by Trina Solet
"So when are you seeing him again?" Bruce asked. Nothing Gavin said seemed to dissuade him.
"Never," Gavin replied flatly. They weren't likely to run into each other again, and Gavin wasn't about to go chasing after someone younger than him who wasn't even interested in him. Not that he was interested in Miles either.
But something strange did happen back then after Miles came to work for him. Gavin started to really like having him around. In fact he liked it more all the time, so that when Miles left, it was a vary painful shock.
Maybe that was because he had recently broken up with Quinn and he was lonely. That was also when he went on a blind date with Bruce, but they quickly decided that they should just be friends. With his big muscles and his confident grin, Bruce couldn't entice him, but his scruffy young employee stirred up all sorts of unwelcome, stray thoughts.
*
The day was chilly and damp with the threat of rain, but Miles had no right to complain about the weather. He shouldn't even be out. He was supposed to be doing some reading for a class, but he was too restless to concentrate. Going out for some fresh air, he found himself heading for Gavin's bookstore. His feet just took him that way.
As soon as he found himself standing in front of the familiar storefront, the old feelings came back to him. A mix of relief and excitement had flooded him whenever he stepped through the doors of the bookstore. He was happy to be working there. But he was even happier not to be working for his grandfather, listening to his putdowns and not hearing a word from his Mom and Dad to defend him. That had been a rough time for him. The friendly chime of the door as he went in, even Gavin's glower if he was late, all of it soothed his pain in those days.
Gavin was so serious, steady, strong, unflappable. He was an inspiration to Miles. A smart, disciplined gay guy was the complete opposite of everything his grandfather said about gay people. No customer, no matter how unreasonable could make Gavin lose his cool. Miles wanted to learn that trick so he wouldn't blow up and curse at his grandfather until he was blue in the face.
Gavin was his oasis in those days even if they didn't get friendly or talk much. And being here again brought back the way Gavin made him feel, so hopeful, almost confident, not to mention attracted to him. Every other time Miles found himself interested in a guy, it was someone from school, a guy his own age. But for some reason his attraction to Gavin seemed more significant, more real. Something inside him said this is what it's all about, this man, this feeling. If only Miles stood a chance with him.
Shifting his focus from the past to the present, Miles caught sight of his own reflection in the store window. There he was in all his scruffy glory. His hair stuck up pretty much on its own. Good thing since that's how he wanted it. He had on his favorite leather jacket, or was it a coat. It was something in between and it kept Miles warm enough, but its main value was sentimental.
Miles went inside the bookstore to the familiar sound of the door chime. There were a few shoppers in there, milling around, and Gavin was behind the register with his head down. He must have been deeply absorbed in something if he didn't give a newly arriving customer a greeting. To get his attention, Miles spoke up from just inside the entrance.
"Welcome to the Bookworm. Let me know if I can help you find anything," Miles said in the same bored way he used to say it to the customers.
"Hi, Miles. Isn't that my line?" Gavin asked as he looked up at him in surprise.
"I see it's still called that," Miles said, pointing a thumb at the sign, the back of which could be seen on the glass door. It said Bookworm in simple, black letters. "I always wondered about that name. But I guess it's good if you want to make your books sound stale, old and possibly vermin infested." Miles went over to lean on the counter next to Gavin.
For his part Gavin looked almost shocked to see him. "I wasn't expecting to see you so soon."
"I thought it was time I dropped by here."
"You never did before," Gavin mumbled then moved on to talking about the sign. "When I bought the store it was called The Bargain Bookworm. I decided to change it, but not too much. I didn't want to lose the customers I inherited from the previous owners. Didn't I ever tell you that when you were working here?"
"You didn't talk to me much back then. It was all 'shelve this, clean that'," Miles said and did a bad impression of Gavin.
"Do your job, you mean?" Gavin said pointedly.
"Yeah, you were a tyrant," Miles said but Gavin hadn't been a bad boss really. A no nonsense kind of guy, he seems standoffish and too serious, but really he was seriously hot. The worst thing about him was that he was so good-looking. And he seemed even better looking right now. Up close his eyes were a stunning blue, his jaw line was sharp, his mouth impossibly kissable.
So as not to give away what he was thinking, Miles turned away and started looking around, taking in all the changes since the last time he had been there. Right away Miles noticed that the kids' books section had grown a lot. As expected this time of year, Christmas and winter books were front and center, and a lot of them were about snowmen. There was a low, irregularly shaped, orange table surrounded by colorful footstools. That was new too.
Seeing what he was looking at, Gavin told him, "That's where Meredith does the kids' reading group."
"Meredith?"
"Your very capable replacement. She works the afternoon and evening shift so I can be home with Benji. She also does a lot of promotional work, reading time and she organized a few different reading groups. Right now she's doing a holiday reading blitz Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, and Christmas stories."
"Wow," Miles said, impressed. "She sounds like the complete opposite of me."
"She is," Gavin confirmed with an emphatic nod.
Miles gave him a dirty look then continued exploring the store. Gavin hung out near the front so he could keep an eye on the register.
"I remember the erotica section used to be here," Miles said as he made his way to the far corner of the store. He had to raise his voice for Gavin to hear him, and he objected.
"Say that a little louder, why don't you." As he said that, Gavin came over to join him. He was probably afraid of what else Miles might shout to him if he didn't. "Your beloved erotica section is still there. It's just a little slimmed down and higher up." Gavin pointed to the top shelves, well out of reach of any little hands and possibly even out of reach of most short people.
"Slimmed down? You mean nonexistent." Miles noticed that all the books that were still there had fairly safe covers.
"Benji roams up and down these aisles, and there are some things I'm not ready to explain to him just yet, maybe ever," Gavin said with a sigh.
"Where did Benji come from? I'm pretty sure you didn't have a kid when I was working for you," Miles said. "I know I wasn't on top of things, but I think I would have noticed. Probably."
"I adopted him a little after you quit. Decided it was time."
"So you've only been a father for what, a year or less than two years anyway?" Miles estimated. "For a newbie, you're pretty good at it."
"Benji is a good kid. He makes it look easy," Gavin said with a smile.
"And you're a single dad?" Miles asked tentatively. He was afraid to hear the answer.
"Yes," Gavin said and gave him a baleful look, like he thought he was implying something about his ability to get a man.
Actually, Miles was thrilled to hear it. After Miles stopped working for him, he was sure that the next time he saw Gavin, he would be in a serious relationship, maybe even married. That was one reason he didn't stop by until now. It would have been too painful to see that.
The big change in Gavin's life was completely different from what he expected. Miles asked him about it. "What made you want to adopt?"
Gavin gave him a one word answer. "Books."
"Really?" Miles said, looking all around him at shelves full of books and trying to figure out how they might lead to having a kid.
Gavin smiled at his confusio
n. "I kept looking at the books in the kids' section and thinking to myself, 'I want to read this one to my kid some day.' When a new kids' book would come in, I would think the same thing, like I was making a reading list in my head. After I caught myself thinking the same thing about a dozen different times, always making plans for 'some day', I wondered, 'What am I waiting for?' So I decided not to wait and started the adoption process. It took a while, but then one day it happened. Benji was in foster care until then. Meeting him for the first time, I was falling apart at the seams. I was biting my lower lip so I wouldn't cry and scare the poor little guy," Gavin said with a chuckle but his eyes were tearing up.
"It must have been something," Miles said as he tried to imagine the moment when Benji and Gavin came together as father and son. He couldn't quite do it. He couldn't picture them as strangers meeting for the first time. To him it had seemed like they had always been father and son. Miles looked at Gavin. "What was it like?"
"It was amazing and overwhelming. He was just there, this entire little person, my little boy. Real and tiny and a little scared. My kid. It was like a miracle happened right in front of my eyes." Gavin took a shaky breath. "Everything was so new then. Now I don't know what I would do without him. And speaking of Benji, I need to go get him from school pretty soon."
"Do you usually close to do that?" Miles asked since it looked like he was the only one working there right now.
"Only sometimes. Meredith is usually here around this time, but she had an appointment today."
"I can mind the store until you come back," Miles offered.
"All of a sudden you want to work here?" Gavin asked in disbelief.
"What? I wasn't that bad."
Gavin disagreed. "I remember you criticizing my customers' buying decisions and making inappropriate comments in general."
"Like when that lady was buying a Dr. Phil book?" Miles asked.
Gavin nodded. "Yes, and many, many other times just like it."
"I was being a good salesman, providing professional guidance. Anyone who would buy a Dr. Phil book obviously needed my services desperately."
Rather than argue with him, Gavin told him, "If you promise not to hassle the customers, you can watch the register until I come back."
"It's a deal. I'll mind the store, you bring that little dude over here."
Gavin shook his head at his enthusiasm then left.
Now Miles was looking around and thinking, "Like old times. Or maybe better."
Chapter 3
A little while later, Miles spotted Gavin out of the store windows. Next he heard the door chime and saw Benji running inside ahead of his dad. He came to stand right in front of the sales counter so that Miles had to lean over to see him.
"Dad said you are here. Hi, Miles."
"Hi to you too. How was school?" Miles asked him.
"It was good and I have lots of homework." Benji tapped his book bag as he took it off his shoulders.
Miles commiserated. "Life is tough for us students."
Benji nodded in agreement and went over to sit at the low, orange table in the kids' section. He started to unpack his book bag while his father came over to join Miles at the register. Miles noticed that the kids' table was in full view of the sales counter so Gavin would have no trouble keeping an eye on his kid from there.
"I see the store is still standing," Gavin said.
"Did you rush back to make sure? You should have more faith in me. I even sold some stuff. An art book, a calendar, and two suspense novels to a guy looking for something to read on the plane," Miles counted off.
"Two. Good work," Gavin said.
Hearing his dad praise Miles, Benji turned to them. "Does Miles work here now?" he asked. "I want to work here."
"He was just helping," Gavin told him.
"I want to be helping too," Benji said.
"First do your homework," his dad told him.
"You know while I'm here, I should pick up some Christmas gifts," Miles said.
He went to explore the different sections of the store, especially the ones that wouldn't usually interest him. After some poking around, he came back to the register with a small stack of books and showed them to Gavin.
"Check it out. A Christmas crafts book. My mom will go crazy for this. She goes Christmas crazy in general. Both my parents do. According to my dad, you don't have enough Christmas lights until you blow a fuse. As soon as Thanksgiving is over, it's like someone fired a starter pistol. My mom is decorating the house until it looks like Christmas exploded. And I swear, she starts baking Christmas cookies in August." As Miles talked about his parents, he got a little sad.
Benji's ears perked up at the mention of cookies. "Christmas cookies?"
"Yeah. I'll be getting some. I'll bring some over here, and I might even share them with you," Miles told him.
"I'll share mine too," Benji promised solemnly.
"What a generous boy you've raised," Miles said to Gavin, who smiled at his son proudly.
Miles left the books stacked on the counter and went to look at the kids' books. "I have a niece now, so I should get her something too."
"How old is she?" Gavin asked.
"She'll be turning one soon."
"Make sure it's a book she can chew on. That's what little kids do with them," Gavin advised him.
"I don't chew on books. I know how to read," Benji claimed.
Miles looked over at Gavin for confirmation. He mouthed, "Kind of."
With Benji at his side Miles looked through a few of the Christmas books though none of them looked chewable. Snow Party and Ten on the Sled caught his eye and Benji approved with a nod.
"That's a good one too," Benji told him when he picked up Froggy Gets Dressed. Then he whispered. "He forgets his underwear." Benji giggled.
"That happens to me sometimes," Miles said.
Gavin shot him a questioning look and Miles grinned at him.
Benji told him about the next book he looked at too, Snowmen at Night. "They have lots of fun but then they get tired."
"What's that one?" Miles asked about a book Benji held out to him.
"It's The Biggest Snowman Ever," Benji said and put his arms out. "I have that one in my book bag." Benji then went off to dig it out of his bag. He came back with The Biggest Snowman Ever and two other books.
"Look how many books you have. Should we read them?" Miles asked and Benji agreed.
The two of them sat down at the low table. Miles sat cross-legged on the floor while Benji took one of the footstools.
"Can you read by yourself or do you need help?" Miles asked him.
"I don't need help," Benji said.
"Then I'll read by myself. I'll read this one." Miles picked up one of the other books from Benji's collection. It was called The Red Sled.
"That will be quick. There's like five words in that book," Gavin said from behind the counter.
Benji disagreed. "There is more than five."
As Miles read next to him, Benji kept leaning over to look at what he was reading.
"Wow, you can read two books at the same time," Miles told him. "You want me to read it out loud?"
Benji nodded, accepting his offer. Sitting cross-legged and leaning over so Benji could follow along, Miles read The Red Sled, making the most of the few words in the book, especially the sound effects.
After he was done reading it, he decided, "I think I'll get her this one. It's not chewable, but I think her parents will have fun reading it to her." He got a copy off the shelf and took it to the register.
That's when a redheaded lady came into the store, apologizing and carrying a takeout bag. "I'm sorry about my appointment. It was the only time they had, but I brought snacks. I got egg rolls. I was craving them. I admit it freely." She set the bag on the counter then greeted Benji as he came running over.
Benji pointed at Miles, who was paying for his purchases. "Meredith, look. It's Miles," he said to her.
"You made a f
riend?" she said to Benji who looked up at Miles as if to confirm his status.
"We're reading buddies," Miles said. "And you must be Meredith. I heard you took my old job and put me to shame."
"Oh, I wouldn't say that. And that means you are the famous Miles I've heard so much about," she told him and shook his hand.
"I'm famous. I'm afraid to ask for what," Miles said.
"Nothing too bad," she told him with a wink, and Miles looked over at Gavin accusingly. He didn't even try to look innocent.
"OK. I'm off. It was nice to meet you, Meredith. Enjoy your egg rolls, guys. I'll see you soon," Miles said and headed for the door.
"Come back soon," Benji yelled after him.
Miles paused and turned to Gavin expectantly.
"Yes, please come back soon," Gavin said and gave him an ironically professional smile.
"You say that to everyone," Miles accused him. It was true. He remembered that he was forced to say some version of that when he worked there. Gavin said it about as enthusiastically as he used to, but Miles still planned to take him up on it. Not because it was a good idea to torture himself, but because he wouldn't be able to stay away.
*
Gavin didn't expect a visit from Miles so soon. He thought that maybe months from their accidental lunch together, Miles might remember that the bookstore existed and drop by when he found himself in the neighborhood and had nothing better to do. Miles had proven him wrong. Even so, Gavin certainly didn't expect him to stay as long as he did or to spend time reading with Benji.
While he surprised him a little, Miles didn't seem all that different from the way he used to be when he worked for Gavin. He could see him as he was in those days – his head bent over a book, ear buds in his ears so that he didn't hear when Gavin asked him to do something. He let that boy get away with murder. But if he was being honest, Gavin really enjoyed having him around more than anyone else who ever worked for him, maybe more than anyone period.
Even if he wasn't the best employee, his saving grace in Gavin's eyes was the way he lost himself in a book. When Gavin did manage to get his attention, Miles would blink at him, his eyes unfocused for a moment, looking like someone who had just woken up.
