“I never thought about it that way, but she’ll be fine. She’s an independent woman.” He snorts, laughing at his own joke.
I shrug my shoulders and follow his lead, leaving her behind. I’ve never met one of those women. I guess there’s a first time for everything.
We make small talk while walking the few blocks to the Walmart Supercenter. He’s a good kid with brains and a dream and apparently a sense of adventure. There is a fucking highway that cuts across the way. I’ve never in my life walked on a highway. It makes me realize how deer feel.
He jumps over the guardrail like a rabbit, while I have to sit on the motherfucker and throw my legs over. Youth. Damn, I wish I had it again. It’s not that I’m old. Thirty-two didn’t seem old a few weeks ago. My, how a death sentence changes a man. I’d do so many things differently. Fuck, who am I kidding? I’d do it all differently.
Isn’t it funny how life throws you curveballs?
In Clarksburg, West Virginia in the early morning hours, I sit in the middle of a swing in the garden department at Walmart on some fake grass, drinking rum and coke from a McDonald’s cup I found just sitting on the shelf. We’ve been sitting here shooting the shit and getting to know each other. I have a new friend, and he doesn’t even own a car or a building, much less a city block. Isn’t life grand?
Luke starts yawning after a bit, and I take that as my hint to head back. Some people can only handle so much excitement.
“So when are you going to venture out for that dream you have?”
“Oh, I don’t know. When I can save some money for a bus ticket to Nashville, I guess. I only get paid once a month. Extra pocket change is a little hard to come by after taxes and bills, ya know?”
“I’d figure so if you only get paid once a month. Damn, that’s shitty. How do people survive that way? The company is making interest off the money you’ve earned while they hold onto it for you. That’s not a good business practice if they want to keep good employees, but I guess if you want to keep your job, they have a hold on you. Fucking sucks.”
“Yep, explains why they strike a lot but don’t get anywhere.”
We jump back over the guardrail, and I promise myself to never do that again. I’m all for adventure, but not when it comes to jumping over something that could slice my nuts off. I reach down and adjust them at the thought of putting them in danger like that.
“Luke, do you have family nearby?”
“No. It’s just me. My parents passed away last year. They had me late in life,” he explains when he sees the confused look on my face. “Sickness took ‘em both. The winters get cold here, and the house is old and drafty. They got pneumonia and never recovered from it. It’s just me living there now, taking care of the dog.”
Jesus Christ. He is only twenty-one and already without his parents. What a fucked-up world we lived in. I feel for the kid. He has an amazing talent with his homemade steel guitar, but no one to make sure he reaches his potential. I can’t stand the thought of his life without his dream coming true.
“Let me ask you something. What would you do if you woke up in the morning and found a bus ticket to Nashville?”
“Nothing, cause I can’t take the dog on the bus. They won’t let me. I’ve already asked.”
What the fuck? He’d sacrifice his dreams because he can’t take a dog on the bus. I don’t know if that says he isn’t serious about his dream or if he’s that loyal to the animal.
“Really? You wouldn’t go because you can’t take the dog with you?”
“I can’t let her starve. I don’t have anyone to feed her, and I can’t just let her run wild. A coyote would get her. She’s all I have left, and I’ll be damned if I put her in a shelter to be killed. She’s just a pup.”
We arrive back at the bus bench, and his woman is right where he left her. He picks her up, wipes a little bit of dirt off her backside and swivels around to face me. “Well, Carter, it’s been fun being your tour guide through Clarksburg. Are you sleeping over at the bus station until your next one leaves? ‘Cause I’ve got a comfy couch if you need a place to lie down for a while and rest.”
“I’ll be fine. Don’t you worry about Carter George. I’m a New Yorker,” I emphasize Yorker pretty heavily with my accent to make it sound like Yorkah. “We can make it anywhere…or so the song goes.”
I pause for a moment, an idea brewing in my mind.
“Why don’t you come with us?”
Luke raises his eyebrows in surprise. “What?”
“We’re on a road to wherever. That wherever could run straight through Nashville. You can bring your dog. There’s plenty of room for both of you.” I shrug.
“You’d do that? For me?”
“Yeah.” I nod my head slowly, a smile curling my lips up. “I would. I want to. What do you say? You in?”
He looks dumbfounded as he stares back at me, shifting his weight from foot to foot. “Can I think about it?”
“Absolutely,” I say. “We’re the big black RV parked down by the Piggly Wiggly. You can’t miss us. We’re leaving in the morning though so think fast.”
He grins at me. “All right. If I’m at your door in the morning, you’ll know my answer. If you don’t see me, safe travels, my friend.” He waves goodbye and walks up the sidewalk right behind the bus bench.
Well shit, he was home this whole time. He opens the door and is greeted by a big, red dog that looks to be an Irish Setter. The dog jumps up on him, placing its front paws on his shoulders, and he hugs it before shutting the door. Loyalty and love. That’s all we need in this world.
I take a look at the run-down house for a moment. Most of the shutters are missing. There’s only one green one hanging from the second-floor window. The front porch has a deep bow in the front from years of water damage and rot. It’s amazing it hasn’t caved in already. The stone steps are cracked, and bits of the corners have chipped away, making them unstable. The siding has mold growing on it, except for the pieces that are cracked and broken.
He put his whole damn paycheck into living here, and he’s never thought to be dissatisfied with life. He’s happy to come out every night and play his music for whoever will listen.
The only thing I know for sure is I’m a spoiled prick. But I’m a spoiled prick with a lot of fucking money to help people. I make my way to Derek and the Beastmaster mulling over my options.
Day 4
Day 4? Jesus. It’s almost been a week already. How did time fly so fast? Normally I struggle to make it Monday to Friday. I should’ve travelled more often.
I decided to offer Luke a trip to Nashville, or further if he wants. He’ll probably want to bring the dog. I don’t care. I’ve never had a pet. How difficult could it be?
We’ve got two extra sleeping bunks, so it should work out just fine. I can’t wait to pull over every night and listen to some music before going to bed. I wonder if he writes too or just covers other people’s songs. Man, I’d love to hear that contraption play some heavy metal. Maybe he’ll take requests.
Stay-tuned for Luke’s answer. Jeez, I’m bouncing in my seat. Is this how Oprah and Ellen feel when they give shit away?
And to think, I used to only get this excited when I saw more than six digits in between the $ and the decimal point of a deal. It feels pretty fucking good, to be honest.
All philanthropy aside, I still feel like shit. The medication dulls the pain but doesn’t erase it. Sometimes I wonder if I’d be better off if I just. . . well, that’s just fucking morbid of me. Deep breaths, not deep holes, right?
I’m not done here. I’ve got shit to do in this world. Just fucking blows ass that I’m on borrowed time.
Guess you never really know when it’s time to check out. I’m just praying that it won’t be anytime soon. I’d like to have at least made it across the country and back again before it happens. I can’t imagine Derek having to deal with my dead ass.
There I go again being morbid.
It’s too ea
rly for this shit.
5
Carter
I push my pills into a pile on the table then stack them up like Legos. Derek is still snoring down the hall, and I’m on my third cup of coffee already. I’ve found that an overload of caffeine has been helping to stave off these shitty ass headaches. Or maybe I’m just being fucking optimistic, a placebo for my slowly weakening mind. A loud, choking snort causes me to snap my head in the direction of where Derek is sleeping. Christ, am I going to have to go give him mouth-to-mouth? A moment later, the snores go on as normally as they possibly can.
I’m truly surprised the man gets any sleep at all. Lord knows, it’s a struggle for me when he’s just a few feet away. I swallow down my handful of pills for breakfast.
“Surprised the fuckers haven’t choked me to death,” I mutter, chasing the chalkiness with my coffee.
I rise to my feet, thinking I’ll get a breath of fresh air and try to clear the sounds of Derek’s death rattle from my head when there’s a knock at the door.
I pull open the door to find Luke staring up at me, his dog wagging her tail beside him, his woman tucked beneath his arm where all women fit snuggly.
“Hey,” I greet him, my grin spreading from ear to ear. “I was hoping it was you and not the damn police coming to see if we were slaughtering wild animals in here.”
Derek gives a loud snoring splutter in answer.
Luke raises an eyebrow at me as I beckon him and his dog inside.
“He sounds like my grandpop’s old ’87 Mercury Grand Marquis used to after the muffler fell off. He’d gun it at takeoff just to piss Grams off.” Luke chuckles at the memory as he surveys our palace. I smirk back. It seems like an accurate description of what Derek sounds like.
I couldn’t fault Derek for sleeping so soundly knowing how long I slept yesterday. Must be the clean air and the open road. I just wish he’d do it more quietly.
“So, you’re coming with?”
“I figured it was now or never. Figured Molly here ain’t never been away on an adventure either. You came at the perfect time.”
Molly licks my hand and wags her tail as if she’s thanking me too. I’m sold on her. I think we will be good friends.
“I’m glad you’re here. Truly,” I say, patting Molly on the head.
I peek out the window and gauge the day. It’s just after 8:00 AM, and it looks like the grocery store is bustling. I need donuts to help wash down the meds.
Yeah, big round chocolate ones with lots of icing. Maybe even some of those fancy ones with crumbled cookies in the icing. My mouth waters.
Seems like a great way to start the day.
“You like donuts, Luke?”
“I love donuts. Especially the ones with that creme center.” Luke licks his lips as he rubs his stomach. Molly gives a whine. Apparently, she likes them too. That settles it. We definitely need some donuts.
“I’m going to run over to the store and grab some if you want to come with.”
Luke frowns down at Molly. “Is it OK if I leave Molly here?”
“That depends.” I glance at Molly. "She going to steal the RV?”
Luke laughs. “Nah, but she might crawl into bed with the phantom snorer back there.” He jerks his thumb in the direction of Derek’s tremulous snores.
“Then I’m sad we’re going to miss it.” A smirk tugs at my lips as I think about how Derek will react to a bunk mate. Without another word, we depart, but not before I place a good scratch on Molly’s fluffy head.
We walk quietly across the parking lot for a few moments before Luke clears his throat. “Mind if I ask what’s going on with you?”
I lift my eyebrows in question as I glance at him.
“I saw all the pill bottles on the table,” he explains, not bothering to look ashamed that he had a glance.
I can’t blame him. He’s loading his life into an RV and leaving everything he’s ever known behind. In his shoes, I’d want to know who the hell I was traveling with.
“Plus, you strike me as someone who’s going through some shit.”
“Aren’t we all?” I give him a half-assed smirk.
He nods thoughtfully. Luke is a good guy. And since there isn’t a reason in the world to keep him in the dark, I speak, “I have cancer.” It hurts to say it. Like the fucking words choke me as they pour out of my mouth. I stop walking and plant my hands on my knees, drawing in a deep, shaking breath. I’d never said those words aloud before.
I have cancer. I’m dying. Fucking dying! Thirty-two years old and on my way out.
Luke stops with me and instead of looking like he’s embarrassed at my quiet meltdown, he tugs me in for a hug. It’s awkward, for sure, but I find comfort in having someone give a damn enough to do it. I haven’t been hugged—really hugged—since I was a kid. My mom gave the best hugs. I miss those ‘squeeze-the-stuffing-out-of-you hugs’. Fuck. I should call her.
“I ain’t gonna tell you that it’s going to be all right in the end, because chances are it. ain’t,” Luke says as we pull away from one another. “I will tell you this though, for now, it is going to be all right. We’re going to have an adventure, my new friend. We’re going to drink beer and eat fucking donuts, and bitch about how women play with our hearts. Then we’ll all go to sleep. Maybe we’ll do it for quite a few nights. Maybe not. But we’re going to go to sleep every night knowing we conquered the world that day. You with me?”
“I’m fucking with you,” I say, giving him a watery smile.
He grins and tips his head in the direction of the store. “We best get our donuts. The old biddies get out and about and they take all the good ones.”
“Plus, we look like a couple of fucking lunatics out here hugging it out in the parking.” I chuckle as we start walking again.
“Ain’t the worst thing I’ve ever done in a parking lot,” he laughs loudly, the sound deep and rich.
“Fuck, me either, brother.”
He gives me a fist bump as we enter the store.
He seems to know his way around the place and leads us straight to the donuts. I grab a box, and he proceeds to fill it with a dozen different kinds, all mouth-watering.
“You know, I don’t think dogs can have donuts,” I muse as we walk through the produce section with our donut haul. “I think I read that somewhere.”
“Ain’t too much out there Molly won’t eat.”
“Well, just to be safe, let’s get her some treats and regular dog food.”
Luke shrugs and leads me to the pet aisle where I gather an armload of dog toys, a bed, food and treats.
He lets out a low whistle. “Damn dog ain’t gonna wanna leave you.”
“Not many bitches do.” I give him a wink.
Luke snorts at my joke and follows me to the register. I quickly pay for everything, even though he attempts to help. Once we’re back at the RV, we find Derek is awake and sitting at the table with Molly beside him. He’s petting her, and she looks like the happiest dog in the world.
“There you are.” Derek glances up at me as Molly licks his hand.
“Had to get some donuts,” I say, placing the package on the table. Luke and I sit down and each choose a donut. I go with the Boston cream and let out a contented sigh as I chew on it. It’s one of the best damn donuts I’ve ever had.
Luke and Derek look equally satisfied with their donuts as Molly cocks her head at us, clearly annoyed she isn’t enjoying her own donut.
“Hand me that bag,” I instruct Derek. He grabs the bag on the couch and comes back. I rifle around inside and pull out a big ass dog bone and hand it to Molly. We all laugh as she takes it and rushes back to Derek’s bunk.
“Derek, I didn’t introduce you yet, but this is Luke Boyd and that beauty in your bed getting slobber on your pillowcase is Molly. They’re going with us to Nashville.”
“We’re going to Nashville?” He bites into his donut and stares at me, waiting for me to answer.
“Yeah, you know, I feel like i
t’s where we need to be heading. Luke here was just the push I needed.”
“Well, yeehaw, let’s do this.” Derek gets to his feet and wipes his hands.
I grin at my two friends.
“Yeehaw! Let’s go.”
6
Carter
As we cruise along the highway, I look out the massive front window at the mountains, my eyes watering. Then it hits me. This is why people get teary-eyed when they sing “America the Beautiful”. No wonder Luke’s girlfriend plays such beautiful music here; it’s a reflection of her surroundings. We’ve got to be close to Heaven at this elevation.
I’ve never really thought about God. I mean, yeah sure, I know who He is at least. I actually get mistaken for him in the throes of passion all the time, but that’s not an appropriate thought at the moment. So anyway, God wasn’t mentioned much in my home growing up—unless my parents were arguing or my dad was complaining about a bad deal, but when Luke called this state “West ‘by-God’ Virginia” He’s kind of been on my mind.
God, I mean, not Luke, although he’s been on my mind too. I’ve been thinking about Heaven and God, and angels. A lot.
Derek keeps looking at me sideways every so often like he’s dying to say something about me wiping my eyes, but he doesn’t. Smart man. He leaves me alone as we cross the border from this inspiring state and ride along the Virginia and Kentucky border.
I glance back over my shoulder. Luke’s legs are stretched out on the bench of the kitchenette table while he reads. Molly rests at his feet like the loyal lady she is.
“Whatcha reading?” I holler back at him, but my voice echoes through the cab and bounces off the massive windows sending a shooting pain right through the back of my eyes like a sonic boom. “Damnation! Motherfucker.” I grab my head and lean forward as far as the seatbelt will allow, massaging my temples and trying not to choke on the damn belt.
Sweetest Obsessions - Anthology Page 63
