I find her lying on the sofa, sound asleep.
“Jacob?” She questions, her voice full of sleep and sounding so fucking sweet my teeth hurt.
“Hey.”
“What are you doing?” She asks with a yawn sitting up. I watch as she yawns again and subtly shifts her body in a stretch. My dick instantly stands up and takes notice. Son of a bitch.
“Thinking about heading down to the club for a beer,” I say and it’s the truth absolutely, I’m just not mentioning what else I’ll be looking for when I get there.
This strange looks comes over Carrie’s face. Her green eyes flash at me and her face pales. Apparently I didn’t need to tell her what else I’d be looking for, I’m getting the impression she definitely knows.
“I see,” she says quietly, not looking at me.
I swallow the excuses that want breath. I resent that I’m feeling guilty about going out and getting laid. When did I become a man who answers to a woman I haven’t even had my hands on in a week?
“Where are you going?” I ask when she walks from the room.
She doesn’t answer. I follow her into her bedroom. I watch as she goes to the closet and pulls out a duffle bag. Placing it on the bed, she takes clothes from the old wooden chest across from the bed and puts them in it.
“What the hell are you doing?” I ask and I’m trying to ignore the panic that I feel.
“I’m going to leave.”
This should make me feel better right? It doesn’t. Fuck, it fills me with terror.
“You can’t. Drag said someone was trying to kill you.”
“Haven’t heard anything in way over a couple of months. I can’t keep putting my life on hold. I’m going to move in with my friend Tammie. No one knows her, I doubt whoever it is will find me.”
“I’ve never met a Tammie,” I say trying to breathe because it feels like my heart is beating so fast I’m going to stroke out.
“That’s because she lives in another state.”
Just like that, the panic increases. Carrie moving out is bad. Carrie somewhere I don’t know? Carrie somewhere without protection? Oh hell no. No. Just, no.
“Since we have no idea who the hell is after you, you could be playing right into their hands,” I say trying to direct the conversation back to why she shouldn’t leave.
“Yeah well, living like this isn’t changing anything either and I’m tired.”
I walk over and dump her clothes back on the bed, because with each thing she adds I feel fear course through me stronger. She can’t go.
“What the hell do you think you are doing?” She asks and the anger in her voice is sexy. Fuck, it is sexy as hell.
“You’re not leaving.”
She’s not. Fuck, I can’t handle this. I need to call Dragon. He’ll talk some sense into her. I have no idea how to deal with women.
“I am. I don’t know what kind of game you are playing, but I’m done.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Don’t play stupid Jacob, I might be younger than you, but I’m not an idiot.”
“I have no idea…”
“Then you’re a liar to yourself and me,” she growls and throws her clothes back in the case.
Her red hair is bouncing along her shoulders, her voice is filled with anger, her face is flushed and I have the strongest urge to get on my knees and beg her to help me. Beg her to stay and not give up.
“What has crawled up your ass?”
“What has? Oh my god! You know Jacob, I’ll take a lot from you. I have actually. That never made me feel stupid, until right now!”
“I don’t know what you’re talking…” I end with an umpf noise as I catch the bag of clothes she throws at my stomach.
“STOP LYING TO ME!”
I freeze. I’ve never seen Carrie this animated, this angry and outspoken.
“WHY? WHY, JACOB!?!?!?”
I drop the bag and stare at her.
“I am not cut out to be a monk.”
Her mouth opens and then this look of confusion goes over her face and she crosses her arms in front of her chest.
“Gee I would have never guessed that,” she says sarcastically. Somehow this new side of Carrie is just as sexy, if not sexier, than the old one. She’s not getting it though, so I soldier on.
“Right now, it’s taking all of the energy I have not to grab you and take the promise you have in your eyes and make it a reality. It is killing me. Killing me. We’re not sharing a bed, we’re not kissing, we’re not…fuck, we’re doing nothing. We’re not even holding hands. Living with you is requiring sainthood from me, Princess. I’m not a fucking saint.
“Who asked you to be, Jacob? It sure as heck wasn’t me!”
“See? Right there that’s what I’m saying. You can’t even cuss. You say the word heck for Christ’s sake! You’re too damned innocent for me.”
“Oh my god, Jacob! Everyone is a virgin at some point! Even you were!”
“Yeah, but it’s been a fuck of a long time, Carrie. It happened in a dirty alley with a hooker who was high enough not to mind giving a street kid a freebie.”
She jerks back and it is that moment I figure I have shown her just how wrong for her I am.
“What does that have to do with anything?” She asks, and now she just sounds thoroughly confused.
“You’re a virgin! A damned virgin, with stars in her eyes and what you want Princess, I’m not capable of giving you.”
“Fine then! I’ll just go out, get laid and then you can feel better about touching me? Would that work for you, Jacob Blake?”
“Damn it, Carrie…”
“Just save it. I wouldn’t believe anything you said at this point anyway.”
She delivers that last sentence and bends down to pick her bag back up. My hands go sweaty. Shit I don’t know how I feel about this. I don’t want her to leave. I’m terrified about what will happen if she stays. Fuck.
I make a split second decision. It may be a decision I live to regret. I just don’t know. I’m going completely by instinct and what I do know is that she can’t leave. If she leaves she’ll be in danger. I can’t deal with that. If she leaves I won’t even have the chance to touch her and I don’t want that. If she leaves there’s a very big chance that Bull will run after her and I can’t handle that at all.
“Wait…”
She stops, turns and looks at me. Her green eyes scan my face and I worry that she can see the doubt and indecision I’m feeling. Worse, will she see that a large part of me does not want to go there with her? What the fuck is wrong with me? Why is this so hard?
Because it’s Carrie.
Carrie means something. She always has.
When she doesn’t say anything, I force myself to try again.
“Carrie…”
“I am not anyone’s responsibility and I sure don’t want to be that to you,” her soft voice interrupts me.
She reminds me of a girl playing at being a woman. She is standing there telling me how she feels, but her posture is unsure, her voice way too soft for her words. I’m too old, too dark, too damned jaded to be anywhere around her. I want her, I want her in ways I’ve never wanted a woman. Fuck, I’m trying to do the right thing here, but I don’t want her to leave. The thought of her leaving fills me with this overwhelming emptiness.
“Damn it all Carrie, I do want you. Hell, I’ve always wanted you.”
I watch as her face lifts and her eyes seek mine yet again. I can see the hope flare before she taps it down. She’s so innocent and pure staring at me. Does she realize that her eyes are pure seduction? Does she have any clue the things I want to do to her sweet body? Maybe…. maybe I should show her.
“Jacob, I need you too,” she argues like she doesn’t understand why I keep pushing her away. She acts like it should be just so damned simple.
It’s not. It is anything but simple. The fact that she thinks it should be easy pisses me off.
“I should ta
ke what you keep offering. You owe me your innocence. You have no idea the fucking hell I have lived the last two years because of your naïve ass. You waltz into my life again after nearly destroying me and you think it should be easy to give you a piece of me? Fuck, I’ve had so many pieces of me torn away and it’s all your fucking fault, Princess.”
I regret instantly what I say. Apparently I haven’t got a good enough lock on my anger. I’m going back and forth so much, I am getting dizzy. Fuck. I swallow, because I know my words have wounded her. I know I shouldn’t have said it. I don’t even truly believe it. There’s just this huge rabid animal in me and I have no control over when it strikes out.
She looks at me with so much sadness, it seems to surround her. If there has been a more beautiful woman, I have not seen her. Her eyes look almost liquid.
Any minute now she is going to turn and run. I can’t even blame her. I wish I could gather my words back up and keep them from touching her, but I know that is impossible too. So I wait for her next move. Part of me is already feeling relief, but a larger part is grieving, it’s just further proof that my head is completely messed up.
What she says next? It shocks the hell out of me. I didn’t expect it.
“Then take my innocence. Take whatever you want. It’s yours, Jacob. It has always been yours, so take it. I’m yours.”
Carrie’s wearing a pale yellow sundress, looking young and untouched. This is who Carrie is. I love the dress on her. It reminds me of how innocent she is, while at the same time making me wonder what will happen once I dirty her up, and I do want to dirty her up. As confused as I am about taking this next step with Carrie, I at least know that.
I watch as she slides her dress off. She stands in front of me so fucking perfect, I want to scream.
I made a decision when I was in the hospital. I tried to go back on it, but there’s not a man strong enough to turn down what is before me right now. I’m not even sure why I’ve fought it this long. I haven’t been a better man in over two years.
Her words are brave, but her eyes falter and her arms cover her bra and breasts from my sight. I know I am in fact the biggest bastard ever born because I take pleasure in the way her hands shake.
I swallow, swearing I can taste her. Suddenly my mind clears, all I can see is Carrie and all I want is to touch her…to brand her. I want to fuck her so hard, for so long that anyone who comes after me will be a pale comparison. It’s all kinds of fucked-up, but it is how I feel.
“The bra now, Princess,” I say, my voice hoarse with need.
She fumbles with the clasp on the front of her bra and another thrill moves through me at seeing her hands shake. I like that she’s new to this, that her moves aren’t practiced. I especially like that I will be the first to taste her. The bra falls to the floor as her hand fumbles to keep her breasts hid. Even though she is shielding them from me, I can still see those pale creamy globes and I breathe easier. We’ve gone too far to turn back now. She will be mine.
Mine.
Chapter 15
Carrie
I can’t believe this is happening. I mean, I’m glad it’s happening. I’ve been dying for it to happen. This last week has been driving me crazy. I knew instantly what he had planned tonight and I couldn’t handle it. I can’t be around him now, if he slept with other women. It might have been saner to leave. I know that. I just keep remembering my talk with Nicole. I keep seeing the hopelessness in Jacob’s eyes and I need to keep pushing forward. Maybe eventually I will give up, I just know I can’t right now.
I turn to fully face him with a deep, calming breath.
Yeah, that didn’t work.
“Drop your arms. I want to see you.”
Drop your arms he says, like that’s so easy. I swear if my heart beats any faster I will probably have a stroke. I’ll keel over and stroke out and be naked when the freaking paramedics get here.
“Princess?” Jacob asks again and I close my eyes, but manage to slowly remove my arms.
I’m standing in front of Jacob Blake wearing nothing but a pair of panties. They’re not even sexy panties. They’re boy-cut green satin at least and there is lace—not a lot, but a passable amount. That’s good, right? I mean they could be granny panties and I would die a horrible death.
“Damn. Care Bear, you’re gorgeous,” Jacob says. I can feel his breath so I know he has moved closer while my eyes are closed.
I smile at the use of my favorite nickname. I don’t think he realizes when he uses it. It seems to be when his guard is down the most and it always gives me hope.
I jump when he palms one of my breasts. His touch feels heavenly. I feel him do the other breast in the same fashion. His thumbs rake over the skin, skirting close to my areola, but not quite touching it. Just that alone sends chills up my body.
I’ve made out with a few boys before, but nothing has ever felt this fantastic. I knew it would be different with Jacob. I knew in my heart that he was the man I was supposed to give my virginity to. This here. This feeling, these emotions…this is why I waited to have my V-card punched.
I open my eyes just as Jacob’s head goes down and he kisses my breast. He’s so close to my heart. Can he feel how hard and fast it is beating? I’m afraid to breathe, afraid to do anything that might stop him.
My hands come up without thought. One rests on his shoulder, with the other, I dig my fingers into his hair. The short strands tease my fingers. I wish he’d let it grow out longer. I could fast become addicted to the feel of it and….
His tongue slides along my nipple and I can’t stop the whimper that escapes. His tongue is warm….wet…. an instrument of torture. He licks, twirling his tongue around it. My breasts aren’t large, but they’re not horribly small so I’ve never thought about it. I always worried though because my nipples seemed overly large. So, when I feel how amazing it is to have Jacob’s tongue on them…I send up a thank you. Large nipples are awesome, I…
“Yes,” I whisper.
The word slips out as he begins sucking my nipple so hard that the heels of my feet pull off the floor. I can’t help it I have to follow, to get closer. At the same time, he pinches the other nipple with his fingers and my head goes back on a gasp. Can you come from breast play alone? I hear Jacob’s grunt of approval as I tighten my fingers in his hair and pull him harder into my body, wanting more. To reward my eagerness he bites down on the nipple and flicks his tongue over it simultaneously.
“Yes…Jacob…that feels so good,” I moan as both of my hands push his head closer to me, demanding he not stop. I never want him to stop.
He switches breasts now, devouring the other one and my legs are starting to grow weak. You think you know. You research, you study, you ask your girlfriends (Okay at least I did) and you think you know what to expect, what sex will be like and you think you are prepared. I had no clue. No clue at all, there’s no way to describe this.
All at once, I’m moving. I’m moving fast, because Jacob is pushing us in the direction of the wall. We were at the bed, that makes more sense to me, but I don’t have time to question it. My back connects with the wall and I hear the ripping noise echo in the room over our breathing. Cool air hits me as my panties are torn away. Jacob looks at me and his eyes are wild. They are this deep brown color that is so deep, so intense. I doubt anything from this moment on will live up to the beauty that is Jacob Blake.
“I can’t wait to be inside of you, Princess. I’m going to fuck you so hard that your pussy is shaped for my dick and my dick alone.”
I move my hands to his hips, trying to grab his shirt and pull it over his head. I want to feel his skin against mine.
“Keep your hands on my shoulders, Princess. Don’t move them.”
“I want to feel you…please Jacob take your shirt off,” I beg and make no mistake I am begging. Right now, I would do anything just to feel him…feel more of him.
Jacob groans but pulls back enough so that between the two of us we manage to pull his
shirt off.
I can’t wait. I want to trace my fingers along the outline of his tats and follow that with my tongue. Jacob doesn’t let me though. I whimper out in disappointment as he grabs my hands and puts them over my head imprisoning them with one of his against the wall.
“Jacob, please…”
“Not on your life Princess, you touch me and this will be over. There’s only so much a man can take,” he responds and then I give up worrying about it because his lips are back on my breasts, sucking and worrying the nipple at the exact same time I feel his fingers moving over my clit.
Oh my god.
That’s the only thought I can have. No one has ever touched me before except well…me, and nothing I’ve ever done has felt this freaking good.
Jacob’s mouth comes up kissing and licking above my breast and along my collarbone, giving little nips with his teeth and driving me crazy. I push against his hand, wishing I was free so I could touch more of him. He won’t let go. I grieve the loss somewhere in the back of my mind. That’s all I can do, because I feel Jacob’s finger sliding against the lips of my pussy and then slowly move inside.
“Princess, you’re dripping for me. Do you want my cock, baby?”
Yes!!!!
I want to scream out, but I don’t. I’m a little afraid of what is to come, but that’s not it. I’ve dreamed of making love to Jacob forever, but as intense as this is, it is not like I imagined. It is not what I dreamed. I’m afraid to say that though, if I do he will stop and I don’t want that.
His finger pushes inside of me and I groan. It feels full and uncomfortable, but at the same time amazing. His thumb grazes my clit over and over, faster and faster and my hips begin to rock before I realize it.
“That’s it, Princess. Get out of that head of yours and just let your body feel,” He whispers as his tongue pushes into my ear and I feel yet another finger slide inside of me, stretching my passage.
I can’t stop a moan that breaks free. I am beyond full. I am stretched so much it’s almost painful.
Trusting Bull: Savage Brothers MC Page 28
