Eventually, I would reveal my pregnancy to Hassan and let him know that after my sixth month, I had no intention of flying to New York. I still hadn’t told Austin, and it ate at me. I didn’t want to be deceitful, but I also wanted it to be the right time though I supposed there was never a right time to reveal an unplanned pregnancy.
On second to last day of my vacation, I woke up early with what felt like cramps. It was an unusual feeling, and I got up to walk around. I felt wetness in my panties and ran to the bathroom to see that I was bleeding. I knew what was happening, I was having a miscarriage, and nothing I could do would stop it from taking place.
I’m miserable. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, and I can’t concentrate. I lost my little almond over four months ago, and it still makes me sick to think about losing Austin’s baby. I wanted to be a mother, and my time is rapidly ticking away.
To make matters worse, Austin is engaged and getting married to Jessie in a few months. He invited me to the wedding, but I’m not sure I’ll go. I think I’ve had enough of Los Angeles. Several companies have been courting me on both coasts. I need to get away from the hurt. Even though I don’t much like the cold, I’m seriously considering New York.
A large media company has been begging for an interview. I’m scheduled to check out operations at Tailwind this upcoming week, and while I’m in New York, I might speak with the head of the board, Charles Amick. This would be a big change for me, but what do I have holding me in California? Nothing. I barely see Austin, and he was my only friend. It’s better I get out before I lose my mind.
I don’t want to see him get married so I can think about how it would have been if we’d been together. What would our lives be now? Would my pregnancy have lasted to term if I hadn’t worked so much? How would I feel if I lost little almond while we were married? I don’t know the answers.
“Miss Stone, Mr. Amick, will see you now.”
I decided to take the interview. The short heavyset brunette from reception takes me to Charles’ office.
“Can I get you something to drink?” she asks.
“No, thank you.”
She knocks and leads me into a huge office with a wet bar and a large conversation area with brown leather furniture. In one corner near the window is an elliptical that overlooks Fifth Avenue.
“Mr. Amick will be in shortly. Please have a seat.”
I sit down in one of the oversized black micro suede chairs in front of the desk. I can’t get over this office. The ceilings must be fifteen feet high and, in the corner, I notice a bathroom. I always wanted a private bathroom. I get up to look outside at the street below.
“Impressive, isn’t it?”
I whirl around to see Charles behind me. He’s not what I was expecting since he’s about forty with slightly graying red hair and dressed in black workout clothing while slurping from a water bottle.
“I’m sorry, forgive me for my state of dress.”
I put my hand up. “Perfectly alright.”
I wait for him to be seated at his desk.
“You have history with Spotlight. Why leave after four years of great work?”
“I need a change. I have nothing tethering me to California.”
“Word has it that you turned around Tailwind Studios here in New York.”
“True. Management was a mess. I cleaned house.”
“And you did it in two months. Here at Charge Media, we have a similar situation. I’m sure you’ve done your due diligence.”
“You have several lawsuits regarding harassment. The atmosphere around here is hostile.”
Charles exhaled loudly, “Unfortunately, yes. Charge needs to clean up its image.”
“You need a woman at the helm to do it?”
“Exactly. I already know your reputation, so I won’t subject you to all the usual line of questioning. If you’re interested, I can have a package drawn up.”
“I’m interested. I would need to give Spotlight a month’s notice. I’m sure they would counter any offer you make.”
“I’m prepared to negotiate with you.”
“Send over the initial offer, and we’ll go from there. I do have one request. I take vacations right after the New Year. I would need that to be standard.”
“I’ll do you one better; we can supply a company jet for wherever you go.”
“That’s intriguing. Send over your proposal.”
“What the fuck do you mean you’re leaving?” Austin said.
We were having lunch at a bistro in downtown Los Angeles. I invited him to break the news that I was leaving California for the job with Charge Media. It had been a battle with Spotlight, but the salary, perks, and benefits Charge offered were just too good to say no.
“I received a job offer in New York. I decided to take it.”
“Does this have anything to do with my impending marriage?”
I laughed sarcastically. “No. Don’t flatter yourself.”
“You’ve been disconnected from our friendship for months. Ever since you found out about Jessie.”
I frowned. “You think I’m jealous?”
Austin gulped what was left of his beer. “What else am I to think? You never come around. I invited you to my wedding, and you haven’t said a word about it.”
I looked at the mixed salad on my plate. “I need a fresh start. I need to do it in a new city.”
“You hate the cold. New York isn’t for you.”
I leaned back against my chair. “I got used to it.”
“I’ll never see you.”
“You’ll visit Edith, and I always see her.”
“I come out to Manhattan twice a year. I won’t see you that much.”
“The deal is done. I move next week. I need to find an apartment. Charge is paying my moving expenses.”
“And your house?”
“I’ll put it up for sale as soon as I move. It’s worth more now than when I bought it.”
He put his hand over mine and squeezed. “I’m going to miss the hell out of you.”
I pulled my hand from his. “You won’t have time for me soon. Eventually, you’ll be married and thinking about kids. The semester will start in another couple of months.”
“I would always make time for you.”
“We’ll see each other, I promise.”
Austin shook his head. “Somehow I doubt that’s true.”
“When you come out, you can introduce me to Kat and Gavin.”
“I could. I might be out with Jessie in August before school starts.”
“I’m happy for you, Austin. I’m glad things are going well.”
We chatted over our meal, which I barely touched, and he hugged me hard, planting a soft kiss on my cheek before we parted. I watched him walk away and wished I’d told him the secret I was harboring. It didn’t matter, just like me, he would never meet little almond.
I went home to continue packing. The movers would be here in three days, and I still had so much to do. Spotlight was interviewing my replacements, but for the time being, the president of the company, George Clint, would be filling in as interim CEO. The last thing I needed to do was clean out my office, which would be easy since I had very few personal items.
Marina handed me a box for my personal effects when I came arrived the next day.
“Do you need me to help you pack?”
I chuckled. “I have very little to take. Most of my office is company business. If I fill up part of this box, it will be a surprise.”
“I’m going to miss you.”
I stared at her. “Marina, you don’t have to lie. I know I’m not the easiest person to deal with. I appreciate all your help.”
“You’re not as bad as you think.”
“Now I know that’s a lie. You put up with a lot of my shit. Why did you stay?”
“Because even though you could be gruff, you were always fair.”
“I hope the next CEO won’t be as harsh. I want to apologize for my
bad moods. You were a trooper.”
“I wish you luck in New York.”
She left me to pack up my things. I opened the drawers to my desk and removed a few personal items. In the back of the top one, I found the bracelet Austin had given me with a few charms. I held it in my hand and looked at the first one he ever gave me, the tropical theme with the palm tree and sun. It commemorated our meeting in the Maldives. I shoved it into the box, not wanting to relive old memories that would make me sad.
14
I arrived in New York two days ago. I’ve been on the hunt for a new apartment in Manhattan. Charge has graciously footed the bill for my hotel room until I find a home suitable for me. I sold most of my furniture in Los Angeles and only had a few choice pieces shipped here, including my bedroom set. It’s in storage for the time being.
My parents were not happy. I decided to move to the East Coast, but then again, their opinion didn’t matter. Even though I’d achieved so much in my life, I know they considered me a disappointment. When I did speak to them, which was infrequent, my mother would always talk about her friend’s children and their accomplishments. They had spouses and families, beautiful homes, and lovely vacations.
I tried not to let their indirect jabs hurt me, but they did. I wanted what I didn’t have, but I was destined to be alone. I never told them about my pregnancy or miscarriage. They would’ve told me that I was a fool to get pregnant out of wedlock.
When I got to Manhattan, I contacted Edith whom I hadn’t seen in a few months. She was thrilled I would be living here permanently. She never admitted it, but I think she missed Roman and Austin more than she let on. Today I was taking her to lunch at the restaurant I met her in last year.
Edith was already on her second glass of wine when I walked through the door. She was dressed in a pretty blue sleeveless dress and looked far younger than her eighty-one years. She hugged me tightly and held my hand as we were escorted from the bar to our table.
“Samantha, you look beautiful.”
I looked down at my white slacks and light pink silk blouse. I’d kept my hair down and my makeup light. The humidity was unbearable for this early in June, and I preferred not to have my mascara leaking down my face.
“Thank you, but I just grabbed the first thing I could find in my suitcase.”
She opened her menu. “Have you found an apartment yet?”
“Not yet. I have an appointment today with the real estate agent.”
“I wish Austin would move out here, but that horrible woman he’s with wants to stay in California.”
I raised my eyebrows. “You don’t like Jessie? I think she’s nice.”
Edith sipped her water. “She’s a phony. I can spot them a mile away. I didn’t like her when he dated her in college.”
“Austin told me he dated her a few years ago.”
“Pish posh. He dated her almost fifteen years ago. I didn’t like her then, and I don’t like her now. Did you know she’s been married twice already?”
“No, I didn’t.”
We were interrupted by the waiter who brought us a glasses of white wine. When he left, Edith continued.
“She broke Austin’s heart by going with another. I don’t know why he would date her again. He makes such poor decisions when it comes to women. Except of course you. You were perfect for him. It breaks my heart that it didn’t work out.”
“It makes me sad, too, but I don’t think we were perfect for each other.”
Edith didn’t look at me as she ran her finger over the menu items. “I do. He’s stubborn, and I think he’s still in love with you. This Jessie thing isn’t going to last, and I’ll be left to pick up the pieces.”
“They’re engaged and planning the wedding.”
“There’s still time to end it. If he would only listen to me. Are you dating?”
I chuckled. “Give me a chance; I just got here.”
“Times wasting. You’re not getting any younger.”
“Don’t remind me.”
She looked up at me. “Do you want children?”
“I do,” I sniffled.
“What’s the matter, dear?”
“I shouldn’t tell you, but I want to tell someone.”
Edith leaned toward me and lowered her voice. “Tell me what?”
“You have to promise not to tell Austin. It doesn’t matter now.”
I told her the story about little almond and how I debated when to tell Austin until it was too late.
Her eyes were wide with shock. “So, he never knew you were pregnant?”
“I wanted to tell him, but I thought he would be angry. I was careless.”
“I knew something happened when he came here after I got hurt. He was happier than I’d seen him in months. I should’ve guessed.”
“I wanted to tell him, but when I saw he was with Jessie, I didn’t want to disrupt his life. I would’ve eventually told Austin, then I had the miscarriage, and it didn’t matter.”
“You should’ve told him. He would like to know.”
“There’s nothing to tell. I wanted the baby so much. I thought I would never want children until I was pregnant. After, I realized how much I did.”
“You can try again.”
“I need to find someone I want to be with.”
She grabbed my hand. “Austin. You still love him. I know you do.”
“Even if that were true, it’s too late. He’ll be marrying Jessie in a few months.”
“I don’t think it will last.”
“He’s happy, and that’s part of the reason I decided to move here. I need to move on, and I can’t do it living in the same place as him.”
She clucked her tongue and drained the rest of her wine, signaling the waiter for another glass. We ordered and had a pleasant meal together. Later that afternoon, I met my real estate agent to look at some properties on the Upper East Side facing Central Park. My house had recently received an offer, and I would be walking away with a good deal of money.
“Miss Stone, what do you think of this one?”
Marla Gates, my real estate agent, was quintessential upper class. She was polished with perfectly styled ash blonde hair, designer clothing, and well-manicured nails. Her makeup was flawless, and I wondered if she did it herself.
She’d showed me three properties so far, and this one was closer to my needs than the other two. The gleaming light wood floors, neutral wall colors, and bright kitchen with brand new stainless appliances and an island of peach granite with white striations. The terrace overlooked the lush greenery of Central Park. It was so out of my character of the white and black I had in Los Angeles.
This was a new start, and I needed warm and bright colors. Floor to ceiling windows would let in the sun in the mornings and most of the day. The three bathrooms were decked out in white marble and glass. This place spoke to me, and I decided on the spot to take it, even if it did have three bedrooms.
“I love it.”
“I can put in an offer, and we can get the paperwork started.”
“How long? I can pay cash.”
Her gray eyes lit up. “Cash?”
“Yes. I can well afford this place, and I prefer to get out of the hotel I’m living in as soon as possible.”
“That might speed up the process. This is a new unit, and you would be dealing with the builder, not the board.”
“Send over the contract, and I’ll sign immediately.”
We parted ways outside the building, and I smiled as I got into a cab to bring me back to my hotel. I had five more days before I started at Charge Media. I doubted I would be moved in since real estate dealings never move that fast, but at least I had a place to live.
The next day I went around the city, hunting for furniture. The deal on the apartment wasn’t signed off by the builder so I put the pieces I liked for my home on hold. If it went through, I would tell the stores when they could deliver. I placed a call to Edith to let her know I’d found my new
home.
“That’s wonderful dear. When do you move in?”
“I’m waiting for the paperwork to go through.”
“Congratulations. Should I tell Austin?”
“You can, or I can call him.”
“He’s planning on coming to visit me in August. You two should get together.”
“That’s a nice thought, but it’s better we don’t.”
“Have you thought about telling him about the baby?”
“I think it’s best that he doesn’t know. I don’t want him to have any guilt.”
“You should tell him anyway, but I leave that up to you.”
I started Charge that next Monday. My office was not as big as Charles Amick’s, but it was pretty close. I had my own personal bathroom and got to choose the furniture I wanted. Everything was all set for me when I came through the door at seven-thirty.
I decided to change gears. I know how much my employees hated and feared me at Spotlight and Tailwind. I didn’t want the same thing at Charge. The ice queen was gone, or at least had partially melted. I could run my office with compassion and caring without making enemies. Although I knew I would have some, especially in the board room. Charles gave me carte blanche to clean up management and enact new policies.
As I had at Tailwind, I interviewed all upper management. I could see why the company had a problem; most of them seemed to have a sense of entitlement. In reviewing financials, their expense accounts were out of control. I would put a stop to that with the team I kept, and at this point, there weren’t many.
I spent my first week observing interaction between management and employees to make sure my decisions were correct; they were. I called people into my office to hand them termination slips. Everything was going smoothly until I called Dirk Benson, senior vice president of marketing into my office. Dirk was condescending and obnoxious. He reminded me so much of Thomas Pelter at Tailwind.
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