by Rita Hestand
"We all are. But no one was in a position to help."
"The fields are well tended, but I've heard we are broke from the war." Melanie’s smile faded slightly. "You called it beautiful? You never called it beautiful. I got the impression you hated this country, the way you talked before the war."
Joe flinched.
"I guess it took a war to make me see it that way…," he answered solemnly. "I've always had feelings for this land, but not as profound as now. When the hope of a future is taken away, you learn to appreciate what you might have had. I guess I was rather spoiled back then. A war can change everything, Melanie."
Her smile returned. "The war has changed you, Joe. I feel as though you are a completely different person. As though I must get to know you all over again. And I have to admit, it's kind of exciting too."
"For the better I hope." He chuckled as he looked back at her.
"Oh yes, much better…" She sounded breathless.
"Have I told you how lovely you are?" He asked taking her hand in his and bringing it to his lips.
She stared for a long moment. "Uh…no, you haven’t."
"Looking at you is like looking at a slow setting sun in the evening, so beautiful there are no words. All you can do is stare in awe." Joe murmured near her ear.
"I could easily get used to your compliments, Joe." Melanie smiled. "You make my heart beat so frantically, I feel dizzy."
"As you should, I intend to remind you every day." Joe smiled at her.
Melanie pulled away to look into his face. "Joe…do you really think we should wed so soon?"
Joe looked shocked. "Are you having doubts?"
"Oh no…darling. But I don't want to rush you."
"The sooner, the better. I won’t have you running about free as a bird. I want to make you mine. I've been looking forward to it, for some time now. I've got to admit, I thought by now someone else might have claimed you. We received no mail on the ship; it was a long time to go without word of you. I worried that someone might have come along in my absence and snatched you away."
"We might not have been married, but we were betrothed. I would never stop loving you. But it’s so soon, what if you change your mind about Carmen?" Melanie insisted.
"Carmen…why do you keep bringing her up." He let his temper simmer. It was natural in Melanie's position to be a bit jealous of Carmen. If she only knew the truth. "It’s you I love. Haven't I proved it? Don't you understand? That was just a passing whimsy." Joe assured her and sealed it with a kiss. "Men have passing fancies in their youth, but that is all she was. A war can make a man of you and make you realize what is important."
After a long moment of breathtaking kisses, she murmured. "If you’re sure…"
"My darling, you have no worries, I’m yours…."
She fanned herself as he stared at her.
"This new Joe excites me more than I can say. You seem so in command of yourself. So self assured." She whispered as his lips claimed hers and his hands strayed to the soft side of her breast. She gasped into his kiss. He felt her weaken in his arms. There was no protest, only submission.
Joe smiled against her lips. "I want to rip the clothes from you, carry you to my bed, and make love to you all night long. Does that tell you how much I want you?"
"Yes, yes, my darling Joe–"
Chapter Three
It was midnight when Joe ventured downstairs to get a piece of pie and a glass of milk. The house was dark, so he carried his own lantern with him. He tiptoed through the house so he wouldn't wake anyone. The sweet smell of Ole Jen's pies invited him. She had them lined up on one table and covered them with a large cloth. Joe uncovered them and turned them all so he could see what flavor each one was in the dark. He held one up to his nose and inhaled the fresh aroma. After he sliced himself a piece of lemon meringue pie, and a full glass of milk he started tiptoeing away. He was about to leave when a light shone behind him.
The goosebumps up his neck told him it was Ole Jen. He was going to have to face her.
"Another piece of pie?" Ole Jen’s voice sounded sardonic, her face a wad of frowns as she carried a lantern at her side too. "Can’t sleep? I wonder why?"
The way she said that had Joe turning to face her.
"You caught me red-handed, Ole Jen." Joe smiled as he approached her.
"In more ways than one." Her frown deepened as her hands fisted on her hips.
"You know…" his voice lowered, his eyes held the guilt.
Ole Jen’s eyes flashed through the darkness at him. "Why shore I know. I raised the two of you. I ain’t stupid. You cain’t fool Ole Jen and you knows it. I don’t know what this is about, but I do know you are headed for trouble. Lies only borrow more lies. I thought I taught you better than that."
He flinched from the tone in her voice.
Joe set the pie down on the kitchen table and then the milk; he looked up at Ole Jen with a long-breathed sigh. "Are you going to tell them?"
She looked away, and then restlessly moved about the room.
"Nope, ain’t my business what you’re up to. Besides, I know how you feel. I don’t see nothin’ wrong with it except lyin' to Miss Melanie. Your father would see something wrong in it. You knows that, but I don't. I know why you are lyin', and in some ways I understand, but…it don't make it right." She stopped and looked him in the eyes. She was holding tears in the corner of her eyes. "Cept…for Miss Melanie. When you gonna tell her? She's the innocent one."
Joe turned away, not wanting to see the censure in Ole Jen’s black eyes. "After we are married…I’ll tell her the truth, if she doesn’t guess it, by then."
"Hmm, I expected you won’t tell her until you's married, and she cain't do much about it." Old Jen shook her head. "That's the real reason you ain't tellin' her right now."
"You don’t understand. This is my one chance to live the life I’ve wanted all along. And it's my brother's chance too. Please, I beg of you, don't spoil it for us."
"I been told, 'be careful what you wish for'. You are gonna live to regret this, if'n you don't tell Miss Melanie." Ole Jen's eyes got big and round.
"Can you blame me? You know my father. This is the only way for us to be happy."
"No sir, it's the only way for you to be happy. I never taught you to be selfish. And this is selfish." Ole Jen’s head hung for a moment. "Yes sir, you is right about your father. Your daddy would never understand. And until today, my thoughts and prayers have been with you all the way. But this ain’t right and you know it. I didn’t raise you to be cruel and mean, and lie and cheat. Yor Mama died not long after the two of you were born. Why I had to give you milk myself from my own breast. You were my babies too. And I raised you boys like my own. I taught you from the good book. And now look at you."
"It’ll all work out, Ole Jen, you’ll see. What is in my heart is real and true. I'd never hurt her, you know that."
"She's gonna marry you, and not even know you. Don't you think that will hurt in the long run? And what will happen when she does find out?" Ole Jen fretted her hands folding and unfolding.
"I love Melanie with all my heart. How can that be so wrong?" Joe shook his head and stared at Ole Jen. "You've known my feelings for her all along."
Ole Jen nodded her head and huffed. "I knowed you do. I knowed it all along. Well…ain't my business. But you be good to that girl, or else you'll have me to answer to, understand? Miss Melanie is a fine young lady, and I love her like my own."
"I love her too…And she will grow to understand in time."
Ole Jena stared him down until he looked at her once more. "A lie between you is never a good thing. I knows you love her. Else I'd be tellin' her myself, right now. I’ve knowed it fer a long time, how you felt. I seen it in your eyes. I can understand you not tellin' your daddy, but Miss Melanie…it jest ain't right. She deserves to have a choice."
"It’s for her own good. Ole Jen, I promise, I won't hurt her. If father found out right now…all hell would bre
ak loose. You know that too."
"You got that right. Shore I knows how you feel. But you're gonna be sorry."
"I’ll never mistreat her, Ole Jen, I love her too much," Joe admitted.
"Yes sir, Mr. Joe. You’re afraid to tell her." Ole Jen eyed him with contempt. "You're afraid she won't love you back. Well, sooner or later, when she finds out, what is she gonna say and do?"
"I guess I am afraid of that too, Ole Jen. At least right now. Sooner or later, I will tell her and take the consequences. If she really doesn't love me by then, at least I will have had some time with her."
"You could be messin' up both your lives…" Ole Jen fretted but the smiled at him sadly.
"We agreed to this, Ole Jen. We both wanted it, this way. And maybe father will never know…"
"I’m surprised she didn’t guess when you kissed her."
Joe smiled. "I realized that quickly. But it felt so right. I've been gone a long time Ole Jen, and all I thought about as I rowed that ship in the bowels, was seeing her again."
When Ole Jen made a face, Joe tried to smile.
"There's nothing to fear, Ole Jen, I love her."
"Then tell her the truth, boy. And then you’ll be a man….a free man." She turned to leave. "I know all about bein' free, you know?"
"Just give me a little time…please."
Ole Jen studied the serious face staring at her, and her heart went out to him. "I won't say a word."
"Thank you, from the bottom of my heart."
"I won't, but you will have to eventually."
"Yes, I suppose you are right. I've just got to find the right time."
Joe thought about that. It didn’t leave him feeling too well about the deception. He knew it was too soon to tell Melanie. He needed some time first. Before she left the kitchen, he turned to look her in the eyes.
"I’ll think on it Ole Jen, but thanks for your silence…."
"Don’t you be thankin' me. You best be talkin’ to the Lord—"
Chapter Four
The next day his father sat eating his breakfast in the dining room when Joe came up to the table, noting how his father didn't even glance up. He was reading from the paper and not paying any attention to Joe.
Joe grinned to himself. It was a comfortable feeling seeing his father doing nothing more than reading the paper. Just like he used to do every morning.
Joe glanced at him. He secretly wished he could be truthful with the old man and make him see reason, but years of fighting his authority taught him that no one teaches George Armstrong anything.
He looked down the long table, solid mahogany, polished to a beautiful shine, covered with lace and linen it would seat fourteen easily. Why his father bought such an elaborate table, he could not phantom. He had two sons and he seldom entertained. George Armstrong would have only the best and biggest.
Everything in this house had been special ordered. He was told that they had entertained frequently, when his mother was alive. However, when she died a few years later, and then even later, the war began and nothing was ever the same again. His father had political meetings all the time. He fretted about the war and how much it was costing the state of Texas. Not once, was there time for a ball or a dance.
His father adjusted his glasses to read some fine print, "It seems our esteemed President is not finding favor for his opposition to the Fourteenth Amendment. The slaves are free, but he doesn't endorse them or help them settle. It's creating quite a stir. Is this the same outcome you thought of when you joined the union army?"
Joe nodded. "Lincoln freed them father, not Johnson. Johnson is wrong you know. He should be making plans on how to handle it; instead, he's floundering and causing more problems. No one ever thought Lincoln would be assassinated. He seemed invincible."
"You're wrong. Half the south thought he'd be assassinated; he was freeing the slaves, for God's sake." His father glanced up at him over the paper. "Yes, I think he is floundering as you say. He's only made things harder for them now. I'm glad most of ours stayed on. There's been little trouble because of it. We've always been fair. But others haven't faired as well."
"Yes, and had most of the south been fair, this war might never have happened. I'm glad you've treated them well, father." Joe grabbed a piece of bacon and started to dart out the door.
"Where are you going in such a hurry?" His father asked, wiping his mouth with a napkin and folding the paper, then watching him closely as he laid the paper down.
"I'm going to pick Melanie up and take her into Nacogdoches to shop for things for the wedding. Unless you have a greater need of me?" Joe smiled, confidently. "Ole Jen's making her dress, and she wants to find just the right material. Besides, I have had my fill of war talk."
"I have no need of you! I want to see this wedding through too. You should've been married before you left. It's way past time, and I think from the way you both reacted yesterday the sooner, the better." His father laughed. "Come to think of it, I was in shock. What has changed you so, son? I hope this isn't some kind of ruse, to hide your affair with Carmen."
"Changed me? Have I really changed that much?" Joe hesitated.
"I'd say you have, yes. And for the better, in some ways, I might add. Melanie has said so herself."
"I'm glad you are pleased, and her too of course." Joe smiled. "It's not so much a change as it is growing up, father. I'm a man now. I've been through enough to make a man of me, wouldn't you say?"
"You didn't answer my question. What changed you?"
"The war, we all went off with such attitudes that it wouldn't last any time at all and we'd be home again. Both sides thinking they were right, and then the ship…An experience I never want to repeat. The war made me see the importance of home and family. The pirate ship woke me up to the fact that I cannot continue to court all the ladies if I truly want to build a family of my own. At least, not if I want a future with one. Melanie is the one I love. She's everything a man could want. When I left, she was but a girl. However, she's matured too, father. I left her a child, I came back to the loveliest woman I've ever known. I realized her constant love and devotion to me was worth more." Joe said, then upon reflection added, his eyes going far away now. "I can recall her perfume, the curl of her hair, the way she sort of sways down the stairs, all of it. I missed it so. But I never expected her to blossom into such a ravishing beauty. She's a credit to womanhood."
"Yes, she has turned into a lovely young woman. She was just a girl when you left. But tell me was it that bad? I have no idea what you had to put up with."
Joe's face changed, he could never recall the last few years without a certain amount of dread. "Yes father, it was that bad, and more. There was a constant diet of fish and rats on that ship. Both were abundant. We rowed for hours every day, with little water, and no breaks. Some men died of pure exhaustion. Some men died of thirst. Some men simply gave up. The heat was sweltering. The humidity was unbearable. The stench even worse. There was such an odor for they never allowed us to bath. We had a whole ocean before us and yet we could not bath. We wallowed in our filth. Put all of it together it will take a lot of starch out of a man, I can tell you. Getting up day after day, with the only expectation that you hoped you survived, it's no way for a human to live, father. It makes you face reality, and your own future, if there is to be one. We all grew long beards. Any of us would have given our right arm to jump into that big ocean and clean ourselves. There were flies and rats and roaches."
His father frowned. "I'm sorry you had to endure it. Both of you."
"I survived, and counted myself lucky father. It's those moments in your life that makes you think. I realized the sweet love that Melanie had for me, seemed to feed me with hope. I'd see her face many times and it gave me the strength to go on. Sam wasn't as lucky, he rebelled. You'd have been proud of that. He fought them until he was too weak to fight after a while. The ugly war and the uglier pirate ship changed us both, father. He rebelled until he couldn't. And he suff
ered for it too."
His father hung his head. "And Sam…do you think he's going to make it back?"
"If he doesn't return soon, I shall go look for him myself."
"But you have a wedding. At the rate you are going, you will have her pregnant before she says I do!" He laughed once more.
"It has been a long time, Father. But I assure you I would never hurt her in any way." Joe smiled. "I'm sorry Sam cannot be here, but I am anxious. It is long overdue."
"Good. But tell me…I want to know…what changed your mind about Melanie?" His father scrutinized him. "When you left here, I would have sworn it was Carmen you wanted."
"Changed my mind? About Carmen?" Joe turned and stared at his father with question in his eyes.
"When you left we were battling out the fact that you still loved Carmen. How has that changed?" His father demanded to know. "Are you planning on carrying on an affair with her too?"
"I've not written or spoken to Carmen since I left. I realized quickly that I didn't even miss her. She was folly, and I knew it. Our relationship was based on friendship, at least at first. And…a man has to feel his way around women, before he can intelligently choose one to be with forever. Don't you agree?"
"I suppose…"
"But Melanie's lovely face stayed with me, even in my darkest moment's father. I missed Melanie. Her sweetness. I think war has a way of making you realize what is valuable to you and what isn't, Father." Joe felt proud he could stand up to his father suddenly.
"No doubt it does change things. Well, I am glad of that change. You know of course that Carmen would never do as a lady of this house. I wouldn't allow it. She has no breeding, no sense of propriety. I'm glad to see you've put her away. Where she belongs. I hope this will be the last of her."
"I have no plans to see Carmen again, Father. However, in all fairness, Carmen is a good person and should be respected. She has a great sense of propriety, I'll have you know. She comes from a very famous family. They say her bloodline goes back to aristocratic Spain even."
