by Criss Copp
So now I have everyone’s gifts, including three for Silas.
I return to where Jade is frantically looking around at our rendezvous point for me.
“Sorry, I bought another couple of presents.” I explain and show her the games.
“Farcry 3?” she asks and then looks at the price. Her eyes pop out. “You shouldn’t spend this much on Ben and I.” She whispers.
“Sorry, I never really think about the money when it comes to presents, I just thought it would be a good gift.”
“Oh Isi. It’s bloody unbelievable. I think those boys will be in heaven.” she says, rubbing my arm. “I’m just being silly. I’m not used to having family members that think we’re worth it.” she smiles.
“I know about your grandparents.”
Her face drops.
“Yeah, well it’s their turn to have a good cry about it now. They’ve been trying to apologize since Silas was reported in the local news as having some success over here.” she growls.
“Yeah, I know.” I sigh.
It seems to me that Silas, Jade and Ben found each other because they’re fractured and as such gravitated to each other like a physics experiment.
It seems that’s the same for me, and I’ve gravitated to them because I’m fractured too.
I chuckle at the thought.
“What’s funny?” She asks, pushing her purchases as I push Ben. His basket is filled with my stuff.
“I was thinking that the four of us are all from fractured families – orphans. At least you three are, I’m just a castoff.” I say, actually it’s not really that funny.
Jade laughs.
“The association of orphans and castoffs.” She says grinning. “TAOC for short, oh no I’ve got it – TACO.” She snorts laughter as we go through the glass doors towards the car park. “The Association of Castoffs and Orphans.” She squeals.
I’m laughing too.
“We’re just a bunch of tacos.” She enthuses.
“You’re weird.” I reason. “Yet still beautiful, it’s disgusting that all three of you are like a catalogue of Australian models.” I laugh.
“You know what? That means you must be even weirder, because it’s you that turns us into tacos. Before you we were just TAO.” She laughs, she laughs a lot.
I’m thinking she’s been secretly snorting happy gas, or this hormone shit is awesome and I want some.
I giggle at her.
“Oh, and you’re definitely beautiful too, despite making tacos out of us.”
“You’ve been drinking those spritzer’s of yours again, haven’t you.” I tease.
“No, no. That guy I was telling you about? He was right behind you when you walked back to the rendezvous point.” she says. “He was glued to the back of you, kind of creepy really. He was totally checking you out. He probably really goes for women with babies, ugh.”
“What did he look like?” I feel my fight or flight response rising.
“Blond, handsome and maybe about 30? He was wearing jeans and a…”
“…Green sweater.” I finished.
“Yeah, you saw him checking you out?” She asks.
“Fuck. We have to go; we have to go now Jade. That’s got to be Ethan.” I inform her shakily.
Her face falls.
We’re running to the car.
And when we get there, my heart is jumping into my throat and beating really, really hard. The car is literally covered in petals. Rose petals with a large bunch of roses on the top of the roof.
I’m breathing erratically. I can feel I’m being watched, yet despite wildly looking everywhere, I can’t see anyone. I feel violated that he dare approach my car.
“Get in the car Jade and put Ben in his seat.” I insist.
I pull my can of mace out of my bag and push it into my back pocket, and then I begin throwing our purchases into the back of the car.
“Fuck, I’m sorry Isi. I had absolutely no idea what he looked like.” She says, frantically placing her son in the baby seat. He starts crying because she’s jostling him.
“I’m sorry Ben,” She coos, “Auntie Isi needs to get moving quickly.”
I grab the flowers off the top of the car and go to throw them clear across the parking area, but Jade cries out to me.
“Keep them as evidence Isi.” Jade states, jumping back and quickly taking a shot of the car with her phone.
“Get in now Jade.” I demand, throwing the roses into the back on top of the other items. I fold the pram up and push it in, hopefully not damaging anything, but hey, we need to get moving.
I pull the mace from my back pocket and walk around to the drivers door.
I still feel it.
The burning feeling of someone watching you.
I back the car out smoothly, and then place it into first gear and burn on out of there; shifting through the gears and hoping that a little kid doesn’t run out in front of me from between the cars.
“I’m sorry Isi. I’m calling Ben. The boys have to know.” She says.
“I know.”
She’s dialing.
“How close was he?” I croak.
“What?”
“How close was he standing behind me?” I ask.
“About two feet. If you had’ve stopped suddenly he would’ve plowed into you; hey Ben, you need to come home and Silas needs to come home too, right now.”
…
“It’s urgent. Ethan just ambushed us at the shopping mall.”
‘FUCK.’ I hear through the phone. Jade jumps back from it because the sound is so loud.
“Don’t fucking scream in my ear; just get the fuck home now.” she seethes.
…
“We’re already driving.” she says and then suddenly, she’s beginning to cry.
“Shit Jade, I’m sorry you’ve been dragged into this.” I say.
“Don’t be stupid Isi, you’re a taco now, and you’re one of us.” she cries.
I’m thinking now that I don’t ever want to experience those hormones; not ever.
“Taco Ben, she’s a taco. We’re all God damn tacos.” she shouts down the phone.
…
“Of course you don’t understand, just stop talking to me and ride your fucking Ducati as fast as you can.” she shouts and hangs up.
It’s not a funny moment; but it is.
I just have to say something.
“I’ve just pictured us all in a taco ad; dressed up as tacos in big foam rubber costumes.” I begin chuckling.
And just like that, Jade goes from crying and frustrated to laughing her face off.
***
It’s like we designed for it to happen like this, and that we would reach the last set of lights before we hit the suburban streets to their home and of course they’d be red.
That the boys would catch up with us here…
Ben pulls up alongside the passenger side and Silas along my side.
He looks at me with a seriously grim expression, looks to little Ben in the back seat and then back at me. He flips his visor up and I can see his face properly. He’s pissed, as in really, really pissed.
We’ll be having another one of those arguments. This time it will involve him ‘telling me so’.
I don’t want to talk to him yet, seeing his face seriously pissed like that, so I don’t lower the window.
The light goes green and he’s off. Ben’s not far behind, but Silas is doing well over the speed limit by the looks of things. I’m not looking forward to bailing him out of county if he happens to get caught. That would compound things significantly.
Damn, shit and damn.
“Fucking men, they always have to act like it’s happened to them personally.” Jade hisses.
“I hear you tacos.” I say.
She looks at me and smiles, and then she snorts out a short laugh.
“Tacos; God I love it. I’m going to milk that shit for all it’s worth. Those boys will hate it after I’m done with it.” S
he states.
When we get there the front door is open and Ben is coming out, followed by Silas.
Jade and I both jump out of my car and we go to get Ben and stuff out of the car to take inside with us.
“Get in the house Isi.” Silas growls.
I look at him, ready to do battle with him, but the look on his face isn’t angry, it’s pain. So I walk to him and give him a big hug. To avoid a big fight, I just give in right there.
I don’t want to hurt him.
I just want to be with him and for us to be happy.
I was shopping for Christmas presents for goodness sake.
He buries his face in my shoulder and holds me tight to him, making a soft whimpering noise. Neither of us have said anything else yet.
“Take Ben into the house Jade; we’ll get everything.” Ben says softly behind me.
I go to pull back but Silas won’t let me.
“I’m sorry Silas. I’ll do what you want, I’ll quit working and I’ll stay safe the way you want me to till the asshole is caught.” I say.
He just pulls me in tighter and groans, before lifting me up slightly within his embrace.
“You have to let her go if you’re going to help me carry all this stuff in.” Ben says to Silas.
Silas pulls back, dropping me and then aggressively cups my face in his hands and pulls me in for a smoldering kiss.
He pulls back again, with my face still in his hands and whispers, “Thank you.”
I smile and we both look at Ben, who’s stopped making any progress and is silently holding a bunch of roses in his hand, looking at the card.
I just stop dead still. His face is white.
“Motherfucker.” he whispers. “He’s fucking proposing on a florist card?”
I gasp, I feel sick.
Silas jumps forward and grabs the flowers and slams them onto the concrete at our feet and stomps on them several times, before picking them back up and hurling them as far as he possibly can.
“Show me the fucking card.” He growls at Ben.
Ben reluctantly shows him the card.
“MOTHERFUCKER.” He hollers.
I go to step up and look, but Ben shakes his head and gives me an ‘absolutely not’ look.
“Go inside Isi.” He calmly says.
Silas.
My blood is fucking boiling.
I’m so surprised that I haven’t ascended into a full on mania by now, it’s amazing. But this rage I keep experiencing is burning and at times all consuming.
“Isi is my fucking girl.” I say to Ben.
“I know that, she knows that, but that fucker doesn’t seem to get the fucking hint.”
“I’ll kill him if he goes near her again.”
Ben groans, “I have a bad feeling that the girls actually saw him today and they just haven’t said anything to us yet.”
“What the fuck?” I’m breathing heavy.
“Look, it’s not like they’ve had a chance to tell us anything yet, so let’s get this shit inside and we can go and talk to them.”
No Ben, you get the shit inside, I’m going to talk to the girls.
I storm inside and leave Ben to get the purchases out of the car.
They’re sitting on the lounge.
“Did you see him?” I growl, looking at both of them.
“Yes.”
“Sort of.”
They say concurrently.
“Fuck. Which is it?” I growl.
“I saw him, Isi didn’t, she just thought she may have.” Jade says.
“Where did you see him Jade?”
“I,” Jade looks to Isi for support.
“Looking at me Jade, Isi didn’t really see him remember?”
“I saw him checking her out and joked about it at first, because…”
I’m beginning to get angry. I realize I’m growling at Jade, but I can’t seem to help it.
“… because I wanted her to know how beautiful she is asshole.” Jade pulls out her temper.
“Then what, you said at first, so then what?” I grit my teeth.
“Then I saw him walking behind her when she came back to me after I left to go to the toilet.” Jade says.
“You split up?” I ask incredulously.
“Of course we fucking split up. We’re big girls shithead, we don’t need to hold hands to go to the toilet anymore.” Jade spits.
“Jade.” Ben scolds from behind me.
I close my eyes.
“Please explain.” I ask.
“He was walking behind her as she was pushing Ben in the pram. He, he was checking her out pretty thoroughly.” She grumbles.
“How close was he Jade?” Ben asks.
“Two feet?”
“Fuck; I mean, fuck.” I lament to the ceiling.
I fall into a chair and grab my head in my hands, pulling on my hair.
I rock there for a while.
Isi comes up to me and sits on the floor touching my knee and looking into my face.
Jade comes up to me and lays her head on my shoulders.
“It’s fucked Silas. It’s fucked and I hate to see you two like this.” Jade says softly. She begins to softly rub my back.
“I’m calling the cops.” Ben shouts out as he dumps the last of the stuff in the foyer and closes the door.
He walks off down the hall.
“Do you want to hear something funny?” Jade asks nervously.
I shrug, I don’t give a fuck about funny shit right now… but I know Jade is just trying to temper the mood. So, I sit down on the floor and pull Isi into my lap. She wasn’t expecting it, so I kind of knock her into my lap really.
“Isi kind of started it,” Jade begins, “But the four of us are a family of tacos.”
It’s so totally random. How in hell did that fit into this conversation?
“What?”
Ben comes into the room holding the phone; he briefly checks on us and then walks back out.
“Tacos. You’re a taco, I’m a taco, Ben’s a taco and so is Isi. We’re all tacos.”
“Oh my God Jade; you’ve seriously lost it.” I groan and then breathe in Isi’s scent. I push my face into her neck harder and breathe in again. My Girl.
“No I haven’t, it’s funny once you know what it stands for.” she enthuses.
Little Ben is on the floor in his rocker. He’s sucking on his pacifier hard and making sad murmuring noises.
“Your baby looks like he’s hungry.” I say.
“Oh shit, yeah he is. Hold that thought.” she says, jumping up and running to the kitchen.
“I love you Isi.” I whisper into her hair.
“I love you too Silas. I’m sorry I was such a bitch this morning. I’ll phone Jean this afternoon.” She says. It’s seriously like music to my ears.
“You can come to the gym with me sometimes, or you can come here and, damn. No. You’ll be stuck in the fucking flat now.” I groan. I hadn’t really thought about it properly.
“I’ll go and get fit at your gym. We’ll think of something else after Christmas.” I say.
“Thank you.” I choke. “I’m just scared.” I explain.
“Me too. I promise I’ll do whatever we need to do to make us safe.” She whispers.
I hug her tightly.
“I love you Silas.” She whispers.
I breathe her in again.
Ben walks in and takes a seat on the floor too.
“They’ll be here shortly.”
“Thanks Ben.” I say.
“That’s what families are for.” he says, giving me a light pat on the shoulder.
“TACOs,” Jade says walking in.
She’s so fucking random.
“What are you talking about?” I ask.
“Yeah, what’s all this talk about tacos?” Ben asks.
“We’re tacos.” Jade says smiling hard.
“I’m so confused.” Ben says groaning.
Isi’s chuckling.
“G
od, you two are so stupid.” Jade says, lifting little Ben up and settling him into her arms to give him his bottle. He starts sucking hungrily, like he’s been left in the desert for days.
“The Association of Castoffs and Orphans.” Jade says cheerfully.
Ben and I just look at each other with raised eyebrows.
‘So, we three are orphans, and Isi is a castoff. We’re homeless nobodies that have found each other and made a family.” She smiles. “The association of castoffs and orphans; tacos.”
“Shit, that’s actually pretty funny.” Ben says grinning.
I’m shaking my head, I get it and it’s still weird and completely random.
“I get it, but all your hormones are messing with your brain chemistry Jade.” I say.
“Pffft.” she huffs. “You’re just jealous that Isi and I thought about it first.”
I chuckle.
“Shit Ben, did he just chuckle?” Jade asks.
“Yep, dire circumstance and he still has time to see the funny side of life.” Ben shakes his head. “Totally irresponsible, teenagers these days don’t show any respect for the conventions of society.” He says.
“You guys are dumb, totally loco.” I smile.
“You’re a taco too.” Jade points out and smiles.
I groan.
“We should get t-shirts made up.” Jade says to Ben.
Isi starts laughing.
I just groan even louder.
Chapter 15: Presents
Isi.
It’s only two days following the shopping mall incident, and Silas is jumpy. He’s taking particular care to be sure about his pills, and I’ve asked him if he’s going to go manic or depressive. He says he’s uncertain. He’s never pushed through anger before. He’s always gone off his meds and resulted in a fall from grace of some kind.
He tells me his voices haven’t escalated and that’s a good sign.
I’m pleased. I don’t want all this bullshit I’ve brought upon this family to unsettle him.
We’re in bed right now and contemplating getting up, since the alarm went ten minutes ago.
“I’ll go with you next week for your fight.”
“We’re all going.” He says, rolling over to me and pinning me underneath him.
“Are we staying somewhere really nice?” I say breathlessly.
