She was losing Colin…she was losing herself.
That thought stopped the circles in her mind. What would the old Fiona do? The one who took midnight rides, and punched men who insulted her, and never followed her father’s rules?
Why, that Fiona would put on her riding habit and find the man who kept showing her his back. She wasn’t sure if she would throw her arms around him or if she would break his nose. And that was the beauty of being her. Rather than think it to death, she’d decide when the moment dictated.
She rang for Mary and had the girl help her change into her habit and braid her hair into a serviceable style.
“Do ye want to pack a lunch?” Mary asked as she worked.
“Aye, that would be lovely.” Fiona gave the girl a smile, making sure to give nothing away.
With a nod, Mary pulled the cord again to signal for another servant.
A quarter hour later, Fiona was in the barn. She’d left a quick note for her father and grabbed a blanket and a few other supplies from her room. Not much, she didn’t want to make the grooms suspicious.
She’d have preferred to ride bareback but she was giving the impression that she’d just be going for a quick ride.
“You should have one of us chaperone ye, miss,” one of the grooms informed her as he helped her into the saddle.
“No need.” She gave an airy wave. “My father is joining me in a few minutes, I’ll just take this filly for a few laps around the training ring while I wait.” Her smile was bright as she trotted off, looking in no particular hurry.
But as soon as she’d cleared the barn, she kicked the horse faster, and started toward the road to Kirkaldy. She wouldn’t make it by nightfall, but that didn’t frighten her, she’d ridden at night her entire life.
The day was warm, and spring was in full bloom as she started down the rutted roads. The air smelled sweet and Fiona felt at ease for the first time in days. Other than when Colin had held her close. This felt right, going after him.
By evening she was more than halfway there and she stopped to change horses. The stableman gave her a few curious glances, a woman being alone, but she paid them no mind, and started down the road once again.
She still had a few hours’ worth of riding ahead of her when night fell but it took a great deal longer than she’d planned. Clouds rolled in, covering the moon, making her slow her pace to almost nothing.
It was midnight before she reached Kirkaldy and she dared not travel any further. But she didn’t want to check in at the inn either. She’d been coming to this village her entire life. To check in without a chaperone, well, she’d never recover. Instead, she headed down the street, to a cottage on the outskirts of the village. It was empty, she knew it was.
Tying her horse in the dilapidated barn, she let herself into the back of the cottage and spread out her blanket. She ate her picnic lunch, hours overdue, and then fell into a restless sleep.
She was up again at the first light of dawn, and taking her horse, she started toward Colin’s home. One way or the other, she’d know her answer today. Did her future include Colin Campbell?
As she made her way down the misty road, a figure appeared in the distance. The outline of a carriage. As they drew closer, Fiona recognized the Campbell buggy coming toward her.
She pulled off to the side but the driver recognized her and slowed the team of horses.
Colin’s mother snapped up the shade and gave Fiona a glowing smile.
“Fiona,” she cried as she pushed open the door and rushed toward her. “What are ye doin’ here?”
Fiona swallowed. She was supposed to be at the summit. To have been discovered was unforgivable. There was no point in lying now, it was done. “I need to see Colin.”
“I assumed as much.” Lady Campbell stepped closer. “Try to understand, Fiona. It’s been hard on Colin. It’s been tough on all of us. It’s my fault he came racing home.”
Fiona’s jaw went slack for a moment before she snapped it shut again. How much did Lady Campbell know? “How is Laird Campbell?” Fiona asked, knowing what difficulty the lady referred to.
“Much better.” Lady Campbell gave her a smile. “Colin is likely still in bed. Make yerself comfortable while ye wait.”
Those words niggled at her fears. First, Colin hadn’t left because his father was dying. He was fine. And second, as she traipsed across the country, sleeping on cold floors, he was tucked warmly in his bed. “Wait?” she asked because she couldn’t form any other words.
“For him to wake.” The lady gave her a smile. “Though he might wake early. There will be much to do.”
“To do?” Fiona repeated once again.
“Aye, before the move to the Highlands. Colin’s a laird now, Fiona.” Lady Campbell gave her a quizzical look. “Aren’t ye excited?”
Fiona blinked. What the devil was she talking about? Sick dread filled her stomach as she pieced together the words. She clutched at her stomach swaying on the horse and it took every ounce of her strength to stay seated.
This couldn’t be true. They were best friends and he wouldn’t have kept something like this from her. But why would his own mother lie to her? Much as she didn’t want to believe it, Lady Campbell has no good reason. Swallowing her misery, Fiona sat up straighter.
She would not be going to the Campbell estate. She had no intention of sitting around and waiting for Colin to tell her that he’d lied…again. Multiple times. Because that was the only explanation for why he had left. He didn’t want to fulfill his promises to her, he wouldn’t even be staying long enough for her to return from the summit. He planned on leaving before he fulfilled his promise.
He had used her and now he was leaving.
As she watched Lady Campbell ride away, she didn’t continue toward the Campbell estate. Instead she turned toward her home. It was time to face the consequences of her actions and nurse her broken heart.
Colin woke early and dressed, heading directly to the barn. He had to get back to Fiona. The longer he was gone, the worse it would be.
But as he stepped out of his room and made his way down the hall, he ran directly into his father.
Much as Colin wanted to be angry with him, his father was thinner than when he’d left a week before, his skin pale. He looked weak and fragile.
“Da,” Colin embraced his father.
The man hugged him back. “I’m so glad tae see ye.” The older man’s voice rough with illness.
“I’m glad tae see ye too. I was worried.”
“So was I,” His father let him go and rubbed the back of his neck. Coin could see the pain on the other man’s face. “I haven’t been the best father tae ye, Colin. And I wanted to the chance to tell ye that I loved ye.”
“Don’t say that.” Last night, Colin had imagined he would rage at his father. Allowing his anger at being so misguided an outlet. But in this moment, his father looked so weak, he couldn’t do it.
Shaking his head, Colin’s father put his hands on his son’s shoulders. “I was so busy regretting my past, I forgot to live in the present with ye.”
“I did fine—”
His father squeezed his shoulders. “Ye did better than fine. Ye’re a man to be proud of. Ye take after yer mother, steady and strong. I don’t ken what I ever did to deserve that woman.”
Colin blinked. “Do ye love me mum?”
“Always have,” his father cleared his throat.
“Then why did ye tell me not to marry for love?” Colin couldn’t quite keep the bitterness out of his voice.
“Colin, I didn’t mean to say such things. I did terrible things with love. Hurt people. I trust ye’ll do better.”
A stabbing pain lanced in his chest. Had he done better? He wasn’t so sure.
Heading toward the village, the world was quiet, peaceful, unlike his own heart that raged in his chest.
As he passed through Kirkaldy, the baker called to him. “I just saw yer mother. She says you’ve some important new
s.”
Colin waved, not at all certain he wanted to share his news about town. What if Fiona was so angry she never forgave him? He also hadn’t realized his mother had already left the house, his talk with his father had really delayed him, which only increased his worry.
Kicking his horse faster, the sun was high before he met another traveler. Two men came toward him, and even as far away as they were, he recognized Haggis McDougal. The giant man had a matching steed. The other, Keiran.
What he didn’t understand was why Fiona wasn’t with them. Kicking his horse faster, he met them on the road, not bothering with formalities, he asked. “Where is Fiona?”
“Ye dunnae ken?” Haggis cried, his horse rearing. “She said she was comin’ after ye.”
That sick dread he’d been feeling for days clenched his stomach like a vice. “I ‘ave not see her.”
The three men stared at each other dumbfounded, tension filling the air. “Where could she be?” Keiran finally asked.
Haggis gave a roar. “That foolish girl, runnin’ off by herself all the blasted time.”
He closed his eyes for just a moment. “Perhaps she returned home?”
“I’ll check,” Keiran kicked his horse forward. “We’ll meet back here tomorrow evening.”
Haggis turned his horse around. “I’ll head back the way I came, see if I can find anyone who’s seen her.”
“Keiran will be ridin’ straight on to Ravenscraig. I’ll head back toward Kirkaldy and see if she made it that far.”
Haggis gave a nod. “We’ll meet back here tomorrow night. Pray we find her.”
Colin spent the whole afternoon and evening combing the road. He looked for places where multiple horses might have convened, he asked passersby if they’d seen her. He looked for signs of a struggle but nothing caught his notice
Finally as dusk fell, his made his way back into Kirkaldy. If anything had happened to her, he’d never forgive himself. By trying to deny his feelings, he created such a mess. If he had the chance, he’d make things right for good and for real with Fiona.
Turning down a quiet lane, he noticed a single set of horse tracks heading to the barn of an abandoned cottage. Following them, he opened the door to a tiny barn, where a horse had clearly been housed.
Heading into the cottage itself, he followed a set of small footprints, too small to be a man’s, through the dust that led to a small sitting room where someone had clearly spread a blanket on the floor.
Could this have been Fiona? It made sense. If she’d arrived last night, it had been too dark to continue and she couldn’t just stay at the inn unattended.
Running back outside, he jumped on his horse and pushed the poor tired beast toward Ravenscraig Estate.
It was dark by the time he arrived, his heart still hammering wildly in his chest. He swung down from his horse, not even bothering to tie it. The beast was so exhausted, it wouldn’t go far. Likely, it’d make its way to the barns on its own. He knew the path well.
Striding up to the front door, he lifted his hand to knock, but the door swung open before he’d reached the knocker.
It wasn’t the butler, but Keiran, who greeted him.
He’d mostly made amends with Keiran, but somehow the man’s presence irritated him now. It was in the way the man opened the door only wide enough to peek out. Colin had grown up here, Keiran was the stranger. Who was he to keep Colin out?
“She’s here and she’s safe,” Keiran said by way of greeting.
Colin’s inside unknotted. “Can I see her?”
Kerian shook his head. “She doesn’t want tae see ye.”
“Like bloody hell,” Colin put his hand on the door. He didn’t push it open yet, but it wasn’t getting closed in his face either. “She is to be my wife. I’ll see her right now.”
“Nay,” Keiran didn’t move. “Ye won’t.”
That was when Colin pushed. In a quick motion, he shoved against the door with his hand, letting his shoulder follow. Keiran fell back in surprise and Colin barreled in, stumbling into the entryway.
Keiran scrambled to his feet, and had Colin by the scruff on the neck before Keiran had gotten his feet under himself. But Keiran wasn’t done. Before, he’d even straightened, Keiran landed a fist into Colin’s stomach doubling him over.
Not to be bested, Colin used the position to then drive his shoulder into Keiran’s midsection sending Keiran crashing to the floor again. Aye, they were well matched, indeed.
Colin made to pounce on Keiran when a voice halted him. “Stop this instant.”
It was Emilia. Colin focused in on her as she marched toward them, her skirt in her hands, her blonde hair trailing behind her. “He’d never noticed how much alike Emilia and Fiona actually looked. Or how beautiful Emilia had become. As she reached them, she straightened her shoulders and notched her chin to look him in the eyes. “What the bloody hell do ye think ye’re doing fighting in my father’s home?”
He couldn’t help it, her words humbled him and he rubbed the back of his neck. “Emilia,” he started.
Keiran got up then. “He started it,” Keiran said as he pointed a finger in Colin’s direction.
“Not another word,” she huffed. “Ye’re grown men.”
“I never knew ye had such spirit,” Colin whispered. “Ye’re more like Fiona—”
“Ye don’t get to say her name,” Emilia moved closer raising her chin higher to glare at him. “How could you?” She poked him in the chest.
“What?” he asked bewildered.
“Leave her like that, after what you did, without even an explanation. Not once, or even twice, but ye were going tae do it again. She loved you.”
Loved? It wasn’t in the past. Didn’t Emilia mean love? “What are ye talkin’ about? I ken I was wrong the first time, but I told yer father I where I was goin’ and I was comin’ back as soon as I could.”
“Then why were you moving to the Highlands without a word to Fiona? Because you were coming back?” Emilia made a pishing noise. “Ye’re full of dung. Ye’ve been her friend her whole life, how could ye do that to her?”
Sick dread reared up in his stomach once again. “Emilia, I would never have left her. I was takin’ her with me. She was so upset, I was waiting fer the right time to tell her about the move. The summit, it was so difficult for her and—”
“Enough,” Emilia held a hand up in his face. “Ye’re too late. She doesn’t want to see you ever again.”
“Please,” he begged. This was so much worse than he had ever imagined. If she thought he was going to move away without her, she might never forgive him. “I can’t be without her. Emilia, talk tae her, tell her I love her, Tell her it’s always been her. Tell her, ‘Wherever I go, she goes.’”
“She doesn’t want to go with ye. Not anymore,” But Emilia couldn’t look him in the eye. Instead, she stared at the wall. “Leave, Colin. Ye’re not welcome here.”
Chapter 15
Fiona sat in the tower that overlooked the ocean. It was one of the benefits of living in a castle. Her father might very well toss her out after today, so she may as well enjoy the view while she still could.
She wondered if any woman had so completely and thoroughly ruined herself as Fiona had done. It almost made her laugh, to think on it. She never did anything halfway, least of all this. But laughter wouldn’t come through these tears.
Colin left her at the summit to return home to pack his belongings and move to the Highlands. It was too ridiculous to even imagine.
The door softly opened and the gently steps of Emilia, told her sister had returned. “It was Colin.”
“I don’t want to ken,” Fiona replied feeling a fresh sting of tears in her eyes.
“Well, ye’re goin’ to hear it all,” her sister replied. “He said he loved you, Fiona. He said where he goes, you go. He can’t live without ye.”
“Then why didn’t he tell me he was moving to the Highlands?” Fiona yelled, then softened her voice. It wasn�
��t Emilia’s fault.
“Maybe ye should ask him.” Emilia’s hand gently touched her shoulder.
Fiona shook her head, her eyes never leaving the ocean below. “I never want tae speak tae him again.”
Emilia stood silently behind her for so long that Fiona didn’t notice when she finally left. She didn’t know how long ago the sun had set or when she’d ceased to be able to see the ocean below. She was only aware of the ache deep within her heart.
Having slept on the floor the night before, she finally became aware of the deep ache in her knees that drove her from the tower to seek out her own bed.
It was, if possible, even darker than the night before, and it took her a long time to navigate to her room. She hadn’t brought candles or any other provisions with her. Her stomach protested but she ignored it, just wanting the blissful nothingness of sleep.
Finally making her way into her bedchamber, she was grateful to see a single candle burning on the vanity. Stripping off her clothes, she didn’t even bother to change out of her shift and into a night rail. Instead she just crawled between the covers.
Strong arms pulled her close before she even knew what was happening.
She let out a yelp before Colin’s voice murmured, “It’s me, sweetheart.”
Rolling on top of him, Fiona raised her fists and aimed for his face. He only managed to just deflect it before the other came crashing down toward his nose. He threw his arms up to protect himself but Fiona only aimed lower and struck him in the abdomen.
His entire body jolted. “Not there, please, Fiona. Keiran already socked me good.”
“Keiran did?” she asked despite herself, gratification causing her to sit back on her heels. Which was a mistake. Her most intimate area came in direct contact with his. And he was naked, so only her shift separated them.
One of his hands came to her hip pressing her closer. She held back her groan of satisfaction. “What are ye doin’ in my bed?” she gasped out.
“If ye never want to see me again, I’ll leave ye, but not until I’ve had my say.” His wrist flicked so that she rubbed against his manhood in the most delicious way. Smart man that he was, he knew she’d be more receptive to hearing him out if he were pleasuring her.
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