Dragon laughs and I almost do too, except all this talk of Carrie has me feeling like I’m crawling out of my skin.
“He hasn’t made any moves since the day your woman was hurt?” It was tricky wording that question since bringing up Irish was bad, and saying Nicole and shot in the same sentence seemed to set Dragon off even more.
“Not a damn thing. He went underground as soon as we got his name. Something will give soon. I can feel it.”
I don’t roll my eyes, that shit would get me shot, plus I know from years of being in the service with Dragon that he has a pretty good sense for when things were about to get all fucked up. That means his surety that things are about to go to hell is bad, fucking bad.
“Well I better get back to the hotel,” I say getting up to leave.
“I expect your ass here tomorrow night,” Dragon orders and there’s no doubt that it is an order.
I grunt and walk out without giving him a solid answer.
Chapter 4
Carrie
I listen to Lips, Dani, and Nic laugh, and I have to smile. I love these women. I’ve never had sisters, but since the first time I walked through the doors of the Savage MC almost four months ago, these girls have made me feel part of them. Nic and Dani are best friends and as different as night and day. Nicole is head over heels in love with Dragon and a complete fool could see that from miles off. Dani is hilarious and she makes you laugh. She seems to flirt with everyone, but I get the feeling men are the last thing on her mind. Lips is a club Twinkie (a woman all the brothers seemed to share), but she is different from the rest. I don’t really know how to explain it. She is just different. Of course the last month she has been dating Six exclusively. Six is a new member of the club. I’d heard the men refer to him as a prospect. He is funny and easy-going and he really seems to care for Lips. I’m hoping it works out for the two of them.
“I still don’t see why you can’t be at the party tomorrow,” Dani complains while sitting on the couch beside me. Her legs are folded and crossed under her. Nicole and Lips are in chairs across from the couch. Alexander, Bull and Six are sitting at the kitchen table talking quietly to each other, but every time I glance up they are watching us. It is unnerving, but after having the club watch over me for the last two months, I am slowly getting used to it.
Dragon had his men come get me after the car accident. Nicole and Dani were hurt and recovering. Dragon seemed to think it was the same man after me. Maybe the three of us bonded over that, I don’t know. I just appreciated the way they made me feel like part of a family instead of an outsider. After what I had lost, it was a welcomed feeling.
“She’s not going,” Bull speaks up and I turn to look at him.
We haven’t talked since he kissed me. That wasn’t unusual, Bull doesn’t talk. This morning at the hotel was definitely not his norm.
“Why can’t I go?” I ask confused. Maybe the club is tired of having me around?
“Red, some things are better not asked,” Bull says and turns back to his brothers effectively dismissing me. I want to be assertive and demand to know the real reason, but I’m just not that person and it sucks.
“It’s because of the Atlanta chapter. Last time they were here, the place was rowdy. They’re protecting you,” Nicole offers, putting her hand on mine.
I look up at her. She is beautiful. She has these blue eyes that just light up a room. Her hair is a golden blonde and has grown longer since I’ve met her. She is wearing these black leggings with matching high-heeled boots and a long burnt orange sweater. I almost feel dowdy next to her—to all of these women really. Dani is like a runway model, tall, skinny, perfect bone structure and this dark chestnut hair that is long, silky-smooth and gorgeous. Lips, whose name is actually Vida, is just as gorgeous. Her dark skin looks like warm, creamy coffee and her hair is long with purple color woven in. You’d think it was black until the light hits and you have to do a double take. They are all dressed kind of like Nicole, casual to be sure—but totally different from my faded blue jeans and baby pink t-shirt. My hair is pulled up high in a pony-tail and I spent the morning taming my curls and straightening them. Whereas, all the women around me have on makeup, I hadn’t bothered. I seldom do. It just seems too much effort. If I made myself up and wore more stylish clothes, would Jacob notice me more then? I hold in my groan. It doesn’t matter what I do, Jacob will never notice or care. Well, unless I died. He might notice then. At least long enough to celebrate.
“Earth to Carrie!” Lips says and I smile.
“Sorry, was just thinking.”
“I mean it honey. It’s not you. The men love you. They’re trying to protect you from the party and everything that goes on,” Nicole reiterates.
“I know,” I say quietly, but out loud this time. “I don’t understand why, I mean I know what sex is,” I grumble and curse at the way my cheeks fill with heat.
“I’m with carrot top,” Dani adds in. I hate that nickname, but I let her do it. Dani seems cold-hearted at times, but I think she has a lot going on inside of her. I’m horribly shy, so I’ve done a lot of people watching over the years. I honestly think that Dani uses being outspoken as a defense. I wonder if anyone has ever seen the real her? I’m not even sure she’s shown Nicole.
“You’re not going, Red.”
I hear Bull over my shoulder and I screw up my face mocking his dour look I know he has right now. I don’t need to look to know it’s there. The girls automatically start laughing and I join in, but quieter.
“Have you and Dragon set a date yet?” I ask because I know they’ve been talking about it and I’m anxious to get the conversation off of me.
“We were hoping for Valentine’s Day, but that’s not going to happen,” she says her face hid behind her hair. She’s looking down at one of her nails like it holds the secrets of the universe.
“Why not?” I ask.
“Dragon’s being a jerk,” she grumbles.
“What do you mean?” I ask confused, because I’ve seen them together and he seems to dote on her.
“He won’t ask his men to wear monkey suits,” Dani explained.
“It’s just for one day. I don’t see what the big damn deal is! I mean really, I’m pledging my troth to the big dummy!” Nicole complains.
Dani busts out laughing and it’s so hard that she’s snorting. Eventually, we all join in.
“What the fuck is a troth anyways?” Dani asks wiping tears from her face when we finally stop.
“It’s like you’re pledging your loyalty,” I explain with a grin.
“It sounds like something you hold for a pig to eat out of,” Nicole says with a giggle.
“You could always let him eat you and get him to agree to the suits while he’s busy with other things on his mind,” Dani says sagely.
“Um… if Dragon is going down on me the last thing I’m going to be thinking about is other fucking men and what they’re wearing,” Nicole explains.
“Maybe you can compromise,” I suggest, blushing, because her words immediately bring to mind a picture, but it’s not her and Dragon I see. No, it’s me and Jacob and my body instantly reacts.
“Compromise?” Nicole asks and I look down because I’m afraid she can see the fact that I’m thinking of Jacob. Realistically I know she can’t, but still…
“Yeah, have them wear black slacks or something with a dress shirt.”
“I personally think a man looks sexy in a suit,” Lips grins and her eyes lock over at the table. I look up and see Six giving her a knowing smile. It’s a look a couple gives each other when they are close. I want that. I’ve only read about it in books and seen it between my parents and now among my new friends. I don’t think I’ll ever have that. I want it, but being totally real, I can’t see me getting it with Jacob and I can’t see myself opening up to anyone else. Maybe someday, but I am starting to really doubt that. If a man can hate you and you still want him, there’s not much else you can do.
&nbs
p; I must have sighed aloud, I don’t know but I sense the change of vibe with the girls around me.
“Carrot, he’s not worth it,” Dani speaks up.
“He might be to her,” Lips defends.
“He has a lot of stuff he needs to work through,” Nicole adds quietly and I don’t know why, maybe I am wrong, but it seems like she knows more than the rest of us.
“He hates me,” I say the simple truth that everyone is avoiding. Secretly, I’m hoping they will argue. They don’t.
“There’s other fish in the sea,” Lips says. I look at her and she still watching Six, but this time I can tell Bull is also in her line of vision. I swallow feeling out of sorts. I like Bull. I really do and a girl would be crazy not to return whatever feelings he had for her. He is an amazing man. Only thing is, I don’t like Bull that way and even if I might someday? It would never work out, because of Jacob. They are as close as brothers, they even call themselves brothers.
“Maybe I could just refuse to give him sex until he caves and gives me the wedding of my dreams,” Nicole says changing the subject and I’m thankful. She leans back over to hold my hand in support.
“Bitch please, all that man has to do is say Mama and your panties catch on fire,” Dani replies.
“He’s started letting you wear panties again?” Lips ask, with a drawl.
Nicole flips her off and more laughter ensues.
“Alright women, we better be heading back. Drag will flip if Nicole is out after dark,” Crusher announces.
“He ain’t wrong,” Lips adds. Nicole just shakes her head, but I notice she doesn’t argue.
They pack up and I follow them to the door.
“Ladies first,” Dani speaks up trying to walk out the door in front of Crusher who has already started out.
“Don’t see a lady around,” Crusher replies, making sure he goes through the door first.
“You’re such an ass,” Dani complains following him.
“You love my ass.”
“You think all women love your ass. Later, Carrot!” She calls over her shoulder. Lips gives me a hug and follows her.
Nicole stops at the door and turns around and hugs me tight.
“If you want him, you’re going to have to throw caution to the wind and go after him,” she whispers in my ear. She pulls away slightly, each of her hands holding my arms and looks into my eyes. “He’s broken baby, but if your heart is set on him then try to reach him. Take it from me, if it works out it will all be worth it.”
I give her a weak smile because while I know what she is saying, I really think it’s hopeless. She smiles back, pats my arm and walks out the door with Six following behind her. I stand there staring as Bull closes the door, feeling lost in the quiet. At the club something is always going on or happening. The quiet just makes me feel more alone.
“You hungry?”
“I’ll fix us something.”
“I’ll cook,” I say, turning away from him.
“I said I will,” he grumbles.
“Okay then. I’ll just go take a shower I guess.”
“Okay, Red.”
Chapter 5
Dancer
I do not want to be here. I’m standing outside of the club’s safe house in Manchester. It’s a small four-room house on a side street off the main town. You wouldn’t know it was there unless you were looking for it. Yet, it is close enough to the main drag that too much shit would bring down the cops. That way even if rival clubs finds it, we still have an advantage.
What am I doing here? Fuck that is another question all together. I left the club with the intention of getting drunk, getting laid and forgetting Carrie was even around. What I did instead was call Mary. I hadn’t talked to her since the day they pulled her away from me at the Courthouse. I made it known I did not want her visiting me at the prison. It was a fucked up thing not to check on her when I got out. I know that, but I just cannot deal with people. I spent the night feeling guilt at the pain I heard in Mary’s voice and drinking myself into a stupor with a bottle of vodka. I woke up a couple hours later, just like always—covered in sweat, my heart pounding out of my chest and screaming.
I rub my forehead with the palm of my hand and fight the memories that are always there demanding to come to the forefront. Fuck, I may never be ready to deal with people again.
I know I can’t deal with the party going on at the club tonight. That is going to piss Dragon off, but the way I figure it, he might as well get used to the feeling when it comes to me. I pull my hand down and stare. It trembles and shakes, mocking me. What the fuck has happened to me? What happened to the man who walked in the world with a one finger salute, not giving a fuck? What happened to the man who went to war and faced anything without fear? I’m a coward. I can’t even live with myself. I haven’t got my revenge yet, because I can’t bring up the courage to even see the ones I would have to face. I haven’t even helped the club exact revenge against a man who is only fucking with them because of me. I am a waste of breath and I know I’ve said it a million times over, but I’m so tired. So fucking tired that deep down inside it feels as if I am literally drowning. It takes all the energy I can muster to get out of bed every day. What the fuck does that make me? I am rotting from the inside out.
I take an unsteady breath and walk up to the door. I close my eyes and bite my tongue to let the pain focus me. I’m a pansy-ass-sorry-mother-fucker. I knock once…twice…then bring my hand back and push them both into my jean’s pockets. I don’t want Bull to see them shake. Fuck, I don’t want to see them shake.
Bull opens the door, the gold studs in his ears shining under the glare of the porch light.
“Dance,” his voice is dark and even more pissed off than normal. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know why. Sorry, Fucker, you’re not going to get pussy tonight—at least not from Carrie.
“You going to let me in?”
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
“Come to relieve you.”
“Hell no.”
“Just fact man, Drag needs his enforcer at the club tonight with the Atlanta Chapter in. He doesn’t want Carrie to be alone. So, I am here,” I say, lying through my damned teeth.
I’m not even sure why I’m here. Yes, I am avoiding the party, but I could have done that from my room at the hotel. Something inside of me is pushing me towards Carrie. Maybe it is because of all the shit she has gone through; maybe it is the anger I have towards her. Maybe I’ve drunk so much that my brain cells have completely left me. I did not the-fuck-know. All I do know? I am standing here in front of this damn safe house at seven o’clock at night, lying to my brother and planning on spending the night with a woman I…shit, it’s a woman I want—I’ve always wanted. It’s also a woman I blame, whether she deserves it or not.
“I’ll call and have him send Six out.”
“Six is working the bar tonight with Lips. Just get going man, I think I can babysit for one damned night.”
“And give you the chance to spew more of your poison at Red? I don’t think so brother.”
“Oh for Christ’s sake, I won’t bother the bitch. I’m going to lock the doors, grab a bite to eat and sleep. I won’t say two damn words to her. Now quit being a prick and let me in.”
He backs up to give me room to get in. I walk by him and scan the combined living and kitchen area. It’s separated by a small half wall and then open where the table and chairs are. Carrie is sitting there and her face goes pale and white when she sees me. I know it makes me a sadistic fuck, but I can’t help but enjoy seeing how uncomfortable I make her.
“Looks like I missed dinner,” I say my eyes locking on Carrie’s. She holds my look for about half a beat and then looks back down. Why does that make me feel like I’ve won something? I could almost smile.
Bull grunts. “I’ll call Nailer.”
He takes out his phone and it pisses me off. Obviously I’m twisted up even more than I realized.
“Knock it off, Bull. I’m not going to say shit to her. Go back up our boy.”
“Red? You gonna be okay?” Bull asks ignoring me.
This fucker is obviously pussy-whipped. Maybe it’s the younger pussy?
“I’m fine, Bull. I’m getting ready to go to bed anyway,” she says. Her voice has always been quieter than others. Almost meek and soothing, it’s like a lullaby. I used to love to listen to her and Jazz chatter for hours. The memory of that rings clear before I lock it down.
“I still think I should call Drag first,” Bull obstinately continues.
For a second my chest gets a punch of adrenaline. If Bull does that he’ll know I’m lying my ass off and Carrie will know it too. I don’t even know why the hell I’m doing it myself, I’m not ready to try and explain it to anyone else.
“Bull, please? I don’t’ want to make a scene and tonight is important to Dragon. Just go, I’ll be fine. Jacob… He won’t hurt me.”
“Red? You call me if you need me for anything.”
“I’ll be fine,” she says with a smile, while Bull puts on his cut. I can see the fear in her eyes. It’s fucked up, but I like it. It’s like my body has come alive, as if I’m a hunter and oh yeah, I’m definitely smelling blood now.
Bull turns to me as he opens the door.
“Motherfucker, one wrong move and I’ll make you sorry you were ever born,” he growls.
I thought about telling him he’s about thirty-five years too late. At the very least, he’s a little over two years too late. I don’t though. I shrug and watch as he slams the door behind him.
I wait the space of a heartbeat and then turn my attention to Carrie. Her big green eyes are caught in mine and her skin is definitely lily white now.
“Having fun playing house with the bad boy biker, Princess?”
She closes her eyes and looks down at her lap. My eyes follow and I see she’s wringing her hands tight. My lips jerk a little, not quite a smile but definitely a hint of one.
Trusting Bull: Savage Brothers MC Page 23
