by Unknown
“Well, I give you full permission to imagine me while you’re jerking off. Don’t go at it for too long though. Wouldn’t want you to get blisters,” I say to him laughing.
“Real funny, Em. I’ll try not to hurt myself but I will definitely take you up on that offer,” he retorts.
“So, do I get a tour of the place now? The only thing I’ve seen so far is your apartment door,” I say smirking.
“I can show it to you again if you want. I could push you up against it and….” I put my fingers against his mouth, silencing any further filthy conversation from him.
“Okay, the grand tour and then bed. Nod your head if you understand me?” I say to him, my fingers still restricting him from speaking.
He nods his head up and down into my fingers, his eyes wide with mock fear and compliance. I move my fingers away from his mouth, finally allowing him the right to speak again.
“Damn, you’re feisty, Em. Okay, let the tour begin,” he says motioning for me to follow him.
We walk towards the kitchen, which is quite small yet agreeable. It’s not like I’m going to be making three-course meals or anything. I’m a recently burned, single woman now. Lean Cuisine, here I come.
“The kitchen, if you couldn’t tell. I don’t cook much. I usually just eat at the bar or go to this sandwich place down the street. If you ever want to wake me up with breakfast, you won’t hear any complaints from me,” he says smirking.
“Hey, the 1950’s called and they want their chauvinistic attitude back. You think because I’m a woman I’ll cook for you, huh?” I say smartly.
“Whoa, settle down there, Em. All I’m saying is that I wouldn’t mind waking up to fresh bacon. Picturing you cooking over a stove in a sexy little apron kind of does it for me, what can I say?” he shrugs.
“Yeah, yeah, I bet it does,” I chuckle.
“Well, since you weren’t too excited about the kitchen area, let me show you the rest. I swear I won’t make any bathtub comments,” he smiles.
I roll my eyes, following him down the small hallway.
“So, we share a bathroom but I swear I won’t spend all morning in there making myself pretty. This doesn’t need any help,” he says motioning to his face.
I chuckle, not regretting my choice to move in with him. Lucas makes me laugh and keeps me on my feet. I really need that right now. Just thinking about him not being here to keep me preoccupied freaks me the fuck out. My brain is racing just thinking about my new life, sans Aiden.
I look into the floor-to-ceiling white bathroom, trying to figure out how I’m going to keep this place clean. Whoever thought that an all-white bathroom was a good idea should be shot. It doesn’t look too grimy but it’s ‘boy clean.’ Not overly messy but a few missed spots here and there.
“If you ever need help washing your back in the shower, let me know. I know it’s hard to reach sometimes,” he says smirking.
“Hey, you said no shower comments. Bad, Lucas!” I scold him chuckling.
“I said no bathtub comments. I never said anything about the shower. That’s fair game, Em,” he retorts.
“Smartass,” I mutter as he leads down the hall.
“This is my room,” he gestures to the door next to the bathroom. “This one’s yours,” he says opening the door to the room adjacent to his.
I peer in, seeing only emptiness. No bed, no couch, nothing.
“Wow, impressive,” I say shocked by its bareness.
“Yeah, I know. It sucks that there’s nothing in here. I had a roommate before but when he moved out I just kind of left it this way. You can do whatever you want to it, Em. Decorate it, put girly shit in here, a Channing Tatum poster, whatever. I have a blow-up mattress you can use if that’s cool? You can sleep on it until you get a real bed,” he says going into the closet.
He grabs the folded air mattress, laying it out on the floor. He presses the button in the side of the mattress, instantly bringing its flat form to life.
“Eh, I’ll probably just use it for a while. I’m not picky where I sleep,” I say shrugging.
“Well, that being said, you know where my room is in case you want to have a sleepover. I promise not to hit you too hard when we have a pillow fight,” he smirks.
“A pillow fight? What are you, a twelve year old girl?” I retort.
“You know you would love that, Em. Don’t lie,” he chuckles coming closer to me.
His strides focused, intent. My eyes widen, afraid of his intentions. Um, I thought we settled this already. Was I not clear enough?
“I see that look, Em. Relax,” he says stopping in front of me. “I just want a friendly hug goodnight. It’s the least you could do for me,” he says pretending to sulk.
Classic Lucas. Manipulating me to the very end. I chuckle, not the least bit annoyed by him. If anything, I’m relieved he’s still comfortable around me. This could have gone very badly. Rejected men can really be dicks sometimes.
“Oh, okay. Bring it in,” I say opening my arms.
He wraps his arms around my lower back, pressing himself against me. I gently pat him on the back, trying to decide if I’m feeling what I think I’m feeling.
“Lucas, that better be a pack of gum in your pocket,” I say sighing.
“Gum isn’t that huge, Em,” he chuckles pulling away from me.
“Lucas!” I say in exasperation.
“Hey, I get that we’re just taking it slow. I know that but he,” he says motioning downwards, “didn’t get the memo. I’ll have a long talk with him and we’ll try to work on it. No promises though. He’s pretty a stubborn little bastard. Although, little probably isn’t the best word to use,” he says grinning.
“Cold showers and ice baths help, I hear,” I say smartly.
“Ouch. Okay, I’ll take the hint,” he says laughing as he walks towards the bedroom door.
“I’ll get you some sheets and a towel. Do you need something to sleep in?” he asks me looking at my clothes.
Fuck! I totally left all my clothes at Aiden’s place. There is no way in hell I’m going over to get them. I’d rather wear the clothes I have on until they deteriorate off my back, than have to see him again. Dramatic but truthful. I guess I’ll just have to buy some new clothes tomorrow before work. Ugh! I can just picture Jessica finding my belongings and starting a fire pit, my clothes acting as make-shift fuel.
“Yeah,” I say sighing. “Just a t-shirt or something.”
“Be right back, Em,” he says smiling.
I flop down on the ever-so-comfortable mattress, sinking into its plastic covering. I feel my ass bump the floor as I wince in pain.
Okay, so no jumping or flopping down on the bed, unless I want a black and blue ass.
I see Lucas return to my room, a white t-shirt in hand. He leans down towards me, as I take the worn fabric in my fingers. I see his eyebrows wiggling, knowing exactly where his thoughts have gone. Dirty boy!
“No, Lucas, you will not get to see me put on your shirt. Sorry, man,” I say, not the least bit sorry.
“Hey, that’s not what I was wondering at all. I’m hurt that you think so little of me,” he says, holding his heart on his chest as if in pain.
I roll my eyes, not fooled for a minute.
“Yeah, yeah, not buying it. Thanks for the shirt, Lucas. The door is that way,” I say smiling deviously as I point to the exit.
“Damn, Em,” he says sighing as he turns towards the door. “Are you sure that you don’t want to keep me company tonight?” he asks smirking.
“Lucas,” I say arching my eyebrow.
“Cold baths, cold showers, yeah I got it,” he says dramatically sulking. “I’m going to call my dad right now and get that little talk out of the way. I’ll let you know how the inquisition goes in the morning,” he says slightly deflating.
Oh, poor Lucas. I kind of feel sorry for the guy now. I can only imagine the talk Leo wants to have with him. I just know that it will involve me and my sudden move into his
apartment. I’ll have to make sure that Leo doesn’t tear him a new one.
“Okay, goodnight, Lucas. And…thanks. You know, for letting me stay here and being a friend. I really needed that,” I say truthfully.
“No problem, Em,” he says almost embarrassed.
He seems as if he’s about to say something more but stops himself. I wince slightly, imagining what he must be thinking. Oh, Lucas.
I smile reassuringly at him as he walks out the doorway.
I feel a sense a loneliness, an all-consuming sense of abandonment wash over me. As if the weight of the world is upon me, pressing against my chest. My eyes widen, as I try to calm down my active mind. Easy breathing, Emma. No more panic attacks for you. It’s not worth it. Aiden’s not worth it. You don’t have much left except your sanity. You pushed forward without Jeremiah beside you and you can do it again. Time heals all wounds, don’t they say?
I lay all the way down on the mattress, trying to find a comfortable spot. I sigh shakily, placing my hands behind my head. I count methodically, finding a steady rhythm I can deal with. I close my eyes, forcing myself not to cry from exhaustion, both mental and physical.
I feel a few tears drip down my cheek, my willpower officially broken. I can’t stop the flow as my breath comes out in shallow pants. Why do I feel so raw and exposed?
Uh, it’s called a broken heart, dumbass! Something you have never had before. Yeah, I felt loss when Jeremiah died but this…this is torture of the worst kind. I feel so guilty for even comparing them but I just can’t help it. It’s almost as if Jeremiah showed me how to love and Aiden allowed me to fully love. I gave him everything. I gave him all of me. That’s why I feel so empty and helpless. I need to find a way to get back what I lost. There is no way I can handle this hell I’m in. I’m at my breaking point and that scares the shit out of me.
After what seems like a lifetime of crying, I feel my body shutting down from overexertion. I silently rejoice, fully understanding that this will be how I end my night for a long time to come. That’s what happens when you love someone like Aiden Crowe. It fucking sucks the life out of you but it’s the price you have to pay. I curse his name as the darkness invades my body, filling me up to the point of no return.
“Wake up, Em. Damn, I thought I slept in but you really put me to shame.”
“Huh?” I murmur disoriented.
I yawn loudly, groaning in annoyance.
“You’ve got to get up. I’m taking you shopping before work,” I hear.
“Fuck off,” I say, although it really sounded like “frum frof” because my mouth is moving against my pillow.
“Wow, Em. Here I was regretting not waking up to you this morning,” Lucas says chuckling.
“Coffee,” I mutter turning my head to the side.
I can just imagine how cute I look this morning. The puffy, red-eyed look that I’m almost positive I’m sporting is totally in right now! Maybe I’ll start a new trend.
I groan in pain, feeling the swelling and puffiness that is currently my face.
“I can see that shopping is out of the question,” he says finally witnessing my face.
I see him wince, probably feeling sorry for me. Any blind person could tell that I was crying waterfalls last night.
“How about you just relax here before work and I’ll go out and get us some coffee?” he says brushing my hair out of my face.
Lucas can be the sweetest, most caring guy when he wants to be. I lock eyes with him, admiring how well he’s handling me in my delicate state. Most guys would just tell me to stop moping and get the hell over Aiden. Not Lucas though. He’s one of the few good ones.
His eyes soften as they continue to hold mine. He moves his hand down my cheek, brushing the sensitive skin with his thumb. I inhale softly.
Shit! What was that? Did we just have a moment?
He starts leaning towards my mouth and I panic. I move my head the away from him, desperately wanting to be anywhere else right now.
“Kitten breath,” I blurt out.
“Kitten breath?” he asks confused and hurt.
“Yeah, like morning breath but way cuter. Nothing like dragon breath,” I say grasping for straws.
Hopefully he’ll believe that I didn’t want to kiss him because of that. I hear him chuckle as I turn my head around towards him, my lips clamped shut as I continue the farce.
“Em, you’re ridiculous, you know that? I really don’t care. I’ll kiss you any way I can. If that’s your excuse, then you better be ready for me after you brush your teeth,” he says smiling.
“But I thought we had an agreement yesterday?” I say terrified.
“Yeah, well, that was yesterday and I slept on it. I came so hard last night just thinking of you, and I want the real thing. I’m not settling for less, Em,” he says seriously.
My eyes widen as I lick my lips. Why does the vision of him touching himself appeal to me so much? I shouldn’t be having such bad thoughts.
“You like that, don’t you Em? You like that I got off because of you. I can see it all over your face. I can see by how tense your body is. I bet if I licked you right now you would jump right off the bed,” he says proudly. “You have no idea how much self-control it’s taking me to not go under the covers and eat you out right now.”
I swallow deeply, closing my eyes. He’s making things really difficult for me. My mind is like a jail cell, restricted and guarded thoroughly but my body is something else entirely. It’s like the room where conjugal visits take place.
“I’ll be back soon,” he says smiling.
He walks out of the room without a backward glance, leaving me speechless and a little turned on. What the fuck just happened? I thought we settled everything last night? Now I’m finding out that the agreement was totally one-sided, solely on my part that is.
I groan, praying that he won’t come at me like a bulldozer. I know the worst mistake I can make is to jump into bed with Lucas when I’m still hung up on Aiden. That would be all kinds of wrong.
I’m not sure how long it will take for Lucas to come back, so I decide to shower while he’s gone. I smell like his shirt now, which is not a good thing. It’s sweet and musky, just like him. I need to make sure that his scent is off of my skin before work today. Don’t want to be tempted any more than I already am.
After my shower I plop down on the couch in the living room, admiring his enormous DVD collection. I guess when I have some free time I’ll have to watch something soon. It’s not like I have anything better to do now that Aiden’s out of the picture.
God! Stop thinking about him already. It’s getting a little pathetic and sad. Before I can think any more about how depressing I’ve become, Lucas walks through the front door with a coffee carrier and a plastic bag.
He smiles broadly at me, coming to sit beside me on the couch. He places the drinks on the coffee table and hands me the plastic bag.
“What’s this?” I ask curiously.
“A cell phone. One of those no contract ones,” he says shrugging.
“And why did you get me this?” I ask confused.
He sighs loudly, leaning his head back against the couch cushion. Okay, out with it, Lucas.
“Well, I had a fun little conversation with my dad last night,” he says as I wince. “He pretty much chewed me out for getting in between you and Aiden. I told him that he was back with Jessica and I didn’t see the problem with you and I being together. I mean living together,” he says clearing his throat.
“He pretty much accused me of causing trouble, and I guess he was kind of right. I won’t deny that but Aiden was the one who caused all the drama. He said that if I was going to look out for you now, that you should have a phone, in case you need to get ahold of me. More for safety, I guess,” he says embarrassed.
“You never told me why you didn’t have a phone in the first place. I just figured that you stopped paying your bill when you moved here. My dad was pretty adamant that you have one,
Em,” he says like I’m going to fight him on it.
“No, I just really didn’t feel like having a phone anymore,” I say not elaborating. “I don’t mind that you got me one, Lucas. It was really nice actually. It’s probably good that I have one so that I can call you or Leo. I’ll pay you back for it, though. I don’t want you spending money on me.”
“You feminists,” Lucas says chuckling. “Fine, Em. I’ll just add the cost to the rent,” he says smirking.
“Do you want me to have a talk with Leo and smooth things over? I don’t want to cause issues between you two,” I say grimacing.
“No, Em, we’re cool now. I just told him how I feel and that he would just have to deal with it,” he says seriously.
Shit, I can only imagine what Lucas told him regarding how he feels.
“So, I got you a vanilla latte because I didn’t know what you liked. I guess I should’ve asked before I left, huh?”
“No, that’s perfect, Lucas. You’re awesome,” I say reaching for my cup.
I drink it greedily, appreciating the toasty brew. There is not much left in life that makes me happy like a cup of coffee. He chuckles by my apparent enthusiasm, taking a sip of his as well. He rises up off the couch, taking the phone with him.
“I’m just going to go and set this up for you, Em. My laptop is in my room. You can come and hang out with me while I do it or just chill out here,” he says hopefully.
As much as I want to be around him, I don’t want to lead him on and get his hopes up. Having him do all of these nice things for me is difficult to ignore. If I go into his room, we will probably end up on his bed, doing everything but activate my new phone. The temptation is getting out of control, and I need more time to consider the consequences.
“I’m still feeling kind of shitty. I’ll think I’ll just hang out here and drink my coffee, if that’s okay?” I say sweetly.
He smiles back at me, a barely veiled mask of disappointment on his face. I think he hoped that other things would happen in his room, just like I did.
