Michelle’s heart shot up into her throat. “Um . . . yeah.”
“Good.”
She considered him a moment. There was no guile in his ice blue eyes. He was oblivious—to her anxiety, to his double entendre, to all of it. Thank God.
As casually as she could, Michelle plucked up her right skate before Esa could get to it. “I think I can handle this on my own,” she said with a self-confident smile before turning to Nell. “Let your uncle do your skates. He ties them up nice and tight: you won’t have to worry about hurting your ankle.”
“All right.” Nell glumly surrendered her right foot to Esa.
When he was finished lacing Nell up, and had made sure everyone’s skates were tight enough, Esa scooped up two helmets, handing one to his niece and one to Michelle.
“I don’t want to wear this!” Nell protested. “I’ll look like a mong.”
Michelle responded instantly with a sharp, swift glance. “We talked about that, remember?”
Esa looked lost for a moment, but didn’t follow up. Michelle donned her helmet. It felt awkward. It was, however, preferable to getting a concussion.
“Okay, we’re ready.”
The three of them walked out on to the ice. Somewhere in those few seconds before getting laced up and leaving the bench, Nell’s enthusiasm went into hibernation. She took two tiny, choppy steps, then pressed herself up against the boards. Michelle was right there with her, though she was trying to make it look like she just wanted to be with Nell. In reality, she was scared shitless. There was no way this was like remembering to ride a bike.
Esa skated a small figure eight in front of them. “Who wants to learn first?” he asked with a big grin.
Michelle glared at him. “I already told you: I know how to skate.”
“Oh, right. I forgot. Then that leaves you, Nell.” Esa took his terrified-looking niece by the hands. “Keep your ankles and knees nice and locked. I’m just going to pull you around, very slowly.”
“Okay.”
Michelle watched as Esa began to slowly pull Nell around the ice. She looked terrified at first, but after a few turns she started to relax, and even smile. Esa was nodding with encouragement. Since he was preoccupied with Nell, Michelle figured now was the perfect time to give herself a refresher course in skating.
The technique was simple. In fact, she could still hear her brother’s voice in her head: push off with one foot, glide. Push off with the other foot, glide. Repeat. And that’s it.
Michelle dropped her hand from where she’d been steadying herself against the wall, and as gingerly as she could, she pushed off against the ice with the blade on her right foot, which suddenly felt wobbly, but she didn’t fall. She repeated the process with the left. Then right. Then left. She started to smile. So what if her strides were kid-sized? She was skating.
Until she wasn’t, sitting on her butt on the ice like a big mortified baby as Esa, holding Nell’s hand, skated over to her.
“Are you all right?”
“I’m fine,” Michelle said tersely, slowly getting up. “Just a little rusty.”
Esa offered his hand to help her up, looking amused. “Just a little?”
Michelle glowered at him. “You’d better not start making fun of me.”
“Or what?”
“You two just go and skate,” Michelle insisted. “I’ll catch up.”
“Really?”
“Just watch me.”
“Can the three of us skate together?” Nell asked, looking back and forth between Esa and Michelle. “After I learn?”
“Well . . .” There was a hint of the mischievous in Esa’s voice as he flicked a long, damp lock of hair off his forehead like some beautiful black stallion. “You’ll have to ask Michelle. She’s the one who’s rusty.”
“Of course the three of us can skate,” said Michelle. “Like I said, you just skate with your uncle and I’ll catch up to you in a bit, and then we’ll all skate around together a few times. Okay?”
* * *
“Michelle, look at me!”
Michelle smiled weakly and waved to Nell as the little girl whizzed back and forth across the blue line. She had the Saari blood, all right: it had taken her all of ten minutes to get the hang of skating. Esa had hopped back on the Blades bench and was chugging Gatorade. Michelle was on all fours trying to get up gracefully from the ice. For the life of her, she couldn’t figure out why the hell she kept falling, unless it was the universe’s way of punishing her for her hubris. Two steps forward, one step back; or, in her case, five glides forward, one tumble to the ice. The first time it happened she saw Esa instinctually move to help her, but she gave him such a dirty look he just laughed and carried on with Nell. The thing was, it kept happening, and he kept laughing, and that pissed her off.
She’d just gotten herself upright (Christ, she was going to be a mess of pain tomorrow) when Esa hopped off the bench and skated over to her.
“Why don’t you let me help you? I can fix this in five minutes.”
“I’ll bet.”
Esa folded his arms across his chest. “Are you enjoying falling?”
Michelle could feel her cheeks turning red, that awful heat spreading across her face that she couldn’t control. She hated it.
“You’ve been lucky so far: you haven’t gone sprawling and knocked any teeth out. That would make a very exciting end to the day, I must confess.”
“You’re a jerk,” Michelle muttered.
“I’m a jerk?” Esa chortled. “You have a pro hockey player at your disposal to help you skate and you insist on falling down, just to prove—what?”
“I’m not trying to prove anything.”
“Then stop trying to knock your own teeth out and let me help you.”
Michelle knew he was right, which was why she glowered at him again.
“You’re taking uneven strides, so you have no rhythm. You’re taking a long stride with your right leg, then a small stride with your left leg. Also, you’re pushing very hard with your right skate, and you’re digging the front of it into the ice. That’s why you’re falling.”
“Anything else?” Michelle asked dryly. He had to be thinking she was a total moron.
“It’s the unevenness you have to work on. You seem to drag the left foot a slight bit . . . like . . . um . . .” He looked around the arena, snapping his finger. “What’s his name . . .”
“Igor?” Michelle supplied coldly.
Esa brightened. “Yes, that’s who I was thinking of.”
“Thanks. You’re bolstering my confidence by leaps and bounds here, Esa.”
“I’m sorry.” He tilted his head in Nell’s direction. “You have no choice but to do it for her. You promised her the three of us would skate together.”
“I know what I said. You don’t need to remind me.”
“Then let’s do it.”
Esa came behind her, gently placing his hands around Michelle’s waist. His hands felt huge gathered there, her skin suddenly warming.
“I don’t see why you have to—”
Esa huffed in exasperation. “Because I’m going to guide you. You’re going to skate in time with me, do you see? And then, when I think you’ve got it, I’ll let you go and you’ll skate on your own. And if you’re fine on your own, then we can skate with Nell. Make sense?”
“Yes.” Michelle contemplated apologizing for looking like a fusspot, but decided to just let it go.
“Good. Let’s start.”
Determined to keep mortification at bay, Michelle started slow. Push . . . glide. Push . . . glide. She was concentrating hard on making sure her strides were the same length, and that she wasn’t gouging the ice with her skate. “Good,” Esa murmured, his voice encouraging and low. Whenever Michelle glanced up at him for confirmation that she was doing all right, she received an encouraging smile that was so sexy it made her want to fly down the ice to get away from him.
There came a point when Esa let his hands dro
p from her waist, and she started skating on her own. She’d been concentrating so fiercely that she didn’t notice he’d stopped supporting her until his left hand reached out to hold hers. The jolt of realization that he hadn’t been supporting her nearly caused her to tumble, but she caught herself in time.
“You okay?” Esa asked.
She took his hand. “Fine.”
“See what a good teacher I am?” he boasted. “You’re skating beautifully.”
“Maybe you just had an exceptional pupil.”
“Maybe,” Esa murmured with a boyish smile.
“Actually, I think you must be a good teacher: Nell seemed to pick it up right away.”
“Genetics might have helped a little bit.”
“A little.”
Maybe it was because he wanted to make sure Michelle had her sea legs first, but Esa didn’t skate straight over to Nell. Instead, his hand remained clasped around hers as they continued skating the perimeter of the rink in a leisurely fashion. Michelle was enjoying it: the magic feeling of gliding across a surface as flawless as a pane of glass, the small chill in the air, the mini boost to her confidence that came from having not tripped or sprawled when he’d let her go. But most of all, she was enjoying holding hands with Esa and skating with him. She’d never skated with a guy before, and it was fun. Fun. Right. Use the word you really mean, Michelle: romantic.
It was romantic, the warmth of his hand suffusing hers, the sense of two striding as one as they glided around and around . . . Very romantic, which was why it was time she gave herself a good kick in the ass and made herself remember who she was and why she was here.
“I think it’s time we skated with Nell, don’t you?” she said. “She’s been very patient.”
Esa, who appeared to have been daydreaming, nodded. “Yes, she has.” He looked as though he were trying to bring the world back into focus as his fingers slowly unfurled from around hers. Michelle wondered what he saw when he looked at her. You value your attractiveness so little? Why did she have to think about that now?
Side by side but not holding hands, they skated toward the blue line, where Nell was still buzzing back and forth. “Nell,” Michelle called out when they were close enough for her to hear, “I think I can skate well enough not to embarrass you and your uncle here, so if you still want the three of us to skate together, now’s your chance.”
Esa took Nell’s hand. “Are you sure you still want to do this?”
“Yes! Of course!” Her face fell. “Why? You don’t want to?”
“No, nothing like that. I was just trying to tease you.”
“Oh.” Nell considered this, and so did Michelle. Nell had a sense of humor, and so did Esa. But his efforts to connect with her through teasing were hit or miss. All roads led back to the same thing: he needed to get to know her better. Then he’d have a sense of what would fly, and what wouldn’t.
Nell reached for Michelle’s hand, smiling up at her as she did. “Are you ready, Michelle? I think you are.”
“Oh, you do, huh?”
“Yes. I was watching your skating lesson a bit and I think you’re doing very well.”
“Then what are we waiting for?”
It felt to Michelle as if the whole world was holding its breath and watching as she, Nell, and Esa lined up, and at Esa’s count of three, pushed off on their right skates. There were a few wobbly seconds at the beginning before they got in sync, but then they were off, gliding down the shimmering carpet of ice, nice and slow. Michelle stole a surreptitious glance at Esa: on the outside he was the confident, cool uncle, but the hope in his eyes gave him away; she could see how important it was to him that Nell was having a good time. Michelle wished she could point out that he had nothing to worry about: skating between them with Esa holding her left hand and Michelle holding her right, she looked ecstatic.
She looked up at Michelle with a big, happy grin. “Isn’t this lovely, Michelle?”
Michelle grinned back. “It is.” It was.
Nell nodded to herself, as if Michelle had just confirmed something. Nell looked at her uncle, asking him the same question. “It’s great!” Esa replied with unabashed enthusiasm. Nell’s entire body seemed to light up.
“I bet if anyone came in right now and saw us, they’d think we were a proper family!” she said giddily.
Thawap! Michelle felt as if she’d just been hit in the chest with a little girl-sized snowball. She instinctively turned her head, watching as Esa’s gaze slowly traveled to meet hers. What should I say? his eyes seemed to be asking. That was what he wanted to know, wasn’t it? The gaze continued and she broke eye contact, fearful that if she kept staring into his eyes much longer, she’d stumble and fall. Fearful of that, and more.
25
“I enjoyed today very much.”
Michelle, standing at the sink scouring some large pots that couldn’t fit in the dishwasher, smiled warmly as she looked over her shoulder at Esa as he strolled into the kitchen.
“Me, too.”
“I’m glad.”
It had been a tiring day, but a happy one for Nell and her uncle. Nell was starting to warm up to Esa a little. He still couldn’t broach the subject of her mother with her—and sometimes, Michelle got the sense that he didn’t want to. She liked to think it was enough for now that Nell was beginning to open up to him. Bonding with her uncle on their shared loss would come eventually.
Esa came and stood by the sink, lifting a pot out of the drying rack. “I can dry.” His eyes traveled around the kitchen. “Where do you keep the dishtowels?”
Michelle lifted a hand from the soapy water, pointing out the lower drawer where the dishtowels were folded. “Knock yourself out.”
Esa fetched himself a towel and began drying the pot. “I think Nell really enjoyed herself. Don’t you?”
“C’mon, Esa. You know she did.”
“Did she say anything when you tucked her in?”
Michelle concentrated hard on scrubbing the saucepan in her hand. “No. But she really didn’t have to, did she? She was high as a kite all day.” She did mention being a “proper family” again, but Michelle saw no reason to go there, not when they were having a nice relaxing conversation.
“She really does have natural skating ability,” Esa enthused. “Is there a girl’s ice hockey team at her school? Maybe it’s something she’d want to do.”
“Maybe.” Michelle began rinsing off a pot. “You should ask her.”
She felt a bit dowdy standing there with her dishwashing gloves on, but her mom had always worn them, and had always advised her to wear them since she was a little girl. “You can always tell a woman’s age by her hands,” her mom had said. Weird that she was thinking about that now.
“Esa.”
“Mmm?”
“I just had an idea.”
Esa looked dubious. “What’s that?”
“I thought what you did with Nell today was great. But another thing that might help bring you two closer is if you tuck her in more often on nights when you’re home.”
“I do tuck her in!”
Michelle hesitated. “Sometimes. And sometimes she goes off to bed on her own.”
Esa hesitated. “Don’t you think she’s too big to be tucked in?”
“No,” Michelle said, shocked. “She’s a little girl! Why on earth would you think that?”
“It just feels—”
“Uncomfortable?”
“Mmm.”
“Might I remind you it’s not about you?”
Esa laughed lightly. “Ah, the Beck slap on the wrist. It’s been awhile. I’ve missed it.”
Michelle forced her attention back to the soapy water as a tiny jag of arousal went through her. Esa was silent as he finished drying the pot in his hands, quietly placing it on the counter. Michelle knew what was going to happen next, and she knew she should leave the kitchen now. But she didn’t. And so, when Esa slid up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling h
er to him, she leaned back against him, eyes closing as she felt the heat of his lips upon her neck, provocative.
“Michelle?”
“I know. I know what you’re going to say.” As gingerly as she could, she took her hands from the soapy water and peeled the rubber gloves off, putting her arms over his.
“Tell me, then,” he murmured in her ear. Michelle moaned, trying not to let herself become so overwhelmed so easily, so quickly.
“You’re going to tell me,” she said weakly, eyes rolling up in her head as he lightly nipped her earlobe, “that this is inevitable and it’s useless to fight it.”
“Correct.” He pulled her tighter to him, his rising hard-on pressing into her ass. “And you’re going to tell me this isn’t a good idea.”
“It’s not.”
Esa’s laugh was low and seductive. “Haven’t you figured out by now that I’m a bad man?”
Michelle couldn’t speak.
His mouth was pressed to the shell of her ear again, his hips pushing ever so slightly against her. “I want you, Michelle. Why don’t you tell me what you want?”
It was too much. Michelle turned in his embrace, and taking his face in her hands, dragged his mouth to hers, her whole body straining against his. Esa gave a wicked little laugh and then his tongue was in her mouth, sinking deep, swirling, demanding a response. She answered him, heat charging through her. If he was bad, then she was worse, because she knew this was wrong, but she was going to do it anyway.
Esa ended the kiss, the unapologetic lust in those hooded, ice blue eyes of his enough to make her woozy. Taking her by the hand, he led her through the vast living room to the other side of the apartment where the bedrooms were. All she wanted to do was get him out of those clothes and ride what she had no doubt was that magnificent cock of his.
He ushered her into his bedroom, kicking the door closed behind them and locking it. Michelle barely had time to catch her breath before Esa had her pressed up against the wall and was crushing his mouth down on hers, rough and demanding. Michelle arched against him, heat pumping through her. Esa groaned, and a small thrill of triumph played through Michelle, knowing that using her body this way turned him on. But she wanted him tighter against her; she wanted to be able to feel him throbbing through his jeans. She lifted one leg and, running it smoothly, silkily up the outside of his thigh, wrapped it around his hip, pulling him closer.
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