark brown curls blow around in the breeze. She's wearing a white, lacy dress with little holes stitched into it. She has flip flops on her tiny feet and her sexy little toes are painted the same cherry color that her lips are.
She lets go of the fence with one hand to brush her hair out of her face and it's then that I see it, that one lone tear streaking down her beautiful face. Her smile falters a bit and I force mine to get bigger even though it feels false on my face. I lift and hand to wave to her and mouth that I love her one more time. She mouths the words back and then laughs the sweetest sound I have ever heard. She nods to me, telling me she's okay and she knows I need to go. So, I turn around and walk away.
I climb the metal steps to the plane that is taking us to some sandy faraway place and I can't help but feeling in the pit of my stomach that this time is different. And I know that this is the last time I will ever walk away from her because in my heart of hearts I know, I'm not coming home.
The End...For Now
WHISKEY LULLABY-PLAYLIST
Fire Water Burn - Bloodhound Gang
Three Wooden Crosses - Randy Travis
Whiskey Lullaby - Brad Paisley ft. Allison Kraus
Till It’s Over - Old Dominion
We Got It Right - Old Dominion
You and Tequila - Kenny Chesney
Vice - Miranda Lambert
Burning House - Cam
Fix - Chris Lane
. Mercy - Shawn Mendez
. To the Moon and Back - Luke Bryan
. Wildest Dreams - Taylor Swift
EXCERPT FROM JUST A DREAM (SOUTHERN HEARTBEATS, VOL. 3)
Major
An Undisclosed location in the Middle East
9 years ago
“You’re mother fucking crazy,” I tell Steady. “Why would you want to go and do a fool thing like get married?”
“Because I love her, man. Katy is everything. She’s who I want to come home to every damn time,” he tells me. “One day, you’re going to know how this feels and I am going to laugh my ass off,” he smiles.
We’re on patrol in a village that shall remain nameless. Intel chatter shows there to be a rise of Al-Qaeda supporters in this village and our job is to flush them out. Since the spooks are rarely ever wrong--here we are looking for a guy, looking for a guy--yada yada yada.
“Dude, she’s barely legal,” I tell him something he already knows.
“We’re just lucky he made it this long,” Sparky tells me. And he is not wrong. Sparky is Steady’s twin brother. Who they had to blow to get on the same team is a question I have yet to have answered for me. But seeing as how Steady, Sparky, and Steady’s girl are all from some small town in Texas, he would have had firsthand knowledge the struggle Steady had t
o wait for Katy, a girl four years his junior.
“We’ve got two tangos, six o’clock,” our radios crackle. We all turn to look over our shoulders. Steady and I are walking together, Sparky is about ten feet away.
“Shit!” Steady shouts as he pushes me to the ground.
Until the day I die, I will remember the three quick pop..pop…pops before Steady hit the ground. I scramble over to where my buddy is lying motionless in the dirt, eyes blinking wildly. This god damn dirt is everywhere in this fucking place.
“We have a man down. Need medic and cover. PDQ!” Sparky shouts as he runs over.
“What the fuck were you thinking?” I shout. I’m sitting on the ground, with my back to a wall for cover, Steady is across my lap and my hands are trying to stop the bleeding. But there is so much. So, so much blood. It’s everywhere. His neck has been hit and in the back of my mind I know it’s arterial.
“Look after Katy for me,” Steady whispers.
“No! You’re not fucking going anywhere!” I scream. His hand reaches up and grabs mine on the side of his neck. His eyes locked on mine.
“I’m already gone. Look after her for me. She’s going to need you.”
“No! No fucking way. You do it yourself. Because I won’t,” I tell him.
“Please,” he chokes out.
“I will,” Sparky says from behind me. He’s crouched over us. “You have my word, brother. I’ll look after her for you if SCUBA won’t or can’t. You have my word.”
As if those words were what was keeping him tethered to this Earth, Steady closes his eyes and on a nod, drifts away. Man or not, I can’t help the tears that burn down my cheeks, all thoughts of looking after a girl, still more child than woman, with brown hair and blue eyes are forgotten because the one thing on my mind that I can’t escape, that I will never escape, is the fact that that bullet was meant for me.
EXCERPT FROM DEAD AND BURIED (A FUNERALS AND OBITUARIES MYSTERY)
Whiskey Lullabye (Southern Heartbeats, Vol. 2) Page 14
