“Yes, I do, but I hoped that somehow you might be able to change your mind about that and see the reality of the world. As long as there are men who want what others have, there will be some kind of war. Whether it’s one nation against another one or a man robbing a bank, guns will be used and people may get killed. We don’t live in a perfect world.”
She looked down. “I know that, but I don’t have to like it.”
“No, you don’t, but you do have to accept it.” If only she could understand good men, Christian men didn’t want to kill others, but sometimes had to do so to save other lives.
“This is so hard. Mama waited for Papa for so many months not knowing if he was dead or alive. I don’t think I can do that, and I don’t think I could live at the fort knowing that every time you go out, you might not return.”
“Molly, all those wars and battles are about over. It’s much safer there now that the Indians are contained.” That much was true, but out where he was, danger still lurked in the badlands where lawless men tried to take what didn’t belong to them all the time.
“I know, but it’s still the army and dangerous.”
He lifted her chin with his fingers so that their gazes locked. “Molly, I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I can’t ask that of you until you can accept what I do. You are the most precious thing in the world to me, and I’d do anything, anywhere to protect you.” He bent his head and touched her lips with his. When she responded by pressing into him, he deepened the kiss.
A fire began in his belly that surged and roared its way through his body. He held her tighter and let the heat wash over him. He wanted her now and forever.
She pushed hard on his shoulders and stepped back. “Oh, Stefan, this can’t be. It hurts too much.” Moisture glistened on her eyelashes in the bright light spilling through the windows. Her fingers brushed her lips before she turned and fled back to the noise and gaiety inside.
He slumped against the building, his nerves still flaming, and his heart pounding. He should never have kissed her, but it only proved how much he loved her. He had less than fifteen hours remaining, and he saw no hope of her returning his love before he boarded that train back to the life he loved, but she hated.
CHAPTER 16
MOLLY WRESTLED DURING the night with her feelings for Stefan and her hatred for wars and killing. He wanted her to face reality. Reality for her was the fact that he could easily be killed fighting outlaws, Indians, or whatever else might be facing the cavalry of the west.
She stayed as still as possible so as not to awaken Clarissa. The first quarter moon barely shed light into the room, but it was enough for Molly to see her way to the window. There she sat with her head resting on her hands, staring at the night sky. All the stars in the heavens that usually gave her peace as she gazed at God’s creation now twinkled as though to mock her sadness.
Her fingers touched her lips, and once again Stefan’s kiss burned there. She had wanted it to never end, and a deep emotion she never knew could exist had pulled her toward him. Oh, how it had hurt to break away, but she couldn’t accept his love. He wanted an entirely different life than she did, and that only served to prove she didn’t love him enough if she couldn’t change her desires to mesh with his.
Tears slid down her cheeks. Tomorrow she’d say goodbye, and she may never see him again. Why did life have to be so hard?
A hand grasped her shoulder. “I can’t sleep either, Molly. I can’t bear the thought of leaving Andrew tomorrow. Are you feeling the same about Stefan?”
Molly blinked her eyes to repress the tears. “Yes, but I don’t want either of you to leave tomorrow. I’m so sorry your parents feel the way they do about Andrew. He’s a fine man and a dedicated doctor. I can see how he loves you.” Stefan had gazed at her the same way last night, and she had no doubts about his love, only her own.
“And I feel the same for him. If only Mother and Father would understand that I’m no longer a child. A young woman of twenty is able to make up her own mind in matters of the heart.”
Clarissa spoke true, so why should it be so difficult for Molly to do the same? She was two years older but her heart wavered with so much uncertainty she may as well be a child, like Alice.
“As long as you and Andrew can correspond, perhaps you can make up a secret code that will make your true feelings known when you write. That way, if your mother happens to read them, she won’t think he’s going against your father’s wishes.”
Clarissa gasped. “Molly, how can you suggest such a thing?”
“I’m sorry. You’re right. You must honor your parents and abide by their wishes for you.” Molly bit her lip. Why couldn’t she keep her mouth shut?
Then Clarissa giggled. “I love the idea.” She jumped up from the floor. “I’m going to write a list of code words right now and give them to Andrew tomorrow. This will be such fun.”
Molly groaned and laid her forehead against the windowsill. What had she started? What if Mr. and Mrs. Elliot discovered the code and then forbade them to even write each other? She glanced over to where Clarissa had lit the lamp and begun making her list. Such joy shone in her face that Molly didn’t have the heart to remind Clarissa of what could happen if she and Andrew were discovered.
Even though Molly’s heart broke because she couldn’t be the wife Stefan deserved, she prayed he would write to her. No matter what else, she did want to know what happened in his life.
She sighed with a heavy release of breath and headed back to bed. Tomorrow would come too soon, and being tired and looking peaked was not the way she wanted Stefan to remember her. She turned to face the wall and closed her eyes to shut out the light.
Stefan awakened after a night of restless sleep. The sun’s rays spread light throughout his hotel room. He groaned and turned over. Not only did he not want to get up, but he did not want to say good-bye to Molly. Several times during the night he awakened with the memory of her kiss still on his lips. He should never have let that happen.
His body warmed with the memory of her next to his heart last night. The emotion had gone as deeply for her as it had for him when she had leaned toward him.
With another groan and grunt, he pushed back the covers and swung his feet to the floor. He may as well dress then eat breakfast here at the hotel instead of down at the Whiteman house like he usually did. Seeing Molly at the train station would be hard enough, let alone sitting across from her at the table this morning.
After shaving and dressing in his uniform, he swung his satchel up onto the bed and began packing. His mind tumbled with images of Molly at various times during the past two weeks. Her voice with its charming accent and her musical laughter rang in his ears. She had captured his heart and he’d remain a prisoner, praying that somehow God would change her mind about his being a soldier.
He picked up his cane then slammed it on the bed. It hadn’t even been used the past three days, but it represented the excuse for this trip. If not for that stick of wood, he wouldn’t have been here in Stoney Creek in the first place. He’d be with his regiment in training and preparing for whatever duty called. He would never have seen Molly again, and never have fallen in love.
He had come and he had fallen in
love, but it shouldn’t have to hurt so much. His cane clattered to the floor. Too bad it hadn’t shattered like his heart.
The satchel yawned open, reminding him of what he had to do. Packing must be finished before he went down for breakfast and checked out of the hotel. If on time, the train would roll into the station in a little over two hours. His teeth clenched as he stuffed the remainder of his belongings into the satchel then closed it with more force than necessary, almost breaking a clasp. Suddenly he didn’t want to waste one minute of the remaining time with Molly. Forget the hotel, he’d rather sit across the table with her for even a little while this morning.
After checking out and taking care of his bill, Stefan carried his satchel and strode toward the Whiteman house. Even if he was late for breakfast, he’d be there in the same house with Molly.
When he reached the gate, he paused and read the sign bearing both Dr. Whiteman and Dr. Delmont’s names. Stefan’s fingers curled to make fists of his hands, and he winced with the sudden realization that Andrew must be experiencing the same pangs with having to say good-bye to Clarissa as Stefan was with Molly.
The satchel handle cut into Stefan’s tight fist, but he didn’t loosen his grip. He deserved the pain after the way he’d convinced his father that Andrew was not a good choice for Clarissa. He couldn’t deny the love he’d seen in both their eyes when they didn’t think anyone would notice.
The truth of the matter hit Stefan like a blow to the stomach. Andrew and Clarissa would be perfect for each other because she was so much like their mother and Mrs. Whiteman. They cared about people. For that reason, Clarissa would be an excellent doctor’s wife.
He’d make amends and let Andrew know he had Stefan’s support. With that settled he headed up the steps where the aroma of bacon and fresh cinnamon rolls greeted him, and sent his stomach to rumbling in anticipation.
Clarissa and his parents sat with the Whiteman family around the table. “Good morning. I hope I’m not too late to enjoy that wonderful breakfast I smelled on my way in.”
Danny grinned from ear to ear and patted the empty seat beside him. “This is your place. I get to sit next to you this morning. We’ve had the blessing, so we can go ahead and eat.”
Stefan would much rather be next to Molly, but with her straight across the table, he’d be able to observe more easily, so perhaps this was better after all. “I’m honored, Danny, and happy to sit with you.” He glanced to his other side where Juliet grinned up at him, exposing the gap left by two missing teeth. “And you too, Miss Juliet. You look very pretty this morning.”
He swallowed a chuckle as a pink blush spread over her face and she returned her gaze to the plate of eggs and bacon before her. Stefan kissed his mother’s cheek then sat down and glanced across at Molly and Clarissa. Red, puffy eyes gave evidence their night had been as restless as his had been. They barely glanced his way when he greeted them.
So much for having a conversation with Molly or even having eye contact. If she’d look at him, he could tell then whether the kiss last night had meant to her what it had to him.
His mother sipped her coffee and eyed him over the rim of her cup. She set it down and said, “I trust you brought your satchel all packed and ready to board the train.”
“Yes, Mother. I left it on the front porch to take to the station later.” He should have taken it to the station when he left the hotel, but he had been so anxious to see Molly that he’d forgotten.
Father placed a cinnamon roll on his plate. “I see you’re without your cane again this morning, and I don’t detect a limp. I’m assuming that means you’re ready for duty once again.”
“Yes, sir, I am. All the pain is gone, and I feel very good.” From the corner of his eye he noticed the frown on Molly’s face. Even a mention of where he was headed appeared to bother her.
“Very well, I’ll send a wire to your commanding officer to let him know you’ll be on your way the beginning of next week. You’ll need to check the train schedule and make arrangements for the trip.”
Stefan only nodded. He’d grown tired of protesting his father’s taking charge as though Stefan had the sense of a child. He couldn’t blame Clarissa for complaining about the decisions made for her.
As Stefan placed the last bite of eggs into his mouth, his gaze caught Molly’s staring at him. This time she didn’t jerk away, but allowed her gaze to lock with his. What he saw dismayed him even more than her words last evening. Emotion filled her eyes, but the set of her mouth said it would be controlled and out of his reach.
Why couldn’t Molly understand the reality of life? Not since the fall of Adam and Eve in the garden had there been true peace in the world. Sin had entered the hearts of man through that first couple, and now good men would die if they couldn’t or wouldn’t defend themselves. The Quakers had shunned the war between North and South, but he believed even they would defend their own if necessary.
Molly pushed from the table and tossed her napkin to the table before turning and running away with Clarissa fast on her heels. Mrs. Whiteman bit her lip and shook her head.
“I’m not sure what has taken hold of my oldest daughter. I apologize for her rude behavior.”
Mr. Whiteman reached for her hand. “Now, my love, it’s only natural that she be upset with our guests leaving today. She and Clarissa don’t want their visit to end.”
“That may be true, but it’s not an excuse for rude behavior.” She peered across at Stefan. “Is there a problem between the two of you?”
Stefan swallowed hard and paused to get the words he needed to speak as much truth as he dared. “She would prefer that I not return to my regiment at Fort Apache.”
“I see, and I’m sorry, but I do understand why.”
“But the cavalry is your life, Stefan. I’m so disappointed.” His mother clutched her napkin in her hand then reached over to grasp Father’s arm. “Our son was born for the military.”
“Yes, he was. West Point graduates have a duty and honor to serve their country just as Manfred and I and so many others did.” He turned and beamed at Stefan. “Our son will do us proud in the United States Cavalry.”
Leave it to his parents to remind him of his obligation to the family. After what happened to Mother during the war, he couldn’t understand why she too was so adamant about his serving.
One thing for certain, it may be his role in life, but he had no right to force that life on Molly. He loved her too much to see her living with him and hating what he did. Until he or the Lord changed her mind, he’d have to learn to live without Molly Whiteman.
CHAPTER 17
ANDREW COMPLETED THE notes on his last patient and checked his pocket watch. Almost time for the train. Clarissa had sent a note asking him to meet her a few minutes early because she had something for him. His heart ached with the thought of her leaving, but her father had made it clear he wanted no courting of his daughter.
A door closed and footsteps headed his way. He shoved the chart notes into his desk drawer then hurried to meet Dr. Whiteman. The doctor turned the sign on the door over and posted additional information about their whereabouts and time of return.
He dusted his hands together and grinned at Andrew. “There, that should take
care of anyone seeking our aid in the next half hour. Come, let’s go see our guests off on their journey.”
Andrew followed him to the foyer of the main house where everyone gathered. He noted Stefan standing off to the side alone. Molly must not have come down yet, but Clarissa rushed to Andrew’s side and pulled at his arm.
“Come over here where I can speak with you in private.” She led him to a corner of the parlor and stopped. “I have something I’ve worked out so that we can say what we really want to say without Mother or Father being suspicious.”
She handed him a folded piece of paper. He opened it to find two columns of words. One heading indicated words to use and the other the true meaning of the word. Andrew furrowed his brow. “What is this?”
“It’s our code.” She leaned over and pointed to the first column. “See, these are the words we can use in our letters and the other column is what the first ones stand for.”
He read through the list. “I still don’t understand exactly.”
“Well, if you talk about the things we did while I was here and the fun we had, you’re telling me how much you miss me and wish we could be together. When you tell me about what you’re doing, it means you love me and want me to be here with you. Talking about your family is the same as talking about our future.”
It looked complicated, but the sparkle in her eyes and the enthusiasm with which she spoke led him to smile and agree to the plan. He’d figure it out later. Right now he had no desire to let anything interfere with these last minutes together.
“That’s a grand idea, Clarissa, and I’ll study it in full later today.” He stuffed the paper into his pocket then grasped her hand and tucked it under his arm. “Come on, your mother is looking this way, and her frown doesn’t look good for either of us.”
Love Never Fails Page 13
