by Desiree Holt
Julia raked her fingers through her hair. “I know, I know. And I should be the one to tell him, but…”
“I can do it. No sweat. I’ll call him and you can go up and talk to Courtney.” She kissed Julia’s cheek. “I take it you and the sexy Mr. Buchanan are having dinner tonight?”
“Beth! He’s…”
“Very sexy.” Beth grinned. “I can see why any woman would fall for him like crazy.” She pulled her mother into another embrace.
Julia melted into her warmth. “What did I ever do to deserve kids like you?”
“You were a damned good mom. Now it’s time to do something for yourself, too. I’ll see if Andy can shake loose of whatever he’s doing and we’ll hang with Courtney tonight.”
“I’ll be here, too.” Miranda came into the kitchen from the utility room where she’d obviously gone to make herself scarce and gave Julia another hug. “Things will work out. You’ll see. It’s time for this to come out, anyway.”
Beth looked at her. “You knew? About Courtney?”
“Honey, I live in this house, remember? I know exactly when your father moved out and when he moved back in.”
“Then—”
“It wasn’t my secret to tell.” She nudged Julia. “Go on. Go upstairs to her. She’s probably a mess, but we’ll work through it together.”
Chapter 21
“So, is he living here now?” Courtney asked. “In San Antonio?”
Julia nodded. The past few hours were among the most painful she could remember in a long time. Nothing she said seemed to reach the troubled teenager. Courtney swung back and forth between anger and tears. It wasn’t an easy time for either of them, but now, both emotionally exhausted, they’d achieved a measure of calm. Julia just hoped it wasn’t the eye of the hurricane.
“Yes. He has a great job here.”
“Where does he live?” Courtney demanded. “Can I go there? Does he want to see me?”
Julia named the all-suites hotel where Luke was staying for the time being. “But he’ll be looking for something more permanent. And yes, I’m sure he wants to see you.”
“Are the two of you going to get married?” Courtney wasn’t pulling any punches now.
Were they? Good question. She hoped he still wanted her after the incredible mess she’d made of everything.
“I think we’re going to take this one step at a time, honey. I’ve told you things I have yet to explain to him.”
“What if he doesn’t like me?” She scowled. “What if I don’t like him?”
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” Julia sat on Courtney’s bed and she tried to reach for her daughter, but the girl scrabbled away from her. Julia bit back whatever words bubbled up. Such a long way to go yet. “I’m going to have dinner with him tonight. And then we’ll arrange for the two of you to get together. But, honey, I know he’ll love you. Why wouldn’t he?”
“Maybe I’m unlovable,” Courtney mumbled.
“Oh, Court.”
“Why can’t I have dinner with you tonight? Why can’t I come, too?”
“Because he and I have things to discuss. This has been a shock to him, too.”
“At least now I know why I didn’t get to go to those awful dinners with Andy and Beth.” She frowned. “Mom, if your—if Charles made your life so miserable, made it impossible for you to tell my father about me, why did you marry him in the first place?”
Why, indeed?
“I’ll tell you the same thing I told Beth. My only excuse is I was young, naïve, and vulnerable and anxious to get away from my own dysfunctional family situation. I thought he was the answer.”
Silence.
Julia waited.
“So you’re not ashamed of me?” Courtney’s voice sound so young and defenseless. “How come you never told him about me?” Courtney asked the same question for what was probably the twentieth time.
“Oh, Courtney, no. Such a thing is so far from the truth. I love you. You were the only piece of him I had to hang on to all of these years.”
Again Julia tried to hug her, but Courtney wrenched away from her. Julia rubbed her forehead, trying to beat back the rapidly building headache, and looked at her watch. “I’d like to take a shower before Luke picks me up. Will you come downstairs to say hello to him when he gets here?”
“I’ll see.”
Julia rose from the bed, heartsick and aching. “I’ll let you know when he gets here.”
But Courtney had already withdrawn into herself.
Half an hour later, Julia walked back downstairs and into the kitchen. She found Andy, who’d apparently arrived during the time she was in the shower, drinking coffee with Beth. She looked at them, twins yet such opposites. The six foot two young man, muscular with sandy hair, was blessed with the kind of almost-rugged good looks women seemed to fall over themselves for these days, Charles’s good looks, but with a lot more warmth. Beside him, his sister was such a contrast, petite like Julia, with hazel eyes and dark hair, and a curvy body even sloppy jeans and a sweatshirt couldn’t disguise.
What beautiful children she’d been blessed with.
“Why aren’t you hanging out with some woman?” she joked.
“I am. My two sisters.” He grinned. “They don’t get any better than that.”
“You know what I mean. What did Beth pull you away from?”
“Nothing.” He kissed her cheek. “Besides, there’s nothing more important than being here right now.” He looked upward. “How’s the kiddo doing?”
Julia leaned against him. “Not so good, I’m afraid. I think we have a lot of stormy days ahead of us.”
“We’ll get through it,” he assured her. “Together. Beth told me everything she said to you, and it goes for me, too.” He set his mug down. “And also about Dad. Look.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “We’ve never talked about it and maybe we should have. But Beth and I knew what Dad was like, even as young as we were. He never played with us, never enjoyed us, and never wanted to take us anywhere. If it was bad for us, it must have been hell for you. Deciding on the divorce couldn’t have been easy. And bringing Dad back here for those last months was no cakewalk either, I’m sure.”
“We’re sorry you felt you had to walk away from Luke,” Beth broke in. “Mr. Buchanan. We’re done with questions and answers for the moment, and Luke will be here any minute. I’m sure you’ve got a tough evening ahead of you. But there are still things we’ll want to know. We want answers, Mom. And we deserve to have them. Courtney, too.”
“Yes, you do. You’ll get them. And thank you for not ripping my head off, which you have every right to do.”
They squeezed her between them in a warm hug.
“We’re spending the night,” Beth told her, “so we’ll be here with Courtney and available to talk when you get home, if you want.”
“Thank you.” She gave each one of them a quick kiss and hurried upstairs to get her purse and finish her makeup, her stomach in knots and every muscle in her body tighter than a high wire.
But she’d barely reached her bedroom before the phone rang. Her first thought was Luke had changed his mind. Decided he didn’t want anything to do with any of them anymore.
She picked up the receiver almost reluctantly. “Hello?”
“That’s him, isn’t it, you slut?”
The rage in Rod Maguire’s voice was so violent, she almost dropped the phone.
“Rod?”
“I know it’s him. The father of your bastard. The man you betrayed Charles with.” He bit off each word.
Julia took a deep breath, doing her best to steady herself. “I think who I see is no longer your business.” Why couldn’t he just go away and leave her alone?
“On the contrary. You betrayed Charles, one of the best men I’ve ever known, in the worst way possible. How he even wanted to be in the same house with you after what you did is beyond me. But he left me specifi
c instructions, Julia. Very specific. And as his executor, I feel duty-bound to carry them out.”
She rubbed her forehead. “I think I said everything to you I had to say the last time I saw you. Nothing’s changed. Just leave us alone.”
“I’ll ruin him.” The words were virulent. “I’ll find his name and I’ll destroy him. And you and your bastard brat along with him. Be warned.”
The call disconnected with a slam on the other end. Julia replaced the phone with a hand that shook so badly it took her two tries. But she meant what she’d said. Tonight she would lay it all out for Luke and pray Claire and the twins were right. That he’d give her the strength to handle this together. She was through being a coward, through being afraid of a man who was a bully, through letting other people control her life. It was past time to move forward.
Luke arrived promptly at six. Julia hurried downstairs to let him in, but Beth and Andy got there first. She braced herself for an uncomfortable few moments, but obviously she underestimated her older children. Andy pulled the door open to give Luke room to enter and held out his hand.
“Andrew Patterson. Andy. I’m really glad to meet you.”
They shook hands and Andy drew Beth forward.
“I’m Elizabeth,” she said. “Beth.” She studied Luke’s face. “Please take good care of our mother. She’s been through a lot.”
Luke appeared startled. Julia knew this wasn’t exactly the kind of reception he’d been prepared for. Nor had she. Again, Claire was right. She should have had faith in her children and Luke from the beginning. Tried harder all this time to find him. Instead she’d wasted a lot of years.
“Julia?”
She was suddenly aware of everyone staring at her. Waiting for her to do or say something. “I’ll be right back. Stay right here.”
She ran up the stairs, knocked on Courtney’s door, and pushed it open. “He’s here, honey. Will you come downstairs?”
Courtney was bunched up on her bed, hugging a stuffed animal. “No. I can’t see him right now.”
“Courtney.” Julia reached out a hand. Drew it back. “He’d really like to see you.”
“I’ll think about it.”
Julia waited a moment then decided not to push it. She closed the door and ran down the stairs, forcing a smile. “I’m ready,” she told Luke. Then she kissed each of the twins. “Thanks for everything.”
“No sweat,” Andy told her.
Luke looked up the stairs. “Where’s Courtney?”
“In her room.” Julia wondered if she’d have to explain the agony of the afternoon to him right now. “I let her know you were here but—” She held out her hands in a gesture of helplessness.
Finally, Luke shifted his gaze back to her. “All right, then. I guess we’re ready to go.”
“You raised some truly great kids.” That was the first thing he said to her when they were in the car.
“Better than even I imagined.”
And those were the last words they exchanged during the tense ride to the restaurant.
* * * *
Luke gave his drink order to the waiter while Julia asked for hot tea. She didn’t need alcohol to dull wits already pretty scrambled.
“I have a lot of questions for you,” he began.
“I’m sure you have. And I’ll give you the best answers I can. I promise.”
His eyes narrowed. “No sidestepping,” he warned. “All the cards on the table.”
“Yes. I owe you that.”
“Why don’t we eat first? You look about the way I feel. Some nourishment might do you some good.”
But she barely ate any of her meal. She simply couldn’t swallow anything but the tea, which the waiter kept refilling.
He’d managed to find an out of the way place to take her, and she was so grateful he was sensitive to the need for them not to be disturbed. Julia didn’t think she’d see anyone she knew, but you never could tell. She was always expecting Rod to pop up like some jack-in-the-box.
“Julia.” Luke put his coffee cup down and looked across the table at her. “I think it’s time to talk.”
“Yes.” She closed her eyes and prayed for strength and guidance to get through this. To make him see things from her point of view. For him to forgive her. He might not want either her or Courtney in his life now, but she couldn’t stand it if he hated either one of them.
She started with the reason for her divorce and the rest just came tumbling out. She was totally honest with him. Well, almost. She gave him every detail of Charles’s illness, unloaded her guilty feelings about his heart attack, and even confessed to looking for Luke more than once.
“I understand the pressure you were under, believe me.” He paused. “But I think we still have a lot of unanswered questions on the table here. We haven’t gotten to the reason you couldn’t let me know what was going on.” His voice was calm and even, but there was strain and even anger behind it. “I know Claire told you how many times I called, but you couldn’t take a minute to contact me at all? Not once?”
“No.” Her voice was so low she almost didn’t hear it herself. “I didn’t.”
“I have a daughter I didn’t know about and I’ve missed thirteen years of her life. You tell me she’s going through a rough patch, not unusual for teenagers, but maybe I could have helped.” He signaled the waiter and ordered another drink before continuing. “So let’s agree you were behind the eight ball during the time Charles was dying at the home you so graciously accepted him back into. But what about after the funeral? What then, Julia?”
“I didn’t want you hurt.” She whispered the words.
“Hurt?” He picked up the drink the waiter placed in front of him, took a healthy swallow, and reached across the table for her hand. It was the first intimate contact he’d made with her since picking her up. “How on earth could I be more hurt than to be shut completely out of your life after what was building between us?”
And then, like a bad dream, a shadow fell over the table and she looked up to see Rod Maguire standing there. Her first thought was she should stop going to restaurants. Her second was a reminder she was no longer the scared woman she’d been all those years ago.
“Hello, Julia.” His voice was like steel. “How about introducing me to your…companion?”
Somewhere deep inside she found the remnants of courage and pulled herself together.
“Hello, Rod.” She congratulated herself on her composure. “This doesn’t seem like your usual place to hang out.”
“The owners are new clients. Sharon and I are having dinner with them.” He looked pointedly at Luke. “And you are?”
“Luke Buchanan. And you?”
“This is Rod Maguire.” Julia folded her hands in front of her so neither man could see how they trembled. “He was a friend of Charles’s and one of his law partners.”
“Yes.” It was difficult for anyone to miss the distaste in his voice. “Charles Patterson and I were childhood friends. He was a great man and an excellent attorney.”
“I’m sure he was.” Luke’s tone was mild. “How fortunate for him, then, to find a woman of such quality as Julia for his wife.”
“Fortunate. Really. An interesting word. Well. I’m sure we’ll be seeing each other again.” He looked at Julia. “Right, Julia?”
“Nice of you to stop by, Rod.” She was through letting him frighten her. Each time she faced him down only made her stronger. “Don’t let us keep you from your clients.”
He gave her one last scathing look before walking away.
Julia slumped in her seat, taking deep breaths to steady her pulse. A waiter placed a glass in front of her.
“Drink it.” Luke’s voice penetrated the fog. “Come on, Julia. You’re white as a sheet and look like you’re about to faint.”
When she made no move to do anything, Luke reached across the table and placed her fingers around the glass.
“Drink it, honey. Then we’ll talk.”
Honey. She hadn’t thought he’d ever speak to her in such a caring tone again. It gave her enough strength to lift her drink and take a swallow. The amaretto burned its way down her throat and into her bloodstream, and shook her out of the well of defeat she’d fallen into.
“Good.” Luke tipped the glass toward her. “A little more. Then we’re getting out of here. I’m guessing the asshole we just saw has something to do with this and I want to leave before I’m tempted to kill him.”
Somehow she managed to sit there as he paid the check, then let him help her out of the chair and lead her from the restaurant. When they got into his car, her reserve snapped and the tears she’d been holding back for fourteen years came flooding out.
“I’m glad I have a car with a bench seat,” Luke told her, pulling her close to him and cradling her against his chest.
She cried until she was sure her tears were gone and then she cried some more. A storm of such violence, when it subsided she was left with no strength.
Luke tightened his arms around her. “I’d prefer not to do this in a car, but I think if you don’t get it out now you’ll strangle on it. So let’s have it. And don’t leave anything out.”
“You’re right. It’s time.”
He tipped her face up so she was forced to look in his eyes. “There’s no place to hide any more. Whatever it is, I want to hear it all. Okay? Please?”
She searched for a place to start, but once she began it seemed she couldn’t stop, like a storm unleashed. Charles’s explicit terms, her promise to agree to them to protect her children, the letters still in Rod Maguire’s safe. Maguire himself, who’d always hated her and took great pleasure in controlling her life. Her pitiable miserable existence. And the guilt she’d lived with year after unending year.
Luke stroked her face and she was so pathetically gratefully for just the little bit of tenderness, she almost began crying again. He heaved a great sigh and brushed a kiss against her forehead.
“Julia. My God.”
“I’m so sorry, Luke. Everything is my fault. And now the children know anyway. Oh, hell.” She burrowed against his chest, trying to hide from whatever she might see in his eyes.
