by Desiree Holt
Rod’s face turned so red she was afraid he might have a stroke. “Damn it, shut up, Julia. You’ve been overcompensated for the whore that you are. Charles left you what I would call a significant sum of money.” He handed her a sheet of paper. “This is your current bank balance, and the other is the investment account we’ve set up for you. It will generate a nice income each month. Of course, you’re free to move the funds if you choose.”
Julia was stunned at the amounts on the sheet Rod handed to her. She’d hoped there would be trust funds for the children, but the additional support money would allow her to do many things for the baby, which might otherwise not be possible. Claire was still taking a minimum salary from the agency, and in fact, Julia had refused to draw anything for herself. Her choice. She couldn’t justify it as long as she contributed so little to the effort.
“Thank you.” She broke the uncomfortable silence. “And thank you for handling this for Charles. I realize he put you in a difficult situation, but he placed confidence in your ability to see his wishes carried out.” She’d be polite if it killed her, damn it.
“Charles and I were friends since boarding school.” He stiffened his posture. “I told him not to marry you, but he refused to listen. You turned out to be exactly what I thought. A piece of trash.” He stared at her pregnancy bump. “And to get pregnant with another man’s child was just the frosting on the cake. I must tell you he was devastated by the situation, something I’m sure hastened his heart problems.”
“I doubt it.” Before she could stop herself she blurted out, “You must have a heart before you can have problems with it.” Turning away from Rod, she picked up a pen from the desk. “I think our business is concluded. Just show me where to sign and tell me which copies of everything are mine.”
When they finished, McGuire swept a thick stack of papers into a pristine manila envelope with her name printed in neat block letters and handed it to her.
“Everything else deals with charitable bequests. I assume you don’t feel the need to be involved in those.”
She nodded and started to rise from her chair. “Then we’re done.”
“Except for the letters.”
She froze. “I don’t think we need to discuss the letters, Rod.” She gave a slight gasp as the baby chose that moment to kick. “We’re both aware of them, and of the terms. You won’t have to open them.”
“This won’t go away.” His voice was colder than winter.
“Eventually Andy and Beth will be of age,” she pointed out, “and the threat of custody or guardianship will no longer be a factor.”
“No matter how many years pass, Julia, or how old the children get, it will be my great pleasure to destroy any chance at happiness you might try to have. You ruined Charles’s life. I will enjoy ruining yours.”
She kept herself together until he was out of the house, into his car, and out of the driveway. Then she walked into the kitchen, sat down at the table, and for one last time gave in to the tears threatening to choke her. When she stopped at last, she felt as if she’d cried for hours, her throat raw and her eyes burning. She touched her stomach and felt the baby kick again.
At least I’ll have this, she told herself, her heart so full of despair she didn’t know if she’d ever smile again. What a terrible mistake she’d made, even though at the time she thought it was right. If only she’d had more courage.
She didn’t know how to deal with the grief that was more of a release than anything else. She felt guilty someone might see into her mind and read her thoughts. Only Claire knew the real truth about her marriage and she wanted to keep it that way.
As her due date approached, she was petted and cosseted to the extreme by Claire, Miranda, and the twins. Andy and Beth were enthralled with the idea of a baby brother or sister and Julia was grateful for the distraction from their sorrow.
On August twenty-fifth, Julia gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl, Courtney Emily Patterson. When she held the baby in her arms for the first time, she whispered to her, “Your daddy would love you if he could see you.”
Luke had a right to know about his beautiful baby girl. How had she thought to keep this from him? It took her two days to get up the courage but finally, touching the charm she still wore around her neck, she tried his cell number. The mechanical voice telling her the number was no longer in service set her back on her heels. No longer in service? Why? What happened? Infused with a strength and confidence she hadn’t known she had, she called Hot Ticket. Bright Ideas was long finished with the original project. The two additional campaigns they’d subsequently been hired for were very short ones that Claire handled.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Buchanan is no longer with the company,” the impersonal voice told her.
Julia was stunned. “But—where is he? Where did he go?”
“I’m sure I don’t know, ma’am. Would you like me to transfer you to Human Resources? They might be able to help you.”
“No, it’s fine. Thank you.”
She could just imagine the gossip and speculation if the whole company knew of her efforts to track him down. Why had he left? Where on earth had he gone? And how would she ever find him again? Despair washed over her like an icy shower. She cuddled the baby close to her, pressing her cheek against the downy head as tears filled her eyes.
Chapter 13
Thirteen years later
“Courtney, I will not ask you again. Where did you go after school today?”
Julia stood toe to toe with Courtney in the foyer, trying hard to control her frustration with her thirteen-year-old daughter. As usual, though, the belligerent teenager reveled in making it difficult for her.
“I went to Laura’s house.” The tone was both petulant and hostile.
“Try again. I called there looking for you.”
“What difference does it make? No one cares what time I come home, anyway.” She turned to leave the room.
Julia grabbed her arm. “Not so fast. You’re not leaving here until I know where you were. And exactly what did you mean by your remark?”
“You’re never here when I get home.” Her tone contained a mixture of anger and self-pity. “Beth and Andy have their own places. They hardly show up here except for a command performance. And Miranda just bitches at me.”
“We are lucky to have Miranda at all, let me tell you. And Beth and Andy work. They were both lucky to get jobs when they graduated. Plenty of kids are out of college and can’t find work at all. We see them as often as they can make time.”
“Understood. They’re wonderful. Can I go now?” Courtney stood with hip cocked and arms folded defiantly across her chest, glaring at her mother.
They stood there in what Julia could only think of as a face-off. She made herself take a deep breath before she said something she truly regretted. As she prayed for the wisdom to know what to do next, the front door opened and Beth breezed in. She stopped and looked from one to the other.
“What’s the deal, guys?”
Julia forced herself to speak calmly. “Your sister missed school again this week.”
“Big deal,” Courtney sneered.
“Courtney, it is a big deal,” Beth put in.
“She hangs out with people two or three years older,” Julia continued. “Kids who look like ads for ‘Just Say No To Drugs.’”
“There’s nothing wrong with them.” Courtney uncrossed her arms and stood with clenched fists, face set in anger.
“They’re nothing but trouble,” Julia seethed. “You shouldn’t even have anything to do with them.”
“They’re my friends,” Courtney shouted. “They don’t judge me and they think I’m wonderful.”
“Who—” Beth tried to interrupt.
Julia held up her hand, her focus still on her younger daughter. “Of course they do. You spend your money buying them food and other things.” She blew out a breath of exasperation. “Fine. Hang out with them. But I
’m cutting your allowance. A lot. See how they like you when you don’t have pockets full of money.”
“That’s my money. I heard you tell Miranda that Daddy left it for me.”
“To use wisely.” Julia held on to her temper by a thin thread. “We’ll talk again when you can learn to manage it better. End of discussion.”
“You hate me,” Courtney shouted, and stamped upstairs.
Trembling, Julia blew out a breath to steady herself and turned to her older daughter. “Sorry about that, sweetheart.”
“Well, that was pleasant.” Beth gave her mother a hug. “She seems to be getting worse.”
“Tell me about it.” Julia bit her lip. “I just remember what a sweet child she was and have a hard time believing she does the things she does.”
Beth looked at her mother steadily. “Take it from me, she does.”
“Have you talked to her?” Maybe Beth could get through where Julia couldn’t.
“Of course. So has Andy. She doesn’t hear a word we say. Listen, Mom, I stopped by to see if you wanted to grab a bite to eat with me. I think getting out of the house would do you some good.”
“Maybe.” Julia smiled at her older daughter. “That’s probably just what I need but I don’t think I should leave right now.”
“Mom, she’s going to sulk in her room, you know that. Maybe if she sees she’s not upsetting you she’ll calm down. I love my sister, but I think at least half the time she does this to get a rise out of you.” She paused. “To see if you care enough about her to worry.”
Julia was startled. “You think that? Why? She has to know I love her.”
“I’m sure she does,” Beth assured her. “But think about it. She’s a teenager with raging hormones, emotions all over the place, and—don’t get mad at me—growing up in a one parent household. Not that you haven’t been the best parent in the world,” she added quickly.
“Lord, Beth.” Julia stared at her. “I guess I never looked at it that way. I’ve tried to be both mother and father to her—”
“And you have.” Beth gave her a hug. “I’m not smart enough to have answers here so I guess just keep loving her and doing what you think is best.” She grinned. “You did just fine with Andy and me.”
“I know. You two are my brightest hope.”
When Beth left, she gathered herself and went upstairs. She’d made a decision that she was sure would precipitate another outburst of anger. Courtney was in her room, the door closed as usual. Julia could hear the sound of the CD player racketing as she knocked.
“What?” The girl spat the word out, hostile, as always.
“I need to talk to you. Open the door.” Julia had made it a rule that Courtney keep her door unlocked, in case of fire or some other emergency, but the girl stubbornly refused to listen to her.
“I’m busy.”
“You’ll be a lot less busy if I have to take an ax to this door, young lady. Open it now.”
In a moment, the door opened a few inches, Courtney standing there in her usual pose of defiance. “What is it, Mother?” She stressed the last word.
“I’m picking you up after school tomorrow and taking you back to the office with me. You can help me there and do your homework. I’ll wait for you at the end of the school driveway so you won’t be embarrassed to have your friends see you talk to your mother or get in a car with her.”
Courtney stared at her, mouth open. “You’re kidding.”
“No, I’m not. I’m tired of never knowing where you are or who you’re with. And don’t even think of ducking out on me. You won’t like the consequences.”
She turned away and the door slammed behind her. Another wonderful evening at home, she thought. She looked up to see Miranda holding a small tray.
“Someone needs to give that child the spanking of her life.” Miranda walked with her down to the kitchen. She’d tactfully left Courtney and Julia alone during their discussion.
“Yes, well, I don’t think I can take it on at her age. Although it’s a good idea.” Julia grimaced at the thought. “Anyway, I’ll just have to find another solution.”
“I made you some nice hot chocolate. You look like you could use it.”
“I think my child-rearing skills have totally disappeared.” Julia accepted the cup gratefully.
“You did a fine job with the twins,” the woman reminded her.
“Yes, but at least they began life with the presence of a father,” she pointed out.
Miranda snorted in disgust. “On their birth certificate. Maybe. But that man didn’t have a spot in his heart for any of you except to trot you out on display when he needed to. Remember who you’re talking to here.”
“Charles tried his best,” Julia protested. “He just…”
“Didn’t know how to be a person,” Miranda finished. “Whatever those kids got came from you. Look how great they turned out.”
“Well, I’ve certainly lost my touch with Courtney.”
“I’ll tell you, she seems like a piece of her life is missing. I’m not smart enough to figure out what it is, though. All this thumbing her nose at everything? She’s just trying to find where she belongs, because she’s not one bit like those other two.”
And wasn’t that just the truth.
“Well, we’ll see what happens tomorrow. I have to make a start somewhere.”
Last night they’d celebrated Courtney’s thirteenth birthday, although Julia wasn’t sure it was much of a celebration. She’d chosen a restaurant she knew was Courtney’s favorite, but no one could ignore the tension around the table. Her daughter saw the milestone as an open door to test the limits even further.
Julia couldn’t understand what had gone wrong. Courtney had been such a sweet baby, an adorable toddler, a warm and funny child. It was always a pleasure doing things with her. Andy and Beth had fussed over her, too, and weekends were always filled with fun things for all four of them. Julia had done her best to be both mother and father to her children and they’d seemed to be flourishing.
She could mark the change in her daughter from the time her hormones kicked in at age twelve. The sunny disposition turned dark and suddenly she’d seemed at war with the world. Precocious and bright, she challenged everyone and everything. She believed rules were made to be broken and did so on a regular basis. Julia was at a loss what to do. If only she could find Luke. She wanted so desperately to tell him their beautiful daughter seemed bent on ruining her life, and beg him to help.
Despite the terms of the so-called bargain she’d made with Charles, she periodically made attempts to find Luke. She’d been such a weakling at the time, such a pushover. But the pressure of the situation and the physical and emotional strain of the pregnancy had robbed her of any ability to fight back. As time passed and her life changed, so did her resolve. Only it seemed to have come too late.
She continued with her attempts to locate him, despite Rod’s dire warnings. Maybe if they were together they could find a way to counteract the plan Charles had set in motion. Fight for custody of the twins. Battle whatever campaign Rod waged against Luke. She’d asked Harry, who had connections everywhere, to put out feelers. She’d done searches on the Internet, found articles where his name was mentioned, always praising him for his innovations and guidance. But he seemed to be moving from place to place, company to company. Each time she was too late. He’d already left.
Claire suggested more than once she ask Harry to find a private investigator for her, but that was too overt a step for her to take. What if he was running from her? Didn’t want to be found?
The last attempt she’d made was when the twins turned eighteen and custody would no longer be an issue. When Harry informed her he’d taken a position with a company headquartered in Europe she’d finally given up. Apparently, fate was telling her it was time to get on with her life. Only it wasn’t giving her any advice on how to cope with her burgeoning wild child.
&
nbsp; She’d stiffened her spine and smiled until her face hurt when Beth and Andy went off to college, both of them to the University of Texas at Austin, Beth to major in business and Andy in engineering. As much as she wanted to keep them close, she knew they needed to spread their wings. Courtney had still been the sweet-natured child they all loved, one both she and Miranda enjoyed. And the twins came home often enough to give her what she called her “twin fix.” She had barely contained her excitement when, after graduation, they both took jobs in San Antonio. And while they were busy with their lives as newly-minted adults, they stopped by and called more than she could have expected.
At the worst moments, as Courtney’s behavior escalated and her attitude turned more and more surly, Julia wished she liked to drink. Alcohol would certainly take the edge off at times like this. Handling a rebellious teenager, particularly as a single parent, was like riding on a roller coaster.
As she lay in bed later, Luke’s face rose unbidden before her eyes. She ached with longing for him, the same yearning she’d unsuccessfully tried to bury for fourteen years. When Charles’s illness and his demands had dragged on her too much, the memory of Luke had carried her through. In the long hours when Charles wallowed in self-pity, demanding her presence beside him every minute, she could close her eyes and remember the feel of Luke’s hands on her body, his mouth on hers, the muskiness of his scent.
As she faced the disaster Courtney’s life was turning out to be, she wished Luke was here to give her guidance. And help her with their daughter. Julia wondered if mental telepathy really worked. How lucky it would be if he got some of the signals she so desperately sent out.
* * * *
“I have to pick Courtney up after school today,” Julia announced to Claire at the office. “I’m bringing her back here.”
“In chains?” Claire asked with a sardonic smile.
“Not funny. I hope you don’t mind but she’s going to be doing her homework here every day. Maybe some filing if we need it. Something to keep her contained and off the streets until I take her home for dinner.” She chewed her lip. “I can’t just dump this on Miranda anymore.”
