by Garth Ono
"Hey, zombie, zombie, zombie!" Kate screamed as she charged him. He was a six foot black man, with massive shoulders and narrow waist. He looked like a weightlifter. His clothes were tattered and stained, and covered in blood. When he turned on Kate she could see he was missing his eye and ear on the left side. "Come to me, baby. That's right. I look delicious. You don't want them. You want me."
Kate dodged back and forth. Her sister and research said movement attracted zombies more than anything. When he started toward her, the teenager began backing away.
"Come to Mummy, baby," she taunted. Then looking past him to Mrs. Johansson, she shouted, "Grab Gigi and lock yourself in the house!"
Easier said than done. Gigi was attacking the zombie's legs. He was ignoring the dog for the moment. To scare Gigi away, Kate feigned a screaming attack at the zombie. The rotter stopped in his tracks, arms wide to catch her, but it frightened the dog, too. Mrs. Johansson was able to snatch her up and run back into the house.
"Oh, baby, it's just you and me now," Kate purred, swinging her machete in a figure-eight. "Any body parts you care to lose before I decapitate you? Hmmm?"
Zombies had no sense of humor. Kate thought it a shame there were no witnesses to her cleverness. Worse, his stench was pretty ripe. She noticed he had a deep cut in the belly, and some of his bowels had spilled out. It was so hard keeping her eyes off that foot-long length of swinging intestine.
Kate lunged at him. The zombie dropped into a crouch, ready to wrap her up in his muscular arms. She didn't think she'd survive five seconds if he got hold of her. So she ran around behind him, but he proved too fast.
"You should've stayed in the Zombie Lands where you belong," she said. "You're going to be the cause of a great deal of drama and grief for me, rotter. My parents are going to go ballistic when I'm late for class because I took the time to slay a zombie."
The longer it took the more trouble she'd be in, too. So she took a chance and moved in closer. He reached for her, allowing her to sweep his hands away with the machete. One hand was chopped off, and his other forearm wounded with a bone deep gash. The rotter was unfazed, and turned his bleeding stump at her.
"So gross," she muttered.
At least he was dead, so no heartbeat. No gushing blood.
He lunged at her remarkably fast. The only thing that saved her was his missing hand. She received a bloody line across her belly. Kate hacked a deep gash into his thick neck before she twisted away, ducking under his good hand.
"Hai!" she cried, driving her foot into the side of his knee. She felt and heard the joint separate. The zombie shifted his weight to the good leg. He didn't show any other sign of pain or concern. "Give it up already!"
She heard a siren in the distance. Was that the sheriff or a deputy coming to the rescue? If it was for Mrs. Johansson then it was too late. The poor woman would be dead if she had to wait on them. Yet, Kate hoped the elderly woman called 911.
"I could use some help with this bloated bloke," she muttered.
Kate paused. The siren was joined by another. Two police cars were heading her way. She could tell they were getting closer. Tennyson wasn't that big, so they'd be there in just a few minutes. And if the zombie was still alive, she would not be paid a bounty. The State didn't pay for holding a zombie until the police arrived. They paid for heads.
And $50 was a lot of money to the seventeen year old. With another $50 she could afford that cute black leather jacket on display at Miss Ellie's Boutique. It would look amazing when paired with her thigh boots.
The zombie began hopping toward her. She shook her head. They never gave up.
"Hey, rotter, is there anything going on inside your head?" she asked. He didn't respond or pause, just continued coming for her. "I didn't think so. I'll pray for your eternal soul tonight. Time to die again."
Kate waited for him to get very close. One of the cop cars came to a skidding stop out front. She could hear the radio chatter under the wail of the siren. The red, white, and blue lights even flashed against the surrounding foliage.
"I don't think so," Kate cried, dodging to her right.
The zombie turned too quickly. As she'd hoped, he overbalanced and fell to all fours. Kate stepped up to his side, lifted the machete high as Deputy Doge ran through the gate, and then she brought it down on the back of the rotter's neck. His head hit the grass with a thunk.
"Halt!" the deputy cried.
Kate lifted her gory blade, slanted a sultry look back at the deputy, and recognized him. Randy Doge grew up on her street, though four years her senior. He'd only joined the sheriff's department a few months back. He looked shocked and appalled at the scene before him.
"Hello, Deputy Dawg," she drawled. "You're late."
"Holy shit, Kate!"
Sheriff Coleman came rushing through the gate, pistol in hand. He stopped next to the deputy. The sheriff looked Kate over, and then looked at the headless zombie. It was the first time she'd ever seen older, adult men look at her in wonder.
"What are you, some kind of super hero?" Deputy Doge asked.
Chapter 5
Kate stepped out her front door. Her mother was cooking dinner, while her father was in his home office grading papers. After dinner, her mother would grade papers while he cleaned up. They alternated weeks. It was Kate's job to dust, vacuum, and do the laundry.
It was that time of day just before twilight. A magical time. Kate loved it. It hadn't warmed up much at all since the cold front. Still, she was comfortable in jeans, t-shirt, and a pink fleece hoodie.
"I'll be across the street at Morgan's," she called, and then closed the door before anyone objected. Walking down the sidewalk, enjoying the brisk autumn air, Kate slanted a curious look back at the kitchen window. Her mother was checking her out. Since Kate had her book bag over one shoulder, her mother would assume she's going over to do homework. "Works every single time."
Morgan's parents were out of town until the weekend on a business trip. So it was good times at the Brown house until then. Besides Morgan, her gracious hostess, Kate found Daphne, Teri, and five other girls. No boys. It was girls' night every night that week.
Dropping her book bag next to the door, she joined the others by the fireplace. There was a nice fire going, despite it being a gas fire. The other girls were sitting in a circle, laughing and giggling.
"Hello, ladies," Kate said. "You're not talking about me, I hope."
"Actually, we were," Teri said, eyes a-twinkle. "Kate and Johnny, sitting in a tree…"
And everyone burst out laughing. Kate felt her face heat up.
"It's not like that," she said.
"You sound sad when you say that," Morgan said. "We've decided to help you snag him."
Kate felt panic set in. When her friends decided to "help" someone's love life along, more often than not it ended in disaster. They were not subtle. She knew Johnny well enough to know he did not want a girlfriend. He was young and single, and eager for lots of mingle. Johnny dated a lot of girls. Two of them were in that room.
"Hey, now, don't do me any favors," Kate said. "He's going away to university next year, and I'll be stuck back here missing him. So, he's not a good prospect for me."
"Um, we're in America," Teri said. "Duh. We say 'going to college.' You crazy limey girl."
"Ha ha," Kate said.
"But she sounds so cool when she says it," Daphne said. She lowered her voice, with the wickedest of smiles spreading across her face. "Just between us, I overheard Johnny telling some friends that he loves the way Kate says naughty."
Kate felt heat rising. She prayed her face wasn't red. Johnny never said anything to her, but lots of boys had mentioned that they liked how she said certain words. Still, knowing he liked it was exciting.
"Actually, ladies, I get that a lot from American boys," she said, trying to sound casual.
Her phone rang.
"Mummy calling you home," Crystal teased. "Or is it Johnny calling his lady love?"
<
br /> While the girls giggled, Kate fished her phone out of her back pocket. For a second she couldn't breathe. The screen showed it was Johnny calling. The phone rang three times before she had the nerve to answer.
"Hey, Johnny," she said rather breathlessly, a big knot in her throat. Everyone's eyes got big, and then they giggled. So embarrassing. "What can I do for you?"
The question elicited scandalized squeals from the other girls. Johnny chuckled.
"He can hear you," Kate whispered harshly, hand over the phone.
"You girls are a trip, Kate," Johnny said. "What are you up to right now?"
"Nothing. What did you have in mind?"
A lot of different things crossed Kate's mind. Despite what she'd said earlier, she'd adore a more substantial relationship with Johnny. Even if it ended at the end of the school year. Better to have loved and lost, and all that crap.
"There are some rotters over on the Anderson place," he said. "You want to come help me kill them? We can split the bounties, plus Mr. Anderson promised to pay $25 a head on top of the bounty."
Not what she wanted to hear. But it was still doing something with Johnny. And someone had to kill the undead.
"What about the sheriff?"
Her friends fell silent. Daphne perked up at the mention of her father.
"The sheriff and deputies are stuck on a call. So, are you in?"
There was no way she wouldn't be in for some alone time with Johnny and earning some nice cash, too. She was starting to earn more off bounties than she made on her weekend gig at the diner.
"Sure. Pick me up at the end of the street," she said. "Don't make me wait."
She noticed everyone was gawking at her. Kate ended the call and rose to her feet, a shy smile on her face.
"Oh my god, you're going on a date?" Morgan cried.
"Yes. Johnny and I are going to go kill zombies by moonlight," Kate said. "There are some on the Anderson's farm." She wagged her brows. "How romantic is that?"
"You're a lost cause," Teri said. "I'd be slaying his heart if he called me."
"I'll let him know. Is it okay if I come by before school to get my book bag?"
Kate was already heading out the door. She didn't wait for Morgan's response. Johnny would probably reach the end of the street before she could, and she didn't want him coming looking for her. Her parents might see her getting into his pickup. It was a one of a kind pickup in Tennyson.
She took off running as soon as she was out of the door. Kate could hear his truck off in the middle distance. The sheriff pulled him over about once a week because of noise. Johnny didn't care. He paid the fines and kept on keeping on. The full-sized, four wheel drive pickup rolled to a stop at the corner as she arrived. It was shiny and fire engine red, and had a monster engine that growled like a dragon.
"Hey, hot stuff," Johnny said, opening the door for her from the inside. "Slide your sweet butt up close and let's go kill some rotters."
She was tempted. Sitting right up against him would've been so amazing. People would see them together, and so intimate. Rumors would start. Her parents would ask questions. So Kate stayed on her side of the truck. He just laughed, put it in first, and took off.
The Anderson's farm was on Kate's side of town, just outside of city limits. They raised Tennessee Walking horses. Kate loved to ride, and had even ridden some of their horses, but didn't really see the appeal of that breed. She preferred thoroughbreds and horse racing.
"How many zombies are they reporting?" Kate asked. "And do you have a machete for me? Or am I supposed to stand off to the side to ooh and aah while you kill them?"
"I like it!" he said. "Would you be impressed?"
"Mightily."
"Awesome. But I brought you a pistol and machete," he said. "You're the real deal, kickass slayer girl, Kate. I love to watch you in action."
She had a vision of Johnny standing off to the side, oohing and aahing as she slayed the zombies. And then they'd retire to enjoy each other's company, in a more intimate manner.
They arrived, turning into the main gate. There was a long white gravel drive that ended in a white gravel farmyard. All of the Anderson's barns, stables, and outbuildings were painted white. The main house was a huge redbrick affair with six thick white columns.
Mr. Anderson was waiting for them in a suit, sans jacket and tie. He greeted them warmly. She noticed his wife in the window, looking nervously toward the back.
"How many?" Kate asked.
"We've seen at least three," he said. "They are moving around a lot, and it's hard to tell exactly in the dark." He pointed at a white, three rail fence. "They're back that way. We managed to get all of the horses in and locked them up. The zombies cannot get into the barns, but we want them out of here ASAP."
"We'll take care of them for you," she said. "Mucho pronto."
Johnny dropped the tailgate to reveal a gun locker. He opened it and pulled out a Glock 31 in a shoulder holster. He'd already adjusted it to fit her.
"I'm impressed," Kate said. "You adjusted it perfectly for me."
He shrugged. "It's my little sister's holster, but my pistol. Don't lose it."
Instead of a machete, Johnny gave her a katana. She'd never even held one before. It proved to be a lot heavier than she anticipated. The wooden sheath had a strap that let her wear it across her back, with the long blood red hilt jutting over her shoulder. Kate really felt kind of badass with that sword and pistol.
"Now you look like a real zombie slayer," Johnny said. He lifted his phone. "Say cheese."
He took a picture. She shook her head. He was crazy like that.
As far as Kate knew, the only zombie Johnny had ever killed was the one at the party. He must've been bitten by the bug. If his college scholarship prospects weren't so great, and then an NFL career afterwards, she thought he might become a head hunter in the Zombie Lands like her sister. Maybe they could do it together?
After shoving two extra magazines in her back pocket, Kate pulled the katana and headed off at a slow jog. She needed to kill the zombies, turn the heads in for the bounty, and get home before her parents realized anything was amiss. Not likely, but she had to at least try.
"I've been doing a lot of research online," Kate said. "It's best if we can separate them one at a time, and kill them as a team."
"Yeah, whatever," he said.
Johnny had a holstered pistol on his hip, another katana across his back, and a 12-gauge pump-action shotgun. He looked a little too eager.
They spotted two zombies right off, side by side, heading their way across the pasture. So they climbed over the fence and headed toward them.
"Hey, zombie, zombie, zombie!" Kate shouted.
"They're right there," Johnny said.
"I'm trying to get the other one to come to us. I don't want to go chasing him down."
The two zombies started running. Kate stepped away from Johnny, worried he might accidently cut off her head in the midst of battle. She held the katana in both hands, while Johnny leveled the shotgun at the approaching zombies.
Boom! Boom! Boom!
He knocked them down. They got back up. So he shot them down again. And they got back up again.
"I'm just wasting ammo," he said. "Time to chop them up into little pieces."
They advanced on the zombies. Kate let Johnny attack first. When he did, the zombie facing her turned on him. That was exactly what she expected. Kate rushed in behind the zombie and that sword sliced his head off with ease.
"Oh my god, I so want one of these swords now," she said.
"Oops," Johnny said.
Her blood froze. That was not what she wanted to hear while fighting zombies. Kate whirled around to discover Johnny had impaled his zombie, sword right through the heart. The zombie was anything but dead, and slowly forcing his way up the sword. Her friend looked uncertain.
"Die, zombie," Kate cried as she swung her blade. The rotter's head flew off his shoulder. "Two down, one to go!"
The remaining zombie was coming towards them across the field. They had a moment to rest before he reached them.
"Wahoo!" Johnny cried. "This is fun!"
Kate wouldn't call it fun, but if felt right. She was good at it. Her sister thought she had good instincts. Zombie slaying ran in the family.
Movement over by the barn drew her attention. In the deepening darkness, Kate was just able to make out a zombie slipping between the fence railings to their side of the fence. It was a middle-aged woman in a flower-patterned dress and one high heel shoe. She might look ridiculous, but Kate reminded herself the undead woman was a merciless killer.
"And there's number four," Johnny said. "Man, we're going to make like $300 tonight."
"That's lovely, Johnny, but first we – "
That was all she got out before he whooped, and took off running at the male zombie. Kate's jaw dropped. He had no discipline whatsoever. She noticed the female turn toward him, probably attracted by his movement.
"Watch your back!" she called as she raced toward the female.
The female turned to Kate as she ran up. There was no hesitation or fear within the zombie. Kate found that more than a little unnerving. Everything within that was the human being was dead, leaving magically fueled rage.
Kate went to put her move on the middle-aged zombie, but her foot came down upon horse droppings. She slipped and went down in a split. The zombie pounced on her.
"Help!" she cried, blocking the zombie's snapping teeth with a forearm across her neck. The zombie grabbed a boob with one hand, and her hair with the other. Pain lanced through her body when her grip tightened around Kate's boob. The teenager responded with a knee to the groin, which had no effect at all. "Let go of me, you stinking rotter."
Using the keen edge of the katana, she slicked the tendons on the zombie's arm, forcing her to release her boob. Kate thrust the sword straight up under the rotter's chin, and up all the way through her head.
The zombie still fought on.
"What does it take to kill you miserable blokes!"
Kate switched the sword's hilt to her left hand, pulled the pistol, and shot the zombie in the shoulder three times. Her arm went limp, and the zombie released Kate's hair. Now the teenage slayer had leverage and mobility.
