Walter has been bad-tempered with me since we left Bull. In truth, he spoke down to me in the operating room. The other nurses and doctors were giving me strange looks, I know they picked up on it. I should have walked out, but I wanted to be there. I hope to specialize in cardiothoracic surgery. I have three more years of general surgical residency and then I can actually spend my time learning the heart full time. In the meantime, I live for moments like the ones just thrown in my lap. I can’t just give them up. When I hold a heart in my hand and gently coax it back to beating, it’s a feeling I can’t describe.
I take off my surgery covering and toss them in the bin. It’s beyond my break time and after the bitchiness of the last two hours, I need some air.
“Dr. Walker, we should talk about what happened earlier,” I look around to see Walter standing by the door that leads into the operating room.
“It’s nothing. Trust me, it won’t happen again.”
He wants to talk further, I can see it in his expression, but the rest of the OR staff starts filing out, and I get to escape. I stop by my locker to shed my damn lab coat. I’m done for the night. I just need to get my head straight so I can drive home to Matty. I freeze when I see the note. This wasn’t what I needed tonight.
You’re too pure to be defiled—AW
What the hell does that mean? I wad it up in my hand. I should be glad I guess. Maybe that means rape isn’t on the weirdo’s radar. Maybe I should report it to the police? I make a note to go by hospital security again tomorrow.
Right now, I just need out of here. I start walking, and I don’t stop until I reach the door to the stairs. I’m taking big gulping breaths by the time I’m out on the roof. I bend over, grab my knees sucking air in, and try to slow my heartbeat.
How did I get here in my life? So many mistakes are behind me, the road is littered with them. That’s the real reason I’m terrified of Bull. I wasn’t lying. I can’t afford more mistakes, and Bull has the potential to be the one mistake I can’t recover from.
Thinking about my past always leads me back to the one thing in my life that altered my future and continues to do so. Matty means everything to me. I never meant to get pregnant at sixteen. It was one stupid night in the bed of an old Ford truck. Luke was the local football stud, and the most popular guy in the entire school. I thought I was lucky to have him look twice at me. We dated for a month and I thought we were in love. When he took me out to the top of the mountain where kids went to party, I knew what it meant. He had thrown an old mattress in the back of the truck and we laid on it and talked for hours, gazing up at the stars. I thought I was ready for what came next. A failed rubber, a jock who later told me he had a hundred dollars riding on whether or not he could ‘bust my cherry’, and parents who disowned me, told me I wasn’t ready—not at all. Not even a little bit.
I walk over to the edge of the roof to look out over the evening sky and lights below. The sun is just starting to set, and the lights from the parking lot and businesses surrounding the hospital are coming on, one at a time. This is my favorite time of the day and the scene below calms me. I need to call Blair, my neighbor, to check on Matty and tell him I’ll be home to tuck him in. It’s been hard putting myself through medical school and now doing my residency with a young child. My late hours since starting my residency have definitely been the hardest part. I couldn’t do it without Blair and her husband David. They’re lifesavers, but I hate that I’m not there for Matty, like I need to be.
I turn away from the view. I need to walk back to my locker and get my phone. Just as I’m about to, Bull comes through the door. We stare at each other for what seems like forever. I don’t want to see him. Not here, not right now, and definitely not with my emotions still raw from the memory of our kiss.
“Hey, Doc,” he says, looking at me as if he has all of life’s mysteries solved. I think I could hate him a little at this moment. He’s managed to sneak past my defenses, and I can’t seem to push him back out. He gets to me like a man hasn’t in a long time. Hell, I’m lying. I doubt any man has ever gotten to me like he does. There hasn’t been a lot of room for men in my life. Still, what he pulled today and the mess it’s made with Walter is huge.
Walter has been at me for months to go out with him. I have put him off, telling him Matty has to be my number one priority, and there’s just no time for anything left over. I know he’s going to ask me why I’ve been seeing another man, if I wasn’t ready to date. I need to run away from Bull and yet, here I am glad to see him. You would think my past would have zapped all the stupidity out of me.
Apparently not.
Chapter 12
Bull
“Haven’t you caused enough trouble for one day?” Skye asks me.
She looks so tired…she looks sad. I don’t want that. I like Doc with fire in her eyes. Hell, I don’t even mind when she’s spitting it at me. It turns me on. Then again, everything she does seems to do that.
“I saw you running up the stairs, I wanted to check on you.”
“Not right now, Bull. It’s late, and I’ve had a bad day,” she says, turning away from me.
I can’t resist. I know I’ve pushed her hard, but I can’t stop. Fuck, I tried to stay away, but I needed her. That kiss we just shared, the time we’ve spent together? It’s all just made my initial attraction to her stronger. I need this woman. I come up behind her, placing my hands on her shoulders, and rub the spot in her neck that is tight with tension.
“I know I have a lot to overcome with you, Doc. I get that. The way we met was fucked up. But I think I’m doing a damn good job of proving myself to you.”
“Bull…”
“Skye, you can’t tell me there isn’t a pull between us. Something that draws us towards each other.”
“It’s just hormones,” she says, her head dropping down with a sigh of relief, as I continue my massage.
My hand trembles, but I ignore the weakness, and concentrate instead on touching the woman I’ve been dreaming about.
“Bullshit. There’s a fire between us, Skye. It’s not something you will find with someone else. Especially that fucker Walter.”
She tenses up again at the mention of Walter, and I instantly regret saying his name.
“Bull…”
“Skye, give me a chance. Give us a chance.”
“Bull, you are a risk, I have Matty to think about. I’ve made so many mistakes before…”
“Doc, you’ve read my file. You know about the fire and the attack.”
“Yeah,” her voice whispers, “I know.”
“I have these headaches. So bad sometimes, they can practically rob my vision. I’ve heard of blinding headaches, but I didn’t know shit about them.”
“Did you see a neurologist?”
“Yeah, Doc. I’m okay, just fucked in the head apparently.”
“Bull,” she says and tries to turn around, but I don’t let her.
“Listen, Doc. I want to tell you this shit, I do. I can promise you the man you have in your head the drugged out thug who doesn’t take care of his dick, that’s not the man I am. The man I can show you, if you just give me a chance. I got my HIV/AIDS test back and I’m clean. I have the report and I’m even willing to keep getting tested until you feel comfortable. I don’t have a problem with that, but it’s time we move forward here.”
“We don’t really know each other, and we sure don’t fit into each other’s worlds. I don’t think I’m the kind of woman you want. I’ve had two lovers in my lifetime. Heck, that’s a slow day for you.”
I pull her around, holding her face to bring her eyes to mine.
“I never want to hear about the men who came before me, Skye. They don’t exist.”
“What? Are you…”
“I may not be your first, but I will be your fucking last. Do you think I would jump through these hoops for anyone?”
“I…You don’t know me!”
“No, not as good as I want. But I will, and
I can promise you something else, Doc.”
“You can?” she asks, and fuck it’s all I can do not to kiss her.
“I’m with you. My dick will not be anywhere else, Doc. You don’t have to worry about that.”
“You’re so romantic,” she grumbles, but I can see a little of the woman who goes head-to-head with me returning. I like her better than the sad woman that was here when I first came to the roof.
“Give this a chance, Skye. Trust me.”
“I want to…”
She wraps her arms around her body, shivering. I take off my cut and put it on her shoulders, without thinking. Just like so much, it’s a gut instinct with this woman.
“What are you doing?” she asks, but she doesn’t fight me when I settle the heavy leather on her arms. In fact, she takes the two ends in one hand and holds it together at her chest.
“You’re cold,” I answer and my tone is gruff. She looks fucking good in Savage MC leather. She looks like she was made for it. Made for me.
“You’re a little crazy.”
“I bet I can make you like crazy,” I tell her before I move my hand to caress her neck, loving the way her skin feels against my fingers. Then, I bring her lips to mine and claim them.
Chapter 13
Skye
“Mom! You’re home!” Matty says when I climb into his bed. His arms go around me and I breathe in his scent. He’s getting so big. He’s nine now. It’s been a struggle having him in my life, but without him I wouldn’t have survived. He keeps me going. Matty is my reason for getting up in the morning.
“You should be asleep, pumpkin. You got school tomorrow,” I tell him, when I settle him back against the pillows.
His warm little body curls into mine. My fingers trace over the sleeve of his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles pajamas. I wish I could freeze this moment and so many others like it. With my residency in full swing now, I get such little quality time with Matty. I hate it. I hate every minute of it. I look down at his sweet face, and his head full of dark hair. He looks almost nothing like me, he even somehow managed to escape my red hair. He has one mark on him that warms me though when I see it. He and I have the same exact birthmark. It looks like a small star on the back of our right ear. It’s ours and ours alone.
I feel guilty that he’s been having trouble at school. It’s hard being the new kid at any age, but by the age of nine friendships have been formed, and it’s hard to break into the different cliques. I still think this move was the best thing for him—for us. It doesn’t stop the guilt, though. He doesn’t have a father, so he’s already different from other kids. There hasn’t been a male figure to teach him sports, to bond with. All of that’s my fault and it makes me worry about letting Bull into our lives. Is he going to be another bad mistake, and one that hurts my son? He’s already dealing with bullies. I’ve held him and dried his tears, but each tear makes me feel like I’ve done more to hurt the child I care about more than anything in the world.
“I don’t go to school tomorrow,” Matty thankfully interrupts my thoughts.
“You don’t?”
“No, remember? Tomorrow is the intermural soccer games at school. You said I could miss it and you’d take me to the zoo! Did you forget, Mom? Do you have to work?” he questions, too young to keep the accusation out of his voice—hurting me with it. How many times have I let him down? The frequency has definitely increased with med school, and now residency.
I hug him close and look up at the ceiling in his room, feeling ashamed. I had forgotten. Even worse, in the back of my mind I’m dreading it, because I’m just so exhausted. I had plans for lying around in my pajamas and doing nothing.
“I didn’t forget,” I lie. “I was just testing you to see if you remembered. I’ve been thinking about seeing the monkeys all day.”
“Monkeys? Mom that’s so lame. Charles said they have turtles that are bigger than elephants!”
“Charles might be stretching things a little.”
“No. He’s been to the zoo like a million times.”
“Well then, I can’t wait,” I smile. “As long as just the turtles are big, and not the snakes.”
“I want a pet snake.”
“I know and remember what I told you about that?”
“Yeah, but I keep hoping you’ll change your mind.”
“I don’t think that will ever happen, buddy.”
He laughs and wraps his arm around my stomach. I lie there listening to him breathe. It’s the best sound in the entire world.
“You want a story?” I ask, already knowing the answer.
“Yeah the one about King Matthew.”
I smile and tell him our shortened rendition of the sword in the stone. I’ve told it so many times, I don’t even have to think while doing it. The words roll from my tongue like I’m on autopilot and, as always, about half way through Matty goes out for the night. I lie there a little longer, enjoying the moment. I’m almost asleep when I hear a knock on the door. It’s almost ten thirty, and I never get much company. I figure Blair might have forgot something, when she left earlier. I ease off the bed, place a small kiss on my baby’s forehead, arrange the covers over him, before going to the door.
When I look out the peephole, my body goes tight. I leave the chain locked and open the door slightly. I find myself staring at the very last person I wanted to see tonight.
Chapter 14
Skye
“Walter, what are you doing here?” I ask, even though I know in my gut why he is here and I’m not happy.
“We needed to talk, Skye.”
I look at him, I mean really look at him. He’s not bad looking. He actually pretty good looking. He’s forty-two and with just a hint of gray in his hair. He’s clean-shaven and looks impeccably put together in his suit and tie. He’s everything I should probably want and look for in a man, but he leaves me cold. That’s the real reason I’ve never returned any of his offers to date. That’s the reason I’ve tried to keep my distance personally from him. I will admit I had weakened in that stance a few months back. I toyed with the idea of making a stable home for Matty. Walter was the lead candidate, because of his profession, and his understanding of the hours of dedication it takes to be a good doctor. There would be less adjustment with Walter. On paper it all made sense. I was so close to accepting a date with him.
Then a man walked into my exam room and reminded me of the feelings a woman has when she is attracted to a man. He was all wrong for me, and I should never go there with him—logically. But Bull’s right. There’s a fire between us, a raging inferno of attraction that I’ve never felt before with anyone else. Realistically, I miss sex. I miss it bad, and even with the long drought I’ve had, the thought of sex with Walter leaves me feeling…cold and maybe a little nauseated. Looking at him now, that feeling only intensifies. He might be right for me on paper, but he’s nowhere close to it in person.
“It’s late Walter, and I’ve not had a break in over two days, I really…”
“It will just take a minute.”
I sigh. It’s apparent he’s not going to leave quietly. I close the door, unlatch the chain, before opening it back up to let him in. I close the door, leaning against it to shore up what little energy I have left. I’m so tired. I want nothing more than to crawl into my bed, and sleep. Finally, I move away, leading Walter to the sofa. I sit first and he follows.
“What’s between you and that man? Mr. Kane?” he asks, getting straight to the point.
“I don’t think that’s something you really have a right asking, Walter.”
“You know I have feelings for you Skye. We’ve been getting closer these last few months, working so near each other. There are feelings between us.”
His hand trails down the side of my face and it sends chills through me—but not the good kind. These are cold. I resist the urge to turn away from him, but I do pull back.
“I wasn’t aware you felt like that Walter,” I lie. “You never said
so directly. I assumed your invitations were merely offers between professional colleagues, with likeminded interests.”
I’m a little amazed at how easy the lies roll from my tongue. It’s easier to pretend though that the times he has asked me out, I have misunderstood. I’m hoping he might let it go with that and let me out of this horrible conversation.
“You were mistaken then, Skye. You’re a beautiful woman. We have much in common, I admire your heart, and how much you have achieved in your life. I want to get to know you better, on a more personal level.”
So much for getting out of the conversation.
“Walter, I wish I had known, but now…”
“You can’t be seeing that hoodlum, Skye. Surely you can see you are far above his reach,” Walter says, interrupting me.
I think that was supposed to be a compliment from him, but it doesn’t feel like one. It sits wrong. It upsets me. It pisses me off. I might not think Bull is a good risk, but hearing Walter talk as if we are better than Bull, makes me want to lash out. The insinuation is there in Walter’s words, and it’s extremely clear he feels he is far and above Bull.
“That’s not true, Walter. In fact, Bull has been very good to me.”
Trusting Bull: Savage Brothers MC Page 6
