I sighed. “It’s complicated.”
“Life is complicated. The sooner you figure that out, the sooner you will be free from the shackles of this world.”
I shook my head. I wasn’t exactly sure what that meant, but sometimes Uncle Louis said very insightful things that didn’t make much sense until later on, when it just hit you out of thin air what he was getting at. The man had a deep mind.
“I haven’t told her about the family, if you know what I mean,” I said.
“What about us? We got bad breath? So do you,” Louis joked.
“No, I meant about the business. The real family business.”
“Ah, you mean the business your father said goodbye too many moons ago? That family business?”
“That’s the one,” I said.
“Well, you need to get over it. Hell, everyone has things about their family they are embarrassed of or would like to change. This girl isn’t going to care.”
“That’s what I keep hearing,” I said.
“Ok, then what is the problem?”
“I actually called to get your advice on something.”
“Ok, shoot.”
I told Louis about seeing dad with Joey, confronting dad about it, and his wiggling out of the whole thing.
“Basically, I think dad is lying. I thought you might have heard something?”
Louis sighed. Then he hummed as he if he was thinking about something long and hard.
“No, buddy. I haven’t heard anything about him being back in the life in any capacity, but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened. I’d like to think my big bro would keep me in the loop, but who knows. I didn’t know half the stuff he was into back then.”
“Yeah, I thought you might have heard something. Do you think I was too harsh with him? I don’t really know what to think at this point.”
“I know you are worried, but until you know there is something to worry about, I’d say to let it ride and just keep your eyes open. I’ll do the same. If I hear anything of note, I’ll be sure to let you know bud.”
“Thanks,” I said.
I ended the phone call and walked into my office. It was late and I should have been thinking about going to bed, but my mind was in a million places. I thought about calling Tina and having her come over, but with the distraction of thinking about what my father might have been up to, I didn’t figure I’d be too much company. I felt like being alone with my thoughts.
I poured myself a glass of bourbon and sat back down in my office chair where I poured over emails and researched properties for a few hours. It was almost midnight by the time I finally laid down with my eyes showing the first signs of needing sleep. I would be up in four hours ready to start my workout and the bright day ahead of me.
As I closed my eyes I thought about Tina and how she would react to all of this when she eventually did find out.
My darling, Tina… I loved her so much. I’d die if anything ever happened to keep us apart.
And it would destroy me to find out I was the cause of it.
Chapter Twelve
Tina
I watched the last students leave the classroom and listened to the final bell to end the day. Letting out a big sigh, I felt all of the muscles in my back release and tighten up with tension. I had no idea that teaching was going to take this much of a physical toll on my body, but standing and lecturing, leaning over desks, and leaning over my own desk—all of it had added up to a large knot in my back.
I wondered if I could make an appointment to see Blake’s chiropractor friend that evening on such short notice.
As I cleaned off the whiteboard, I watched through the large windows on the side of the classrooms as the kids scurried to their buses, anxious to be done with school for another day. I hoped my own students worked hard that night to prepare for the next day’s history test. You could harp at them until you were blue in the face about how important it was to not wait to the night before and try to cram it all in, but in the end, it was up to them.
And the parents. I was still learning how to stay in touch with the parents and keep them in the loop, but thankfully modern technology made this much easier. Most of the parents had joined the class Facebook group I’d put together, and they were all on the email list where I posted and sent out emails about upcoming tests, projects, and class news. This was so much easier than when I was in grade school. Back then parents only knew what they learned from parent teacher conferences.
I finished cleaning the whiteboard and placed all the markers and dry erasers back in their places. Then I sat down at my desk to catch up on some grade updating from the quiz I’d given the kids the day before. Most of the test would cover a lot of this same information, but it was a good way to gauge how much the kids were grasping. Most of the scores were decent.
As I worked and sipped my almost cold coffee that I’d had since lunch, I began to feel strangely, like there was someone looking over my shoulder. I glanced to the doorway and there was nobody there. I paused a moment and listened. I held my breath to silence everything except my heartbeat which was now amplified in my ears.
I went back to my gradebook and the quiz scores. Without any kids in the school, the place could be downright eerie, even though I could hear the pandemonium of kids and school buses just outside the building. In a few minutes they would be gone; then the whole place would be deafening, even though I knew there were a lot of other teachers and administrators still there.
I wondered what Blake was up to? I hadn’t heard much from him all day, just a few random text messages. I knew he’d had dinner with his folks the night before. I’d spent last night working on the test I was giving the next day, so I was grateful for the alone time to do this, but usually the day after we were apart Blake texted and left at least a couple of voicemails.
I wondered if he was alright. Did something happen with his family at dinner? Was there some kind of drama going on that he wasn’t telling me about? I’d been very aware that Blake did not talk much about his family, except to tell me that he had a wonderful relationship with them and that his childhood had been warm and loving.
But I still knew so little about them.
I did call Donna at lunch to see how she was holding up. She’d been a bit of a mess after Roy’s passing, which was understandable. In fact, I was surprised that she was handling it as well as she had. I knew they hadn’t dated that long, but the tragic way in which Roy died, and the fact that it was Donna’s first fairly serious relationship in a long time, should have left a bit more of a mark on her, I would have thought.
But then again, it was Donna. She always came off as so unemotional and it could seem that she was uncaring, but I knew her better than just about anybody. She felt things very deeply, but she hated for anyone to see her that way. So, she buried things. Donna buried things deeply inside. It wasn’t healthy, but if I’d really tried to pull it out of her and get her to talk about it, she would have only reacted with anger and hostility.
Then she would have given me the silent treatment.
So, it was better if I just left her alone with it.
The feeling came over me again. There was someone watching me… I could definitely feel it.
I steadied myself and took a sip of coffee. A cold chill swept over me, starting at the base of my scalp and riding along my wavy strands of hair until it melded into my upper shoulders and transitioned to using my spine as a conduit to spread terror throughout my body.
Taking a deep breath, I gasped slightly and shook my head to try to calm myself. I was seated at my desk in a safe school in the middle of the afternoon with sunlight pouring in; what in the hell was I afraid of.
I heard a scuffling sound on the floor.
Instinctively, my head darted to the left, towards the doorway. I almost laughed out loud, but the fear that had jettisoned through my veins was now slowly letting go of me, leaving behind an army of tingling sensations that felt like spiders walking th
rough my veins.
“Sorry,” Norm said standing in the doorway. He held his hands up innocently and shrugged while wearing that goofy smile of his across his face.
“It’s ok,” I said. “I’m a bit jumpy today for some reason.”
“Well, you are teaching sixth grade. That’s the most terrifying grade there is,” Norm replied.
“Really? I hadn’t heard that.”
“You really need to read that handbook,” Norm replied.
He strode slowly into the classroom, his eyes darting left and right as he expected something to jump out and grab him at some point. I tried not to stare at the way he dressed. It was so comical, and such an odd style. I couldn’t decide if he dressed the way he did to garner attention, or if he really felt this way and that was the biggest representation of who he was. Norm was wearing a bowtie, over top of a plaid button up dress shirt that was two sizes too big, and a pair of suspenders that clung to the waist of white painters’ pants which were about three inches too short. This revealed his mismatched socks and the penny loafers that finished his outfit.
“So, how was your day?” I asked, trying to be polite. I wasn’t sure what had brought Norm down here, but it didn’t appear to be anything in particular. He genuinely seemed bored and wanted to chat. Unless he had another agenda…
“Not bad,” he said. “The kids are the kids. I’ve been doing this a little while, so it’s old hat to me. Once you get that first-year of stuff together, then it's smooth sailing. You just do the same thing year after year; it’s an easy gig. Plus, we get summers off. How cool is that, right?”
Norm did a little dance where he spun around and then struck some odd boy band pose. I tried not to laugh at him, but he was so ridiculous. I was fairly certain he thought he was being charming. Yeah…charm was not the word I would have chosen. But I tried to humor him; after all Norm did seem to be a nice guy, and the only friend I’d made since I started teaching a few weeks before. I could always use more friends, so I tried not to judge him too harshly.
“Yeah, but you don’t find it boring to just do the same thing every year? Besides, couldn’t the kids just sell their tests to the next class?”
“Yeah, I’m sure they do,” Norm said. “Who cares? That is beyond my pay grade as far as I’m concerned.”
I found Norm’s lack of dedication to teaching annoying. I didn’t see why anyone would choose a career in teaching if they did not care about educating kids. There were much higher paying, less stressful jobs out there if you just wanted a paycheck.
But then again, summers off… as Norm had said. That was a damn nice perk.
“Well, whatever works for you,” I said.
“So, what are you up to this weekend?” Norm asked.
I had just turned back to my work, hoping that he would pick up the hint that I was really busy, but Norm was more focused on himself. I could already see where this was going, and I didn’t know exactly how I was going to weasel my way out of it. The awkwardness of the moment was about to hit us both really hard. Ugh… why couldn’t Norm just realize this was not going to happen?
“Well, I’ve got plans with my fiancé,” I said.
“Ah, yes… the fiancé,” Norma replied.
There was something creepy about the way he said that, as if he saw Blake as some sort of a threat that needed to be dealt with. What was Norm’s damage? The guy was starting to creep me out. He seemed to be really hung up on the idea of us, as if there would ever be such a thing even if I was available, which I definitely wasn’t. Yet, here we were doing this little dance again.
“Yeah…” I said.
“Why is it that women always end up with the wrong guy?”
I didn’t have an answer to give him. There had to be a way out of this conversation and this moment.
He didn’t wait for me to answer. “You should give me a chance. I’ve felt the spark between us. I’m sure you have, too.”
“Norm, there is no spark. I’m in a serious relationship. There is nothing between us.”
I could hear him gritting his teeth. I was waiting for him to fly off the handle and start yelling, but he was looking around, his rage trying to be contained. He knew that on some level the way he was acting was inappropriate.
“That’s funny,” Norm said. “You think you are so much better than me. Is that right? You think you can just flaunt yourself in front of me like that and tease me? That’s your game, isn’t it? You women are all alike.”
“Leave my classroom,” I said. I was getting mad. How dare this jerk treat me this way and say these ridiculous things.
“You are all the same,” Norm continued. He was going off on some rant. What the hell was this guy’s problem?
“I said leave. Or do you want me to call the principal?”
Norm stared at me, as if he was trying to determine if I was bluffing. I was ready to show him how much I was not. I was getting pissed. I’d tried to be nice and ignore his crush, but it looked like he had some problems. I wondered if he might be dangerous.
He held up his hands and backed away. “Fine. I’ll talk to you later.”
Then he walked out the door. I could hear his feet angrily shuffling down the hallway. Now that he was gone, the anger subsided, and the fear took over. I wanted to lie down and cry. What the hell had just happened?
Should I tell the principal? I had to tell someone. That type of guy should not be around innocent kids all day. Who knew what type of garbage he was filling their heads up with?
I picked up my phone and looked at it. Who was I calling? Donna? Blake? My mother? I didn’t know. I sat there for several minutes and then I was able to focus back on my work.
When I finished, I could see that the sun outside was hanging lower in the sky as it drifted towards sunset. I quickly collected my things and left the school.
On the drive home, I called Donna. I had to talk to someone about what had just happened. It was eating at me. I was terrified and I was so pissed. I wanted to give that jerk a big piece of my mind, but I was afraid of how he might react.
“You should report it,” Donna said. “That guy sounds dangerous.”
“I don’t know. I don’t want to get him fired; maybe he just doesn’t handle rejection well. He seemed so nice otherwise.”
“You have too big of a heart. That’s the type of person these creeps always prey on. You should definitely have his butt fired.”
I knew she was right, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do that to somebody. What if he had people in his family who depended on him and his paycheck? I didn’t know enough about him to make this decision; all I knew was that I didn’t want to be around him anymore.
“I can still feel his creepy gaze on me,” I said. “It was bizarre. I felt like he was eyeing me like I was his dinner or something.”
“That’s messed up. I’m telling you, if you turn him in you will feel so much better.”
“I’m not sure I even want to tell Blake about it,” I said.
“Oh, yeah. You should definitely not tell Blake. I can see him overreacting.”
“It’s nothing I can’t handle. I’m afraid that Blake might jump in and feel he has to get macho with the guy.”
“Yeah, Blake is that type of old school guy, isn’t he?”
“Yeah, a little bit,” I said. It was awkward talking about my man when Donna had just lost hers. She was so good at hiding her feelings. I was crawling out of my skin to ask her how she was doing and if she would just tell me exactly how she was feeling with it, but I knew better. With Donna, it would cause her to just shut everything down.
“Roy was that way, too,” Donna said.
I couldn’t believe it; she’d mentioned him. I didn’t reply at first, afraid of what it would do. Besides, it sounded like Donna might have been ready to say something about it.
“I’m ok, by the way,” Donna said. “I know you are wondering. Roy was a good guy, but it was a short fling. I’m not sure how serious it was g
oing to be.”
A sense of pressure lifted off my chest right then, and I was able to breathe just a little bit easier. Plus, it was nice to just forget about my own problems for a moment. I was still in shock about what Norm had said to me. It was really scary. I’d never had a man talk that crazy to me. Being alone with him made it even worse.
I smiled. “I know. I wish I had half the guts you do.”
Donna laughed. “I am just stupid sometimes, I think. If I had any good sense, I’d latch onto a good man like the one you got.”
“By the way,” I said. “I choose you to be my maid of honor.”
There was a moment of silence on the line and then a loud hooping holler of “Yes! Yes! That’s right!”
I could tell that Donna was doing one of her little victory dances that she did when she became far too excited.
“You’re welcome,” I said.
“Oh, thank you so much. This is really special.”
“Well, you are my best friend. Hell, we are sisters as far as I’m concerned.”
“Thank you, sweetie!” Donna yelled.
I loved hearing that much joy in her voice. It had been a while. Donna was going through some dark times and I was glad that I was able to put a little bit of light in her darkened tunnel.
“You’re welcome,” I said. “I got to run, but I’ll talk to you soon.”
I pulled into the driveway of Blake’s house. I’d thought about moving in several times, and he’d asked me dozens, but for the time being I still liked having my own place. Plus, my parents being so old fashioned and conservative, really appreciated it.
I didn’t need to send them to early graves worrying about my immortal resting place.
It felt good to be there though. I needed to see Blake.
* * *
“You sure you don’t want more?”
Blake shook his head no vigorously, with a big smile across his face. I laughed with delight as I tipped the candle ever so slightly and spilled a few extra drops of the hot wax on his chest.
His Secrets Page 13
