Travis had stored her pack behind the driver’s seat and was crossing back around to the passenger side. They met in the middle.
Erin traditionally avoided confrontation. She was an intelligent woman, and the right side of her brain screamed at her to back down from a fight with her caseworker. But her defenses were up. For some reason, when it came to Travis Williams, backing down never seemed a viable choice.
“What’s wrong with me is I’m upset to see you put a child in danger.”
Blood rushed into Erin’s ears. She actually shook her head as if she could dislodge the sound of the wind. “What?”
“You heard me.”
“You think I put Joshua in danger?”
“Think it? I saw it, remember?”
“Of course I didn’t.”
“You left me to watch him while you ran off like some Crocodile Jane on the hunt.” He was no longer the calm and composed cover guy.
Erin would have laughed if she didn’t recognize the risk here—risk of losing the most important thing in the world to her. The child fighting against sleep as he burrowed into her shoulder. She stared in horror at her caseworker.
In his frustration, Travis had put both hands in his sun-bleached hair, and it now sprang out in different directions like some punk rocker. With each word, he leaned closer to her, then backed away as if she might be contagious. The entire display was comical.
What he was suggesting was not.
She turned, walked back to the truck, and snapped Joshua’s carrier into the baby seat, then placed him carefully in it. When she thought she’d calmed down enough to face Travis, she walked back to where he stood.
“I did not put Joshua at risk. I was doing my job, and at no time was that baby ever in danger of being hurt.”
“How about when you were packing a rifle while you carried him?”
It was a good thing the rifle he referred to was safely repacked or she’d hit him with the broad end of it right now. “The rifle was disassembled, Travis. If you’ve grown up in Polk County, you’ve been around rifles long enough to know they cannot hurt anyone disassembled. On top of that, it’s a tranquilizer rifle.”
He stopped at the far end of his pacing and stormed back toward her. “You shot a hurt deer, Erin, with an infant less than three feet from you. He could have charged. Deer go crazy when they’re hurt. I’ve seen it myself.”
“I use a combination of Telazol and Xylazine. There’s enough immobilizing drug in the dart to bring down any deer for twenty minutes. The worst possible scenario was a miss, in which case she would have sprinted the other way.”
Erin looked into the truck at Joshua, now sucking on his pacifier and fighting sleep, her heart tapping a triple rhythm. If she had put him in danger, she wanted to know it. But she hadn’t. Had she?
“I’m proud of what I did here this morning. There was an injured deer, I located it and made a perfect shot. The deer is loaded, her leg splinted, and we’re on our way to the ARK. You’ve seen what I do. Isn’t that why you came along?”
“Erin, according to the manual, I am supposed to observe you. Only observe you.” Travis sighed, apparently gaining some control over his anger. “Maybe I was wrong about what I said earlier about the rifle. But the fact remains you left Joshua with me to run off and get the truck and load the deer. You left him with me for ten minutes.”
“You’re angry because I asked you to watch Joshua?” Erin’s voice rose an octave. She fought to bring it down. “Please tell me you are kidding.”
“I’m not supposed to be his babysitter.” The words were soft but no less harsh because of it. “What would you have done today if I hadn’t been here? How would you have handled the situation? That’s what you need to ask yourself. Would Joshua have been safe then?”
Travis continued to the truck’s passenger side, leaving Erin standing there in the light of a once perfect morning.
—
Travis didn’t speak as Erin pulled the truck around, honked the horn, and waited for the woman to come back out of the house. He did note she didn’t leave the truck to go in and talk to her.
How had he managed to lose his composure so badly back there?
He simply could not remain detached around this woman. He’d told Moring he wasn’t the person for this case, but she’d insisted. He was surrounded by stubborn, unreasonable women. Which was why he should be on his boat, the one place a man is safe.
Erin pulled out onto the blacktop and still he didn’t break the silence. One part of him wanted to make notes from all he’d seen in the last hour. Another part knew he wasn’t likely to forget any of it.
She’d made the perfect shot. His grandfather would have been proud. The yearling had gone down easily.
The look on her face when she’d made the shot, well that was where his trouble had begun.
He glanced at her now. All the delight was gone, but it had been there. He’d seen that look of joy on plenty of faces before—mostly kids when he told them they were placed with families. Seeing it on Erin’s face, watching her at work, it had reminded him of how he used to feel about his job, scratching the surface of some guilt he did not need to face today.
As if her complete absorption in her job wasn’t bad enough, she’d jogged away, leaving him with Joshua. Dedication to a job was commendable, but attention to a child always came first. That was when his temper had begun to get the best of him.
“I’m sorry I left Joshua with you.” The windows were rolled down a quarter inch, allowing the breeze to tease the auburn curls of her hair.
She turned and looked at him, the anger still simmering and warring with something else—her pride? Yet Erin Jacobs did not strike him as a prideful person. Stubborn, hard-headed, determined to go it alone, possibly even impetuous, but not prideful. She glanced in the back seat, swallowed, and gripped the wheel.
“If you hadn’t been there today, I obviously would not have left Joshua alone in the woods. I don’t know what I would have done. You were there, so I left him with you—without thinking.” She had been steadfastly refusing to meet his gaze. Finally, she turned to look at him as she turned into the lane on her property. “I don’t know the rules yet, Travis. But I want Joshua, and I’m willing to learn your way of doing things if that’s the only way I can keep him.”
He tried to glance away from her deep brown eyes, searched to remember what he’d been so angry about. Since he couldn’t, he merely nodded.
She drew in a deep breath. “Not exactly a stellar first visit.” She pulled up to the cattle gate and tugged her baseball cap down as she set the truck in park and jumped out to open it.
By the time she had maneuvered through the second gate and closed it again, he’d collected his thoughts and his objectivity. “You’re right about this being a learning process. I shouldn’t have lost my temper back there. But according to the manual, I am here in an observation capacity—”
Erin pulled the truck next to his Blazer and jammed the transmission into park so hard he feared it might break off the lever. “If we’re going to go by that manual so closely, you might want to get me a copy of it.”
She was out of her side of the truck before he could respond, which was probably a good thing. He moved to his vehicle and took a few minutes to write some notes about the morning.
By the time he was finished, she’d disappeared with Joshua and offloaded the deer.
And she hadn’t asked for his help.
He found Joshua sound asleep in his crib, sides safely up, baby monitor on. How she’d managed to set up the baby room so quickly he had no idea. He made a note on his pad to ask her.
His mother had told him about the church bringing a few items, but this looked as if she’d been eagerly awaiting a baby for months.
On his way out of the room he stopped and stared at the antique dresser next to the door. Two items sat on the top—a child’s lamp in the shape of a puppy topped with a pale blue shade and a Bible.
W
as Erin Jacobs a believer? If so, it would go a long way toward easing some of his reservations about this situation. Suddenly, he realized another piece of the anxiety puzzle that had been keeping him awake nights.
Erin was probably quite capable of giving Joshua everything he needed and learning all the skills to be a good parent. What she lacked was a safety net. Every parent needed a family, friends, or community of believers to back them up should they become sick, lose a job, or just need emotional support.
Erin struck him as a little tugboat out on the ocean, determined to do everything on her own.
He knew she had no immediate family in the area.
So far there had been no evidence of close friends clamoring to her aid.
But if she were a believer, if she had a church family to help her during those times every person struggles…
He reached for the Bible and opened it.
On the first page the inscription read—
Erin, God has a plan for both you and Baby Joshua. He promised as much in Jeremiah 29:11. And he doesn’t expect you to fulfill that plan alone. We love you and are here for you and Josh.
Evelyn and Stanley England.
Travis closed the Bible, looked back at the sleeping baby, and went in search of Erin.
Sixteen
Erin didn’t glance up from the yearling when she heard Travis approach. The more she thought about the morning, the more her temper threatened to explode.
Best to avoid eye contact.
“How’s the doe?” He stayed on the far side of the stall, but she could feel his eyes on her. No doubt mentally he was checking off some item on a list she couldn’t see.
“She’ll recover.” Erin tapped the baby monitor at her belt so he could see. “I haven’t abandoned Joshua in case you were wondering. In fact I heard you walking around his room earlier.”
Travis sighed and moved across the barn stall, stopping when she looked up and pierced him with her stare. At least she hoped he felt pierced. She was struggling to convey with her eyes what she was holding back with her tongue.
Raising both hands, palms out, he backed up two steps. “I’m not the enemy. Let’s speak openly here.”
“Oh, you want to speak openly? All right. If we’re speaking openly, you act a lot like the enemy—most of the time in fact. So how would I know you’re not? I haven’t seen any evidence you’re trying to help me, though you’re awfully good at pointing out things I do wrong.” She tried to stop the words flying from her mouth, even as she worked to keep her hands at her side instead of gesturing in front of her like the conductor of some grand orchestra.
“You know I’ve heard and read about the child welfare Gestapo.” When he flinched she pushed on, satisfied her words were finding their mark. “I never thought I’d be subjected to your tactics. That’s one of the reasons I went into animal science. I knew I didn’t have the personality to be so mean to people. At least with animals I know the client wants my help. I know who’s on my team, who’s pulling for my side.”
Travis had crossed the area between them and was in her face in a split second. “You’re on the animal’s side, right? Are you telling me you haven’t seen what people can do to their pets? You haven’t witnessed firsthand the way they can neglect and abuse them? Think about the worst thing you have encountered, then multiply it times a hundred. Imagine it done to a child like the one sleeping in your home this minute.”
Erin needed to pull her eyes away from his, wanted to step back from the raw emotion she saw there, but she couldn’t. She could only shake her head softly back and forth, denying the truth in his words.
“What, Erin? Say it.”
“This is different.”
“How is it different?”
“Because I’m not like them.”
Even as the words burst out she knew how feeble they sounded. She knew what he would say next.
“And how am I to know that?”
He raised his hand, and she thought for a moment he meant to brush away the tears tracking down her cheeks. Instead, he ran his hands through his hair in frustration, then reached into his pants pocket, pulled out a travel pack of Kleenex, and pushed them into her hands.
She turned away from him, feeling foolish and spent. When she’d wiped her face and pulled in several cleansing breaths, she squared her shoulders. What was it about Travis Williams that attracted and repelled her so? Why couldn’t he go away and let her be? But she knew the answer to the question pounding through her head. She’d seen it in his eyes not two minutes ago.
He was Joshua’s protector, for better or worse.
He wouldn’t go until he was sure about her.
She loved Joshua, wanted to provide a home for him, but she’d never envisioned the process being this hard.
Turning back to Travis, she walked over and sat beside him on a wooden bench that ran against the back wall.
“I feel as if I’ve birthed a child,” she confessed. “I had no idea my emotions would be all over the place like this. I’m afraid of all sorts of things that never concerned me before—like burglars and car accidents and apathy.”
Travis’s eyebrows arched at her last concern. “Apathy?”
“Never mind. I’ve heard about post-partum, but I thought that was a hormonal reaction to giving birth. I haven’t physically birthed a baby.”
“Erin, your body doesn’t know that. It’s playing catch up. You’re going through the same physiological changes as a woman who has gone through nine months of pregnancy and labor.”
She considered his words, then hiccupped as another sob lodged in her throat. “I’ve always been so in control and decisive.”
When he didn’t break the silence, she felt the need to justify her emotional display.
“From the time I was young, really ever since…” Backtracking she folded the Kleenex she’d nearly shredded. “Since I can remember almost, I was the one who took care of everyone and everything else.”
“Do you feel it’s your duty to raise Joshua?”
Although the question was gentle, Erin’s head snapped up. She fought to push away the defensiveness threatening to coil up her back. Something told her they were reaching the heart of the matter here, and she didn’t want to blow it with her temper.
“No. It’s not my duty. It’s not that at all. I love what I do. Saving things and making them well is as natural to me as…” She looked at Travis for an example, but there was nothing she knew about this man, so she glanced around the stall instead. The yearling lay curled and dozing in the hay. “As natural as it is for that doe to lie curled when it sleeps. No one had to teach her that. It’s instinctual.”
“And caring for Joshua is instinctual to you?”
“I don’t guess you can tell it from the way I’ve been acting, but yes—it is. When I hold him in my arms, it’s as if two pieces of a puzzle have snapped together. I knew it the minute I picked him up. Somehow he is meant to be in my life.”
She met his eyes as she uttered those last few words. She had known Joshua belonged with her from the very first night when she walked across the porch of the hunter’s cabin and looked into the washtub. Perhaps that was some of what frightened her. To look into your destiny, to be caught up in it when you were simply doing your job.
Well, it was terrifying.
She drew up a little straighter. “I suppose I’m a little confused about how I can be so sure he belongs with me, and yet so inept at following or meeting your standards.”
“While at the same time you’re dealing with all the feelings of being a first-time mom.”
Erin felt her head nod and wondered if she sounded crazy. What would he write in his report now?
“I admire your certainty that Joshua belongs with you. Most foster parents have some doubts.” Travis stood and paced the length of the stall. When he turned and walked back toward her, she could tell by the frown line between his blue eyes that she wasn’t going to like what he was about to say.
/> “I’ll be honest with you. The biggest obstacle I see to placing Joshua in your home is you are so independent. You’ve created a very efficient, independent little world here. An ark.”
She clutched the bench she sat on, felt the splinters from the wooden seat scratch her palm, but she let him finish.
“Babies need more than one person though. I’m not saying a single mom can’t raise a baby and raise it well. What I’m saying is every person needs a safety net of friends and family. You’re bound to eventually get sick or be called out on an emergency rescue where it wouldn’t be prudent to take Joshua.”
“I won’t get sick, and I’ll find someone to watch Joshua for those rescues.”
“Everyone gets ill some time.” When she didn’t respond, his frown line deepened. It highlighted how tan he was, and that irritated her.
Why was she aware her caseworker had a good tan? He had a social life. So what? She needed to focus on the demands he was laying out for her life.
“I’m glad you’re willing to find some sort of sitter for Joshua during your most challenging calls. I don’t think you quite understand what I’m saying though.”
She launched off the bench like a rocket.
“You’re saying I need a man. Why don’t you spit the words out? It’s the same with everyone—you, Evelyn, Doc. Well I don’t, all right? Why can’t this world accept that a woman can survive on her own? I’ve been making it on my own for years, and I can and will raise this child by myself.”
She hadn’t realized she was in his space until she needed to tilt her head back to throw her final words at him. He was shaking his head, which meant he was not listening, only waiting to respond. She wanted to force him to hear her—had a sudden irrational urge to grab him by the shoulders and shake him.
“Child welfare does not suggest single moms get married in order to be approved for placement.”
“That’s what you just said.” Her voice rose over his.
She took a step forward.
He took a step back.
“It is not what I said. I’m suggesting you rejoin the community around you. You might not have family in the area, but surely you could find a church or community group. People who would provide a backup and help you with raising a child.”
Protected (Jacobs Family Series Book 2) Page 10
