by J. E. Parker
Lucca was the anchor that kept me stable and the glue that held me together. Without him, I fear I may have lost the reins of my sanity a long time ago.
Reaching the closed white-panel door, I placed my hand on the brass knob and gave it a quick twist before barreling straight through it. The knob nearly slammed into the sheetrock behind the door, but I didn’t care.
My sole focus was on my baby, my son—my entire world.
Standing tall in the second-hand crib I’d bought for him the day before he was born, he beamed at me with that million-dollar smile of his. The chaos in my head instantly calmed.
“MA-MA!” he shrieked at the top of his lungs.
My chest swelled with pride when he reached out to me. Most days I found it hard to believe I’d given birth to such an amazing little human. I mean this perfect little boy standing before me was my baby. He was my son. “Out, Ma-ma… OUT!” he yelled with more force.
He certainly gets his bossiness from me.
I didn’t waste another second before going to him.
Sliding my hands under his arms, I lifted him out of the crib and buried my face in his soft, black hair. I took a deep breath and squeezed him as tight as I could without hurting him. It didn’t matter how many times I held him or how much I kissed him; it was never enough. Whoever first said that a mother’s love for her child is infinite was right, because with every beat of my heart I fell a little more in love with him.
The smell of Lucca’s hair tickled the tip of my nose, and I inhaled deeper. He smelled like the lavender-scented baby wash and lotion I used on him each night before bed. For as long as I live, I don’t think I’ll ever forget that smell. I can see myself as a senile old lady, sitting in a nursing home somewhere, sniffing a bottle of that soap.
“Ma-ma!” Lucca kicked his legs and clutched the front of my nightgown in his little hands. “U-ka eat, Ma-ma!”
I pressed a kiss to the crown of his head and ran my hand down his back, tickling him with the tips of my fingers. “Always hungry, aren’t you?” He giggled and thrashed in my arms. “I swear you’re going to eat me out of house and home when you get older.” He continued to laugh, and I continued to tickle him. The melodic notes spilling from his mouth warmed my heart and soothed my battered soul. “I’m going to have to sell a kidney just so I can afford to feed you, ya little bottomless pit.”
“Stop!” he hollered in between bouts of laughter. “Stop, Ma-ma, STOP!”
Giving him one last kiss on the head, I swung him to my side and propped him on my left hip. “Fine,” I huffed. “I guess I’ll go fix you something to eat, but you owe me cuddle time later since you insist on cutting me off before I get my fair share.”
Lucca giggled and slammed his face against my chest, knocking the breath out of me. “Good grief, big boy.” I gasped for air. “Steal the breath right out of me why don’t—”
My cell phone rang from the living room, interrupting me.
Holding my sweet baby close, I turned around and carried his big tushie down the hall toward the living room. Lucca wasn’t two yet, but he was the same height and weight as the average three-year-old.
My little man was built like a tiny linebacker.
Bending over at the waist, I stood him on the ground in front of his toy box and ran my still shaking fingers through his curly hair one more time. “Here, baby, play with your stuff while Mama answers the phone.”
Already engrossed in his toys, he ignored me as he rifled through the overfilled toy box, pulling everything he could find out and dropping it to the floor by his feet. Without a doubt, he’d have the entire living room covered in puzzle pieces, plastic blocks, and Tonka trucks in the next sixty seconds.
I loved my son to death, but he was as destructive as a tornado in a trailer park.
Smiling at his shenanigans, I turned around and plucked my still ringing phone off the worn end table. Then I glanced down at the caller ID.
Maddie calling, it read.
My smile grew.
I lifted the phone to my ear. "Hey, sugar. How’s it—"
She cut me off. “Thank God you answered!”
She sounded like she was in the middle of a crisis. Knowing Maddie, though, I was sure the only crisis she was involved in had something to do with her being hungry. “What’s up, buttercup?” I turned around and kicked the corner of the coffee table with my toe. “Godda—” I looked at Lucca, who was watching me as if he was just waiting for the curse to fly from my mouth. “Gosh dang it.”
He giggled before dumping an oversized bag of plastic building blocks onto the floor.
“What did you do?” Maddie’s laughter-filled voice floated through the phone.
Pinky toe still aching, I plopped down on the sofa. “I stubbed my toe on the stupid table. Anyway, what are you so excited about?” I blew out an exasperated breath and glanced at the black and white clock hanging on the scarlet red wall to my right. “It’s only eight in the morning. You’re usually still asleep.”
Maddie was eight months pregnant, and she’d reached the point of constant exhaustion. Because of that, I rarely heard from her before nine in the morning on her days off.
“I’m starvingggg.” She whined through the phone.
Bingo!
Brows furrowed, I lifted my foot and examined my throbbing toe. “Where’s the behemoth? I’m sure he’ll feed you.” The behemoth, also known as Hendrix, was Maddie’s fiancé. He was an overprotective, overbearing asshole, but he loved Maddie with every ounce of his heart. Not to mention he treated her like gold. For those reasons alone, I tolerated him.
Don’t get me wrong; he isn’t a bad guy, but he drives me nuts.
Probably because we’re so much alike.
“He’s in the shower. Doesn’t even know I’m awake yet.”
My stomach grumbled. “Want to meet me somewhere for breakfast?”
Maddie exhaled. “Lord, yes. Meet me at Ruby’s Diner in an hour.”
Nodding even though she couldn’t see me, I stood back up. “I can do that.” I yawned loudly. “See you in an hour, sweet pea.”
“Wait,” she hollered, stopping me from hanging up. “Did you not sleep much last night? You sound exhausted.” Her voice was full of concern, something I hadn’t been shown a lot of in my life.
Someone finally cares.
“Not really.” Raising my free hand, I attempted to run it through my knotted hair. I cringed when my fingers got caught in what felt like a giant rat nest near the crown of my head. I needed to take a shower—ASAP. “I had a couple of bad dreams.” Chill bumps erupted down my spine; the panic threatened to resurface. “It’s been a rough morning to say the least.”
“Shelby”—Maddie’s voice was low, quiet—“what were they about?” She hesitated before continuing. “I mean were they… Did they… Was it…?”
My eyes slammed shut, and my shoulders slumped forward.
“Yeah, they were about him,” I answered, feeling myself deflate. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I kept speaking, needing to confide in someone. “The last one… It was bad, Maddie.” I opened my eyes and turned to look out the front window. “I woke up in a panic and reality kinda got blurred there for a bit.”
She exhaled. “You had another panic attack, didn’t you?”
My skin prickled with shame. “Yeah.” I jabbed my toe into the carpet, wincing at the small bite of pain. “I couldn’t fight it off this time.” I didn’t need to go into detail; didn’t need to tell her how I’d blacked out, lying on my bathroom floor. “Maddie, I’m trying. Swear to God I am, but it seems like no matter what I do I can’t get away—”
She cut me off. Again. “Don’t say anything else. You don’t need to. I understand.” Her tone was clipped, her speech fast. My girl sounded pissed. Not at me, but at him, the monster who’d blackened my past and continued to lurk in the present. “You know he can’t hurt you anymore, right?” I remained silent. “He’s never coming back, Shelby.”
Feeling
my airway tighten, I rested my shaking palm against my belly.
Against my scars.
Once again, hot, sour bile climbed my esophagus as my fingertips grazed over the damaged skin. The raised, pink ropes that decorated my stomach and torso served as a constant reminder of the pain I’d endured and the hell I’d suffered. Maddie viewed the hideous stripes as a badge of honor that symbolized my victory, my survival.
But that’s not how I saw them.
To me, they screamed, You may have escaped him, but your body will forever bear his marks.
Shame and disgust swirled inside of me at the thought. As much as I loved Maddie, I had to get off the phone. I couldn’t talk to her right now. I needed to think; needed to decompress. “Listen, Maddie, I’ve got to go. I need to shower and get dressed. Plus, I still need to get Lucca out of his pajamas.”
Maddie didn’t argue at my abrupt change in conversation. She, of all people, understood. She knew I was half a second away from free-falling head first back into a mental hell where I didn’t want to be.
“An hour, okay?” My tone was pleading. I needed to get off the phone, needed to get to Lucca. If I could just hug him, the torment would ease.
“Okay,” she whispered. “See you in an hour.”
I nodded again. “I’ll be there.”
Silence ensued.
Then, “I’m serious, Shelby. You’re not alone anymore. You have a family now. A real family. We’ll protect you; keep you safe.” Warmth spread through me and my insides twisted at her declaration. “And I’ll be damned if any of us let that sorry bastard anywhere near you and Lucca again.”
Not knowing what to say, I rocked back on my heels.
I wasn’t good with feelings, wasn’t good with emotions. I’d never had to be. Until the moment I’d held my newborn son in my arms, I didn’t know what love truly was. It was an emotion I didn’t know how to show and accept like other people. It was only with Lucca that it came easy. Even with Maddie, it’d been hard at first. Thankfully, though, she’d never given up on me, and now I didn’t have a problem opening up to her. It’d taken a long time before I was comfortable enough to do so though.
“An hour, Maddie…” My shaky voice trailed off once again.
“Maddie!” I heard Hendrix shout in the background. “What the fuck, pretty girl? I thought you were still in bed.”
Maddie groaned, and I laughed. “Go deal with him before he flips out. I’ll see you soon.” I tried to sound happy; tried to hide my anguish.
Maddie hollered at Hendrix, “Hurry and get dressed. You’re taking me to Ruby’s to get something to eat.” Again, I smiled. “Shelby and Lucca are meeting us there.”
Hendrix cursed, but I only caught half of what he was saying. His voice was too muffled to understand it all. Still, I heard the words, “blonde” and “smartass.”
“Tell that jackass to shut up, or I’ll stab him in the eye with a fork.”
Maddie cackled, and Hendrix cursed again.
Guess he heard me.
“Alright, I’m going. Love you, crazy,” Maddie choked out between laughs.
“Love you more. Bye, sugar.”
I hung up without waiting for a reply.
Phone still in hand, I crossed my arms over my chest and stared down at the little boy who was my entire world. My heart inflated at the mere sight of him. I didn’t know what I’d done to deserve him, but I was thankful to whatever God possibly existed for giving him to me.
I only hoped that, when the time came, I’d be able to protect him from the monster who would one day undoubtedly show his ugly face again. I’d only been sixteen when he’d sworn that he’d never let me go, that he’d never surrender his hold, and as much as I hated to admit it, I knew the words he’d spoken, the threats he’d made, were the God’s honest truth.
It wasn’t a question of whether he'd come back.
The only question in play was: When will he come back?
It was a question I didn’t have an answer to.
Regardless, I’ll tell you this—whenever the son of a bitch did decide to hunt us down, I’d be ready. Because come hell or high water, I wouldn’t let him hurt me again, and I damn sure wouldn’t allow him to harm my son.
You see, the years had changed me; having Lucca had changed me.
I may have been strong before, but I was stronger now.
Now I was a mother, a protector, a survivor.
And I was done being his fucking victim.
3
Anthony
It was a little after nine o’clock when I walked into Ruby’s Diner.
At that point, I’d been awake for forty-eight hours straight, and all I wanted to do was get something to eat before going home and passing out in my bed. Since it was later in the morning, I was hoping I had missed the morning rush of Ruby’s breakfast crowd.
I hadn’t.
Should’ve just stopped at McDonald’s drive-thru.
The moment I stepped through the door, I felt everyone’s eyes land on me.
I instantly scowled.
Ever since moving here a little over a month ago, it didn’t matter where I went or what I did; people always watched me. It was like I had a blinking light on top of my head designating me as the new guy that everybody needed to check out.
I fucking despised it.
I’d never liked being the focus of attention, and my arrival in Toluca made me the center of it. I realized it was part of small-town life, but I hoped like hell everybody would discover something—or someone—else to concentrate on soon.
“Excuse me,” I said to a couple of patrons as I weaved my way through the seemingly endless sea of bodies and made my way to the register. Most people politely nodded and stepped out of my way, but others lingered for a second or two, studying me and looking their fill.
Their unrelenting stares made my skin crawl.
When I made it to the register, I waited for an employee to appear. After a few seconds, a teenage girl who was busy serving coffee to the customers seated at the breakfast bar to my right glanced over at me. A blush stained her cheeks the minute her eyes found mine.
“Um, hi,” she whispered. Coffee pot still in hand, she moved to stand behind the cash register. Once there, she wiped her hands on the maroon apron she wore wrapped around her waist.
My face was impassive, bare of any emotion as I tapped on the counter with my knuckles. “I called in an order about twenty minutes ago. Name’s Moretti.” The ring on my pinky finger clicked against the white laminate countertop, drawing her attention to my hands.
“Moretti,” she murmured my name, almost as if she was speaking to herself. Her eyes dipped to the badge clipped to my belt before flying back up to look at my face. “You’re the New York guy?” A look of embarrassment crossed her face, and she swallowed before rushing to continue. “I mean you’re the cop from New York, right?” She smiled, shifting awkwardly between her feet.
Not this shit, I thought as I internally groaned.
This was yet another issue I’d acquired since moving to Toluca. It seemed like every woman, even the ones too young for me, were throwing themselves at me left and right.
Well, all but one threw themselves at me.
And she’s the one I wished would’ve hit on me.
Go fucking figure.
Annoyed at the waitresses gawking, I jerked my chin down once in quick affirmation. “Yeah.” Silence reigned as she continued to stare up at me with unblinking eyes. The way she looked at me made me feel like an exhibit at the art museum. “Sweetheart”—I nodded to the kitchen door behind her—“my order.”
Her mouth formed an O. “Sorry.” She set the pot down, turned around and hustled to the window that separated the kitchen from the front of the diner. After speaking to someone in the back, she whipped back around and rushed back to me. “It'll be a few more minutes. Want me to get you a cup of coffee while you wait?”
I nodded. “Sounds good.”
With a smil
e on her face, she snatched up a Styrofoam cup and coffee pot. She’d just begun pouring the steaming liquid into the cup when the bell above the diner door jingled signaling either someone’s arrival or departure. Typically, I wouldn’t have paid it any attention, but something deep in my gut urged me to look behind me.
I always listen to my gut.
Turning my head, I peered over my shoulder.
I didn’t see anyone new at first, but when my eyes slid to the right of the door, the most striking pair of cornflower-blue eyes I’d ever seen crashed into mine. I recognized those eyes immediately. Why wouldn’t I? I’d spent virtually every waking minute since I last saw the woman they belonged to, obsessing over them, obsessing over her.
Shelby Mason, the most gorgeous woman I’d seen in my entire life.
An easy grin spread across her face as she stared back at me.
My heart stopped at the sight of that smile.
I swear on my mother’s grave, it fucking stopped.
“Well, I’ll be,” she drawled in that sexy as hell southern accent I loved. “If it isn’t Detective Anthony Moretti.”
Twisting around, I ran my palm over my hard jaw, taking her in from head to toe. With golden-blonde hair that reached the middle of her back, smooth, naturally tanned skin, downy pink lips I’d kill for the opportunity to taste, and a ridiculously curvy body that made me weak in the knees, she was perfect.
Absolutely. Fucking. Perfect.
For a minute, I remained frozen, powerless to reply as I openly stared at her.
Since the moment I’d first seen her, she’d held my full attention, something that no other woman had done before. I didn’t have the slightest clue how she had such a powerful effect on me, but the woman had me mesmerized, completely spellbound, without lifting a single finger.
This woman will be the death of me. I already know.
A flailing arm caught my attention, and my gaze dipped to her left side where she had a little boy perched on her hip. “Eatttttt,” he cried. “Eat, now!”
Without pulling her enthralling, blue eyes from my face, Shelby softly patted his back and whispered something I couldn’t hear into his ear. He instantly calmed and popped a thumb into his mouth as he looked over the crowded space.
