by Trina Solet
"Right," Gavin said, dismissing what he said regardless of how he said it.
"It's true. I remember you were seeing that Trevor guy. Fuck that made me insane." Just thinking about it made him crazy, but it seemed like Gavin barely remembered the guy.
Gavin looked like he was trying to picture him as he squinted into the middle distance. "Trevor, huh. He wasn't bad, but we only went out a handful of times."
He had made more of an impression on Miles. He was casually but expensively dressed and had broad shoulders and perfect hair. He was the anti-Miles. "I only saw him that one time, and it made me go out of my mind with jealousy. He stopped by the store, said you forgot your scarf in his car. He was all over you. I knew there would be more of that kind of thing and I would just have to stand by and watch. I had to bail."
"I almost believe you," Gavin said as he regarded Miles with a faint smile.
"Believe what you like," Miles said testily and turned away. He was getting worked up as he remembered how much it hurt to see Gavin with some other guy, who held his hand too long, who had his arm around Gavin's waist, and the whole time knowing he would never get that close.
Except he did, right here. Miles shifted his gaze back to Gavin, but he had turned to face his computer screen. Pushed by a deep need for him, Miles approached him slowly, almost like he was stalking him. He had to close the distance between them, he had to break through to him.
With only the vaguest idea of what he wanted to happen, Miles stopped right behind his chair and whispered, "You don't know how much you mean to me." He loomed over Gavin at his desk, and when he turned to him, Miles kissed him.
Just like before, he expected Gavin to push him away, and just like before it didn’t happen. He stepped back on his own and looked at Gavin.
"You aren't mad?" Miles asked him.
"Why would I be?" Gavin said as he stood up and placed his hands on Miles' shoulders.
Miles just hoped he wasn't trembling like an idiot as he said, "I don't know. But I'm glad you're not."
They started kissing again, moving against each other, colliding. Cocks hard, pressed together, they kissed each other deeper and more urgently all the time. While kissing and groping Gavin, Miles backed himself into the leather sofa, hitting it with a grunt.
He stayed on his feet only because he was holding on to Gavin so fiercely, but then he decided to let himself fall. Landing with his back on the sofa, he pulled Gavin down with him. Miles hooked his legs and arms around him and then he heard a bell. Gavin grunted, squeezed his eyes shut and gritted his teeth. Then he tore himself from Miles' hold and got up off of him. Standing over him, Gavin breathed deeply a few times as he stared down at Miles where he panted and blinked up at him.
As Gavin walked out, Miles realized that what he heard was the bell by the register. He heard Gavin greet a customer and then check them out. Miles stood up and tried to get himself under control. He knew Gavin wouldn't come back to continue what they started. It was crazy to try to get anything going while customers were milling around the front of the store. But it had felt so wonderful and the passion he felt from Gavin couldn't be denied.
Chapter 9
Gavin didn't know of he had been in the middle of a dream or what, but suddenly he had trouble breathing. His eyes snapped open, and he found himself staring at a pair of eyeglasses. It was Benji and he was pinching his nose.
"Hi, Dad."
"Hi, Benji. And why are you trying to kill me this morning?" Gavin asked him groggily. His bedroom was dark with only a light from the hallway to see by. Benji was standing between him and the clock so he didn't know what time it was.
"It's gonna be Christmas soon," Benji announced.
"Yes, it is. Glad you're so well informed. Go back to sleep," Gavin told him and turned over to try and go back to sleep himself.
"I don't have a gift for you," Benji said while poking his back with a tiny finger, which felt very pointy and insistent.
"I told you to just make me something," Gavin said and turned over to face Benji again.
"I don't know what to make."
"Knit me a sweater," Gavin told him.
"Whaaa?" Benji said in alarm. "I don't know how."
Gavin picked something easier. "Draw me a really nice picture then."
That wasn't the end of it though. "What kind of picture do you want?"
"Anything you like. Now go back to sleep."
"I want to get you a real gift," Benji said and leaned his head on Gavin's chest as he pouted in exasperation.
"When you get a job you can get me a real gift," Gavin said.
"Only big people have jobs, not little kids," Benji informed him and raised his head to stare at him.
"You'll be big some day."
Benji straightened and looked thoughtful. "Maybe," he said like he still hadn't made a final decision on that.
"Definitely. But you're still little so you should do what I tell you. Go back to bed," Gavin said and then watched Benji scamper away.
Now Gavin could close his eyes again and try to go back to sleep. He was just settling into his pillow when his alarm went off. So much for a few more minutes of sleep. He gave up and sat up against the headboard. As he looked at the calendar on his phone, his thoughts turned to Miles. That's what happened if he let his thoughts wander for even a moment.
The last time he stopped by the store, Miles had made him lose his head. Gavin had been ready to take him right there in the back room with customers right out there. There was no denying how much he wanted Miles even as he tried to keep him at arm's length.
Gavin hadn't seen Miles for the last few days. Instead of using the time to try and regain his equilibrium, Gavin let his mind dwell on every moment of their last kiss and the other two before. What was it about Miles' mouth that was so intoxicating? Why did he seem so blindingly beautiful, his body hard, his skin warm to the touch, his moans like a drug he couldn't get enough of?
Gavin was just wondering in the interest of science. He was an idiot, and he couldn't wait to see Miles again so he could torture himself some more by asking pointless questions and then trying to answer them by giving into every crazy impulse Miles stirred up.
As Gavin was trying to shore up his defenses against his next appearance, Miles barged in through the door and looked relieved to see Gavin behind the counter. "There you are. I came in yesterday right after work and what did I find, not my hunky man but a little old lady."
"I'll make sure to tell Meredith that you called her a little old lady," Gavin told him.
"No, it was her mother, Lucille. She was playing Mrs. Claus for the kids' reading thing."
Gavin knew what he meant. "Oh, right. Benji and I missed that. A parent teacher conference at Benji's school ran a little late."
"I was hoping to take you guys out for lunch yesterday, but now I'll settle for dinner. Can we do it?" Miles asked as he came over to the register.
Gavin knew the right answer, but he couldn't get the words out right away. "It's not a good idea. I don't want Benji getting confused. You'll get bored and he'll be asking me where is Miles? Doesn't he like us any more?" Gavin said and felt his chest constrict at the thought. Now that he said it like that, the possibility seemed all too real, even inevitable and he hated it.
"Hey, give me a little credit. I'm not that fickle. You know I actually considered skipping classes so I could come here, and the day before I wanted to skip work."
"That sounds kind of irresponsible. What exactly is your point?" Gavin had to ask.
"You're missing my point. I'm never going to want to give you up. You're a permanent addiction," Miles said vehemently. Leaning over the sales counter, he stared at Gavin hard with those beautiful light brown eyes.
Gavin forced himself to look away. "Me? I can't imagine being anyone's addiction."
"You are mine. It's torture to go without seeing you even for one day," Miles claimed.
His dramatic words only gave Gavin the impression
that he wasn't taking this seriously at all. "I'm not playing around, you know," Gavin said, his tone of voice suddenly harsh.
Startled, Miles drew back.
"Sorry. I..." Gavin started to say. He hadn't meant to speak like that to Miles. He didn't deserve it.
Miles shrugged and gave him a lopsided smile. "Don't worry about it. I'm not delicate. But I'm not playing around either," he said as a serious, determined look shone from his eyes.
Gavin sighed. "OK, but I do need to be careful now that I'm a dad. When someone comes into my life, they come into Benji's life too."
"Then I guess I'll just have to prove myself to both of you," Miles said and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
Feeling the warmth and softness of his lips, Gavin had to resist the urge to grab him and kiss him properly. He shouldn't be patting himself on the back resisting those kinds of urges in the middle of the store. That was the bare minimum. Right now Gavin should be sending some kind of clear message to discourage him. For one thing he could be unwelcoming and more standoffish, the way he used to be in the old days when Miles worked for him.
Except he didn't really want Miles to stay away. He was always looking out the store windows, hoping to see Miles coming up the sidewalk then coming in with that gorgeous smile on his face. Damn it. No matter how much he complained, the only message Gavin was capable of sending was how very happy he was to have him around.
When Benji came from school and saw Miles there, he was happy too. Today he was brought to the store by a mother of a new kid at kindergarten. Her son, Drew, was painfully shy so she arranged to bring Benji from school and treat him to lunch. She wanted to make sure her son made friends and didn't feel lonely.
Drew and his mom came into the store to say hi, and Benji insisted on giving them a tour of the bookstore. He started by showing off Gavin and then Miles. "This is my dad. He likes books but he doesn't like sweet stuff. I don't know why." Benji showed his dismay by shaking his head sadly and Miles laughed.
Now Benji pointed at him. "This is Miles. He is friends with us and he knows what's good to eat. He's homework buddies with me."
"Nice to meet you guys," Miles said while Drew's mother looked at him appreciatively.
After Benji led them around the store, both mother and son came to the register with armfuls of books.
"I guess I have a little salesman on my hands," Gavin said as he rang up their purchases.
"It's funny. Benji seemed so shy and quiet until we walked in through that door," Drew's mother said.
"I told you this place was magic," Miles threw in.
Gavin didn't remember him saying that, but being here made Drew more animated too. He and Benji had their heads stuck in the same book and were discussing whether the bear in the book was scary or not.
Once their books were paid for, Drew and his mom left, both of them looking happy while Benji waved and told them to come back soon. After they were gone, Benji grew serious and turned to Gavin with a question. "Do you know yet?"
"Know what?" Gavin asked.
"You forgot already," Benji accused him and folded his arms while looking at Gavin sternly over the top of his glasses.
"Doesn't he look adorable," Miles said then nudged Gavin. "Quick. Take a picture."
"Shh. He's trying to look tough," Gavin whispered to him.
Miles corrected himself. "I meant tough. Real tough. I might even be a little bit scared. So what's this about?" he asked Benji.
"Dad is giving me a hard time," Benji said and pouted.
Gavin was still confused. "What? How?"
"Christmas present," Benji said drawing out the last word.
"You aren't getting him something he wants?" Miles guessed.
"His gift isn't the problem. He's overthinking my Christmas gift. He doesn't know what to get me," Gavin told him.
"And Dad isn't helping," Benji added. Then he turned an imploring look to Miles. "You help me."
"How about if you get your dad a book?" Miles said pointing all around.
Benji shot down that suggestion right away. "Dad has too many books."
Gavin objected, "There is no such thing as too many books."
"See?" Miles said still trying to sell him on the book idea but Benji wasn't convinced. Miles went over to Gavin. "I need to pick up a few things. Should I take him shopping?" He kept his voice low so that Benji wouldn't be disappointed if Gavin said no.
"Is this your way of proving yourself?" Gavin asked.
"You know I like to be helpful, plus I need to pick up a few more gifts anyway. I can't just buy books for everyone," Miles claimed.
"I don't see why not," Gavin said. "OK. Take him, but try to be a good influence."
"No spitting on the sidewalk. Got it." When Gavin made a face, Miles assured him, "I never do that anyway. Promise."
Watching the two of them go, Gavin felt such an incredible tightness in his chest. He wasn't sure what the feeling was only that it was sweet and painful and reached all the way down to his soul. Benji was all bundled up and excited, bouncing happily next to Miles. At the door, Miles stopped and turned to Gavin to say, "Thank you."
Chapter 10
Miles didn't fool himself that this shopping trip with Benji was no big deal. This was major. Gavin was trusting him with Benji. There wasn't a bigger deal than that. Benji was the most important thing in Gavin's world, and Miles was kind of amazed that he got to take him shopping.
They headed up the street and Miles noticed that some puddles had frozen over. "The sidewalk looks a little icy. You want to hold my hand? That way we can both fall down together." Miles held out his hand, and Benji smiled and took it. Even through two pairs of gloves, Benji's hand felt tiny in his. If he didn't already know it, that simple sensation would have told him what an awesome responsibility this was.
"It's slippy," Benji said as he took careful steps over the icy patch.
"Too bad we don't have ice skates," Miles said as he held Benji's hand tightly.
"Me and Dad went ice skating. We fell down a lot. It was funny, but then my but hurt," Benji told him.
"Gavin falling down. I wish I had seen that. Next time take pictures," Miles instructed him. "Oh better yet, video." As some stores came into view, Miles asked Benji about what kind of gift he might want to buy.
"I have to get something really good," was Benji's very specific answer.
"We'll go somewhere where they only have good things. I guess Gavin is a pretty good guy. He deserves something nice," Miles told him.
"That's right, but I call him Dad, not Gavin."
"I would be a better dad," Miles boasted to see what Benji would say.
Benji denied it right away. "No one is a better dad than Dad."
Miles wished Gavin was there to hear his son giving him top marks.
Though he regarded Miles critically, Benji did have a job for him, "You can help me get Dad a good present."
"You probably just want me to lend you money."
"You have money?"
"Sure."
"Lots of money?"
"No. But enough to buy us a treat," Miles said when Candysaurus came into view. "Let's go pick out something yummy. And we'll take something to your dad too."
"No. Dad doesn't like sweet stuff," Benji reminded him.
"Just for us then," Miles decided.
"They are playing Christmas songs. Yey!" Benji said as soon as they walked into the colorful, sweet smelling store.
"What a strange child," Miles said under his breath. Christmas music had been getting on his nerves since before Thanksgiving.
Candysaurus was the mascot for the store, a friendly, blue, stegosaurus-like dinosaur, who was featured on all their bags. They also sold key chains, beanies and candy jars in the shape of the Candysaurus. Benji was convinced that his dad wouldn't like any of it. They got something for Benji, though he wasn't allowed to eat it until he got permission from his dad.
About a block away from the candy store, the craft stor
e caught Miles' eye and he wondered if Benji might like to make something. They went in and Miles noticed that they had a section for selling premade craft projects. He led Benji in that direction. "Let's see if we can get some ideas," Miles said but he was thinking that someone might have already done the dirty work of actual crafting, and they might be able to take advantage of that.
At first he didn't see much that would appeal to Gavin. They could always default to a coffee mug, or tea mug in Gavin's case. Miles was busy reading a literary quote that had been hand painted on one of the mugs when he spotted something even more bookish. Benji liked a candle in the shape of a snowman, but Miles drew his attention to what he had found.
"Do you think your dad might like a book jacket?" he asked Benji and pointed out a shelf with book jackets in different sizes.
"Jacket?" Benji said and pulled at the collar of his own jacket, which was unzipped so he wouldn't get hot inside the store.
"Yes, but this one goes on a book. Books need to stay warm too."
Benji wasn't too sure about this whole keeping books warm idea, but he looked at the book jackets anyway. "This one," he said, picking out one with a cartoonish spaceship design. "Is it good?" he asked Miles.
It seemed more appropriate for a kid, but Miles certainly wasn't going to talk him out of it. "That's a great one."
It turned out that Benji would need to borrow some money after all. He was only supposed to spend five bucks on a gift for his dad. Miles was glad to pitch in. He remembered when he was a kid and his dad used to tell him to just buy him something from the dollar store. And his mom loved anything he made her no matter how badly. Now those memories just made Miles feel sad. That's why he decided to give Gavin some happy memories. He got a handmade photo album and chose one that had a different cartoonish design on every page so Benji would approve of it.
"We're going to fill this with pictures of you and your dad. I'll print some up," Miles told him. It was a gift Gavin was guaranteed to like, but he worried that it might put Gavin on the spot since he might not get him anything. "It can be from both of us," he said to Benji. That should take the pressure off, and Benji was happy to hear it.
